Loving Mr. Daniels (29 page)

I moved over to her and brushed my thumbs underneath her eyes. “I was traveling back from Chicago when I first saw you. I went to spend a few days with my grandmother, making sure she was okay after my father’s death. I sat on that train, seconds away from falling apart. Then I looked up and saw those green eyes and I knew somehow, someway, things would be okay.” When she tilted her head up toward me, my lips glazed over hers. “You didn’t bring me the light, Ashlyn. You
are
the light.”

She smiled that perfect smile and laughed lightly. “Normal is overrated anyway. Bring on the freaks and weirdos.” She paused. “I don’t have to go to California. I can stay here with you after school is out. I can go to a community college and we can build up your house. We can be together.”

My head fell to the ground. I cleared my throat.
What am I doing?
I knew I was sending out the wrong signals to her, I knew I was confusing her. But I didn’t bring her down to the basement to reunite. My mind thought of the note Gabby had given me and the threats Jace had made. And now she was considering giving up her dream for me.

“We can’t do this anymore, Ashlyn,” I whispered.

Her eyes widened, surprised by my words. “What?”

“I can’t see you anymore.” I wondered if the words burned her as much as they were burning me.

“What are you doing, Daniel?” she questioned, stepping away from me. “You brought me down here to…to break up with me?” Her eyes glassed over, yet she didn’t let the tears fall.

I didn’t reply. I felt if I said the actual words then they would hold more truth than I was interested in succumbing to.

“Say it!” she hollered, moving over to me. She shoved me hard against the chest. “Say it! Say you don’t want to be with me!”

“Ashlyn,” I choked out. I was doing this to her; I was breaking her.

The tears started to pour out from her eyes and her body began to shake. “Say you don’t want me anymore! Say it!” she cried as she pounded against my chest. With every hit, a part of me died. With every punch, a part of her disappeared, too.

I grabbed her wrists and pulled her against me, holding her close.

“
I let you in
,” she sobbed against me, her fists hitting my body. “I let you in and you’re leaving me.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, holding her in my arms. I tried my best to comfort her, but it felt pointless since I was the one hurting her. “I love you so much.”

“No.” She pushed herself away from my hold. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to hurt me and hold me, Daniel.” She took a deep inhale and wiped away the tears still pouring from her eyes. “That’s the first time you even said those words. You can’t say you love me and then break my heart. So say what you really need to say. Say it and I’m gone.”

I took a breath and looked down to the ground. When my eyes rose, I saw her bloodshot stare. I exhaled. “I’m breaking up with you, Ashlyn.”

She let out a small whimper before all the color was drained from her face. Her body shivered for a moment. She turned toward the exit and began to walk away. “Go to hell, Daniel.”

Don’t believe the lies.

~ Romeo’s Quest

What kind of asshole broke up with a person after leading them on? I needed a cold shower to calm me down, because my blood hadn’t stopped boiling all day. I walked toward the bathroom to wash up and paused when I heard Henry’s voice inside.

“I know… No, she doesn’t know. Kim, it doesn’t matter! She’s staying here.”

A lump formed in my throat.

Kim.

As in, my mom Kim?

“Okay. Okay. Goodbye.” His voice faded away and the doorknob turned open. When he saw me, he stepped back. “Ashlyn. What are you doing?”

“Since when do you use the bathroom upstairs, Henry?”

He walked past me and shrugged. “Rebecca was in the one downstairs.”

“Oh.” I searched him for any kind of emotion in his body language. Nothing. “Then why were you talking to Mom?”

He rotated back toward me. There was a sudden twitch in his mouth and his eyes darted back and forth. “University of Southern California is interested in you attending. Mr. Daniels is going to help by writing you a recommendation.”

“Don’t change the subject! And I don’t want his help!” I yapped like a child. I felt it, too. My angst, young instincts hammering my emotions.

Henry must have been thrown off by my response. His face showed bewilderment. “Calm down, Ashlyn.”

I couldn’t. It was as if the world were trying to push me to the edge, and I wanted to jump. How could Mom call Henry but not me? Not one text message my way? “I won’t calm down! I’m tired of everyone trying to help me when I don’t ask for help. You all don’t know what’s best for me. I didn’t want to move here. I didn’t want to go to your stupid high school. I didn’t want anything to do with you. Why can’t anyone just talk to me? I’m nineteen years old, not five! I’m a freaking adult! You’re ruining my life!” I rushed away with tears and slammed my bedroom door.

Hailey was sitting on her bed with Kleenex next to her. She’d been sick for the past few days, and her nose was redder than ever. “Ashlyn, what’s wrong?”

Before I could respond, the bedroom door opened and Henry stepped inside. “Hailey, Ashlyn and I need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” I screamed, feeling the burning tears running down my face. I crashed onto my bed and cried against my pillows. “I don’t see why you all won’t just tell me the truth! Someone just let me in!”

“She’s in rehab, Ashlyn.”

His words sounded as if they had been dosed in heavy guilt. I looked up, my eyes red, confused. Hailey picked up her box of Kleenex with widened eyes.

