Authors: Ruth Houston
"No," I said. "I don't remember anything."
"Nothing at all?"
I tried hard to recall anything. "No," I said.
"Oh…I see."
"What happened?"
"N-nothing," she said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," she said, more firmly. "Nothing happened. You gave me the tape – which is great by the way, I still listen to it – and then I wouldn't let you drive home by yourself, so I made you stay in my bed."
I nodded, though she couldn't see me. "Okay," I said.
"Look, I've really gotta go, Zack," she said. My stomach fluttered a little in the way that it always did when she said my name. "It was…great talking to you, really."
"Yeah," I agreed. "I'll send you a letter soon."
"Alright. Talk to you later."
"Yeah," I said again, feeling as if something else needed to be said. But I couldn't figure out what it was, so I settled with saying, "I'll call you again some other time."
"Okay. Bye, Zack."
"Bye Winter."
"I'm going to hang up now."
"…Okay. Bye Winter."
"Bye."
"…"
"I thought you were going to hang up?"
"I-I am. I am now. Bye."
"Goodbye."
"…Bye."
This time she really hung up. There was a click, and then silence. I stayed there for a while, cradling the phone against my ear with my shoulder, listening to the quiet on the line.
Chapter 27: Once In a While
-Winter-
I hung up, heart beating erratically in my rib cage.
"Oh my god," I whispered. "Oh my
god
."
I ran a trembling hand through my wet hair, then cinched my white robe tighter around my waist. The phone rang again and I jumped. Automatically I answered.
"H-Hello?"
"Winter?"
"Martin?"
"Yeah."
"What's up?"
"Please?"
I sighed. "Fine. 587-9680."
"
Woah
– hold up. Say that again."
"587-9680. You should be thanking me, you lovesick idiot."
"Thank you. But I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to say to her, so maybe it's kind of useless having her phone number."
I considered for a moment. "You don't have a choice," I told him. "You guys go to different schools," I said, ticking the reasons off on my fingers. "You don't get a chance to see her on the weekends. Actually, you don't have an
excuse
to see her. When was the last time you saw her anyway?"
"That day I saw you guys at the mall together."
I scowled. "Yeah, the day we were
supposed
to be having a girl's afternoon out and you stole her from me."
Martin chuckled. "Sorry about that. You realize we didn't even really go shopping."
"I know," I said grudgingly, "She told me you guys just walked around the mall, talking."
"Yeah. So what do I do now?"
Involuntarily, I smiled. "You figure it out, Martin. Come on, you're
only
the most popular junior I've ever met. I'm sure you have something up your sleeve. You guys are too cute."
"Shut up," he muttered.
"Hey, maybe you can ask her to Morp," I said, suddenly enlightened by the idea. "She would love that. And then I'd get to see her."
"Morp?! Are you
kidding
me?"
"No. You should, Martin! She loves Morp."
"Let me see if I can find the courage first. I'll get back to you on that one."
"Ooh, fear of rejection, eh?" I teased him.
"Hey, don't laugh," he said moodily. I could picture him running his hands through his short brown hair agitatedly. "I don't want to screw this up."
"You really like her, don't you?" I said, amazed. "Yeah, you better not screw this up, Rifkin. I will personally see to it that you die a very slow and painful death if you do."
"I honestly don't know why I put up with you," he grumbled. "Thanks though. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"No problem. I figured I owed you two something. See you."
I hung up with Martin and sat down heavily on my couch, leaning back. My mom would kill me if she saw the damp spot I was making on the pillow with my damp hair, but I'd worry about that later. I blew out a breath through my lips, closing my eyes and feeling a smile tug on my lips, my chat with Martin completely flying out the window as I allowed my mind to wander back to the first phone conversation.
It had been
good
hearing Zack's voice again. It had been a shock, but…it was like nothing had changed at all. He was still calm and collected, still chuckled in that low voice of his when he was amused. So he had gotten my letters after all. I had been pretty close to giving up, but I was glad my efforts and all that paper and ink hadn't been a waste, at any rate. I ran over the conversation we had had just minutes before over and over again in my mind, recalling every time I had made him laugh, and how my heart had been thumping in my chest the whole time. I touched my cheeks, which were still warm.
He didn't remember. I sighed. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. On one hand, perhaps it was safer that Zack didn't remember what had happened that night, but I couldn't ignore the little prick in my chest that told me my heart wished otherwise.
How
could he not remember?
Right, the alcohol, I thought grimly.
I rubbed my forehead in that spot above my eyebrow absently, a slow happiness spreading throughout me. Still, it had been so good being able to talk to him again.
For the rest of the day, his voice echoed in my head, and I was unable to keep the smile off my face.
xxxxx
As the days passed, I slowly I got used to not having Eva around all the time, though it sucked a lot. In the beginning I hadn't been sure I even wanted to try and make the effort, but in the end it paid off. My mom stopped asking me why I was moping around the house instead of doing something productive, i.e. the homework that I never seemed to be able to finish, and I found that Rebecca and I started getting closer. Our casual acquaintance turned more into a friendship, though it was pretty much strictly an at-school friendship – I never thought to call her up on the weekend to ask if she wanted to hang out, other than to play tennis. Those were calls I always had, and always would, reserve for Eva.
