Loving Kate (Acceptance #3) (6 page)

She nods affirmatively. “Always, Daniel. No matter what, I’d never lie to you.”

Honesty.

I love you.

I’m angry with you.

I can’t live without you.

But I can’t live with you.

Honesty is way too overrated.

“Do you want to be a part of Lucas’s life even if you’re not a part of mine?”

She flinches as if I’ve slapped her but doesn’t hesitate in responding. “I’d like to be,” she answers quietly, “but I’d rather be a part of
both
of your lives, even if it’s only as a friend.”

An uncomfortable silence falls between us and she finally stands to leave.

“Kate, I’m lost here and I need time. There’s no way I can tell you for sure I can get past what happened with Marc.
Not
because I can’t forgive you. There’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t mine and you weren’t wearing my ring. But because you
should
have been and it should have
never
happened.”

Tears are running down her face and all I want to do is kiss them away.

“Marc was bound to happen eventually, Daniel. I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it’s the truth. I don’t regret what happened with him but I absolutely regret how it’s affected our relationship.”

I think I’d convinced myself that she did regret it, but hearing her say she doesn’t is probably what triggers my next words to fly out of my mouth the way that they do.

“I don’t think I can be with you while you’re still friends with him. And I would never ask you to choose because that isn’t my place, but knowing he’s been with you intimately
kills
me. Did you
even
use a condom with him, Kate? Or did you just trust
him,
too?” My words are laced with venom and it’s exactly why I was afraid of seeing her.

“I don’t even know how to respond to that, but yes, we
did
use a condom. If you can’t get over it then maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s best we just cut our losses while we still can. I won’t choose you over him or him over you. It happened and it’s
not
going to happen again. Whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you. Eventually, maybe enough time will pass that you can let it go enough to be my friend. I’ve got to go, but I’ll send Jess and Connor over to heat up dinner for you and keep an eye on Lucas so you can shower.”

She stalks to the door and as her hand grasps the doorknob, I call out to her, “Kate, wait a second.”

She pauses but doesn’t turn to look at me.

“You can spend as much time with Lucas as you want. I know you love him already, but for now, let’s keep our contact to a minimum.”

Her shoulders slump but she nods, acknowledging my request.

“Not because I don’t want to see you, Kate, but because I’ve got to do this in my own time. I wasn’t kidding when I said I needed baby steps. Our friendship is very important to me and getting it back on solid ground is going to be a rocky road but I’m willing to walk it…at my own pace.”

She muffles a cry, flings the door open, and flees. Within minutes, Jess is here heating up food and telling me to take a shower. By the time I’m showered and calm, Jess has changed Lucas and is feeding him in the nursery. She doesn’t look up at me but she acknowledges my presence.

“You two make me
so
freaking sad, Daniel. If you could see what we all see you’d know that nothing on this earth could keep Kate from loving you. Whatever happened here tonight destroyed whatever faith she had left, so if you were trying to end things for good you absolutely succeeded. Go eat. Connor’s waiting for you downstairs.”

Connor is sitting at the table next to a plate of food and a beer that matches the one he’s drinking. I’m not even hungry anymore but I take a seat and down the beer in a few gulps.

“You really fucked up, you know that?” Connor questions me accusingly.

“I’m not the one who lost faith and fucked someone else,” I retort like a petulant child. 

“Maybe not, but you
did
just have a baby with your ex. Even with that, she still wanted to try to work things out. It doesn’t matter now. I’m pretty sure you’ve lost her for good. Kate wanted to make sure you had this back. I hope you’re happy with yourself.”

In his hand is her promise ring and I’m instinctively shaking my head no. I don’t want that back; it’s hers.

“You’ve made your choice, Daniel. She doesn’t need reminders of you giving her false hope. If you want her to have this ring
you
can go give it back to her. I’m out.” He places the ring on the table and quietly leaves.

In all my life I don’t think I’ve ever seen Connor as pissed off as he is right now. My emotions have been put to the test these past few days in a way they never have before. I’m mentally and physically exhausted; I just don’t know what to feel anymore. By the time Jess comes downstairs, I’m crying as if I’ve lost my best friend, but in a way I guess I have.

Surprisingly, Jess pulls me until I’m standing and gives me a hug.

“This pain you’re feeling is just the beginning. Trust me, I watched Kate go through it when Mike left. Does it hurt to the depths of your soul? I imagine it does…you’re both hurting needlessly. Take the energy you’re expending on your anger and redirect it. Use it to start
healing
your relationship instead. Don’t let this go too far, Daniel. Fix it while you still can. She loves you but she won’t wait forever. Not again.”

She places a kiss on my cheek and lets herself out, closing the door quietly behind her.

What the fuck just happened?

Kate

When I woke up this morning, I was in the middle of a Jess and Connor sandwich and thanked my lucky stars for friends like them. After showering and having my morning coffee, I felt better. Jess and Connor had already left for school by the time I came downstairs and thankfully the only class I had today was cancelled by my teacher. The semester is almost over and finals are about five weeks away. My GPA is still good but I’ve been neglecting my studies and need to remedy that.

Starting now.

I’ve got everything I need set up for an all-day study session and am doing my best not to think about Daniel. I talked to Vanessa this morning and she seems to be doing better. She even said the doctor thinks she’ll be home by the weekend. Hearing that news lightened my mood a bit. Lucas needs his mom around. The ringing of my phone pulls me from my thoughts. My heart leaps into my chest hoping it’s Daniel calling to talk but it’s just Mike.