“Oh? What’s that, Ryan?! You need me? I’ll be right there.” She awkwardly made her way around Henry and disappeared.

“What?” I muttered. My stomach was in knots. I held on to the pillow so tight I was almost certain the stuffing was going to fall out from pressure overload. I blinked rapidly, trying to control my thoughts. “What do you mean she’s in rehab?”

Henry’s feet sank into the carpeted floor with each step he took closer to me. “She started drinking a lot more after we found out Gabby was sick.”

“She had it under control,” I whispered.

His head shook. “No. She didn’t. At the funeral, she told me she was checking herself into a three-month program. She gets out around Christmas. Ashlyn, your coming here had nothing to do with your mom not wanting you. It was Kim’s idea because she wanted to be able to be the parent you deserved.”

A tinge of anger ran through me. “So sending me off to a person who doesn’t even care about my whereabouts was her choice?! I could have stayed with Jeremy! He’s more of a father to me than you ever have been!” I tasted it—the brutal flavor of my words. I hated myself for screaming them at Henry, but he was the only one there. And it had always been so easy to blame him for all of my letdowns in life. 

Henry cleared his throat and swallowed hard. “It’s funny. You begged for people to talk to you, to let you in because you are an adult. Then when you are let in to the reality of adulthood, you instantly turn into that five-year-old girl you denied being.”

I knew he was right, but I hated the idea of him being right. I
was
that five-year-old hurt girl. Every thought flying through my mind was based on the idea of hurting Henry. Because he had hurt me by being right. I didn’t want him to be right! I wanted him to be the deadbeat father who’d walked out!

“At least I’m not a cheater!”

His eyes glassed over and he stumbled back, stunned. “You’re grounded.” His words didn’t make sense to me. Could he ground me? Did he reserve that right?

“I’m going out tonight.” I crossed my arms across my chest, sitting up straight.

“No. You’re not. As long as you live here, you follow my rules. I’m sick of it, Ashlyn!” His voice rose, sending chills through me. “I’m sick of the attitude. I’m sick of the blame. I’m sick of feeling like I can’t ask where you’re going because you might get pissed. I’m sick of it all. Yes, I wasn’t there when you were younger. I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. I fucked up. But right now? Right now, you don’t get to talk to me any damn way you want. Right now, I’m in charge.”

“But—”

“No buts. For the next week, you go to church, go to school, and come home. Wash, rinse, repeat. End of story. Dinner’s in an hour.”

“
I’M. NOT. HUNGRY
!”

“
I. DON’T. CARE
!” He left in haste, leaving his footprints in the carpet and slamming the door, making me scream against my pillow in irritation.

I sat at the dinner table while everyone took part in their prayers again. My folding chair was cutting into my thighs still, and I wiggled around in my seat.

Ryan bent over to me. “Switch spots?”

I declined his offer. He asked me almost every time we ate.

“Amen,” was muttered.

Henry was sitting across from me, so I made sure not to look his way. I hated the idea of being in the same room with him. I didn’t even know why I was.
Stand up! Go! Leave!
My brain was screaming at me to make my dash and say, “Screw you!” to Henry. But my heart was stupid, and currently it was louder than my head.

A part of me was pleased with the jerk for punishing me. He’d never looked more like a father than he had in that moment.

“Ashlyn, I hear you’re grounded for a while,” Rebecca said flatly, eating her dinner.

My eyes shifted to my peas, which I pushed around. “I guess.”

“Well, you’ll have a lot of company. Ryan’s grounded, too.”

Ryan pushed away from the table, shaking it. “What?! What did I do?!”

Rebecca’s voice was calm as ever. “What didn’t you do, Ryan? Rumor has it you were at a party last weekend.”

Ryan’s mouth dropped open and he rolled his eyes. “Really? You’re grounding me because I was at a party?! I’ve been at fifty parties this year!”

“No. I’m grounding you because of the drugs I found in the laundry.”

My eyes darted to Hailey, who was still from shock. Ryan’s confusion was painted across his face. When he turned toward Hailey, he cleared his expression and sighed, knowing for a fact that they were his sister’s.

“Fine. I’m grounded. Big deal.” He ran his hands through his hair and stayed calm. I didn’t know I could love Ryan more until I witnessed him take the blame for his younger sister.

“For the month.” Rebecca was coming down on him hard, and I cringed by the detestation in her tone. “Actually, make it two months.”

“What the hell is your problem?!” Ryan screamed, pushing himself farther from the table. “Seriously. What the fuck did I ever do to you?!”

“Watch your language.” His mom was angry, but it seemed like it had nothing to do with the drugs she’d found.

“Why would I?! Even if I did watch my language and do all of the ‘good boy’ things that you want me to do, I wouldn’t be enough for you. For the love of God, just say it. Say that you blame me for Dad’s death and then maybe for one day you can stop acting like such a complete bitch!” The words fly off Ryan’s tongue as fast as Rebecca’s hand slapped his face.