Love by Design (Crystal Falls Book 1) (7 page)

She stood still as she watched him walk out the door and by the time she was finally ready to talk he was already pulling away.

Noah waited a minute in his truck before backing out of the drive, hoping for Lily to come after him, but she didn’t. He wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted from her after the apology, but shocked silence definitely wasn’t it.

He hadn’t expected her to be at the cabin so late. He was just going to drop the blueprints off with a note for her. But she’d been there and he’d surprised himself as much as he’d surprised her with his apology.

At least he wouldn’t lay awake at night torturing himself over
that
anymore. In the two weeks since he’d first seen her again, he’d been constantly over their breakup, worrying it like a festering wound, feeling like he should say something to her even though months had already passed and she seemed to be over him.

He’d thought he was over her too. But the more he thought about her and the more he shuffled through the empty house that was supposed to be theirs, the more he’d questioned just how over her he really was. And the way his body had responded to hers was telling. He hadn’t been able to keep his hands completely off her. Something about her pulled him in and he was incapable of fighting it.

He thought of her fingers, just a few moments before, as she’d flipped through his blueprints. So delicate, so feminine. Just like he remembered. As he’d let his gaze wander over the small freckles on the back of her hand he’d almost felt her shell-pink fingernails running through his hair. A shiver went up his spine now, just thinking about it.

When he’d stepped closer to her she’d gotten that endearing deer-in-the-headlights look that made him just want to scoop her up in his arms and nuzzle her. Yes, if his body was any indication, he wanted her back.

It was becoming easier and easier for him to push the fight out of his mind, to remember the good parts about being with Lily. But it was hard to tell if she’d been happy to hear the apology or if her anger just hadn’t caught up with her enough for her to rip into him again.

He started his truck but stayed parked a minute longer, looking at the cabin.
Should I go back in there? Wait until she has something to say?
More than anything, he wanted to know what she felt. He wanted to know if he was being crazy by drudging up these old feelings, if it was just a waste. Or if she had even an inkling of feeling for him still.

And if she did, what then? Would he want her back? After thinking it over for two weeks, he thought maybe he did. Sure, she’d embarrassed him. She’d said some awful, hurtful things and some of them had even been true. But was that enough to let her go from his life for good? The woman who he’d been so in love with only a few months before?

She could be stubborn and she knew how to use words as if they were the sharpest of knives. But he knew Lily had a lot of sweetness inside of her too. He missed her laughter, the small kisses she used to plant on the side of his neck when he wasn’t looking, the way she would curl around him in bed. He missed talking to her about his work and hearing about her own. He would love to know all about her new business.

And if he had to put up with the occasional heated argument or stubbornness from her, wouldn’t that be a small price to pay?

Finally, when she still didn’t appear at the door, he backed his truck out of the drive and turned toward his big empty house. She probably just needed time to think. He just hoped it wouldn’t be too long.

Chapter Four

Lily’s feelings were all over the map as she headed down the mountain. Part of her was furious with Noah for even talking to her. He’d been silent for months and
now
, when she was just starting to put her life back together, he decided to apologize. Another part of her ached for him, like she couldn’t remember aching for him ever before.

She wondered too, just exactly what he was apologizing for. The cheating? The breakup? Was he sorry because he was lonely, or was he telling the truth, did he really miss her?

And the real question - why apologize at all? Was he hoping they could get back together? Or just trying to clear his conscience? She had no idea.

She thought about calling Rachel but something stopped her. What would she say, ‘I’m starting to have feelings for Noah again’? She couldn’t, not after she’d spent so many months badmouthing him. Her sister would wisely convince her that she was losing her mind and to run as fast as she could in the other direction. And she would probably be right.

Besides, was it even true? She’d definitely felt some sort of a connection there still, and his body so close to hers had lit her up. There was no denying that. But to say she was interested again, well that was a stretch. The pain of their breakup was still fresh, even after all these months. He’d broken her heart and she hadn’t spared an inch of space there for him since, hadn’t even considered it until now.

No, she felt like she needed to just be alone with herself and her conflicted feelings for a while. A nice bubble bath and a good glass of wine would surely make everything better.

She stopped by the mini-mart on her way home. Not only was she in the mood for some wine, she knew her refrigerator was totally empty. She browsed the few dinner options the small store carried and finally decided on a pre-packaged chicken Caesar salad - not exactly luxury but she could use simple and healthy. She’d been eating way too many potato skins and frozen pizzas lately.

His words ran back through her head.
I sorry about how everything turned out.
She wondered if he really regretted it, or just regretted being alone. Still, the apology seemed heart-felt and she found herself wanting to forgive him.

She stood lost in her thoughts in the wine aisle for so long that the clerk came from behind the register.

“Is there something I can help you find?” he asked.

“No, just browsing, thanks.”

“The Coleson Sauvignon Blanc is excellent, if you’re looking for a white. Otherwise I would go with the Harpers Syrah. We just got it in last week, it’s got excellent body.” She nodded thanks and continued to stare at the same spot on the shelf she’d been looking at until he wandered back toward the front of the store.

I miss you.
She closed her eyes a moment as his words tumbled through her mind. If she was being honest, wouldn’t she admit that she missed him too?

Lily thought about his arms caging her in back at the cabin and she shuttered. The truth was, for as mad as she’d been at Noah all this time, she hadn’t even thought about another man. She hadn’t wanted to date, even though Angie and Rachel repeatedly reminded her it would help her get over him. She hadn’t felt even a hint of attraction for anyone else. And all of a sudden, here was Noah again, pulling her heart and her body in every direction.

