Love Me ~ Without Regret (3 page)

“I can guarantee you Ryder won’t make you two do whatever ‘that’ might have been.” I need to get that image out of my head.  That would be pretty fucking hot, those two together with me.  Oh, the things I would do, but I’m not that guy anymore.

“Are you listening to me?  You guys are all the same. You all want two girls at once. Pfft, you wouldn’t even know what to do with me.” 

“Is that a challenge? Maybe it’s me you can’t handle?”

“I just need a bed tonight.  Preferably one without a roommate screaming ‘Thank you, Jesus,’ then coming to ask if I’ll play with them.” She belly laughs then turns a little green again and rubs her stomach. 

“Come on, I’ll take care of you.”  I hold out my hand to her then pull her to her feet.  “Do we need to bring a bag or something in case you get sick?” 

She narrows her eyes.

I chuckle inwardly, “Can’t hold your liquor, Lizzie?”

“Just shut up and take me home, Cheesy Ass.”

“Alright, Tink, I got you.” I guide her out to find Ryder and get his keys.

two

Lizzie

I slowly wake up, letting in a little bit of light at a time.  I fell asleep last night while Clay was driving me home.  I don’t even remember coming into the apartment and getting into bed. I’m sure that was real impressive. I wanted to ask him to stay, but really where would that have gotten us. Our developing friendship would have been ruined and things would be awkward whenever I worked at Crossroads.

I finally convince myself it’s time to arise and face the day. I have a shift at the ranch this afternoon, and I want to be fully ready for whoever I’m paired with.  These little kids amaze me with the progress they’re making.  Clay opened up Crossroads Ranch, which has therapy horses, back in November and the response has been outstanding.

Equine therapy uses horses to help people with disabilities develop and hone all type of skills.  Clay provides the horses to health care professionals who then meet their patients at the ranch for their session. Equine therapy is more than just riding the horse, though. Sometimes the patients, who are mostly kids, might not even touch the horse at all. They will complete the task they’ve been asked to do, the best they can and then talk about ideas and problem solving used to perform the task. Talking with the kids while they are doing their job allows them to improve language skills. Listening to the instructor helps improve the individual's ability to listen, follow directions, and ask questions. Not only is there communication between the rider and the instructor, but also between the rider and the horse.

These little dudes have a way of wiggling their way into your heart, even when they’re extremely shy.  Sometimes, they play in the dirt or walk the fence line quietly observing, but they all make progress in their own way.

One sweet little boy, who isn’t quite as bashful as most, likes to pick dandelions and give them to me.  His name is Colton, and I think he has a crush on me.  Or at least he is fond of me. I’ve been paired up with him on every one of his visits.  His mom, Kristy, told me he gets so excited when he’s coming to see the horses and Lizzie.  That’s Kristy’s goal right now to get him to try other things.  He is just now getting where he will glance up at me when he hands me the flowers. 

I yawn and stretch my way to a sitting position then look around bewildered. I’m not in my own room.  This room is masculine with blue and gray bed linens that are exceptionally comfy.  I smell a familiar scent and I know exactly where I must be.  I’m in Clay’s bed!  Did we?  No, he wouldn’t, would he? 

Staring down, I notice I’m in an oversized white t-shirt. A Shades of Regret t-shirt.  His band has shirts for sale?  That’s kind of cool. Maybe it’s another way for them to raise money.  Whatever the reason, the shirt is permeated with his scent.  I think I will keep this and sleep in it every night.

I drag myself out of bed and shuffle into the connected bathroom.   Regarding myself in the mirror, I shriek internally.  I have seen better days. I look like I was rode hard and put up wet.  I wash off yesterday’s makeup and use my finger to brush my teeth as well as possible.  Thankfully, he has his mouthwash placed out in plain sight.

I should find him and see what went on between us last night. Although I’ve never been opposed to one-night stands, and the good Lord knows I’ve had my fair share of them, I’m not sure if I want to know what went on between us because things with Clay are different.  If things happened between us, not only could they have an adverse effect on us, but on Bailey and Cash, too.  I would never do anything to screw that up. Last night I was ready for anything Clay had to offer. Now in the light of the day, I see things a little more clear.

