Love Realized (18 page)

The shy smile on her face told him that she was not so sure about something, and it made him smile when he realized exactly how well he knew her facial expressions. And then he focused in on the boots she was wearing and how they accentuated her toned legs. Her perfectly toned legs, which he wanted to run his hands over. Her perfectly toned legs that he wanted to have wrapped around his waist. Her perfectly toned legs that he wanted to be buried deep between …
So much for maintaining control of the southbound blood flow.

He needed to get to her. The purely predatory sensations that came over him lately when he thought about Gillian were becoming slightly uncontrollable. Saving the picture to his phone, he shot a text to Allie letting her know he was on his way as he rushed to grab his keys and hop in his jeep.

It only took him five minutes to get there, but it felt like longer. At least he had gained control of his body in that timeframe. He knew he couldn’t step out of the jeep in front of Allie without her making some smartass comment about what he might be “packing,” so he was damn grateful to have gotten himself under control. He could feel his pulse quicken again, and his physical excitement started to jump as he gained sight of his destination. The sight of an unfamiliar truck in the driveway made it falter a bit. But it damn near stopped completely at the vision of Gillian in the driveway … with some man … being helped up into the unfamiliar truck. Once she was inside the truck, she turned and smiled down at the man and all the air left Jake’s body.
What the hell is going on? That smile is supposed to be for me!

Jake swung his jeep into the opposite part of the semi-circular driveway and slammed it into park as the truck began to pull out of the driveway. Feeling everything begin to slip away as he watched it slowly back out, he started to panic. He threw his door open and jumped out. Feeling an eerie sense of déjà vu come over him as he recalled the last time he watched her climb into a car and drive away from him, his heart stuttered in his chest. Not knowing what to do, he momentarily thought to run toward the truck, to stop it. Then he realized how crazy or desperate that might look, gave that thought pause, and ultimately decided he really didn’t care how crazy it made him look. Gillian was not going to slip through his hands again. He made that mistake once, and it cost him eighteen years. He was about to take off in the direction of the road when he felt a hand curl around his arm and form a firm grip around his tense muscles.

“Hold off Jake, don’t do it,” Allie said to him in a calm voice. But before he could turn and say anything or pull out of Allie’s grip, he saw Gillian turn and look at him from the truck. She had a small look of surprise when she saw him, and then she gave him one of those smiles he loved so much. It was almost like that smile was all his. She gave him a small wave and he was paralyzed in place. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t smile, he couldn’t even wave back as he watched the truck start to accelerate and make its way down the street—taking her away from him. His knees threatened to buckle and toss him on the ground. A small recollection of Logan in that position in this very driveway two months ago flashed through his head. He remembered what it felt like that first time he watched her drive away, but this felt worse. His head began to spin; his stomach felt sour and his chest physically hurt from the emotions that were swirling around in his body.
I have to stop her … I have to go after her!

He shook off Allie’s hand, which still gripped his arm and turned to jump back in his jeep, but fumbled with his keys. Dropping them from his shaky hands, he cursed as he bent down to pick them up when another hand snaked out in front of him and grabbed them. Momentarily surprised, he followed the hand with his in an attempt to snatch them back, but failed as Allie swiftly moved away from him.
He didn’t have time for this—she was getting away.

“What the hell are you doing, Allie?” Jake barked at her, not caring that he sounded like an asshole. His level of panic was starting to spike higher with every passing second that Gillian got farther away from him.

“Don’t do it, Jake,” she said again in a firm, but calm, voice. “You can’t go after her. It will mess everything up.”

Mess everything up?
“I don’t have time for this Allie. Give me my damn keys … now!”

Raising her voice, Allie implored, “Why Jake?”

“I have to stop her. I can’t let her go this time.” He knew he was mumbling as his fog of desperation started to choke him, but all he could think of was how he needed to get his keys and get to Gillian. “Not again.”

His determination to get those keys from his friend faltered when she dodged his attempt once again and then slipped his keys inside her shirt. Taken aback by this maneuver, he stopped and just stared at her. “No Jake,” she said again as she took another step back. Still holding his keys hostage. Still preventing him from getting to Gillian.

“Why do you have to go after her?” Allie asked him calmly. He just stood there staring at her, trying to figure out his next move. Knowing that if Gillian were here, she would just reach into Allie’s shirt and grab his keys, but Allie knew Jake would never do that, so it was a great move on her part. But desperate times called for desperate measures. He was actually considering going in after them, but Allie must have figured that out from the look on his face because she put her hand out in front of her.

“If you so much as think of going anywhere near my bra, Jake Michaels, I will totally take your ass down!”

Considering that he was actually contemplating crossing an inappropriate line and doing just that, he immediately stepped back, away from his friend.
God, what the hell is wrong with me?
He jammed his hands into his hair and gave a tight squeeze of the strands between his fingers. The slight bit of pain helped calm him a little as he let out an anguished growl into the night air. He started to pace the small space in front of his jeep. Staying clear of his pacing, Allie made her way to the front of the jeep and perched herself on the bumper, watching him as he paced like a caged animal.

He fought the agitation he had at her for stopping him. He cursed the fact that history was repeating itself. Just the thought of that deflated his anger and allowed the other conflicting emotions of fear, desperation, and severe need to surface. He had no idea what to do. The fear of not getting a chance to let Gillian know how he felt again was becoming a suffocating feeling that threatened to take him down. He stopped his pacing, bent over and placed his hands on his knees for support as he began to feel the dizziness associated with hyperventilating.
I'm really losing it.

“Relax, it’s only a date, she’ll be back before you know it … it’s not forever this time,” Allie said to him in a comforting tone, extending her hand and placing it on his back, as he tried to slow down his breathing. The tingling of his lips started to dissipate, and he looked over at her.

