Maximum Risk (11 page)

“What do you mean ‘sent him’ to his death?”

“Nothing.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Let it go.”

“No. You tell me what you meant.”

The desperation in her voice hit him full in his chest. He understood her need to know. The plea for closure.

“Quinn.”

He lifted a hard gaze to hers. Bailey hated being left in the dark. She insisted they treat her as an equal and not as that ten-year-old girl who couldn’t defend herself. Her need to overcome that sense of powerlessness drove her to Evan so he could teach her self-defense and Jiu-Jitsu and the rest of them to share their combat skills. How could they deny her need to take back what she lost? As much as they’d wanted to shield her from this life, they eventually came to terms with it and gave their sister what she needed instead of what they needed.

“I gave the order to send Ryan and Avery to the chopper. My decision got Ryan shot because it was there they ran into trouble. I made the call and our brother is gone because of it. End of story.” He choked on the last few words and rose abruptly from his chair, almost toppling it.

Tears shone in Bailey’s eyes. “Ryan took a bullet meant for her?”

This was the minefield he navigated and he’d just stepped on an AP. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you know I did this. Not Avery.” It would be easy to put the blame on Avery. Hell, he had done it. But, when he could think more clearly he’d accepted his fate. Not hers.

“What did she do? Who is this woman? What was worth our brother’s life?” The torment in Bailey’s voice echoed through his head.

The words cut through him. He understood her anger and pain, her need to blame someone. He wouldn’t let Avery suffer for it. She suffered enough.

“Was it worth it, Quinn?”

For Avery, yes. He nodded his answer and watched Bailey withdraw, physically and emotionally.

“Explain that to Dani.” She walked out of the room.

Quinn let out a weary breath. Maybe he should go. Tackle this tomorrow. He turned to leave and stopped short when he saw his parents, Chris, and Nate standing there. Silent tears ran down his mother’s cheeks. Behind her, his dad stood tall and strong, the rock that held the family together. Anger flashed in Chris’s eyes, his hands fisted at his sides. Nate’s expression was masked.

Damn it. He hadn’t wanted his mom to hear any of that. “Mom.” The apology stuck in his throat. When he took a step toward her she held up a hand to stop him.

“Please, just go.”

Throat closed, Quinn nodded and did as asked. He was in his truck before Nate caught him and slapped a hand on the window frame.

“Mom didn’t mean anything by it,” Nate said. “Dani heard from the hallway.”

Quinn put the truck in reverse. “I know she didn’t.” And he did. Ellen Wolff was like a mama bear with cubs when it came to her family. Right now Dani was the cub. He hadn’t known Dani was there or else he would have stopped the conversation with Bailey before she dragged the truth out of him. He came here to clear Avery’s name, not tell all. They didn’t need to know the details. Now they knew exactly what he hadn’t wanted them to learn.

Thunder rumbled across the dark sky. The storm had stalled, which only made it more humid and uncomfortable. A swim in the lake would clear his head. Maybe after Avery went to bed he would go for a dip. The deep, dark waters had served as a healing balm for many things over the years. He only hoped it would work its magic this time, because he sure as hell needed it.

“I’ll call you later.” Nate clapped a hand on the doorframe and stepped back so Quinn could back up.

The short drive to his house didn’t lessen the pressure in his chest. When he walked in, he found Kell sprawled on the sofa watching the Discovery channel.

Quinn looked around the room. “Where’s Avery?”

Kell nudged a chin toward the hallway. “In her room.”

“Something wrong?”

Kell clicked off the TV and sat up. “She’s pissed at me.”

The fierce urge to protect Avery made him go rigid. “What did you do?” Kell didn’t normally offend, but neither did he pull his punches.

“It isn’t what I did that has her upset. It’s what I didn’t do.”

“Translation?”

Kell rubbed a hand over his chest. “She’s mad at me because I didn’t stop you last night.”

Quinn raked a hand through his hair. “She doesn’t understand.”

“No shit. What are you going to do? She’s avoiding what happened.”

“I’m not a psychologist, Kell. What the hell am I supposed to do? Force her to face what happened in Azbakastan?”

“Damned if I know. We can’t let her continue to blame herself for Ryan. She’s gonna break.”

