Married: The Virgin Widow (17 page)

The rest of the evening flew by in an excited buzz of conversation about how Belinda was feeling, when the birth was expected, what preparations would be needed and what names were being considered.

Later, when they drove home to Hawkesbourne, a subdued silence settled over Ford and Laura. Tempted as she was to bear her private worries in stoic silence, Laura knew this was not her concern alone. Besides, she had learned the relief and comfort to be found confiding in Ford.

“Belinda and Sidney certainly seem pleased to be starting their family so quickly.”

Ford nodded. “If they keep going as they’ve begun, Lyndhurst will soon be filled to the rafters with small Crawfords.”

Laura gave voice to what she suspected they were both thinking. “Did you get the feeling they hoped we would take the opportunity to make a similar announcement?”

“Quite distinctly.” After a moment’s hesitation Ford
added. “I don’t suppose there is any chance we might? In another few weeks, perhaps?”

“I’m afraid not.” Laura pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders. The early autumn evenings were growing cooler. A sense of foreboding chilled her more. What if she was barren as Fate’s punishment for the wrongs she’d done? Or perhaps as a divine balance so the rightful heirs of Hawkesbourne would one day inherit?

“No matter,” Ford insisted in a hearty tone that struck a false note with Laura. “We are not in any hurry, after all. I am quite content to have you to myself for a while before a parcel of young Barretts come along to demand all their mama’s attention.”

“But what if they never come?” she could scarcely bear to ask. “Cyrus often hit me in places where the bruises would not show. What if I am barren on account of that? When you proposed to me, you said you wanted an heir.”

“You mustn’t fret on that account.” Ford pulled the reins into one hand, freeing the other arm to slip around her shoulders. “Did I also not say I was done with love and wanted a wife who would be content with a marriage of convenience? I hope you have discovered how little I meant that.”

She longed to believe him. But after all that had happened, it was not easy. “Are you saying you do not want a child? A son? An heir to Hawkesbourne?”

Ford thought for a moment before answering. “I must admit, it would be hard for me to contemplate not passing Hawkesbourne on to my descendents. But I would rather have you, with or without a child, than any number of heirs by another woman.”

Laura rested her head against his shoulder, savouring
the warmth and strength of his embrace. His words reassured her…to a degree. But she could not forget what he’d said about wanting to pass Hawkesbourne on to his descendents.

She could only imagine how it would devastate their marriage for him to discover he had no right to the estate and title he treasured.

Returning from a brief business trip to London one late October evening, Ford felt a warm tug of homecoming when he rode on to Hawkesbourne lands once again. Every familiar landmark seemed to welcome him home. He inhaled a deep draft of bracing autumn air, redolent of wood smoke, curing meat and the sweet pungency of windfall apples. He would not trade those homely scents for all the perfume and spices of the East.

A satisfying sense of accomplishment filled him as he reflected on the improvements he’d made to the estate in the six months since his return. Unproductive marsh had been drained for cultivation, new breeding stock had been introduced, long overdue repairs made. He could not take credit for the good harvest, but his tenants acted as if he were personally responsible. Of all the changes around the estate in the past six months, the improved attitude of his tenants was the most unexpected and might prove the most valuable in the long
run. They were more receptive to his ideas, less tied to the past, more optimistic about their future.

Much of that was due to Laura. The tenants had come to know and respect her during the past seven years. So when she endorsed Ford’s plans and told them that their prosperity was his chief concern, they listened. In turn, she’d persuaded him to listen to their ideas and concerns. That had turned out to be as useful an education in estate management as all his reading on the voyage from Singapore.

The thought of Laura made Ford urge his mount to quicken its pace. The three days he had been away from her felt like three months. It was the longest they had been apart since his return to Hawkesbourne and some invisible cord, stretched tight by their absence, seemed to pull him back to her.

Riding into the stable yard, his gaze flew toward her window. A light glowed from it, welcoming and inviting. He could not wait to answer its summons.

Striding into the house, he pulled off his hat, gloves and greatcoat, which he handed to Pryce. The butler greeted him warmly and inquired if he should have Cook prepare a late supper.

Ford shook his head. “I ate before I set out. Tell me, has her ladyship been back from Lyndhurst long?”

“About an hour my lord,” replied Pryce. “She retired soon after that. Can I fetch a drink to warm you after a cold ride? Brandy, perhaps, or arrack?”

The nights were growing chilly. Ford expected they would be seeing frost before long. But he could think of something much better than brandy to warm him up.

“Not tonight, thank you, Pryce.” He charged up the
stairs, two at a time, and raced down the corridor. When he reached the bedroom door, he threw it open, desperately eager for a glimpse of his lovely wife.

He was well rewarded, catching sight of her clad in her nightgown. After weeks in the dull black attire of mourning, she looked achingly beautiful in white linen with a modest trimming of lace. There was nothing modest about the way the firelight from the hearth outlined her body’s enticing curves. Ford crossed the threshold, closing the door behind him.

