Love Me Back (21 page)

“Can I ask you a question?”  He peaks his head over to me and those blue eyes are filled with agony.  I nod my head.  “Where were you at last semester with us?”

“Um…” I hesitate.  How do I tell him that as confused as I am about him and Trent he weaseled into my heart at some point during those short months? 

“Please Maddy, I have to know.”  He grabs my hand turning towards me.

“Pretty much the same as you.  I don’t think I truly realized it until after you stopped calling or coming over.  It completely destroyed me.”

“Really?”  He seems surprised.

“Yeah.”  I bite my lip smiling up at him.

“Doesn’t that just make it ten times more complicated?  I thought for sure I was alone with this.”  He motions between the two of us.

“Nope.”

“You just made me the happiest guy and the most pissed off guy at the same time.”

“Why?”

“I want you, you want me but I made this promise to my brother.”  He shakes his head back and forth.

“Don’t I have a say in any of this?’  I ask annoyed.

“Trent loves you Maddy and I am pretty sure you love him too.  I should have never interfered between you guys.”

“You didn’t interfere.  Trent is the one who wanted to break up.  Trent is the one who wanted to live out his college days without a girlfriend.  So he should be able to fuck a different girl every night of the week and I should wait around until he is ready to commit?  I refuse to live my life like that.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I am his brother.  He should have been able to trust me with his girlfriend.”

“OH MY GOD.”  I scream.  “I wasn’t then and I am not now Trent Basso’s girlfriend.”  I yell.

I go to stand up but Gabe grabs my face with both his hands and kisses me.  Before I notice I am laying down on the sand with him half on top of me.   He puts his lips over mine urgently thrusting his tongue in my mouth.  My tongue is slow to join in but when they touch a surge abrupts through my body and I can’t get enough.  I put my hand on the back of his neck holding him to me eager for his taste.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to kiss you.”  He murmurs quietly.

I whimper into his mouth agreeing with him not wanting him to pull away again.

Gabe and I lay on the beach for two more hours kissing, hugging and touching each other.   We don’t talk about Trent anymore or why we shouldn’t be together.  We don’t discuss the promise he made not to touch me.  We relish our time together away from anyone who would judge us.

When we stand up to go back to the hotel, Gabe holds me close to him with his arm around my waist.  He walks me to my room and kisses me goodnight.  No mention of seeing me tomorrow or what the future would hold for us.  I don’t know where we stand so I kiss him fully before saying good-bye just in case that will be my last time tasting Gabe Basso.

I am thankful Mackenna is asleep when I enter the dark room.  Lying in the bed I drift asleep thinking of Gabe’s amazing lips.

Chapter 16 – Present Day

“Back to Chicago?”  I question Trent who is leaning back in his black Mercedes.

He nods his head yes.  “How was Great Adventures?”

“Fine.”  I hope he doesn’t notice my face turning red.  I know I have to tell him but I can’t do it yet.

“So I take it you found out the news?”  He looks over at me out of the corner of his eye.  If anyone knows how I would take my mom dating someone seriously it would be him.

“Yeah.  So I guess we will be related.”

“Not in the sense I had always hoped.”  He smiles.  “Kidding aside, my uncle is a good guy.  Your mom seems…different since the incident.”

“I was really surprised when I got home.  I not only didn’t recognize my house but my mom was totally different.  I just hope she changes for good, you know?”

“I know Maddy.”  He squeezes my knee in agreement.  This is where Trent knows me.  He has seen my mom at her worst and knows how it affects me.

“Did your uncle really remodel my mom’s house?” 

“He had some help but yeah he did. I know your mom told him about that night.  My uncle asked me about it.  Are you upset?”  I can hear the tension in his voice.  This is a touchy subject for me and he is aware of it.

“At first I was upset but if she is really getting better than I am happy she is being truthful with him.”  I don’t mention that I was torn apart when I thought Gabe knew. 

“Don’t worry, I know my uncle would never tell anyone.”  He assures me.

“Thanks, I hope not.”  I say.

We pull up to his condo building, parking in his reserved spot.  Trent opens the door and I see some of his furniture was delivered today.  It’s amazing what money can get you.  Trent thought I didn’t see him slip the salesman extra cash to get the priority service he likes.

“The couch looks nice.”  I go over and sit on it. 

