Love at 11 (30 page)

You can also get a ton of great stuff in the mail. If you like a new product, simply do a story on it and they’ll send you one free. (Even expensive stuff!) Sometimes they’ll only send it as a loan, but I’ve found that if you keep it, they eventually give up calling to get it back. Also, you’re already signed up to get every new DVD, music CD, and book that comes out. Once in a while, you might want to share the wealth (especially if the CD is rap or something you don’t want). Leave your leftovers on the freebie table and your staff will think it’s Christmas! Or there’s always eBay if you’re short a few bucks. Some of those press—only promo items really rack up the bids.

Okay, that’s all for now. I’ll write again later to fill you in on how to meet movie stars, get your speeding tickets fixed, and solve personal problems with places like banks, etc., all by saying you work at News 9. Also, please consider doing a story about my new client’s line of home facial products. I promise we’ll hook you up with tons of free samples so you’ll be able to hide all those stress wrinkles you’ll get from taking the new job. LOL.

Laura

I arrived at my apartment and kicked off my sandals. No sooner had I poured myself a glass of Callaway Chardonnay then the doorbell rang.

Jamie.

I invited him in and handed him a glass of the wine. He looked as if he could use it. Actually, he looked as if he could use a straight up shot of Jack. He walked over and sat down on the couch. He looked so serious. Dazed. Kind of devastated, even, with his distracted eyes not meeting mine, and his rumpled shirt only half tucked into his trousers. What the heck was wrong with him?

I sat down beside him, placing a hand on his knee. He flinched a little at the touch, but didn’t move his leg. “What’s wrong, Jamie?” I asked, seriously concerned at this point. “You can talk to me.”

He took a long sip of wine before beginning. Practically drained the glass. This was not looking good.

“Before I begin, I want you to know that I care about you deeply,” he said, setting down his glass and placing a hand over mine. “And these last few weeks have been some of the best in my life.”

I gave him a small smile—the best I could manage in my freaked-out state. I took a deep breath and tried to ready myself for whatever his next words would bring.

He scrubbed his face with his free hand. “God, this is so hard,” he mumbled. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Maybe the Band-Aid method would be best,” I said. “Like pulling it off all at once instead of prolonging the torture.”

“Okay, then.” He swallowed hard. “Here goes. Jen’s pregnant.”

Oh. My. God.

After getting over the initial slam of horror, my stomach caught up and I wanted to be physically ill. This could not be happening. It could not be happening.

Every possible scenario I had played in my head as to what his bad news could have been was not nearly as horrible as what reality had chosen to throw in my direction. I felt like I was on some bad episode of Jerry Springer.

My brain threw questions, fast and furious, but my mouth didn’t know where to begin.

“Wh-when did you find out?” I finally managed. As if that question even mattered. Who cared
when
he’d found out? The point was, he had.

“She wrote me an e-mail a couple days ago, asking me to come to LA. Said she had some news.” Jamie stared at the floor, kicking at the rug with the toe of his sneaker. “I made the trip yesterday. She told me when I got there.”

“Is she … sure?”

He nodded. “After she did the home test, she went to the doctors to confirm it.”

“And it’s definitely … yours?”

He swallowed hard. “The day I broke up with her. I was really nervous and stressed about the whole thing. So I suggested we have a few drinks. Figured it would calm my nerves. Then we ended up having a few more. I soon realized I was too drunk to have such an important conversation, and decided to wait until morning. Problem was, she wanted to have sex. And I didn’t know how to say no without getting into the discussion.”

“Oh that’s nice. Really, really nice,” I retorted. Visions of Jamie—my Jamie—naked and writhing in Jennifer’s arms invaded my mind. I wanted to puke.

He squeezed his hand into a fist. “Trust me, Maddy, it wasn’t like I enjoyed it. All I could think of the whole time was you and how you’d be hurt if you knew what I was doing.”

“How noble of you to think of me while fucking another woman.”

“Look, I’m not proud of what I did. But it wasn’t like you and I were a couple then, you know?”

I knew he had a point, but that didn’t make any of this any easier. He’d had sex with her. And now she was pregnant with his child. The whole relationship house of cards I’d built was toppling before my eyes and I didn’t know what to say or do. Tears welled up in my eyes and I choked back my sobs. I felt so dirty for some reason. So violated.

“Didn’t you guys use … protection? Were you that stupid?” My voice cracked as I hurled my accusations. I had to lash out. I couldn’t keep the anger inside.

“She’s been on the pill forever,” he said wearily. “Maybe she forgot to take it that day? I don’t know. She doesn’t either.”

Nor did it matter, I realized. The fact remained: Jamie was going to be a dad. And not to my imaginary future babies. There was a real baby now—one he’d created with another woman. A baby that in nine months was going to arrive screaming out of a birth canal, demanding a father. Everything in Jamie’s life from that moment on was going to change.

“Maddy, I’m sorry. I know this is a lot to take in. I had no idea, believe me.” His voice sounded sad, pleading. I wanted to beat him senseless. And I wanted him to pull me into his arms and tell me everything would be okay.

But that would be a lie.

“Is she going to keep it?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said in a low voice. “She’s really excited about the baby, actually.”

Of course she was.

“Maddy, I know this is weird and awkward, but at the same time, you need to know, this doesn’t change things between you and I.”