His abrupt entrance made Laura jump. But the next instant she raised one hand to her breast and let out a breathless chuckle. “Ford, you startled me!”

“Forgive me.” It pained him to think he’d frightened her and to wonder how often he’d done it in the past. “I was so eager to see you, I forgot to knock.”

“And I am very happy to see
you
.” She flew toward him, slipped her arms around his neck and pressed upon him an ardent kiss of welcome. The flicker of desire Ford had felt at seeing her ignited into full fire. Yet something gnawed at the fringe of his thoughts, refusing to let him fully immerse himself in passion.

“Laura.” He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. “There’s something I should have done long ago. I’ve never begged your pardon properly for my behavior the night of our engagement ball. It was infamous, despicable, especially after what Cyrus had put you through, damn him.”

Laura frowned. “But you had no idea then what Cyrus had done. For all you knew, I was an experienced woman, eager to welcome your advances.”

That was perfectly true. Though looking back, with the knowledge he now possessed, it did not soothe his guilt.

She took both his hands in hers and tugged him toward the bed. “For my part, I had no idea the pleasure you meant to give me. If I had, things might have gone differently that night.”

Ford tried to draw consolation from her words, but he recalled too clearly his predatory advance and his request for a kiss that must have sounded like a veiled demand. “I cannot tell you how often I’ve wished I could go back and change what happened that night.”

“That is not possible.” Laura came to rest against the bedpost and pulled him toward her, trapping one of his legs between hers. “But perhaps we can do the next best thing. I have a confession to make.”

That made Ford uneasy. Her previous revelations had all shaken his world.

Pressing her warm, fragrant body against his, Laura stretched up to whisper in his ear. “When you came here that night, you were convinced I wanted you.”

Ford nodded. It seemed a pitiful excuse now. The signs of her reluctance and fear had been so obvious to anyone not determined to ignore them for his own selfish reasons.

“I did.” Her ragged whisper made him forget his shame. “Part of me at least. Wary and ignorant as I was of such things, I wanted you. Looking back, I wonder if I was more frightened by the intensity of my own desire than I was of you.”

She grasped one of his hands to place over her sweetly rounded bottom and the other upon the tantalising swell of her breast.

“Now I know exactly what I want.” She brushed her lips across his cheek, bringing them to rest against his.

Ford’s self-control crumbled like a tower of cards. Seizing her in a lusty embrace, he proceeded to sate his hungry hands and mouth upon the rich sweets she offered. To his delight, she responded with equal fervour, rubbing her thighs against his and tugging up his shirt so her hands could range over his chest. She stoked the blaze of his lust until he felt in danger of bursting into flame.

Ever since their honeymoon, Ford had been careful to keep his lovemaking restrained and gentle. After her mother’s death, he’d been even more solicitous. He had been rewarded with intense satisfaction from those encounters, but this fierce, urgent love play promised something more.

As they exchanged fevered caresses, Laura began to turn as if performing a figure in some wildly sensuous dance. Ford was only too happy to let her lead. A moment later, he discovered her intent when she pushed him backward upon the bed, landing on top of him in a thrilling reversal to what happened on the night of that ball.

Laura straddled him, her parted thighs poised above his loins. Her hands rested on his chest, restraining him even as they fondled. A cascade of tousled golden hair framed her flushed, eager face.

“Tonight—” she leaned toward him and ran her tongue over his lips, pulling back with tormenting playfulness when he tried to kiss her “—I hope you will give me—” she pressed her parted thighs against his straining rod and he could feel her sultry heat clear through his buckskin breeches “—what I want!”

Her thrilling demand sent a jolt of lust searing through him.

Once again she taunted him with her mouth, daring him to ravish her…and risk being ravished in return. “Are you man enough for the challenge?”

“I will show you what I am man enough for!” Ford spoke in a hoarse whisper as he strained to claim her lips. Thrusting his hands beneath the hiked-up hem of her nightgown, he fondled the firm, rounded lobes of her bottom.

She wriggled on top of him with wanton abandon, returning the scorching heat of his kisses until neither of them could bear the urgency of their need. He tore off his upper clothes while she fumbled his breeches open and tugged them down.

He tried to pull off her nightgown, but only succeeded in getting his head inside the billowing folds. There, the sight of her bare breasts proved too compelling a temptation for him to think of anything else. As he kissed and lapped and suckled with greedy gusto, Laura guided him inside her. At once they embarked on a glorious, wild ride that sent them bucking, writhing and crying out in a frenzy of savage delight.

Spent and sated, they barely had the strength to crawl between the sheets.

“Another like that—” Ford sighed as his whole body pulsed with waves of satisfaction “—and we are apt to set the bed on fire.”

“Let us save that challenge for next winter.” Laura nestled against him, planting a kiss on his breastbone. “It would be a great help with the coal bill.”