“Hey, Mike, what’s going on?”

“Just calling to check in on you and to ask you for a
huge
favor.” He sounds stressed out.

“I’m fine, just getting ready to study for finals.”

“You’re deflecting,” he accuses me, and he’s right. “How about I take you to dinner tomorrow and you can deflect all you want in person?”

I can hear the smile in his tone and relax. “Sure, that sounds nice. So, what about this favor?”

“You’re the only one home today and I need Daniel to come into the office for a meeting. I tried to get it rescheduled but they’re demanding we meet with them today. I wouldn’t ask, but it’s a supplier and…”

He needs me to babysit.

“Mike, it’s okay, I can do it. I’d love to spend some time with Lucas. Why didn’t Daniel call me himself?” Not like I don’t already know the answer but I want to hear Mike’s take on it.

“Because he’s stubborn and feels like an ass. If you were trying to make a point by giving him the ring back I think you might have succeeded.”

I can’t stop myself from laughing. “The only point I was trying to make is that I’m not going to wait for him and I
don’t
belong to him.”

Only my heart does.

“So you’re moving on?” His tone is laced with confusion.

“No, Mike, I’m not, at least not yet. The ring was symbolic. As long as I had it, in the back of his mind he could just assume I would be here for him whenever he decides
he’s
ready. I’m not sure how long I’ll wait or what this process will be, but he was acting like a jerk and he needed to know there’s an expiration date on this.”

“All good points,” he replies thoughtfully.

“I’m sorry I hurt him, I truly am. But he also has to realize this isn’t what I signed up for, either. I love Lucas and would
never
deny him, but… he does change the dynamic of our relationship. Daniel isn’t the only one dealing with unexpected changes.”

“If Daniel asked you tomorrow to marry him, would you?”

That’s an odd question.

“Yes, I would. Regardless of our current issues, he’s the one, Mike.”

I hate saying that to him.

“Good,” he replies happily. “You guys aren’t a completely lost cause after all. Now get over there and watch Lucas for a few hours. I need Daniel here in less than an hour.”

“Yes, sir,” I respond jokingly.

He growls at me in reply, “If we’re not going to be together, Kate,
please
don’t call me sir. You have
no
idea what it does to me.”

I’m at a temporary loss for words and in the deep recesses of my mind wish I could have had alpha Mike a time or two.

I finally manage to squeak out, “Okay.”

In a very serious tone he replies, “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kate.”

Damn, it’s not that I question my choice, but at times like these, I
really
wish Daniel and I were on better terms.

After gathering my books—even though I know I’m not going to get much studying done—and the garage door opener, I head next door. My stomach is full of butterflies but I just keep reminding myself that I’m doing him a favor and he’s not going to be a jerk to me this time. I know he’s lashing out because he’s hurt, but there’s only so much I’ll take. I’m
not
his personal punching bag.

Daniel opens the door before I knock and waves me inside. Lucas is asleep in the swing in the corner, sucking away on his pacifier. He’s absolutely precious and I feel my biological clock start ticking away.

“He just ate about fifteen minutes ago and I changed his diaper right before he went down,” Daniel tells me nervously as he paces the floor. “This is stupid I should just cancel.”

He’s adorably paranoid and I’m sure it’s got more to do with me than it does with him leaving Lucas.

“Daniel, it’s fine.
We’ll
be fine. Go do what you need to. You
need
a break. I’ve got this. After your meeting, go see Vanessa, or go to the gym, take a drive, whatever you need to clear your thoughts and get a short break. The only thing I had on my schedule today was studying anyway.”

His beautiful brown eyes meet mine and I’m suddenly very nervous. “I’m sorry, Kate. Last night…”

“Last night was last night. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”

He reaches for my hand and pulls me to him. I inhale deeply. God I’ve
missed
him.

“I’m not fine. I’m anything but. Can we talk when I get back? I promise I’ll try and act like a grown up this time.”

“Sure,” I reply as he releases me.

He glances at Lucas one last time and walks out the door. I snap a few pictures of Lucas on my phone and send them over to Vanessa. Poor thing. I can only imagine how much she must miss him.

The day passes without incident. Daniel got held up and won’t be home until around dinner time. This is good for him. I know working isn’t really a break but with all that’s happened in his life this past week, even just a few hours away from life has to help clear his mind a bit.

Lucas took two pretty decent naps so I was able to get a good amount of studying done. I love babies but I haven’t really been around any since before I lost Lila Hope. I think I was blocking that part of myself off, hoping to avoid any residual pain. There’s no pain now. Maybe it’s the time that’s passed or maybe I was worried for nothing. The only thing I feel for this little boy in my arms is pure love and adoration. He’s already got me wrapped around his little fingers.

Today I got to bathe him, feed him, comfort him, and just love on him. I feel like my heart has grown exponentially in the few short hours I’ve been here. His eyes are already changing to his daddy’s caramel brown; he’s going to be such a heartbreaker when he grows up. After putting him in his jammies and reading him
Goodnight Moon
, we had a little chat. Well, I chatted and he looked up at me with his big brown eyes as if he understood everything I said.

“Lucas, your daddy is a stubborn man but he loves you with his whole heart. That’s a big reason why I fell in love with him, you know. I think he’s the first person I’ve ever met that emanates love from his pores. It’s pretty special to be able to love like that. It’s almost like having a superpower. I hope it’s a trait that gets passed down to you. Between your daddy’s capability for love and your mommy’s concern for the happiness of everyone around her, you’re going to be one empathetic little man.”