Before Bailey started dating Cash, she was involved with an asshat.  He was a rich arrogant dick that thought Bailey was his personal whore.  I almost had to shove his balls up his ass more than once.  He is one lucky bastard that Cash came along when he did because Cash has a ton more self-control and is more level headed than me.  But that is all in the past, and that is exactly where it should stay.

Before I wander out of the bedroom, I examine the t-shirt.  The length covers more than my clothes did from last night, so I decide it is okay to just wear this.  I hear Clay talking and follow his voice.  His house isn’t anything special, but the place is immaculate.  That must be due to his younger sister, Oakley.  She lives with him. Their parents died last year before they moved here and she had to grow up fast this past year. Bailey and I have been spending a lot of time with her because she definitely needs an older female influence in her life, but she is really cool for a senior in high school,

I spy Clay in the dining room standing at a round wooden kitchen table, talking to someone I can’t see.  I don’t want just anyone to see me in only a t-shirt so I sneak into his kitchen, hoping not to draw any attention to myself.  I need some water and something for my head. It’s pounding a little, and I don’t want to feel sick for my shift this afternoon.

I turn the corner to the kitchen and I see my personal ‘Jiminy Cricket’ standing there with a smirk on her face and one eyebrow raised.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Lizzie?” 

She is clearly humored by my appearance. 

“Talk!” 

Bailey is the only person I take shit from.  She is like a part of me. We have been friends since we were born.  Our moms grew up together and my mom lived with Aunt Kathy when they were teenagers. 

“Bailey, I’m glad I can be the source of your amusement today.” I make myself at home, looking in Clay’s fridge for a drink.  “What brings you here this morning?” I take out a jug of store bought tea. I hope this shit is decent.

“I think a better question is what are you doing here in just a t-shirt?  Was this a little Je ne sais quoi, some kind of tryst or tête–à–tête ala bootay, hmm?”

“Don’t make me smack that smirk off your face, Bay.  It’s not like that and you know it!”  I point a well-manicured finger at her.  Her grin gets wider if that’s possible. She thinks she is being so clever using her French fufu words.

“Says the person in only a t-shirt that isn’t her own.  We’re having a planning meeting for a couple of charity events.  Why don’t we see if Oakley has some shorts you can put on and you sit in and help out?” She tilts her head in the direction of the bedrooms. 

“I guess. But isn’t it too early for this kind of thing?” I look over at the clock on the microwave and see the time is 10:50. Not as early as I thought.  I follow Bailey in search of Oakley’s room.  We come to a closed door and Bailey knocks.

“WHAT?” Oakley croaks. 

Teenagers! 

“I’m not coming in there to help you, Clay.” 

“How about letting me borrow some shorts, grumpy?” I open the door and walk on in.

“Hell, Lizzie, I didn’t say you could come in!  You guys get out and let me sleep. It’s Saturday for heaven sakes.” She pulls the covers up to her chin and snuggles down deeper in her bed. “Just take whatever you want to wear and…”  Her eyes get big. “Where are your own shorts?  Did you and Clay…” 

We have her full attention now. 

She gets out of bed and stands by Bailey.

“We are not in junior high, guys.” I put my hands on my hips and ask, “What does it matter?  You act like we’re crushing on each other and want to know if he got to second base or not.  Plus, is it any of your business?”

“Oakley, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”  Bailey cuts her eyes over to Oakley with a smirk.

“Oh, yes I am. I’ll just ask Clay.” Oakley turns her head in my direction, “Either you come clean about all of this or I will pull the annoying little sister and embarrass you in front of everyone.” 

Shit, this little twerp! “Wait until you need me again, Oak.  I’ll remember all of this,” I hiss, wagging my finger between them.  “I was at the bar last night with Aubs and we had more to drink than we should.  Clay was being a gentleman and offered me a ride home.  That is all there is to say, no big secret or story here.  So give me a pair of shorts or yoga pants so I can get to the meeting.” 

