Masquerade (20 page)

“You’re you. The name you go by doesn’t matter.”

And I know he’s right. I also know he needs to fight some of his demons and I want nothing more than to be by his side. “You need to go home, too, Maddox. You have things to work out with your sister and—”

“I need to say good-bye to my mom.”

The look in his eyes tells me there’s more he needs to say to her than that. He needs to make amends, even if it’s with a ghost.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“I need you to go with me. Just like I need to go with you to see your family.” With that, Maddox’s lips come down on mine. It’s an urgent, needy kiss. My hands go into his hair and his go under my sweatshirt to rest on my waist. The kiss is wild and passionate, and a mixture of so many emotions just like love is. It’s raw, all of us open for hurt when we chose to let love in. But open for beauty too. A tattoo on your heart with the colors and images of who each of us really is. Emotional art.

We’re not perfect, though none of us are. We’re works in progress and what matters is we’re moving forward and we’re doing it together. In love.

July, eight months later

“We’re putting all the food and shit on that table on the right.” I point the caterer to the corner, as Laney smacks my arm.

“Food and shit?” Laney asks as I shake my head before looking over at Leila, who smiles and winks at me.

It was about two months after Mom died that she told me she wanted to start going by her real name. I’d seen it coming before that. The more time we spent with her family, the more comfortable she became with them. The more she wanted to fight for her life back.

“Remember how I told you it felt good to be Bee because I chose it? She was who I wanted to be?”

“Yeah.” I kissed her neck as we’d lain in bed, then kept traveling down. I’d gotten to her stomach before she continued.

“It feels even better to tell you I’m choosing to be Leila again.”

I’d stopped, kept my lips to her skin before I looked up at her. “It’s a sexy fucking name.”

That had been the end of the conversation and she’d been Leila ever since. Leila who is still a tattoo artist and is learning to ride a motorcycle and is the same person I’ve always known. It’s not that none of us ever slips up and calls her Bee, but it’s like a nickname now.

I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and pull her to me. She comes easily, her arms going around my waist as she looks up at me.

“Is it bad to say
shit
in front of a caterer?” In the background, I hear my sister chuckle before walking away.

“Fuck if I know.” Leila pushes up on her toes to kiss me.

For a second I let myself forget we’re in a room full of people. That Laney, Adrian, Colt, and Cheyenne are lurking around somewhere. That Leila’s parents and sister are all huddled around Leila’s portfolio on the desk. Cheyenne’s family, an aunt and an uncle, are here somewhere and Adrian’s sister too. Hell, even Trevor, Tyler, and a few other people from Lunar are here, though I had my last day a couple weeks ago. Definitely won’t have time to run security for them while I’m working full-time at our new shop.

Mine and Leila’s. Masquerade hadn’t been big enough for us to both have our own workstation plus… that’s not really our lives anymore, living like we’re in some masquerade, hiding behind our hardened exteriors. We both wanted a clean slate.

“That’s why I love you so much. You don’t care about my mouth.”

“Oh, I care about your mouth very much, just what you do with it, not how dirty it is.”

I laugh as Colt and Cheyenne step up. “Let’s not talk about mouths because Colt has the dirtiest.” Chey twists the engagement ring on her finger and grins at him.

Colt shrugs. “It was good enough to make you mine.”

He’d proposed on his mom’s birthday. They’re taking their time, though, finishing school first from what Leila said. Hanging out with him and Adrian more, I heard about how he lost his mom and how important she was to him. It’s crazy because it helped me make peace with my own mom’s memory. Colt would have done anything for his mom and it made me wish I would have fought harder to help save mine… or maybe not save her, only make sure she knew she wasn’t alone. Who knows, maybe it would have helped. Maybe not. I try not to dwell on it.

Everyone laughs, making me notice that my sister and Adrian stepped back up.

“When you open the doors, I was thinking you could do a piece for me,” Adrian says. Today we’re having a pre-celebration or some shit. Leila’s mom planned it. She likes doing stuff like that and Leila actually had fun helping her.

“Hell yeah. What do you want?”

Adrian pauses for a second, his eyes hitting mine. Laney wraps her arm through his and I notice he relaxes into her a little, letting her support him. “Ash.”

The five of us all stare at him.

My body stiffens. “You’re not talking a name here, are you?” Faces are hard as hell, but I know that’s what he wants.

He shakes his head.

“It would be an honor, man. I’d love to do it for you, but it should be Leila. She has more experience and I can’t fuck something like that up.”

“You won’t. We’ll talk later.”

Christ he’s a good fucking guy. I’m so lucky my sister has him. Honored to call him my brother even though there’s no ring on Laney’s finger yet. I know one day there will be and even without it, he would be a brother to me. “We’ll talk.”

There’s a chiming sound and without looking, I know it’s Leila’s mom. Everyone quiets and we look over at her as she stands by the desk. “I know everyone isn’t here yet and we’re not officially starting but I wanted to take a minute to…” She pauses before her eyes land on my girlfriend. “Leila, come over here for a second.”