A flash of embarrassment for behaving like this passed through him, but then he disregarded it when he processed what she said, “What?” he asked.

“I said that it’s only a date. It’s not forever this time,” Allie replied with a knowing smile.

“How do you know that? And why didn’t I know that she was ready to date?” he asked in an irritated tone that was completely ignored.

“First of all, I know everything, so don’t question me. Secondly, she didn’t even know she was ready to date ‘til this guy asked her, so don’t act like you have been kept in the dark or something.”

“I thought I was coming over here to have dinner with the two of you?” he asked in a suspicious tone.

Again, with a knowing smile, she said, “No, my text said, meet at Gillian’s for dinner … I didn’t say she was joining us.”

Jake felt like he had been played. But being played would have implied that Allie knew what Jake’s intentions were, and there was no way that she could have known anything. Then he remembered how Eddie seemed to be able to see right through him, which made him realize that if anyone else could see it, it would be Allie. Not surprised at the fact that she must know and suddenly curious at what her game was, he asked, “Why did you send me a picture of Gillian all dressed up to go out on a date with another man?”

Allie just shrugged and said, “Because I wanted you to see that she was ready to date. Try and shock you into figuring out that it was finally time for you to make your move.”

Irritated, Jake stood to his full height and looked down at his tiny friend. “So let me get this straight, instead of telling me Gillian was ready to date … you thought it would be a good thing to send me a picture of how she was dressed up for another man?”

Allie stood toe-to-toe with Jake, smiled up at him, and said, “Well I knew she was ready to date, I just hadn’t realized that
you
were ready to date, Jake.”

“What the hell does that mean? I date … why wouldn’t I be ready to date,” he barked incredulously.

“It means, that I know you are capable of dating … I just didn’t know if you were ready to date Gillian,” she said as she stepped back, crossed her arms, and glared at him. “Why didn’t
you
tell
me
that you were ready to date Gillian?”

Once again momentarily surprised by her turning the tables on him, he recovered quickly and asked, “How long have you known that I have feelings for Gillian, Allie?”

She smiled and said, “Well I knew you kind of had a thing for her in high school … but the night that she left Logan, I saw it in your eyes. I could see the way you were looking at her, and how you looked like you would do anything to take her pain away.”

“I would do anything to take your pain away, too, Allie, but it doesn’t mean that I have those kind of feelings for you. So how would you know that I felt that way about Gillian?”

She thought over his response and nodded as she replied, “True, but you never have that kind of lust in your eyes when you look at anyone else. I don’t even recall you having that look in your eyes for your ex-wife.”

Knowing there was no use denying what Allie was so sure she knew, he agreed, “That’s because I have never had these
kind
of feelings for any other woman before.” His admission left him feeling suddenly deflated and once again weak. He turned and sat next to Allie on the bumper of his jeep.

“If you know how I feel for her …” he paused and looked at her, before continuing, “… then why did you let her leave with another guy?”

Allie once again shrugged. “Like I said, I didn’t know you were ready … and I didn’t know what you were waiting for. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to shock you into action.”

Jake just shook his head and looked away from her. She certainly provided a shock to his system, and he wasn’t sure he liked the way she went about it. In fact, it was starting to piss him off the more he thought about it. Running his hands roughly through his hair once again, he let his anger and frustration take the forefront of the emotions he was experiencing. He stood abruptly and took several steps away from Allie. His anger was suddenly becoming a living, pulsating creature inside of him, demanding to be set free. He turned toward Allie and couldn’t stop it from flying out.

“Well, I'm shocked, Allie! Is this what you wanted? To make me feel like complete shit! To be standing here, raging at you because I just had to witness the one woman who I have always wanted, drive off with another man … AGAIN!” He finished off his statement by turning his body to the side and driving his fist into the stucco wall of Gillian’s house. The instant result of pain and numbness helped calm him down as he felt it spread from his knuckles up through his wrist and forearm. The throbbing would follow shortly, but he would welcome the distraction.

He turned to face his friend; fist still clenched, he just stared at her. Allie was clearly a little startled by Jake’s actions. He had never yelled at her, and it had been a long time since anyone had seen him lose his temper like this. It bothered him that she was seeing it now, but he felt like a cornered bear, and he needed to get the hell out of there.

“Well congratulations …” Sarcasm heavy in his words, he continued, “… I am very aware of how it feels to let her slip through my fingers. So thanks for letting me experience it again! But now that she has gotten completely away from me, would you mind handing over my keys so I can go home and drown my sorrows … AGAIN!”

“You can’t go, everyone is coming over … you know, like how we used to do in high school.” She spoke with a slightly timid voice, which only made him feel like more of an ass, because although Allie was small in size, she made up for it in confidence and strength. “Why didn’t you tell me you were ready?”

“I only figured it out last night, Al. I hadn’t had a chance to tell you since you were with her all day—a day I had planned to try and get close to her and see if I could take it to the next level. Then you came and derailed it for me …”

Clearly his brain was foggy since it took him a few seconds to catch up to what she was saying. …
how we used to do in high school? Oh no, she couldn’t mean what I think she means?
He shook his head at her when he realized what she was saying. Looking at her he asked, “No, Allie, you didn’t?”

She quickly jumped up to defend her actions. “Of course I did! Gillian was the only one of us girls that didn’t have to deal with this torture. I have wanted to do this to her forever!” Jake shook his head at the enthusiasm in her voice. He was thankful that she had recovered from his tirade already, but he was not about to endure what Allie had planned for the evening. He was agitated, irritated, annoyed, and a little heartbroken at the moment, which all combined to make for one wrung-out-guy-who-didn’t-get-the-girl.