Mail Order Maternity (Brides of Beckham Book 6) (6 page)

He raised an eyebrow.  “You don’t think?  I’ve never seen anyone eat so little.”

“Don’t worry.  I’m not afraid to eat.  I eat plenty, just not when I feel like death.”

She ate three bowls of the chicken and dumplings, and he was happy with that.  He really had been afraid for her with how little she ate.  Tonight she looked the picture of health.  Her long brown hair was pulled back into a perfect bun, and her cheeks were rosy instead of green.  Maybe she was right and it was only the baby that had been making her so sick.  As he watched her eat, he found himself wishing the baby she carried was his and not some stranger’s. 

After the meal, he went out to do the milking while she washed the dishes.  He took his time in the barn, wondering if she’d be able to share his bed that night instead of sleeping in the nursery.  She certainly looked healthy, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t get sick if he tried to make love with her.  So far he’d only even kissed her once, and that was during their wedding ceremony.  He decided he’d try kissing her and see what happened.

Once the milking was done, he carried the bucket into the house and down to the cellar.  He wondered if going into the cellar was bad for her in her condition, but it didn’t seem to bother her.  Maybe that was something he should ask Victoria when he saw her again.

She was sitting in a rocking chair off to the side of the table in the room that served as the kitchen as well as the sitting room and dining area.  He took the rocker across from her and watched her fingers fly as she knitted something with yellow yarn.  “What are you making?”

She looked up with a smile.  “A blanket for the baby.  I’ll make him a quilt as well, but I want him to have a nice soft blanket that I can bundle him up in during the winter.”

“It’s pretty.”  His mother had done some knitting, but he was the youngest child, so he’d never seen her making anything for a baby. 

“Thanks.”  She kept her head bent over her task. 

“Are you still feeling okay after eating all that food?” he asked, trying to think of a way to feel her out on whether or not she was up to sharing his bed. 

“I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in a long time.”

He smiled.  “I’m really glad to hear that.”  He looked over at the stove and cleared his throat nervously.  “Are you feeling up to maybe sleeping in my bed tonight instead of the nursery?”  He said the words quickly to get them over with.

She blushed, but nodded.  She didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with any man so soon after Charlie’s death, but he was her husband, and she knew what was expected of her.  “That’s fine.”

He felt his heart start beating faster at the thought.  She didn’t seem overly excited about it, but at least she’d agreed.  He wouldn’t force any woman, even his wife.  “Are you tired now?” he blurted.

She wanted to laugh he seemed so eager.  She thought back to her wedding night with Charlie and understood immediately.  Charlie had taken her home from the church and immediately pulled her into the bedroom to make love.  He hadn’t wanted to wait for dinner or anything else.  She’d been as eager as he was, though, so it was fine.  She could certainly understand Thomas’s eagerness.  She set down her knitting and stood up.  “Give me five minutes to put my nightgown on and I’ll be ready.” 

She took deep breaths as she climbed the stairs wondering what she’d just agreed to.  Esther didn’t feel comfortable making love with him, but she couldn’t put him off forever.  He’d not only taken on a wife he didn’t know, he’d agreed to raise her unborn child as his own.  How could she say she wouldn’t allow him his marital rights?

In the nursery, she pulled off her work dress and pulled her plain white nightgown over her head.  She touched her hand to her slightly rounded stomach, wondering if it would bother Thomas that her stomach wasn’t flat like it was when she’d married Charlie. 

She went into Thomas’s bedroom, happy she’d taken time to wash all the bedding that day.  It was strange enough that she was making love with a man she’d just met the day before, but at least she was doing it in a clean bed.  She was just sliding between the sheets when he came into the room. 

He opened the windows to let a breeze come in and blew out the lantern on the chest of drawers.  He didn’t want to embarrass her with his eagerness.  He quickly stripped off his clothes, climbing into the bed beside her.  He wondered if it would bother her if he asked her to remove her nightgown.  He wanted to feel her against him, as he’d never felt another woman.

He pulled her against him and kissed her, softly at first, but gradually increasing the pressure as she responded to his kisses.

Esther felt like she was betraying Charlie as she responded to Thomas’s kisses.  She enjoyed the feel of his lips and tongue against hers in a way she probably shouldn’t so soon after the death of the man she loved.  She put her arms around him, and opened her mouth for his tongue to mate with hers.

Her fingers rubbed his shoulders as she lay beside him, returning his kisses.  His hands moved up and down her sides, touching her through her nightgown.  After a moment, his fingers caught the hem of her gown and he slowly pulled it up and over her head.  Her first instinct was to cover her body, but she reminded herself he was her husband, and he had the right to touch her wherever and however he wanted.