He gazed down the hallway to Avery’s closed door. “I know.”

Kell rose from the couch. “Everything go okay at Mom and Dad’s?”

“No. Bailey got the truth out of me.” He couldn’t resist a scowl. “Everyone overheard it. Including Dani.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“Leave it up to Bailey to keep prying. It was bound to come out, Quinn. Secrets never stay buried.”

“Some things are better left unsaid.” Quinn let the double entendre hang. Kell’s skeletons were his to hold.

“Think I’ll go for a run.” Kell strode toward the door. “Avery’s a ticking time bomb. She’s gonna need support.” Kell disappeared through the door to outrun his ghosts.

Quinn could relate. His outlet was a good workout and a swim in the lake afterwards. Kell ran. Evan sparred. Chris took a woman to bed or picked a fight, sometimes both. Nate worked on his boats or swam.

Even in this heat Kell would run until he dropped. No easy feat for a man who ran everywhere instead of drove. The brand new Hummer H2 sitting in Kell’s drive collected dust when he wasn’t taking it camping, hiking, mountain climbing, or spelunking.

Weary, he dropped down in one of the recliners. He still hadn’t talked to his family about the funeral arrangements.

An ache started in his chest and spread to his gut as he replayed his mom’s words in his head. Even though she didn’t mean it, they still hurt like hell. He rested his head against the back of the chair and let his eyes close. God, he was tired. Maybe he’d go for that swim now. Avery was in no immediate danger and he would be right outside her window if she needed him.

He rose and headed for the lake.

****

Avery paced the small bedroom, still angry. She heard Quinn come home but wasn’t in the mood for more testosterone right now. He wasn’t at his parents’ house long, which could only mean it hadn’t gone well. Not a good sign. Maybe he was a glutton for punishment. One night wasn’t enough time for his family to come to terms.

Water splashed outside and drew her to the window. She looked out in time to see Quinn dive off the end of the dock. His hard, tanned body disappeared into the black water. A full minute passed before his dark head reappeared. With long, powerful strokes he swam toward the small wooded island that sat in the middle of the lake.

Avery swallowed past a dry throat as she watched him cut through the water with sleek grace. He didn’t go clear out to the island, but halfway, before he turned and began to swim back. A shudder worked its way down her spine. After being waterboarded for trying to escape, she didn’t think she would ever be able to swim again. The thought of covering her head with water terrified her. As much as she wanted a shower, she couldn’t bring herself to step beneath the spray.

Thunder rolled across the sky, bringing her back to the present. Quinn was back to the dock now, but he didn’t use it to climb out. Instead, he rose up out of the water and began to stride toward the shore. With each step water dropped lower and lower to reveal more and more tanned flesh.

Mesmerized, she watched him rake a hand through his dark hair. The muscles in his arm bunched. Water sluiced down his bare chest as he stepped onto shore and climbed nimbly up the small slope. Dark blue and white swim shorts rode low on his lean hips. Her gaze traveled over rock hard abs and corded obliques.

Avery licked her dry lips. She should move. Turn away. Instead of watching like a voyeur. How could she look away? Quinn Wolff in military garb was incredible. Quinn in nothing but a pair of swim trunks—a fantasy.

Unable to look away, she continued to watch Quinn stride across the lawn. The black sky behind him only made him appear more dangerous. More warrior than medic. Nothing like Tim. Even when she’d met him, in his element in front of the board, exuding confidence she admired as he handled the finances of her business, he never exuded the kind of raw male energy Quinn Wolff did.

Quinn rubbed a hand across his chest and all her thoughts fled. Her gaze roamed over all six-foot-three inches of wet, muscled flesh. Guilt overrode desire and she spun away from the window before he saw her.

She shouldn’t be doing this.

Unable to resist one last glance out the window, she looked to see Quinn had stopped to stand in the middle of the small yard, his gaze turned to the sky.

This man carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Angst tightened the hard lines of his face. She longed to smooth her hand over those rigid lines and take away the pain. As an only child she’d never felt the bond of a sibling, but she knew about loss. When her parents were killed it had uprooted her life. The pain never really went away. The hole in her heart would never be filled.