With a drowsy chuckle, Ford drifted toward the
tropical shoals of sleep, thinking he could not possibly be happier. Then Laura showed him otherwise.

“Speaking of winter and warmth,” she murmured, “I think it would keep us both much warmer this winter if we share a bedchamber.”

For a moment, Ford was too overcome to speak. He knew what a difficult step it must be for her to forfeit a place of her own to which she could retreat. In its way, this was a deeper, more courageous commitment to their marriage than going through with the wedding ceremony.

“A capital idea,” he replied at last in a husky whisper. Recalling a jest he’d made on their wedding night, he added, “For better for worse, for richer for poorer…for hotter for colder.”

This time Laura laughed, a sound as warm and sweet as mulled cider on a frosty night. That laughter poured from her lips, straight into Ford’s heart, until it was so full, he wondered how it could keep beating.

Laura froze on the threshold of her bedchamber. As she stared at her Bible in Ford’s hand, time seemed to stop and her heart along with it.

She’d just returned from a visit to Lyndhurst, her spirits lighter than they had been in weeks because she had finally hit upon a solution to her dilemma. She would entrust the marriage certificate to a lawyer along with a letter of explanation and directions that it should only be made public after Ford’s death. It might not be the proper thing to do, legally or morally, any more than concealing the true manner of her father’s death had. But weighed against the personal cost to those she loved most, it was the best compromise she could live with.

But a higher power appeared to disagree. Had this been some sort of test, which was now being taken out of her hands because she had failed?

After a moment that seemed to stretch on and on, Laura forced herself to move and speak. “Ford, what are you doing here? What is going on?”

Hard as she tried to keep her tone neutral, her words came out sharp and tight. She had not spoken to her husband like that since their honeymoon. Lately they had both gone out of their way not to provoke each other. Now her abrupt entrance and peremptory questions seemed to strike Ford the wrong way.

“Is it not obvious?” He gestured toward the two housemaids who had been bustling about collecting Laura’s belongings. “I am having your things moved to our new quarters. I thought I would surprise you by getting all the work done while you were away. You are earlier than I expected.”

Though she knew he’d meant it as a thoughtful gesture, an expression of his eagerness to be closer to her, Laura could not quell a flash of irritation. Once again, Ford was taking charge of her life, invading her privacy without let or hindrance. And he made it sound as if she was in the wrong for acting contrary to his expectations.

“Belinda was indisposed so I did not stay long.” She reached to take the Bible from his hand. “I wish you had told me what you were planning. I would just as soon have done this myself.”

She tried to pull the Bible away, but Ford refused to surrender it. “It would not be much of a surprise if I told you. I was only trying to save you a little work. I did not think you would take such exception to my offers.”

Discretion warned Laura not to make such a fuss. It would only rouse Ford’s suspicion. But this secret had been preying on her peace of mind, stalking her newborn happiness, threatening to destroy all her hopes. How could she remain calm while its exposure hung by a thread?

Laura pulled harder on the Bible just as Ford suddenly let go. As she staggered backward, flailing to catch her balance, the Bible slipped from her hand and dropped to the floor. The folded paper fell out.

With trembling hands, Laura seized it, then scooped up the Bible and thrust the paper back inside. As she rose from the floor, she glanced up Ford. The cold glint of suspicion in his gaze made her heart sink, even as it pounded a frantic beat in her breast.

He turned to the housemaids who stood about awkwardly in the middle of their work. “That will be all, thank you.”

The two girls fled as if the room had caught fire. Laura feared it soon might.

Once the housemaids’ hurried footsteps had faded in the distance, Ford fixed Laura with a wary gaze and held out his hand. “What are you trying to hide from me now?”

She could not let him see that paper, especially under such suspicious circumstances. He had hated her once when he thought she’d tried to steal his inheritance. How would he feel now, knowing she had cost him not only his lands and title, but his very name and his mother’s reputation? She had given seven years of her life to ransom this secret. She would not surrender it now without a fight!

The last thing in the world he wanted was to think ill of Laura. For so long, the lurking serpent of suspicion
had poisoned his feelings for her. Every one of those suspicions had proven false. he’d vowed never to let them threaten his and Laura’s happiness again. But as he gazed at the Bible in his wife’s hands, the corner of a paper protruded from its pages, mocking his trust.

Trust cut both ways, he reminded himself. He’d assumed everything was open and understood between them now and Laura was keeping no more secrets. How could he ignore her blatant efforts to hide something from him? How could he ignore the memory of her threat to destroy him, which now echoed in his mind?

“Hide from you?” cried Laura in a pitiful pretence of indignation. “Don’t be ridicu—”

“Is
this
ridiculous?” Ignoring her squeak of protest, Ford strode toward her, wrenched the Bible from her hands and pulled out the scrap of paper pressed between its pages. “What are you so determined to prevent me from seeing?”