His lips brushed along the side of her neck and across her shoulder.  Esther was surprised by how much she was enjoying his touch.  She’d thought love was necessary to enjoy the act of lovemaking, and she certainly wasn’t in love with this stranger who was touching her. 

He kissed down to her breast and took her nipple into his mouth.  She cried out in pain as he suckled.  His head lifted.  “I’m sorry!  What did I do?”  His brown eyes were panicked at the thought he’d hurt her.

She shook her head.  “My nipples are tender because of the pregnancy.  Normally that would be okay.”

“I didn’t know.  I won’t do that again.”  His voice was shaky, as if he was afraid he’d break her.

“It’s okay.”  She stroked his bare shoulders and rubbed her foot along his calf.  She almost wished he’d hurry and finish it, because she felt guilty that she was enjoying herself.  Maybe if he hurried, she wouldn’t enjoy it so much.  She certainly couldn’t tell him that, though.  He deserved to have a wife who would thrill to his touch, not ask him to hurry through it.

He stroked his hands up and down her body, and one hand went between her legs to press against her core.  He rubbed against her bud, making her writhe with pleasure.  She’d missed having a man touch her this way, she realized. 

His lips met hers and he pushed her to her back, kissing a path across her shoulder.
 
He slid his thigh between hers.  He’d never done this before, and because she had, he felt uncomfortable and awkward.  Was he doing it right?  He kept his hands running up and down her arms, hoping she was ready for him, but unsure how to ask.  Finally, he settled himself between her thighs and pressed his manhood against her entrance. 

She was startled at how much it hurt as he entered her.  It had been a long time, certainly, but she hadn’t expected any pain to be involved.  She put her hands on his shoulders and dug her fingers in, hoping he’d finish quickly.  She buried her face in his neck and let out a moan, hoping he’d think it was pleasure.

He finished quickly, collapsing on top of her, his fingers stroking her cheek.  He didn’t know if she’d enjoyed it or not, but he certainly hoped so, because it was something he wanted to do again…soon.  He rolled to his back, pulling her to him with her head on his shoulder, falling asleep quickly, content that his life was good now that he had a wife by his side.

Esther lay awake long into the night, tears streaming down her face.  She’d betrayed Charlie, and for the most part, she’d enjoyed doing it.  What was wrong with her?

Chapter Four

Esther woke well before Thomas the following morning and slipped out of bed to the nursery where her clothes were.  She washed up and pulled her dress over her head before slipping down to the kitchen to fix breakfast for them.  Not knowing her new husband’s tastes, she fixed bacon, eggs and toast.  To her surprise there was no morning queasiness.  Maybe that part of her pregnancy was over.  She certainly hoped so.  She didn’t ever want to have to go through that kind of illness again.

She blushed when he came into the kitchen for breakfast and pressed a kiss to her cheek.  It was one thing to make love to a man you’d been planning to marry since you were twelve, but another entirely to do it with a man you’d known for less than forty-eight hours. 

Thomas sat down at the table and accepted the huge plate of bacon and eggs.  He reached for a piece of toast and buttered it while she fussed with her own breakfast.  Once she was seated, he took her hand in his as he said the morning prayer.  “I’ll be working on the fences today.  I found a spot where the cows can get out yesterday, and I need to keep them penned.”

She nodded.  “Where will that be?”

“On the south side of the property.”

“Okay.  Thanks for letting me know.”  She was glad he was telling her where he’d go so she wouldn’t worry as much.

Once he was off for the morning, she decided she’d make a picnic lunch they could share and take it to him.  It would be fun to spend the time outside getting to know one another.  She’d always enjoyed the outdoors and would like to get to know the homestead she was now living on.

She again made bacon sandwiches and carried them out to where he’d said he would be working.  She found where the fence was newly patched, but Thomas wasn’t there.  She felt her heart start to beat faster as panic rolled over her.  Where was he?  He’d said he’d be there. 

She walked through the fields gradually picking up speed as the panic overtook her.  She called his name, and when there was no answer, she called again.  “Thomas!  Where are you?”  She started to run, the picnic basket banging against her leg.  She knew she shouldn’t be running, but the panic was over taking her.  He wasn’t dead in the fields somewhere, was he?

“Thomas!”  Her voice was frantic by that point.  She knew it was, but she couldn’t stop the fear clawing at her insides.

He stepped from between the rows of corn.  “I’m here.  What’s wrong?”  He looked genuinely confused by her panic. 

She dropped the basket on the ground, tears streaming down her face.  “I couldn’t find you.”