She grabbed the cheap bottle of chardonnay that had been her standby during her months without a paycheck. But the Syrah the cashier had pointed out caught her eye.
What the heck?
She asked herself.
You deserve it. You actually have a paycheck now, remember?
The last thought left a smile on her face and she switched the old bottle for the new. Even the label made her happier. She could go home, put some slow music on and have a night to herself, to celebrate all she’d achieved.

A memory crept into her thoughts as she paid for her purchases and headed to her car, a memory of one of their very first times together. They’d both been working on a new build, her still working for Blackwood and him just starting out with his own company. They hadn’t been dating yet, although they’d gotten hot and heavy with one another plenty after work, sometimes not even making it out of the parking lot but going at it in the back seat of his truck after the other employees had left for the day. Back then they couldn’t keep their hands off one another. Hell, they
never
could keep their hands off one another.

Something about being with him in the cabin earlier had released the memory though. She realized now that it had been a similar scene that had started them at one another all those years ago. He’d been bending over her as she studied his blueprints then too. She remembered how his hands had circled her waist and pulled her back into him. She had moaned and pushed into him so that she felt the hardness of him through the fabric of her skirt.

They’d been alone in the house, and Noah had slid his fingers down her legs and back up under her skirt, pulling it up so he could see her panties. He’d had her panting, bent over the work table in under five minutes, working her first with his mouth and then finally slowly entering her and making love to her until she thought she would explode with need and heat and excitement. They’d begun dating only a few days later.

Plenty of their love making had been uncontrollable, inadvisable even, as that night at the job sight had been. Anyone could have come in and found them. She could have lost her job, him his reputation. But when the mood had taken them, neither of them had been able to resist.

There were also memories of the slow and sweet times, the two of them holding onto one another in his big bed as a storm raged outside, or on the floor near the fireplace in her old apartment, a bottle of wine nearby, dinner finished or abandoned. Those times had been satisfying too, but in a different way.

“Good choice,” the cashier told her as he rang up the wine, pulling her out of the past.

“Oh, yeah, looks good.” He gave her an add look as he waited for her to give him her credit card. She put a hand to her cheek and feeling how flushed she was, turned her head away.

As he handed her the bag and receipt he gave her another strange look. “I’m sorry, ma’am. But are you alright?”

“What?” she asked, blushing again. “Oh, yes. I’m fine, thanks.” She rushed out of the store, taking a few deep breaths as she sank into her car. What was wrong with her? Noah shouldn’t be able to have this kind of effect on her.

When she pulled into the parking lot of her apartment she didn’t get out of the car for a minute, forced into inaction by all the memories of her and Noah together. It seemed so easy suddenly to forget that last horrible fight. She wondered now why she’d gone to such lengths to make him pay for what he’d done, if she’d really made the right decision to leave him all those months ago.

She shuffled the blueprints and the bag as she tried to open her front door and almost fell through into the darkness when she finally managed to turn the key. It felt so empty, so lacking comfort, this new place of hers. She’d tried to make it home, redecorating the entire small space with her expert eye. But it still felt lifeless, just a place to sleep at night.
Maybe a cat is what I need
. The thought made her cringe and then laugh at herself. She couldn’t imagine having feline fur stuck to everything she owned. And a gerbil just wouldn’t add anything, she didn’t think.

She uncorked the wine and let it breathe as she kicked off her heels and turned the stereo on. It felt good to let her feet relax and she moved into the bedroom, still thinking about Noah’s finger on her lips. She’d liked the feel of him so close to her again and she knew suddenly without a doubt that it was going to take all her effort to resist him. She wasn’t sure she was up to the challenge.

Lily ate the salad standing at the kitchen counter, sipping the Syrah between bites. The ruby wine was significantly better than what she’d been drinking recently and she warned herself not to get too used to it. Although she’d landed this extremely high paying job, she knew there was no guarantee that she would get another one anytime soon.

The roll of blueprints in the corner caught her eye as she finished her dinner. She poured another glass of wine and picked the plans up, squatting on the floor to roll them out on her tiny coffee table. She studied the changes Noah was making a few minutes, letting her mind wander with design possibilities. She’d already picked out paint and flooring for the entire cabin but there were still the critical furniture and art elements to figure out, not to mention backsplashes and lighting. Knowing what the layout of the finished cabin would be would go a long way in helping her make the decisions she needed to make to get the job done.

She couldn’t help but admire the quality of the work. The man really was amazing at everything he did. The cabin would be completely transformed when he was done with it.
When
we
are done with it
, she corrected herself. After a few more minutes she rolled the plans back up and took another sip of wine.

Time to have a bath. And try to work out how I really feel about Noah.

Noah hadn’t seen Lily in over a week, since the evening he’d given her the blueprints. He’d hoped to catch her at the cabin, to at least get some sort of reaction to his apology, the apology that he continued to question as the days went on with no word from her.

He’d spent as much time as he was able to at the cabin but she hadn’t been there, at least not that he’d known of. He’d even gone so far to ask a few of the guys on the construction crew if they’d seen her but no one had.

He wondered if she was avoiding him. The longer he went without seeing her, the more he regretted what he’d done that night. He should have kept his hands off her and just told her plainly what he’d wanted to say. At least maybe then he wouldn’t be left hanging with this very uncomfortable doubt about how she felt.