Love Comes Home (10 page)

“Stay and eat, please.” He smiled reassuringly and stepped closer.

She stepped back, bumping into the door. She gazed up at him and blinked. Slowly, so to not send her running, he reached out and wiped the red smear of sauce from her cheek with his index finger. She swallowed. He held up his finger. “Sauce,” he said, his voice low.

She nodded, her lips parted. Josh fought the urge to kiss her. To recapture the blissful torture she'd inflicted upon him the other day. Abruptly he stepped back. Kissing her in front of his son and father was not a good idea. In fact, kissing her at all was a very bad idea. It would only heighten his attraction to her and complicate an already complicated situation.

He held out a chair at the table. “Sit, Rachel.”

A mutinous expression came over her lovely face.
“You sit.” A spark of spunk flashed in her bright blue gaze.

“Are you going to serve us?” he teased, and liked the way she flushed in response.

She squared her shoulders and drew herself up, once again appearing cool and aloof. “No, I'm not going to serve you. You can set the table and get some serving dishes.” Her tone softened as she looked at Griff. “You can come down from there and join your grandfather at the table.” She threw Rod a murderous look before moving to the stove.

Josh hid his amused smile. She was something special. Running cold yet she could send his blood pressure skyrocketing with one smoldering glance. He staunchly forced himself to squelch the fierce need welling inside. He had no business allowing his feelings to run amok. She would be leaving soon, and he was not going to pine away for her a second time in his life.

He set the table and then tried to help her transfer the food onto the dishes, but she batted him away. “Utensils?” she asked.

“Yes, ma'am.” He gave her a mock salute. She rolled her eyes but a smile played at the corners of her mouth, softening her features, reminding him of their day together. He'd liked the way they'd teased and flirted, like the way being with her had felt so right.

When all was ready, they sat. Josh took Griff's hand and then held out his other hand to Rachel.

She blinked.

Josh raised a brow. “For grace.”

“Oh,” she murmured before slipping her hand into his.

“Dad, would you do the honors?”

His father said the blessing over their food and thanked God for His abundance. In unison they agreed, “Amen.”

Rachel gently tugged her hand from Josh's grip. He missed the contact and called himself a fool for wanting more.

Silence filled the kitchen as all four went about the business of eating.

“Yum,” said Griff around a mouthful of spaghetti.

“This is delicious,” agreed Rod.

“Wonderful,” Josh added with approval.

Rachel blushed becomingly. “Thank you.”

Josh couldn't take his eyes off her. Sitting with Rachel in his kitchen, at his table, as if they were a family, squeezed his chest. A shiver tripped down his spine, reminding him that letting down his guard, letting their relationship become something personal and intimate, was dangerous.

This woman had broken his heart once. He didn't want the past to repeat itself. He didn't want to be faced with not being enough.

His gaze swung from his son to Rachel and back. The look of adoration in Griff's eyes hit Josh in the gut. He had to protect his son from a broken heart. Rachel was good at breaking hearts. He cleared his throat. He decided to get things out in the open. Leave no illusions for Griff or himself. “When are you leaving, Rachel?”

She stilled. “After dinner.”

He shook his head. “I mean leaving town. Going back to Chicago.”

“Oh.” She picked up her glass and sipped the water, her gaze chilly over the rim. “In a day or two. I
have a shipping company coming tomorrow and Goodwill's also sending out a truck, but they weren't sure of the time. Why?”

“Just curious.”

Her look said she didn't believe him, but he didn't elaborate. Two days. Two days and then she'd go back to her life, leaving him behind again. Only this time he wouldn't ache and hurt like he had the first time. This time he wouldn't allow himself to feel the emptiness that had engulfed him years ago. And bigger mountains had been moved before.

Griff stabbed a forkful of green beans and waved them toward Josh.

He raised a brow. “Yes?”

“Rachel and I picked these out of the garden.”

At the tender smile she gave Griff, a shaft of envy shot through Josh, surprising him with its intensity. He longed to have her smile at him in such a way that would soften the lines around her mouth and make her blue eyes glow with affection.

The look of respect and admiration in her eyes sent him reeling. “A garden's a good thing for a child to have. To eat from the plants that he takes care of. You're a good father, Josh.”

A slow rush of heat spread up his neck. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Awkward silence arced between them. Josh caught his father's knowing, pleased smile and quickly looked away. He didn't want to see the hope flaring behind the amusement.

“When I bought this house, I told Griff he could plant anything he wanted.”

“That's right,” Griff piped in. “I chose the green
beans, cantaloupe and watermelon. The corn and the tomatoes were Grandpa's idea.”

