Chapter 23
Kardell
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Spoiled Rotten
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During the whole meeting I couldn't help but notice how strange Lewis was acting. His random texting and giddiness was a small distraction and I tried to pay it no mind because I was beaming with pride and excitement because the man I was dating secretly was in the same room with me sending me love notes via text. I was so glad I had everyone talk about their progress so I could text in between nods and “excellent work” comments to each individual after they spoke. I had to admit I wasn't truly there in total capacity. I was stealing glances at Mateo every chance I got. I thought I was falling for him. We were having our second date tonight and I was so excited. Work was the furthest thing from my mind. I just knew that Mateo was going to surprise me and spoil me rotten again like he did on the first date.
After everyone had left, it was just me and Mateo in the office. I wanted to run up to him and shower him with kisses, but I had to keep it professional in the office. The people you set rules for can't see you break the rules because then they will lose respect for you and the rules.
“It was so nice to have you come by today.” I shook his hand and then walked over to the area where my desk was. I sat down and watched him come and take a seat in front of my desk. He looked so distinguished. His body language was poised with confidence. He sat up straight and he didn't slouch and I never saw his hand go limp, if you know what I mean. I really didn't care about it, but it was just something I noticed.
“Yes, I can say that I enjoyed the meeting and all of your staff.”
“We aim to please.” I smiled again. I couldn't help it. I was ecstatic about the possibilities of finding love once and for all. No more looking. No more dating losers. No club hopping. I'd have a true love life.
“Can you come over here for a minute?” he asked. I had to admit he threw me with the question, but I got it together and made my way around the desk. He got up at the same time.
He gently pulled me close to him with one arm around my waist. I almost went limp.
“You smell so good.” He sniffed the side of my neck. “What do you have on?”
“I . . . I don't have anything on but my bath soap,” I answered.
“Your skin is so soft . . . so smooth.” He looked at me in the eyes as he rubbed the side of my face with the back of his hands. He was so gentle.
“Excuse me, Mr. Spencer, but. . .” Janice walked into my office. She usually knocked but she must have forgotten today.
Out of all of the days to forget today is the day she forgets to knock.
I jumped out of Mateo's embrace as fast as I could, but I was sure she saw us. I was so embarrassed.
“Oh, I'm so very, very sorry. I forgot to knock. I'm so sorry, sir.” She turned and hurried out of my office.
“I'm sorry . . . I just couldn't help myself,” Mateo apologized.
“It's no problem. She won't tell anyone. She is very professional, unlike me right now.” I nervously chuckled.
“I'm sorry for this. Let me get going. I will see you later?” he asked.
“Yes, most definitely,” I answered and then walked back behind my desk.
He didn't linger long, but I could still feel his arm around my waist like it belonged there. Like in his arms was where I was supposed to be and stay. There was no way I was giving him up now. Any man who wanted him was going to have to climb over my cold, dead body.
Chapter 24
Lewis
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Questions
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“You sure you don't just want to get fucked really good?” my best friend asked me as we sat in a nice quaint restaurant on Charles Street in Mount Vernon. I was shocked, and for me that was hard to do. “I mean if he is all of that why hasn't he made a move on you yet? He didn't try to finger you or anything?” He looked at me in all seriousness.
I'm not going to lie, he made me think. Why didn't Mateo ever make any advances toward me? I mean he'd pampered me physically without any advances of a sexual nature. It felt good, but it made me wonder why he hadn't tried to get in my pants. I had just chalked it up as him taking his time and wanting to get to know me first.
“I am trying to build a friendship before it goes that far and I am sure that he is doing the same,” I said and then sipped on some chai tea I ordered.
“Okay, so what do you know about this guy, besides the fact that he has money and owns a few businesses?” He looked at me curiously.
“You don't want me to be happy do you?” I asked. “You want to be the only one of us to be happy and well off.”
“See, you are being stupid right now, and coming for me is not going to solve the fact that you don't know anything about this man you are seeing. The fact that I am asking you these questions should let you know that I care and that I want you to be happy. How can you say such a thing to me?”