Oakley hands me a pair of yoga pants, and I slide them on quickly.

“Lizzie, that doesn’t explain why you are here in Clay’s t-shirt and nothing else.”

Oakley can be exasperating because she doesn’t stop pestering you until you answer her questions or she gets what she wants.

“Do you really want details about your brother?  Think about that, Oak!”  I put my hands on her shoulders and look her square in the eyes. I hope that mental image gets through to her.

“So, did y’all go to the bone yard?  Did you do some dirty hip action or not?  Will both of you be my new sisters?” She covers her mouth.

Here I was thinking she was mature for her age and she starts this crap. “If the two of you must know, I fell asleep on the way home and I don’t remember anything else.”

“Sure, Lizzie, if you want to lie to yourself, just go right ahead,” Bailey crosses her arms.

What’s not to believe?  I’m done explaining myself to these two.  I shake my head then turn around and walk into the dining room.

Apparently, all of Crossroads staff is here. I’m not sure why I wasn’t told about this meeting. Denise, Clay’s right-hand woman at the ranch, is at his hip. But her position doesn’t excuse the fact she spends all of her free time rubbing her tits all over him. Can she be any more obvious? I wonder if they have hooked up yet.  I wouldn’t put it past her. She probably twitter bangs everyone on her friends’ list.

“I’m glad you ladies could grace us with your presence.”  Clay smiles and winks.

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world, Clay. I have plenty of questions I need answered.” Oakley chortles.

I give her a pinch and mouth for her to shut up while we all take seats.

“It’s nice for you to finally take an interest in the ranch, Oakley.  I love your enthusiasm, little sister.” 

Oakley giggles uncontrollably.

“Anyway, back to the subject at hand, ideas for fundraisers, lay them on me,” Clay says.

“We can have bake sales, car washes, a benefit concert. Those are all things I would love to head up for you, Clay,” Denise says. 

Is it bad that I don’t like her? She hasn’t done anything to me personally. In fact, she has always been nice.  I just don’t like how she hangs all over Clay. It’s so undignified.

“Good ideas, Denise. Keep them coming.  We’ll have to wait for the car wash until late spring or early summer.  The bake sale is a very good idea for right now. Why don’t we put up sign-up sheets in the office?  I’m sure some of the parents would love to donate baked treats for this.” Clay gives Denise his winning smile and winks at her. 

I guess his winks don’t really mean anything. He seems to give those out to everyone.

“We had this kind of auction thing at school, where members of the student council were auctioned off as dates to raise money,” Oakley says.  “Why don’t we do that, but only with the guys so it won’t be weird?  I think that would be a lot of fun. We could call it Crossroads Most Eligible Bachelors.” 

Oakley’s idea is actually good and an excellent way to get to know some guys. “Oh, that would be fun, Oak! They could run the event like a contest where the guys display a talent. You could see if you could use the bar, Clay.” I look over to Denise who is typing away, taking notes on her laptop.

“I like that idea too, Clay, I bet you would bring in a pretty penny.” Denise looks up from her laptop. “I’m sure I could sweet talk the other guys into participating, too. What about you, Cash?”

“He’s not eligible anymore, Denise. I’ve hooked him, and I’m not letting him go.” Bailey smiles at Cash and licks her lips.

They make me sick with their affection for each other, which was all cute and sweet at first, but now being around people that much in love is torture. I don’t believe in love, never have, never will. My mom drilled it into my head, since I was a little girl, that we were forever doomed when it came to men. Love exists for people like Bailey, who thinks The Notebook is the best movie ever made and dots their i’s with little hearts in high school. She’s a hopeless romantic. She’s in love with being in love.  She wanted to be a Disney princess every year for Halloween and I wanted to be a punk rocker or Madonna from the eighties. She came over to the dark side in college and lived the wild life with me, but that was just a phase for her. Being a hopeless romantic is not for me. I’m not a daydreamer. I won’t fall. I won’t get hurt.  I bet Denise is a hopeless romantic, too. That’s probably why she and Bailey get along so well.