“Well, what's a garden without corn or tomatoes?” Rod interjected.

“When did you buy this place?” Rachel asked in a tight voice.

Josh shrugged. “About four years ago.”

Her mouth went slightly slack. Josh waited for her to explain her obvious surprise. Instead, she bit into her bread and concentrated on chewing.

“Dad, after dinner can I show Rachel the pictures of you guys in the attic?”

Her head snapped up.

Josh frowned and shook his head. “No, I'm sure she isn't interested in going down memory lane. Those pictures are for us, son.”

That Griff knew about the box of pictures tucked away upstairs surprised Josh, and he made a mental note to ask his son how he'd discovered them when he wasn't allowed in the attic. Josh hadn't realized until they'd all moved into this house together that his father had kept Josh's yearbooks and memorabilia from high school, including pictures of him and Rachel.

He noted with interest the flare of curiosity in Rachel's eyes before she averted her gaze and studied her near-empty plate.

As they finished the meal and cleared the table, Rachel touched Rod's arm. “I'm ready to go.”

Josh leaned against the sink and exchanged a look with his father. “I'll take you.”

She barely glanced at him. “I don't think—”

“Dad's eyesight at night isn't what it used to be.” Josh received a pained look from his father. Though
it was true his father did have to wear glasses to drive at night, he could have driven her back, but Josh wanted the opportunity to make sure they agreed on keeping their promise to Mrs. G.

Rachel sent Rod a questioning look. He held up his hands in a gesture of “What can I say?”

Griff bounced from his chair. “Can I go, too, Dad?”

“Yes,” Rachel said a little desperately.

“No,” Josh said just as quickly.

Griff's gaze swung between the two adults.

“No,” Josh repeated. “You need to stay and help Grandpa clean up.”

Rod put a hand on Griff's shoulder. “I'll wash, you dry.”

Josh opened the door for Rachel. “After you.”

Rachel gave Griff a hug. “Thanks for today. I really enjoyed it.”

He hugged her back fiercely. “Will I see you before you leave?”

Josh's heart twisted. His son needed a mother. If only— He broke the thought off. God would provide what Griff needed.

As for himself…

Heaven only knew what God had planned for him. But Josh was sure it didn't include Rachel.

“I
don't know if you'll see me again.” Rachel kissed the top of Griff's head and Josh could have sworn she had tears in her eyes. “I'll at least call you to say goodbye if you don't.”

Griff smiled sadly. “Okay.”

She gave Rod a peck on the cheek. Josh inclined his head as she moved past him and left the house.

“Dad?”

Josh paused. “Yes, son.”

“I like Rachel.”

His heart stalled for a moment and he nodded, not sure what to say.

Griff cocked his head. “Do you?”

Everything stilled inside Josh. At Griff's intent expression, he stepped closer and knelt down so they were at eye level. The innocently asked question deserved a truthful, uncomplicated answer. “Yes.”

“You used to love her, right?”

Josh swallowed as his heart began to thud erratically in his chest. Warily he nodded again.

“Do you still?”

He couldn't go there right now. That question couldn't be answered in uncomplicated terms. “Griff, this isn't the time for this discussion.”

“But, Dad, do you?” Griff insisted, his expression earnest and unshakable.

“I…why?”

Griff launched himself at Josh, his small arms encircling his neck. “I don't want her to go.” Griff buried his face into Josh's shoulder.

Pain sliced a jagged tear through Josh as he held his son and closed his eyes. He should have seen this coming. He couldn't do anything about what was done, but there was no way he could allow it to happen again.

They would get through this together, he and his son. Just as he and his father had made it through his mother's departure from their lives.

“Shh now.” He wiped Griff's tears away. “When I get home we'll talk some more. I need you to be strong now.”

Griff nodded. Rod came and placed an arm around the boy's shoulders as Josh stood. “You go on. Rachel's waiting. We'll be just fine, won't we, Griff?”

Wiping at his nose, Griff mumbled, “Sure.”

With a heavy heart Josh left the house. He was determined to protect his son, even if it meant breaking his promise to Mrs. G.

 

Rachel pushed away from the truck and allowed Josh to unlock the passenger door. She noticed there was a distance in his eyes that hadn't been there before, and tiny lines framed the corners of his mouth.

She climbed into the cab. With a decisive snap he shut the door he'd held open for her. She flinched.

In the setting sun, she watched him walk around the front of the truck. His honey-blond hair shone in the sun's waning rays and her heart skipped a beat. He was handsome in a rugged, outdoorsy sort of way that she found very appealing.