Thomas stared at his new wife in shock.  Was she really that afraid of losing him while he was in the field?  “I’m sorry.  I finished with the fence, so I decided to start weeding.  I was going to tell you where I was working when I came home for lunch.”

She nodded, her eyes still full of fear.  “I wanted to have a picnic, so I took our lunch to where you said you’d be working, but you weren’t there.”  She put her hand on her belly, trying to soothe herself by remembering the baby growing there.  She took deep gulping breaths of air as she tried to calm the panic that had raced through her.

Thomas walked to her and pulled her into his arms.  “I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

She wanted to scream at him to always tell her where he’d be, but she didn’t feel like she had the right to do that.  It was her fault that she’d panicked.  He’d had no idea she was going to surprise him with lunch, and she couldn’t yell at him for her own mistake. 

“I’ll make sure you always know where I am from now on.  Okay?”

She nodded against his chest, still shaking, finally pulling away.  She brushed her tears aside and opened the picnic basket to spread the quilt inside on the ground.  She sat on the quilt and removed the plates and the jug of lemonade from the basket, quickly putting their sandwiches on the plates and serving them each a glass of the lemonade. 

“Thank you for bringing me lunch.”  Thomas eyed her curiously as if he was wondering what was going through her head.  She hadn’t said anything in a while, and he was worried about her. 

She nodded, handing him his plate and taking her own.  He said their prayer and they ate in silence.   She wasn’t angry with him, but she was still trying to calm her racing heart.

Finally, after her silence through the meal, he asked, “Are you angry with me?”  His brown eyes showed the concern he felt for her.

She shook her head.  “I’m sorry.  I was just really scared.  When Charlie died my whole world changed.  I didn’t know what to do.”  If Charlie was still alive, she’d be home in Beckham eating lunch with him and not with this virtual stranger.

He took her hand in his.  “I’m not going to die in the fields like Charlie did.”

“How can you be so sure?  I never expected him to die in the fields either!”

He sighed, wishing he could convince her.  “How did you meet Charlie?”

“In school.  We were in the same class and spent all our time together from when we were twelve on.  I knew I’d marry him from the time I was twelve years old.  Losing him broke my heart.”

“How long were you married?”

“He died on our six month anniversary.”  She looked down at the quilt, not wanting him to see the sadness in her eyes.  She still missed her husband with everything inside her, but how could she tell him that?  He was her new husband and deserved to be the one she loved, but she couldn’t force herself to fall in love with him any more than she could bring Charlie back.

“I’m sorry.  I don’t know why, but I was sure you’d been married longer than that.”

She shook her head.  “No, we weren’t married long at all.”

“You couldn’t move back in with your parents after he died?  Or with your in-laws?”

“No, my mother had twins right after I got married.  They don’t have room for the ones still at home, let alone two more.  And my mother-in-law never liked me
. 
She’s certain that it’s somehow my fault that Charlie died.”

“What did you have to do with it?  I assume you were in the house working when he died?”  The baffled look on Thomas’s face had her stifling a laugh.

“She’s just never liked me.  She thought that Charlie should have married someone better than me.  My father is a poor farmer.  Charlie’s father was a farmer, but he wasn’t poor.  He gave us a section of land to farm so we could start out.  We were going to pay him a little every harvest until the land was legally ours.  When Charlie died, they gave me six weeks to find somewhere else to live.”  She shrugged.  “I never told them I was pregnant.  I’m sure if I had they’d have insisted they get to keep the baby.  Charlie was an only child.”

“Is that why you were in such a hurry to marry and get out of town?”

She nodded.  “I didn’t know what else to do.  I was looking for a job when I saw the ad for mail order brides.  It seemed like the perfect answer, so here I am.”  She was glad she was there.  It was good to have someone else to lean on again.

“It must have been hard for you to marry someone else after losing him so suddenly.”  He watched her over the top of his lemonade glass as he took another deep swallow.

“It was, but it’s the best thing for my child.  He’ll never know anyone but you as his father.”

Thomas studied her for a minute.  “I promise you, I’ll treat him as if he were my own.”

“Thank you.”  She knew Thomas would treat him as a father.  The fact that he hadn’t sent her right back to Massachusetts when she’d shown up smelling like vomit had told her a lot about his character.  She looked around her.  “How close are the nearest neighbors?”

“A few miles down the road.  My brother is our closest neighbor.  We share a boundary with him and his wife.”

“What’s his wife like?”  She liked the idea of having a sister-in-law close by, because she would need a friend.

“She’s really nice.  Quiet for the most part.  She’s the midwife around here, and when I talked to her about you coming out she immediately said she’d be here to help with the birth.”