Ever since that first meeting at Payne's Sports, Martin, it seemed, was quite taken by my pretty, blonde-haired, athletic best friend, and it always brought a mischievous smile to my face when he asked about her, which he was constantly doing. It was almost sickeningly cute, actually, how attached he was to her.
The days continued to roll by, school day after school day, weekends, homework, tennis, weekend afternoons hanging out with Eva and/or Tristan when he had the time and wasn't at work ogling the beautiful Katherine Lin, still stubbornly refusing to admit that he had any sort of feelings for her beyond platonic ones. It was rather frustrating, but Eva and I chose to let him off easy, seeing as it
was
his senior year. I found myself spending numerous hours at Eva's house in Hampton, which was fairly new but not nearly big enough for six growing kids, three of whom were already in high school.
Life turned more or less routine again, meaning routine the way it had been before those crazy weeks that Zack had entered my life. Thoughts of him refused to leave my head, no matter how hard I tried, and I gave up after a while. We continued to exchange letters, and I had a steadily growing shoebox under my bed of our communications. We didn't get a chance to talk on the phone again because of the time differences and the expenses, but he was always signing off his letters by saying that he wished he could hear my voice again, which I found sweet, though I wasn't quite sure in what way he meant it.
I worked harder at my schoolwork (a new one for me), and classes became even easier and more boring than they had been previously. None of it was hard; most of it was just lots of tedious work, I found, and it held no more interest to me than it ever had. I tried to immerse myself in more activities in a desperate effort to push off the monotony, but none of it seemed to help, not even track, which kept me away from home at least until five in the evening every weekday. I constantly had too much time on my hands, especially on weekday evenings, and I hated it. I either needed something new and completely absorbing to keep me busy, or I needed Eva to come back to Branner so she could keep me in check. Seeing as the second was impossible, I grudgingly accepted my fate: I was doomed for another two years of this crappy high school life. I had no idea how I was going to pull myself through the rest of my remaining time at Branner High.
In March, when all the sophomores had preliminary scheduling for the next year's classes, my counselor asked me what my plan was.
"My plan?" I asked blankly, sitting up straight from my casual slouch when Mr. Bower frowned at my posture.
"Yes, your plan for the next two years," he explained as he peered down at copies of my report cards in my file. "Hmm, I see you have very good grades. They've pulled up quite a bit from the first semester of your freshman year. Excellent grades, in fact. You could do anything you want to do, Miss Bruin, if you keep this up."
I shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me," I muttered.
He looked at me, surprised, and chose to disregard my comment. "Hmm… how about some AP classes for next year? You're doing quite well in chemistry, so how about we schedule you for AP Bio next year?"
"My mom's making me take it over the summer," I said dully, "So maybe AP Chem is better."
"Alright, AP Chem it is. And AP English and History…" He scribbled it all down. "Plus you'll be taking Calculus. Very impressive. You'll be graduating a full two years ahead in math from our regular courses."
"I know," I sighed.
Mr. Bower settled back in his chair, propping his elbows on his arm rests and lacing his fingers together in front of his mouth. "Miss Bruin," he said severely, "You are a very bright young woman. I cannot understand why you don't care about your academics when it's obvious to both of us," he gestured toward my file, "That you are doing exceptionally well. There are people that would give anything to have your GPA."
I shrugged again, noncommittally. "Mr. Bower, with all due respect, school is not my favorite thing in the world. No offense, but it's the most boring thing I've ever had to go through. Personally I think I could be doing better stuff with my time."
"Such as…?" The older man gazed at me curiously over the top of his glasses.
I exhaled. "I don't know," I admitted, "But I think anything's better than having to be sentenced to do school. And I know you and the administration try to make school challenging and…fun…but it's not. For me, anyway," I said honestly.
"It's not fun for a lot of people, I can tell you that. So what is school to you, Miss Bruin?" he asked me, seeming to be genuinely interested.
"It's easy," I dismissed the topic with a casual flick of my wrist as my eyes strayed over to the potted plant next to his desk, wondering why anyone would want to have such a sad example of a botanic species in their office. "That's all it is."
"Hmm," Mr. Bower murmured. "I see. Perhaps you need to find something extra-curricular to keep up your interest in life."
"Tell me something I don't know," I laughed humorlessly, getting up. "Are we done here?"
"Yes. Let me read off your schedule to you for next year – AP Chem, AP History, AP English, Calculus, AP Spanish 7-8, and Athletics. You should have your work cut out for you with all
those
courses."
I nodded. "If only," I said under my breath. "Thanks Mr. Bower," I continued on more loudly, without really meaning it. "I'll call in the next person in line for you."
I left his office and rubbed my eyes tiredly – life was so dull for me at the moment. I was already counting down the days until June, which was, quite depressingly, a whole three and a half months away.
I walked to my next class wondering exactly what my plan was anyway. My plan for life… I scratched a spot on my arm absently. My parents would absolutely kill me if I dropped out of high school, and besides, no matter how boring it was for me, school was something I had always planned on finishing. I figured I could at least keep my options open that way. College? Hah. A lot more time to think about
that
lovely topic.