“I'm sorry.” I apologized and then looked out of the window for a few seconds. There were a few tears threatening to fall but I blinked them back. I was embarrassed for acting so stupid. I was going to be strong and keep my head up.
“I don't know what you about to cry for because you know I'm right and if you don't remember you gave me this very same speech more than once, especially when I met Charles.”
I silently nodded my head because words escaped me right now. I was being haunted by my own words at the most inopportune time. I hated that.
He continued, “Just promise me you will get more information on this guy and I don't mean his dick size.” He laughed after he said that and I chuckled a little. He was trying to lighten the mood and he did for a second.
“You know what, you are right and I didn't think about any of that,” I admitted.
“That's because you are used to getting in bed with anyone and then letting them walk off in the morning. You didn't want to get to know them. Now that you are trying something different you need to work smart and get as much information about him as possible. I'm not saying do a full background but get to know him and his family. Things like that.”
“Okay,” I said as I made some mental notes. I couldn't believe that I didn't think of this myself. I couldn't even say that I didn't hear this before, because the counselor I met in Starbucks awhile ago said some similar things. I guessed I didn't really let it sink in.
“I'm proud of you for even trying to do something different, so don't even think in the tiniest part of your mind that I'm not. You deserve happiness. You know I knew tons about Charles before I even let him hit it and he wasn't having it. We had many a fights over this here booty.” He laughed as he tapped the side of his butt cheek. “But I held firm and now look at us, we are going strong as ever. You can do the same.”
“Thank you.” That was all I could say as all he said sank into my head.
“Don't thank me . . . pay me, bitch.” We both burst into laughter. “Shit, or at least buy my food. I'm not a starving artist but I will play the part for a free meal.” We laughed together again. We did that all evening until it was time for him to go home to his man, and me to my list of questions for Mateo.
Chapter 25
Kardell
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Check Yourself
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“Hello,” I picked up the phone. It was a Saturday morning alone in my bed and I was extremely happy from the date that I had with Mateo the night before.
“Are you asleep?” she asked. It was my sister, Angela. I didn't know why she was calling me this early in the morning or at all for that matter. We didn't talk on a regular basis and she was always insulting my lifestyle in one form or another and today I wanted no part of it.
“I was,” I answered dryly.
“Oh.” She paused for a few seconds.
“Did you need something . . . some money?”
“I need . . . I need . . .” She burst into tears before she said anything else. I mean she was crying like somebody died. I quickly sat up in bed with a nervous energy running through my body. I was scared of what she might say next. Like somebody
had
died.
“Angela, what's going on?” Legitimate concern filled my voice.
“Alex is on the DL . . . He's fucking a man.” She burst into tears once again.
It didn't take a genius to tell me that Ronald did what I asked of him. I had to admit a small piece of me wanted to enjoy her pain when I thought about her finding out. But now that it was happening I didn't feel a twinge of excitement or joy. All I felt was her tears and sobbing as she cried into the phone. It was gut-wrenching as I sat on the side of the bed and heard her mourn a loss.
“I can't believe it.” She finally calmed down and spoke. “How could he do this to me? . . . To us?”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yes, somebody sent me some pictures in the mail this morning. I got them spread out all over the kitchen table. I'm so glad Jonathan is in school and not home. I don't know what I would do if he was here and I opened these pictures up in front of him.”
“Yes, that would not be good,” I agreed.
“Kardell, did you ever think that Alex could be this way? Did he ever exhibit any signs?”
“Angela, being on the down low is just that, down low, people are good at keeping their business their business.” I purposely answered the situation but not her question. “No one really knows what someone else is doing until they find out. Gaydar is a myth and a lie, honey.”
“I mean he just loved . . . um . . . pussy,” she almost whispered. “He was good at it. I just don't understand.”