Esther sighed and looked down at her hands.  “I wish they didn’t know that I was coming out here pregnant.  I wish they thought that you were the baby’s father.”

“No one is going to think less of you for losing your first husband.”

“I almost feel like I’ve done something wrong, but I didn’t know what else to do.”  She felt the tears gathering in her eyes.  It was one thing for him to know she was carrying another man’s child, but did the entire community need to know about it as well?

He shook his head.  “You’ve done nothing wrong.  You did what you had to do for yourself and your child.  And me.  I’m really glad you’re here.”  He took her hand in his, his eyes meeting hers.  “I enjoy having you here.  You make my life better in a lot of different ways.”

She smiled.  “Thank you.”  She didn’t know if he was happy because he was now able to have marital relations with someone or because he had someone to talk to or simply because he had someone to cook his meals and do his laundry.  Whatever the reason, she was glad she wasn’t just taking from him and could give back to him as well. 

She realized they’d both finished their lunches and stood up.  “I need to get back home and do some work.”  She still felt off-kilter enough that her lip was trembling and she fought to keep him from seeing it.

He sighed.  “What are you doing today?”

“I churned some butter this morning.  We were almost out.  This afternoon I’m going to finish scrubbing the walls and windows on the first floor, and I’ll start cleaning the second floor tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry the house was so dirty.”  He hated that she’d come here to find so much work to do.

She shook her head.  “I thought it was very clean for a bachelor’s house.  I should be caught up on everything tomorrow.”  She carefully packed everything into the picnic basket.  “Will you be working here for the rest of the day?”

“Close enough that if you walk out here and call my name, I’ll answer.”  He leaned down and brushed her lips with a quick kiss.  “I’ll be home around six for dinner.”

She took her time and enjoyed the walk back to the house, thankful that he hadn’t gotten angry with her for panicking when she couldn’t find him. 

*****

It was while Esther was making a stew for dinner that she realized she felt a dampness between her thighs.  When she checked, she found she was bleeding.  Her first thought was that she was losing the baby, but there was no pain, and she’d been told that there’s usually pain involved with the loss of a baby.  She left the stew on the stove and sat in the rocker, remaining as still as she could while she waited for Thomas to get home. 

When Thomas walked in and saw her sitting in her rocker without having set the table for dinner, he was immediately concerned.  “Are you okay?”

She raised her tear-filled eyes to him and shook her head.  “I’m bleeding.  I’m afraid I may be losing the baby.  I couldn’t go get you, and I don’t know where the midwife is.”

Thomas swallowed hard, his adam’s apple bobbing.  What should he do?  “I’m going to go get my sister-in-law.  You stay right there.”  He left the house at a dead run.  Was he doing the right thing?  She could be seen faster if he took her with him, but was it safe to move her?  What was wrong?

He didn’t bother to saddle his horse, but jumped on her bareback and rode at breakneck speed to his brother’s homestead.  They were just sitting down to dinner when he arrived, his hair messed from the fast pace he’d taken.  He didn’t knock but instead walked right in.  “Victoria!  I need you.  Esther is bleeding.”

Victoria asked no questions, but jumped from her chair and followed him out the door.  “Go to her.  I’ll saddle a horse and follow.”

He nodded, jumped onto his horse, and rode home.  He knew Victoria would follow quickly.  She wasn’t one of those women who worried about every little thing.  If she thought she’d be able to help faster by riding a horse instead of hitching up the wagon, then that’s exactly what she’d do.  She’d want to help as soon as she could.

He stopped in front of the house and tied his horse to the porch rail.  He ran into the house and found Esther sitting exactly as he’d left her, obviously afraid to move.  “Victoria’s on her way.  She told me to come ahead so you wouldn’t be alone.”  Now that he was there, though, he had no idea what to do.  He stood wringing his hands and staring at her.  “Are you hungry?  I can bring you a bowl of the stew you made for dinner.”

She shook her head.  “No, but you go ahead and eat.  I’m sure you’re hungry.”  She sat perfectly still, her face pale.  She couldn’t lose the baby.  He was the only piece of Charlie she had left.

Thomas got himself a bowl of the stew and sat in the other rocker eating it.  He didn’t know what to do, but if Victoria needed him to do something, he wanted to be ready to do whatever she asked of him.

He’d just finished the bowl when Victoria opened the door.  She rushed to Esther’s side.  “How bad is the bleeding?”  Victoria took Esther’s hand in hers and held it tightly while she asked her questions.

Esther looked at Thomas, wishing he’d go outside.  “It’s not as bad as my monthly would be, but it’s there.  I don’t know what it means.”