Jay-Tee stroked his cheek just below his bandage. "It's not that bad, honest." Then she gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Tom was sure she didn't mean anything by it. Her lips were only against his for a fraction of a second, but he could still feel them there. He'd caught a whiff of her breath. It smelled good. He blushed.
She stood up. "Really, Tom. You should find it comforting. There being a God? That's a
good
thing."
Tom nodded, but he wasn't thinking about God.
5
Feeling That Way
Jay-Tee wasn't thinking about God
either. She was wondering why she hadn't kissed Tom properly.
She'd given up magic, which meant that she couldn't run anymore— not the way she wanted to. Worse, it meant dancing was out of the question. She wasn't sure she could live without dancing. No more unraveling into the dance maelstrom, no more being consumed by the beat pulsing through her body, no more drawing energy from the crowd. Thinking about it made her want to cry. And she'd already done enough of
that
. What did Tom think of her now he'd seen her bawling like a baby?
Okay, so she wasn't going to be able to dance or run decently until Reason found the fix. At least there was one thing she could do just fine with or without magic: hooking up.
She liked Tom. He could be annoying— very annoying— but he'd grown on her, and even though he was pale and skinny, he was nice looking. She liked his gold eyebrows and his blue eyes. She even liked his freckles. They were almost as gold as his eyebrows. He smelled good. He had a gorgeous smile. His hands through her hair had made her shiver. Plus, well, it wasn't like there was anyone else. Tom was a good person, and not in a gooey way. He'd saved her life!
Jay-Tee trusted him.
Tom stood up and looked at her oddly. She bet he was still freaked by God existing. His face had looked like something else, which was another reason she'd kissed him. He looked so cute when he was confused, his eyebrows pulled together, his forehead scrunched up, and his nose kind of wrinkled. She contemplated kissing him again, but with more oomph.
It'd've been a lot easier if he'd kissed her back, but he hadn't. Not even a little bit. She sighed. Maybe later, when he wasn't so God-bothered. Or maybe never. She kind of suspected he was into Reason, not her. What a waste. Reason definitely wasn't into him at all, or anyone else for that matter. She was a very young fifteen, which made it so weird that
Reason
had wound up pregnant. But then, she hadn't exactly gotten that way normally. Jay-Tee's skin tightened at the thought of Raul Cansino putting his skinny hands into Reason's belly.
Tom's cell rang. He looked at his pocket, his forehead wrinkling even more, as if he was trying to figure out what the sound could possibly be.
"Your phone," Jay-Tee said, trying not to laugh.
"Oh." He blushed and dug it out. "Hello? Oh, hi, Cathy. Sure. Can you hold a sec?" He turned to Jay-Tee. "It's my sister. I really have to talk to her. I'll come back straight after, okay?"
Jay-Tee nodded. "No worries," she said in her best imitation Tom Australian accent. He didn't notice her mockage, just gave her a quick wave and disappeared down the hall.
She looked at the frying pan in the sink. But without Tom policing her, no way was she going to do any more washing up. She sat down again, all energy gone. The old man's magic had wrecked her pretty bad. She still ached from it, was still exhausted. If only she could go dancing, then she could absorb the crowd's magic. The net gain was tiny, but it was the only magic thing she did where she didn't
lose
magic. But she didn't have enough left even to get started. It'd kill her.
The rest of her life was going to be dance-free.
Jay-Tee felt her eyes water again. She wiped at them. Nope. She was not going to turn all waterworky again. Enough of that. Not using any more magic meant that she had a future— a bat-shit crazy future, but still,
a future
. All she had to do was sit back and wait for the loopiness to begin. Yay, Jay-Tee. Yay, future. Yay, insanity.
If only she'd kissed Tom properly, not just a peck. Making out would've taken the edge off her hopeless mood. Would've steered her clear of despair. Would've been fun!
Her timing sucked. She shouldn't have tried to mix God and kissing. How dumb was that? She wondered if Tom had ever kissed a girl before. Probably not. From what she'd seen so far, Australians seemed kind of backward.
6
Light and Dark
As I lay in bed,
Jennifer Ishii's sadness settled over me, heavy and cloying. She thought I was someone who had to be looked after, felt sorry for. I shivered. I wasn't going to lie around waiting for the Jennifer Ishiis of the world to set things to rights. I could do that myself.
I jumped out of bed, went to the walk-in wardrobe, pulled on the blue jumper Danny had bought me over my T-shirt, slipped on the blue-and-silver shoes, and grabbed the rest of the winter clothes I'd need. All of them from Danny, which felt right: I was going to New York City to see Danny and tell him about our baby. Jennifer Ishii said I didn't have to do everything myself, look after everyone. Danny would help me with the baby.
I slid my ammonite into my pocket, and the pants Tom had made for me shimmered around the stone as it made contact with the soft fabric. Magic reaching to magic. I blinked and the ammonite glittered, a tiny speck of glowing dust amidst the hazy glow of Tom's pants.
Magic everywhere, but none of it as strong as mine.
* * *
The kitchen was empty. No Tom, no Jay-Tee. I put my hand on the door to New York City. It moved under my hand, rippling like water, but not angrily as it had when Raul Cansino had tried to force his way through; the door didn't mind my touch.
With my eyes closed, the door became 610 tiny smudges of light woven together with near-microscopic filaments. The sixteenth Fibonacci. Sarafina would like that.
I turned the handle and it swung open to reveal New York City, gray and dim and claustrophobic. I paused between the two cities. Behind me was the intense summer light making the metal coffeepot on the stove gleam: in front, two women walked by, so swamped in clothing that I couldn't tell if they were skinny or fat, black or white.