“Angela, it's not a science, he could actually love both, but only exhibit the thirst outwardly for one and secretly for the other. And just for the record not all men are like this. That's the problem, people put it in a box and paint pictures of DL men when in truth it could be anyone. You find out when you find out. Sad but true. It's a cruel, cruel world out here. Not everyone is who they seem to be.”
“Wow, I'm just so out of it right now. I don't know if I'm going or coming. And he's upstairs, asleep. I'm in the basement talking to you.”
“So what are you going to do?” I asked out of extreme curiosity. “Don't do anything that you will regret.”
“Actually, I'm going to post this picture to his Facebook page and then put him out.” I could see a big, bright smile on her face on the other side of the phone.
“That's a little extreme don't you think? With social media being what it is today you could go to jail for that.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Yes, sweetie, you don't want to do that. Just ask him to leave and then you go get yourself tested for STDs,” I counseled.
“Right. I can't believe this. I just can't. How can I make him pay for this though?” she asked.
“By truly letting him go and treating him like a man in the process. Kill him with kindness. Guilt will eat him alive,” I answered.
“Very true . . . That is very, very true. I never thought of that.” She seemed surprised. “Not to change the subject . . .” She paused for a minute. “But I'm sorry for not treating this sensitive subject with sensitivity until now. I guess it takes something like this to gain perspective.”
“I accept your apology and I understand because I do it as well,” I stated matter-of-factly.
“Can I ask you something?” she began. “Have you ever been in a situation like this before, where you thought you knew someone but it turns out that you didn't know, but it was too late before you found out?”
“Well . . .” I paused and thought for a second because I really didn't know. “I really can't say that I have, but it's not a situation that I want to be in either. This is kind of crazy for you to go through this.” “Are you dating someone right now?” Angela asked.
“Yes, I'm seeing someone right now,” I answered.
“Do you know everything you need to know about them?”
“To be honest I'm just starting to see this person and I'm not really sure where this is going to go, but I want it to go somewhere.”
“That's good, but don't end up like me. Get to know the person, ask questions, follow suspicions and pay attention to the red flags. I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone, even my worst enemy. I feel so crazy right now because I didn't know.”
“Well you don't have to feel so crazy about it because you didn't know. We all have situations or put ourselves in situations where we really don't know what is going on, but it's by taking away from those situations that we learn important life lessons. ”
“What lessons can I take away from this?” She chuckled for a minute and then paused. “This is such a mess.”
“What you can learn from the situation is the fact that you can't make someone love you when they don't love themselves or they don't know what they want in life. Alex wasn't a bad person, it's just that he didn't know what he wanted in life and he decided that he wanted to do what he wants to do and not really care about the situation or the people. You can learn to love yourself more and you can also learn to forgive people because we all have problems and we all might not be as strong as the next person to deal with them and deal with them right away.”
“You know what, little bro, you are absolutely right. I guess this is one for the books. Shit, I might as well write a book about it and maybe I'll call it
Both Sides of the Fence.
” She laughed. She sounded a little bit happier than she did before.
“You can do that and maybe you can use a couple of chapters out of my life.” I laughed a little bit myself. “Well, big sister, I can't say this will be easy to get over because almost nothing is easy to get over when you put your heart into it, but you can call me if you need to talk again and only if I'm not getting it in.”
“I hear that. You are right about that. It was actually really nice talking to you. I know I can be a smart ass at times but it's only because I love you and sometimes I don't know how to say it and sometimes I can be hurt and want to hurt someone else. They say that you only hurt the people you love.”
“Angela, we all are guilty of doing things that we regret so let's just let bygones be bygones.”
“Okay, that's a deal.”
“Well, Angela, it's time for me to get off the phone and get back to my beauty sleep.”
“Rest easy, sir. Rest easy.”
I hung up the phone and rolled over, glad that that situation was over and finished with. It would be something now that I could scratch off my list but was also now something that my sister would have to deal with in the days, weeks, and months to come. She did give me some things to think about. I really didn't know anything about Mateo. I guessed I was going to have to do some research and get some questions answered.