Since the moment he'd walked into the kitchen in his ranger's uniform, she'd been having trouble remembering that nothing good would come of getting close to him. Instead, her fanciful mind skipped off with thoughts of what it would be like to live in that house and wait for him to come home from work every night. In the house he
hadn't
shared with Andrea.

She couldn't explain why that news had sent such pleasure ricocheting through her.

Josh climbed in and started the engine. He eased the truck out of the driveway and onto the road. They rode in unsettling silence until Rachel couldn't stand it. “You've done a fine job with Griff.”

“So you said,” he replied tersely.

They lapsed back into silence. Where was the fun and teasing man she'd spent the day with?

“Rachel.”

His tone set her on wary alert. She studied his profile. His jaw tightened into a grim line. She waited. The silence stretched out. She watched his expression shift ever so slightly, as if he was struggling for the words. Finally he let out a quick breath. “I can't do this.”

His words were so quiet, she might have missed what he'd said if she hadn't been anticipating something. “What can't you do?”

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I'm not going to be able to keep my promise. Not at the expense of my son.”

She blinked. “I don't understand.”

“Griff's the most important thing in my life. I have to protect my son.”

“What do you have to protect him from?” She held her breath, not sure where he was going with this.

“I have to protect him from you.”

She drew back, stung. “Me? You're not making sense.”

“He likes you and he's becoming too attached to you. Today wasn't a good idea. It would be best if you kept your distance from him until you leave.”

His words were a slap across the face. What had she done to warrant such a warning? She quickly thought back over the day. Nothing justified Josh's attitude. She liked Griff and the boy liked her. What was wrong with that?

She stared at Josh in speculation. Why was he reacting like this? Did Josh think Griff wouldn't understand why she had to go back to Chicago? “I think you underestimate your son. I explained to him about my leaving. He understands why I can't stay.”

“You've discussed this with him?” His voice sounded strained.

“Yes. He's a sweet child and I was touched he'd want to have me as a mother, but we talked about why that was impossible and he understood the situation.”

Josh slowed the truck and pulled to the side of the road. He gripped the steering wheel tightly. “He asked you to be his
mother?
”

Uh-oh. She shouldn't have said anything. But he should know what was going on inside his son's head. “Well, yes. Though I think his asking has more to do with losing Mom G. than with me. A boy needs a mother, and he's just lost the only mother figure he's known.”

Josh's jaw tightened, and his displeasure surged toward her in waves. She empathized with his need to safeguard his son's well-being, but Josh also had to understand that the boy needed more in his life. “Griff's starved for female attention. You know what it's like to grow up without a mother.”

“I turned out fine,” he said between clenched teeth.

“Like you're not full of anger and bitterness,” she tossed out, shaking her head in disbelief. “I know how hard it was on you to grow up without your mother.”

His eyes narrowed, and the angles in his face hardened. She wondered why he didn't crack under the strain of controlling his temper.

“We're talking about Griff,” he grated out, the words harsh and low. “I don't want you to break his heart.”

She exhaled a breath in exasperation. “I'm not going to break his heart. Why would you think I'd do such a thing?”

“Because you're good at it,” he barked. “Really, really good at it.”

Rachel gaped. “Excuse me? I think you need a history lesson, buddy.”

“Yeah, right. You're the one who left me, remember?”

“Whoa.” She held up a hand. She couldn't believe
he had the audacity to suggest she'd broken his heart. “You knew from the day you met me where my life was headed.”

He stared out the front window, his expression no less hard than before.

She should let it drop and leave as quickly as possible, and never look back. She knew she should. But she couldn't. She always met a challenge head-on. “You knew I wanted to be a doctor, but you thought our love should be enough for me. Sorry to burst your bubble. This is the twenty-first century, Josh. Women aren't expected to be content barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Your archaic ideas of what a wife and mother should be need an update.”

Josh closed his eyes as if in pain. If what she'd said got him thinking, then the twinge of guilt she felt for hurting him was worth the price.

“You need a wake-up call. If not for yourself, then for Griff. I dread thinking Griff will grow up believing that women shouldn't have a life outside of family. I don't want Griff to end up alone and lonely like his father.”

He flinched, and with a little shock, she realized that was exactly how she saw Josh. Alone and lonely, a lot like her, yet he was so stubborn that he probably didn't realize how miserable he was.

She didn't want to care, fought against the softening in her heart. The tiny corner where her teenage fantasies lived seemed to expand, making her chest hurt. Letting any amount of feeling grow was not smart.

And she was a smart woman.

So why did she find it so hard to stop the unwanted emotions from bouncing around, wreaking havoc with
her resolve not to care, not to wish there were some way she could help him to find happiness?