I pulled on the coat Danny had given me, buttoning it up high, pulled the hat down low, and wriggled into the gloves before shutting the door behind me. My door now, not just Esmeralda's. I could open it without the key too.
When I blinked, my vision was crowded with thousands of lights. New York City glittered with magic. So much more beautiful than the drab New York my open eyes saw.
The snow that remained on the street was dirty, grey, and broken up. Its smooth whiteness was gone, making the city uglier than it had been. At least Sydney had flashes of colour from the flame trees in bloom and the rainbow lorikeets flittering by. New York City looked barren. I watched my breath turn into puffs of condensation; the air tasted metallic.
A yellow car approached. A taxi, I remembered. I held my arm up the way I'd seen Jay-Tee and Danny do. Like magic, the taxi stopped. I opened the door and slid inside.
"Where to?" the cab driver asked. He had lots of matted hair piled up under a yellow, red, and green hat.
"The West Village," I said. "The West Side Highway."
"Any particular place on the highway?"
"I'll know it when I see it."
He looked back at me in the rear-view mirror, like he was going to say something else, but then he nodded and drove off.
There were lots of cars out on the street, most, but not all of them, yellow. There were buses too, and small trucks, people on the footpaths. The last time I had been in a cab had been with Danny. Before we'd had sex, before we'd made the baby growing inside me. How many cells would it have this soon after conception? Sixteen? Thirty-two?
When I saw Danny's building, I told the driver to stop. I paid him with the thought of money in my hand. He thanked me.
* * *
I pressed the buzzer. The doorman, Naz, let me in. He sat behind his shiny desk with the high counter, a large grin on his face.
"Hey, Reason. How you doing?" He tilted his head and screwed up his eyes. "Are you wearing new make-up? You look kind of different."
"Thanks," I said, wondering if he could tell that I was pregnant. I could see the tiny traces of magic coiled through Naz's darkness. Not enough to be pretty. "How are you going?"
"Can't complain. Night shift again, which kind of blows. Hey, but it's better than not working, right?"
I nodded.
"So I thought you went back to Australia already."
"Not yet."
"New York too cool to leave, yeah?"
I nodded, opened my mouth to ask about Danny, blushed, and closed it.
"You here to see Danny boy?"
I nodded, feeling very stupid. "Is he home?" I asked in a much smaller voice than I wanted.
"Yup. And he's alone too, which can be kind of rare." Naz winked as if he knew about Danny and me. I didn't know what to say. We'd only been together once. Did Naz mean that Danny had other girls he liked?
Lots
of other girls? What was he going to say when I told him I was pregnant? Would he not want to be with me anymore?
"He just got in. I'll buzz him."
"That would be great. Thank you."
He pressed something out of my sight behind the desk. "There you go. Danny's sending the elevator down."
On the word
down
, the elevator chimed and its doors opened. I walked across, turned back to wave at Naz, and then got in. The lift lurched into life without me pressing any buttons.
"Hi, Reason," Danny said, when the doors opened. His hair was damp. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. I could smell his cleanness.
"Hi," I said.
"Your eye looks a lot better than last time I saw you."
I touched it. I'd forgotten I'd ever hurt it.
"Good timing. I just got back from a game and I'm about to take off again." He nodded at a suitcase sitting near the door.
"Huh," I said. I'd forgotten how beautiful Danny was. His eyelashes were long, thick, and curved up towards his eyebrows. "You're going away?"
"Yup. I'm going to see Julieta."
"You're going to
Sydney
?"
Danny nodded. "I fly out tonight. I'm all packed and ready to go. I figured I'd surprise her." He paused to look at me. "You think that's a good idea?"
"You're going all the way to Sydney?" I tried to imagine Danny in Esmeralda's house. I failed.
He smiled and the smile got into his eyes. It made him even more beautiful. "Well, that door of yours doesn't work for me, remember? So you think Julieta will like the surprise?"
"I guess," I said. I was wondering what would happen if Danny got there and she was already dead. How long did it take to fly to Sydney from New York? "I'm sure she'd love it. She misses you."
He smiled wider. "Good. I'm glad. So how come you're back in the city?"
"I, um…" I said, not ready to just blurt it out. "It's sort of complicated."
"Do you need somewhere to stay? If you want, you can stay here while I'm gone. Are you okay?" he asked, and I couldn't help watching the way his lips moved. I blushed. I'd kissed that mouth. "Julieta said you got home fine. And that old guy is dead and won't bother you anymore. That's true, right?"
"Yes, he's dead," I said. "And I'm fine." I wasn't sure if either statement was true.
"So, ah, why are you back in the city? Things haven't gone wrong with your grandmother, have they?"
"No, no. Esmeralda's been great. Not so evil after all." But still not entirely good either.
"Well, that's good. Should I give you the keys? You really can stay if you need to. Thing is, though, I gotta shoot pretty soon. Plane to catch."
"Right, uh, thanks." In my Cansino vision he was invisible. It was like he didn't exist. I almost told him how lucky he was…
not
to be magic.
"You want something to drink? I got soda. You like Coke?"
"No, thanks."
"Huh. Jay-Tee said you've got a lot more magic now. That you're some kind of superhero? What's that like? You don't look any different."
"Um."
"You do know what a superhero is, right?"
"Um."
Danny laughed. "Superman? Batman? Flying, fighting bad guys. Stuff like that."
"I can't fly," I said. Though I had no idea if I could or not. I hadn't tried.
"Well, that's something. That shit would be too weird." He smiled at me, waiting for me to say something. I couldn't imagine us doing any of the things we'd done. I blushed to think of going into his bedroom, touching him. How had I been able to do that? I blushed again.