She doesn’t hesitate to go and then her mom looks at me. “You, too, Maddox.” Since the first day I’ve met them, they’ve treated me like family. They’ve showed us both love.

Leila and I stand on each side of her before she continues talking. “I wanted to thank you guys for coming to Leila and Maddox’s pre-opening. This shop isn’t only important to my kids.”

My stomach bottoms out as I look at her, and she smiles. “Both of my kids.”

A breath leaves my lungs. I’ve lost both my parents—one to death and one I can’t find it in myself to forgive. I’ve gained so much, though. It’s fucked up but it’s at this moment I realize everything is good. We’re all going to be good. I have regrets with my mom and I wish things had been different. But I’ll be okay. Leila has her family, who she loves. Things aren’t perfect with them, but they work hard to understand each other and they love each other regardless.

She has me too. Always, like I have her. Laney and Adrian have each other and Colt and Cheyenne… and I wonder. I’ve never in my life thought of shit like this but I can’t help but wonder if Colt’s mom, Cheyenne’s mom, and mine aren’t sitting up there somewhere, taking care of a little boy with Adrian’s eyes and looking down at us.

Leila looks at me and smiles before she grabs her mom’s hand, and I take the other.

“Reality Tattoo is important to all of us. It’s brought so many of us together. My daughter is so talented and I love that she can share her art with the world and with Maddox.”

Everyone claps and I smile, feeling like I never thought I would.

“I think it’s time to crack a bottle of wine!” Leila’s mom says.

“Or beer!” Leila adds, because I’m pretty sure most of us will be drinking that.

Everyone starts moving, grabbing what they want and going for the food but instead I go for Leila. She’s what I want. Her arms wrap around my neck; her hands thread through my hair as I tighten my fingers around her hips.

“Reality Tattoo. I like the sound of that… and the fact that it’s ours.”

“I love you. Even without this place, I’d have everything I want, because I have you.”

She grins. “Mmm. You make me want you when you talk sweet like that.” Her face goes serious now. “I love you too. You taught me love is worth it. I can’t wait to keep showing you how much of it I have for you.”

For the first time in so long I have a future to look forward to. One that I will fight like hell for, no matter what because that’s what you have to do in life.

Reality. It’s not living a lie like so many of the people we know have done. It’s not treating life like a game of charades or living behind any type of façade. Life is fucked up, it hurts, and it’s not always pretty, but damned if it can’t be beautiful too.

Looking down at my sketch, I can’t help but smile. It’s good. Damn good. I’m confident in my abilities but it’s not often I think something like that. I don’t even know what it’s for—if I’ll ever use it for anything—but I love it.

I’m still smiling when my phone rings. After tucking the drawing away, I answer with a, “Hello.”

“Leila. Hi. I didn’t expect you to answer.”

Without even meaning to, she just dealt me two blows in one shot. Bee… My name is Bee. Which of course I can’t say because technically it’s not. After all this time, I should be able to be Leila by now. The fact that I can’t feels like a spoon, digging out the happiness I felt while drawing.

And the second blow is knowing that I’m such a crappy daughter she didn’t expect me to answer. Yet, she’s such a good mom that she still calls.

“Sorry.” This is always how it goes with us. I don’t know if she knows it or if I’m crazy for feeling it. When I talk to her, I automatically feel like I’m doing something wrong. “I’ve been busy.”

“How are things going at Masquerade?” she asks.

“Okay, I guess. Could be better but it takes a while to get off the ground.”

Mom sighs. “I know you don’t want to hear this but it would be irresponsible not to talk about it. I know you want this, but just remember Masquerade might not work out. Odds are it won’t. It’s important to have something to fall back on.”

Would it be too much for her to have some faith in me? If it were my sister, she would.

“Why did you help me if you don’t believe in me?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry if it came off like that.” Mom sighs. “Let’s not do this. I called with good news! Your sister’s boyfriend proposed! I wasn’t surprised when she told me. He’s such a sweet boy. They’ll finish school first, of course. They both know it’s the most important thing.” It’s not fair but all I hear is that that’s why Masquerade will fail. I didn’t do the right thing—the important thing. I never do. You’d think by now I would be used to it but damn, there’s part of me that wishes for once I wasn’t different. That I could have still been the perfect Coral for Rex and Melody and then been the perfect Leila for my real parents too.

Mom keeps going after that. She tells me my sister is on her way to making top of the class and how proud they are of her.

She wants to be a lawyer and I’m a tattoo artist. Only a slight difference there.

The longer she talks, the emptier I feel inside. Then the angrier I get because this is me and I want to be—no, I am—proud of who I am.

The more she talks, the harder it becomes until I can’t stop myself from saying I have to go.