He faced her, his expression haggard. “What's wrong with wanting to be the priority in someone's life?”

She sighed. “Nothing. I'm sure Andrea fit the bill perfectly.”

He froze, the light of anger in his eyes turned into a raging inferno. “I don't want to talk about her.”

Rachel regretted her biting words that stirred up his grief. “I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I wish you luck in finding the next perfect woman.”

“I'm not looking for perfection. I want someone whose priority will be her family. I want…” He shook his head and made a dismissive gesture with his hand. “It doesn't matter.”

It doesn't matter.
She stiffened. He might as well have said, “you don't matter.” Because what he wanted they both knew she couldn't deliver. “My career's my priority. It will always be my priority. It has to be. I have no choice. Can't you see that?”

He surprised her by running a knuckle gently down her cheek, the heat of his touch like a brand.

“I do see. But at what cost?”

“Cost?” She drew away from him. “There's no cost. This is what God wants of me. Making a difference is what my life's about. Why can't you understand that?”

“But life has so much more to offer than work. I can't believe that's all God has planned for you.”

His words brought reverberations of her conversation with Mom G. slamming into her consciousness. She hated the little flutter of…hope…battering around her heart because it threatened her career. But
more importantly, she wanted to believe in the hope. “‘More' as in you?”

He sat back, his hands once again tightly gripping the steering wheel. “No.”

That one simple word sliced through her like an out-of-control surgeon slicing a vital organ with a scalpel. Swallowing a gasp of pain, she stared at his strong profile. Shadows deepened the contours and accentuated the angles. Her heart bled.

“No, I am quite aware that the time we've shared these past few days has led us to a dead end,” he stated, his tone less harsh. “‘More' as in enjoying life. Where's the joy in your life?”

She closed her eyes against the certainty that there would never be a future for them and asked, “What makes you think I don't enjoy my life?”

Staring straight ahead, he sighed. “Your intentions are honorable, I'll give you that.”

She opened her eyes and raised her chin. “But…?”

He turned to stare at her, his eyes burning like hot coals in the dark. “There are other ways of making a difference.”

“Not for me. There's no other option.” She couldn't go against what God wanted, any more than she could stop breathing.

Without further comment he started the engine and drove to the hotel. She was thankful for the reprieve from her own torturous thoughts, and when the truck swung into the parking lot, she had the door partly opened before they came to a stop. She hopped out and turned to say goodbye. Discomfited, she watched Josh open his door and climb out.

“You don't have to walk me to the door, Josh. This isn't a date.” She walked past him and up the stairs.

He stopped at the foot of the steps. “You're right, Rachel, this isn't a date. It's a goodbye.”

Her heart twisted at the finality in his words. But saying goodbye now was for the best. She didn't think her heart could stand this emotional upheaval anymore. She wanted her nice, controlled existence back. Wanted to be back where she knew what was what and had everything lined up with no risk of heartache. She needed the detachment that had served her well over the years. With supreme effort, she managed to sound cool. “Goodbye.”

Josh crossed his arms over his broad chest. “You'll let me know how you're doing when you get back?”

She arched a brow. “I thought you'd decided you couldn't keep your promise?”

“Not while you're in town.”

Her gaze lifted away from him standing there so closed off, and settled on the half-moon high in the sky. “I see.”

But she didn't really. Was he having as much trouble keeping his heart from aching for her as she was for him? A small wry laugh escaped. Who was she kidding? Josh had made it abundantly clear he didn't want her. Two days at the most and she could resume her life. “Goodbye, Josh.” She fumbled for her key.

Josh approached and she braced herself.

He laid a hot hand on her shoulder. “I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

She closed her eyes against the soul-searing pain of his touch. “You didn't.”

The denial rang false as she sniffed back tears. Where was her composure, her resolve not to allow him to affect her? She'd been away from her job too long. She wasn't herself. This person who always
seemed on the verge of tears wasn't her. She feared she'd lose her effectiveness as a doctor if this penchant for emotions continued. She didn't want to feel. She didn't want to want him.

He turned her around. “Rachel, I'm sorry.”

She wouldn't ever be able to forget him. He'd always been in her life, a shadowy figure that other men had fallen short of. Too bad it had taken until today for her to realize it. All this time she hadn't wanted him to take root in her heart when he'd already been there. Angry with him, angry with herself, her temper rose. “Sorry you made a promise you don't want to keep?”

His gaze narrowed before his face settled into that neutral expression she hated. He stepped back. The two-foot distance between them seemed as wide as California. He didn't deny her accusations, didn't defend himself. “God go with you, Rachel. I hope you find peace in your life.”