“Yeah, it was delivered this afternoon.  I really like it.  Thanks Mad.”  Trent comes over sitting next to me with a fist full of menus.

“No restaurant?”  I ask.

“I thought we could order in and watch a movie or something.  Is that ok?”  He asks.

“Of course.”  I am astonished Trent wants to stay in.  In the year we lived together I think we stayed in a total of two times.  He always wanted to go out on the town.  Eat at every restaurant, see every show and dance at every nightclub.  Trent Basso to stay at home on any night of the week was unheard of.

“Here you go.  You pick.”  He hands me the stack of menus and then gets up walking to the kitchen.

“Do you mind if we get pizza?  I haven’t had Chicago pizza since being home and I love New York pizza but it just doesn’t compare to the deep dish.”  I ask.

“Spinach and Onion?”  Trent double checks if is still my favorite.

“Yep, get half sausage for you.”  I reply.

“Sounds good.”

I hear Trent order the pizza, a salad then call his doorman letting him know to expect it.  I turn the television on making myself comfortable on the chaise part of the couch.  It is all so familiar and comfortable being with Trent.  I almost feel like we haven’t been apart and I can see this being our condo, living here with Trent.

“Do you want some wine?”  He asks already getting a glass out and a chilled bottle of Chardonnay from the fridge.

“Sure.”  I flip the channel to the National Geographic station, a show about a family in Alaska that live off the land.

He comes over handing me my wine and I can’t help feeling his eyes on me.  When I turn to face him I see his desire for me.  I’ve seen those eyes a million times looking at me like this.  “You’re so beautiful Maddy.”  He silently says to me.

“Trent” I sigh.

“Maddy, you’ve always been the most gorgeous woman I’ve known.”  He takes a swig of his beer propping his feet to the table.  He is wearing jeans, a t-shirt and no socks.  I have always found his feet so appealing.  I don’t have a foot fetish but I have always found Trent sexy when he is wearing jeans barefoot.  Something about his veins that stretch out over his feet up to his toes.

“Thank you Trent.  You aren’t so bad yourself.”  I say sipping my wine.

“I’m sorry.”  He whispers taking a pull on his bottle again.

“I know, I am too.”  I honestly mean it.  Trent and I didn’t work out for lack of love for each other.

We both smile to each other.   Trent has been my love since I was six and I don’t know how I am going to tell him his brother snuck in and took a spot too.  His face is tanned and his hair a little blonder now that it’s summer.  He still makes my heart drop when I see him. 

“Hmm….if I didn’t know better I would guess you are checking me out.”  He raises one eyebrow up. The buzzer beeps.  “Funny thing Maddy…I do know better.”  He leans over whispering it in my ear before going to the buzzer.  Goosebumps flow across my body. 

Trent comes back placing the pizza on the coffee table with another beer and the bottle of wine.  I have to be careful not to drink too much so I can get home tonight.  There is no chance I am spending the night here.

“Oh my god this is heaven.”  I say with a mouth full of cheese and spinach.

Trent starts laughing picking a piece of cheese off my chin.  “You always loved your pizza.”

“Favorite food” I exclaim smiling back at him.

“I know.  Sometimes I think I know more about you than I do myself.”  Trent divulges concentrating on his pizza.

“Same here.  God, I don’t think there is one thing you could stump me on about you.”

“Oh you think so.  You so sure about yourself huh?”  He smiles over to me.  “Ok, let’s start easy.  Favorite Food?”

“Easy, Wings.”  I say confidentially.   

“Ok, Favorite Drink?”

I glance at the Amstel Light in his hand and he laughs.  “But it’s actually orange Gatorade.”

“Favorite movie?”

“Reservoir Dogs with the boys but you have always been partial to Love Actually around Christmas.”  He nods in agreement.

“Team?”

“All Wisconsin teams except for basketball, Chicago.” 

“So far so good.”

“I could do this all night and so could you in regards to me.  We have been a part of each other’s life for twenty five years Trent.”

“That’s just it Maddy.  I know I fucked up but we belong together.”  I blink in shock.  When did this conversation go from friendly to serious?

“Trent, we tried…numerous times.”  I close my eyes so I can’t see the love pouring from his eyes.

“No, you tried, I kept messing it up.  I have changed Maddy, I swear.”  He has now put his pizza aside fixating on me.