Quinn had a hole in his heart right now, except it was raw and bleeding, where hers had scarred over. He suffered and she wanted to make it better. Hold him as he did her when she needed it.

His gaze suddenly turned to meet hers. Her breath caught. Emotion churned in his narrowed eyes. A mixture of guilt, anger, and grief. And something else. Something more primal. Raw. Remembering the kiss they shared.

Thunder rumbled low and lazy across the sky. Avery couldn’t look away. The intensity in Quinn’s eyes held her captive. Before she could stop herself she flew out the back door. She crossed the lawn and came to a stop in front of him.

Their eyes met.

Heat radiated off his body. Beneath the smell of the lake she detected the scent of sandalwood. Quinn’s scent. It was all over his house, his clothes, him. Her heart raced in response.

Many things hung in the air between them. Unspoken truths and shared pain.

The air around them charged. The storm? Avery couldn’t be sure. Whatever the cause, her nerves were on end. She couldn’t read Quinn’s expression, but felt his suffering. His brother and her friends she could not give back. A moment away from the pain she could. But, not just for him. For her too. A small reprieve sounded like bliss right now. She was tired of thinking about it, agonizing over what couldn’t be changed, and wishing she could go back in time and start the clock over.

She laid her hand flat on his chest over his wounded heart. It would be a long time before it healed. If it really ever did. For his sake she hoped so. Not to ease her guilt, but so he could move on, which was the hardest part.

Quinn’s hand covered hers, warm and strong. Her gaze dropped to their joined hands where just a short time ago a diamond engagement ring had rested. Regret skipped through her. She started to pull away.

“Don’t.” Quinn’s voice stopped her.

Thunder rippled across the sky, this time followed by a bolt of lightning that penetrated Avery’s stupor. They shouldn’t be doing this. Too many things separated them. Things that couldn’t be given back.

His finger gently traced the frown lines marring her forehead. Her eyes drifted closed. A simple touch that felt so good.

She swayed into him and let her forehead fall on his chest. His hands cupped her shoulders, his thumbs kneading her tight muscles.

“I can’t,” she whispered. As much as she wanted Quinn to take away her misery for a few hours or a night, she couldn’t risk him getting close.

Quinn pulled away before she could. He stepped back, breaking contact. “We should get inside.”

****

Avery silently berated herself and turned away from the shiny clean tub. It was a bathtub. Not a hard wooden chair with heavy straps that cut into her ankles and wrists. There was no one in the room except her.

She peeled off her shirt. The humidity must be at one hundred percent and she couldn’t take it anymore. Time for a shower. Until the storm moved through it would only get more uncomfortable. High temperatures she could handle, but the humidity not so much. It made her tired and sticky.

Quinn was in the kitchen talking on the phone. Thankfully, his cell had gone off as soon as they entered the house. It broke the tension between them and gave her an excuse to retreat to her room. Or, the bathroom. Time alone to think wasn’t her idea of fun. Having sex with Quinn sounded like fun. Unspent energy hummed through her body, evoked by a simple touch. That had never happened before.

She pushed those thoughts away. She was in no position to share anyone’s bed. Despite what her body wanted, she wasn’t that big a fool.

Naked now, she faced the shower. Her hands shook when she reached for the taps. Refusing to let it intimidate her, she turned the water on and stepped back as it began to fill the tub.

Her heart thumped painfully against her ribcage. Avery drew in a deep breath. Mind over matter. She was in control. There was no one here besides her and Quinn. No one here to hurt her.

With a shake of her head to clear the images threatening to invade, Avery turned on the shower. The urge to flee suffocated her. She forced her legs to remain in place. Blood roared in her ears. Dots danced in front of her eyes.

Angry, Avery glared at the jet spray hitting the back of the tub. Her fear was ridiculous. She had taken hundreds of showers in her lifetime. Fear wasn’t something she would bow to. No, she would conquer it just like she did everything else. She could beat this.

She drew in a shaky breath and willed her legs to move. They remained leaden in place. Frustrated, she lifted a foot and placed it in the tub. Cool water washed over her toes. So far, so good.

She leaned in a little more. Water dribbled on her shoulder. Her hand. Okay, partly in.
Take that last step
. With grim determination she propelled her body into the shower and closed the door quickly before any more water got on the floor.