Mom sighs. “Okay, sweetie. It was good talking to you. I hope… I hope you’ll answer the next time I call. The wedding isn’t for a while but there are so many plans to make! I know it’s not your thing but it would mean a lot to have you involved.”

I never said it wasn’t my thing. She’s my sister; of course I’ll help.

Even though I don’t know if she means it like that, it hits me as another way I’ve failed.

I hate the tears that pool in my eyes.

“I will.”

“It’s important.”

“I said I will.”

“I know… I’m sorry. You’re right.”

But I’m not. She’s much better than me for being the type to apologize to smooth things over.

When we get off the phone, Masquerade isn’t the place where I just felt happy. It’s something to hold me over until I discover my real career. It’s not important.

It makes me nauseous to think like that. The place is empty. No clients.

Odds are it will fail
.

Hitting the lights, I disappear into my office.

Bee’s arms and legs wrap around the back of me as though she physically can’t let go. It’s not tight enough and I have a feeling it isn’t for her either. I need her close, need inside her in every way I can be.

Still, I wait, motorcycle revving beneath us as she looks at the house she’d lived in with people she thought were her parents—people she loved.

I’ll stay as long as it takes for her to say good-bye.

When her hand wanders down and squeezes my leg, I know she’s telling me she’s ready. We take off down the street and even though the ride is freeing, it’s not all we need. Right now I really fucking need her.

The first hotel I come to, I pull my motorcycle in. She doesn’t question anything, just lets go of me and gets off the bike. We need to get back to Virginia; we both know that. It doesn’t make us need tonight any less.

We pull our helmets off and Bee reaches for my hand. I thread my fingers through hers as we head into the office. Less than five minutes later we’re in our room. It’s nicer than the one we had our first night together. I’m grateful for that. She’s not the type of girl to care about shit like that but I still want nice things for her.

Tossing my helmet to the chair, I say, “Come here, baby. I want you and don’t think I can wait.”

She grins and gives me a wink. Holy shit I love this woman.

She gets rid of her helmet, too, before wrapping her arms around my neck. My mouth comes down on her, starving for her taste. Matching my intensity, she kisses me back. I cup her thigh and she lifts her leg, so I pull her up as she wraps herself around me.

“Don’t think I can go slow,” I tell her.

Bee drops her head back so I can kiss her neck. “Don’t think I asked you to.”

That’s all I need and then I’m leaning her down on the bed. Her legs still around me as I lie on top of her. “I need these clothes gone.” I slide her shirt up and she lifts enough for me to pull it off. As I work the clasp on her bra, she’s already unbuttoning her jeans.

I move away just far enough to take my shirt off and then it’s my hands tugging at her pants, pulling them down her legs. They fall out of my hands and I look at her. Let my eyes wander over this girl who is mine. The only woman I’ve ever really wanted.

“You are so beautiful.”

I swear a slight pink colors her cheeks. I like that I can make this tough girl blush.

“I can’t believe you’re making me shy, Scratch.”

“You don’t ever have to be shy with me.” Then I’m taking a condom out of my wallet and getting rid of my pants. Bee moves up in the bed so she’s lying with her head on the pillows.

Her eyes study me as I climb onto the bed. “You’re not so bad yourself.” She pauses and then adds, “You’re beautiful too.”

“Sexy,” I say before I cover her mouth with mine. Our tongues tangle, work together to pleasure each other, and then I’m letting my mouth trail down her neck. I lick that hollow spot at the base of her throat, before I keep going down. Her nipple is right there and I can’t help but taste it.

Bee cries out, arches forward as my mouth teases one breast and then the other. Her nails dig into my back. As much as I want this to last forever, my body burns to be inside her.

“Want you. Now,” I mumble against her.

“Then take me.”

I moan because, Christ, how fucking hot is she?

With my teeth, I rip open the condom wrapper before sliding it down my length. I tease her swollen flesh with my finger, feeling how ready she is for me.

Slowly, I push inside and it’s everything it always was to be inside her and even more. It’s where I belong.

My thrusts are fast and hard. Her nails bite deeper into me, making me need to be deeper inside her.

“Oh, God,” she gasps. It’s sexy as hell, the breathlessness in her voice.

“You feel so good.”

Leaning forward, I kiss her again. Take her mouth the same way I’m taking her body. I’m already close, so fucking close to losing it that I know I need to hurry up and get her there too.

Again, I let my tongue tease her nipples as I pump inside her.

“Maddox… holy shit… I’m…”

And then she does. Her body spasms around me and it’s all I need to fall over the ledge with her.

Rolling to the side, I toss the condom in the trash can before I pull her into my arms. She comes easily. There will be no walking away anymore. No pretending this isn’t what it is. No walls up when we really want to hold each other.

“That was incredible.” Bee buries her face in my neck.

“You’re incredible.”

She turns a hand through my hair, tightening her grip there. “I love you.”

Pride swells inside me—that she feels that way about me. That I’m worth it.

“I love you, too, baby.”