“Trent, I wish I had it in me to give us another shot but I can’t do it.  We have always been better friends.”

“Maddy, I can’t be your friend.  I miss you so much.  That night you walked out on me I realized that you are the one I need in my life.”

“Trent, I have to tell you something?”  I take a deep breath preparing myself to reveal my new relationship with Gabe.  I fear this is going to destroy him but I have to rip the band-aid off.

“No Maddy, I don’t want you to tell me.  Whatever it is keep it to yourself for tonight.  I don’t want anything to ruin this.  I just want it to be me and you tonight.”  He scoots closer to me and I honestly can’t say I don’t want him to.

“Ok but Trent in the morning we need to talk about us.  Ok?”

“Absolutely, tomorrow we will talk but tonight I just want you to put everything aside and feel.” He reaches for my hand turning the movie on with the remote in his other hand.  Love Actually starts playing and he smiles down on me and I smile in return.

Trent and I sprawl out on his couch watching all the couples fall in love.  I feel how close he is to me making my stomach in knots.  I could reach over and kiss him like I used to when he was mine.  I want to lay my head in his lap and have him massage my hair like before.  The tension between us is electrifying and I know if I don’t get up soon I am going to lose any strength I have. 

“Trent, I am getting tired, could you take me home now?”  I sit up straighter pushing the blanket off me.

“Stay the night.” 

“I can’t do that Trent.”

“No…take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.  We’ll go to breakfast in the morning and then talk about us” he is pleading with me.  This is Trent he tells me what I want to hear as long as I do what he wants me to do.

“Trent..,” I sigh.

“I promise Mad, I won’t try anything.”  He crosses his finger on both hands.

“Alright.”  I relinquish already exhausted from my day at Great Adventures and now this.

I say goodnight to Trent giving him a kiss on the cheek and go down the hall.  I curl up in the down comforter laying my head on the goose feather pillows missing it.  Trent’s smell is on the sheets.  I have loved that smell my whole life.  I ponder between Gabe and Trent as my body turns from restlessness to exhaustion.   They have both been there my whole life.  Trent more dominate in the early years but Gabe surprised me in the last five years.  I love them both differently.

Gabe is so reliable and safe where Trent is fun loving and carefree.  Gabe always knows when I need him and seems to put me above all else in his life.  Trent is still pursuing his dream of soccer and I don’t fit in that plan.  He says he changed but I’ve heard that before.   Eventually I shut my eyes thinking about my perfect room so sleep will come.  This is my calming mechanism when I can’t sleep.  I simply close my eyes and envision my perfect living room.  I transform the room from the paint on the walls to the kind of hardwood floors to throw pillows and lamps.  Once I get to the pictures on the wall I am already there dreaming of my designs.

I wake up the next morning feeling more refreshed than I had all week.  Stumbling into the bathroom I am reminded again of how much money Trent has.  The bathroom would be any girls dream.    The tub is so deep I can imagine my body wrapped around a world of bubbles until I turned into a prune. 

Drifting my eyes to the sink hoping Trent has a spare toothbrush for me, I find his next to his sink along with his razor, deodorant and toothpaste.  I open up his cologne bottle sitting on the counter filling my nostrils of his light and fresh scent reminding me of being curled up to his side.  Telling me again how deep my history goes with him.  My eyes shift over to the other vanity and there is another toothbrush and toothpaste.  I see a perfume bottle and face moisturizer.  I should have known I am not the only woman to be in Trent’s bed.  When I go to investigate the things I am surprised to find they are all brand new.

Under more careful inspection, it is my perfume on his counter along with my favorite face wash and moisturizer next to a brand new toothbrush.  I hastily open the package desperate to get the grime off my teeth.  As I take the brush in small round circles around my teeth I appraise the bathroom.  It resembles our New York bathroom.  My stuff neatly placed around my sink while Trent’s looks like it was thrown on the counter wherever he was when he finished.  I snoop in his shower to find my shampoo and conditioner along with my fruit scented body wash.  Did he imagine we would pick up where we left off last night?

A rush of guilt fills me making me gasp for my breath.  I spit the toothpaste out leaning on the counter I stare at myself in the mirror.  How did someone so average get caught up in a love triangle between two hot brothers?  Why do they want me when they could each have their pick?  Lastly, how am I supposed to choose between two people who bring me such different things?  Oh I wish I could just mold them together.