I stared at him. Was he serious? “But it does, Jamie. It changes everything.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“Look, are you going to want to be involved in the kid’s life?”

“Well, yeah. I mean—”

“Go to ultrasounds, birthday parties, graduations? Have visitation on weekends? Are you going to move back to LA to be closer to it?” I couldn’t manage to think of this monster in Jen’s belly as a him or her just yet.

He sighed. “I don’t know yet. I just found out. I haven’t made any decisions.”

But he would have to, I realized. And he’d be making them soon. His priorities. His life. Everything would change. And I wasn’t ready. This relationship was too new. I couldn’t move to LA for him—I’d just gotten promoted at News 9. And I wasn’t going to suffer through a long-distance relationship only to find out he’d decided in the end it would be best for the child if he went back with its mother.

There was no other decision to make. This relationship had to be nipped in the bud. I didn’t want it to be. I loved Jamie so much. Even as I sat here, furious with him, I wanted to cradle him in my arms and tell him everything was okay. Yet reality had reared its ugly head and I couldn’t turn my back on it. I wasn’t going to be one of those girls who got walked all over by their boyfriends. Jamie had made his bed. I was no longer interested in lying in it.

“It’s over, Jamie,” I said, my heart breaking as I spoke. My spacious living room suddenly felt too small. Cramped. Stifling. “It has to be.”

He looked at me with his beautiful eyes, pleading for me to change my mind. “No, Maddy,” he cried. “Don’t do this. Please. I love you.”

I love you.
The words that once would have sent me spiraling into a delighted haze now only served to make me sick.

“Guess you should have thought of that before you had sex with the ex,” I retorted.

Jamie scowled. “That’s not fair and you know it. You’re being a baby.”

“And you’re having one.” I shot back. “Look, Jamie, let’s just cut our losses and move on. This relationship has been a train wreck since it started. It was always doomed to fail.” I couldn’t believe how in control my voice sounded, when my insides were breaking apart, piece by piece.

“But—”

“Don’t you see?” I interrupted. “You were meant to be with Jen. I stole you away. Now the universe is telling you to go back. It’s not too late—you can have a nice little family together. You can have your wedding, be happy. You wanted children. Now you’ve got your wish.”

“I wanted your children. Not hers.”

“Again, something you should have thought of before you orgasmed,” I said bitterly. “Now could I please ask you to leave? I need to do some thinking.”
And crying,
I added silently.
A lot of crying.

“No. I won’t leave until you’ve let me have my say,” he said, grabbing my arm as I tried to rise from my seat. I shook his hand away.

“Jamie, please. Just go,” I begged with my last shred of dignity. I didn’t know how long I’d be able to hold out before I melted into a sloppy, tear-stained puddle on the floor.

“No.”

Suddenly, the phone rang. Grateful for the distraction I grabbed the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Maddy?” It was my dad, though I barely recognized his voice, he sounded upset.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Oh man, what now? I was already at my breaking point. I could so not deal with more bad news.

“It’s Lulu. She escaped from the rehab.”

I white-knuckled the receiver, my heart slamming against my rib cage. All thoughts of my love life evaporated instantly as worry for my sister flooded my brain, my heart. “Do they know where she is?”

“Yes.”

“Thank God.” I exhaled in relief. I had had visions of search parties, combing the streets of San Diego, calling her name. “Where?”

I could hear my father’s hard swallow on the other end of the phone line. “She’s in the emergency room.”

“What?” I sank back down to the couch, my legs no longer able to withstand my weight. I felt Jamie staring at me, his eyes concerned and questioning, but I couldn’t look in his direction.

“The nurse who called said someone dropped her on the hospital’s front sidewalk and took off. They think she overdosed.” My father’s voice broke on the other end.

“Over—?” I couldn’t even say the word. “Is she … going to be okay?” Did I really want to hear his answer?

Silence, and then, “They’re not sure yet.”

Lulu. Oh, my baby sister! What have you done to yourself?

“Okay,” I said, using my last reserves of talking strength. “Are you at the hospital? I’ll be right down.”

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked as I hung up the phone. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“No.” It was all I could manage without breaking. I had one shred of control left, and I wasn’t about to lose it in front of him. I knew he’d be concerned and comforting and I’d find strength in his arms, but they were no longer my arms to find strength in. The sooner I accepted that and moved on, the better.

I stood up, my legs wobbly. I needed to get to the hospital, though how I’d actually manage to drive in my current state of shock, I wasn’t sure. “I-I have to go somewhere,” I told him. “Please. I need you to leave.”

“No.”

I stared at him. “What do you mean, no?”

“What part of the word didn’t you understand?” He rose from the couch. “Something’s obviously happened. And I’m not going to just take off and leave you.”

He held out his arms, tempting me to collapse in his embrace. And I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to. But I couldn’t. I had to stay strong.

“Jamie, none of this is your concern. It’s a family thing I have to take care of. I’m asking you to leave. Now.”

“And I’m saying no.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. I had no more will to resist. I buried my head in his chest and started sobbing.

“Tell me what happened,” he murmured while stroking my hair.

“Lulu’s in the emergency room,” I sobbed. “She OD’ed and they think she could die.”

“Oh, Maddy, I’m so sorry.” Jamie pulled me tighter, nearly crushing me against him. He felt so good. So warm. Safe. I wanted this to be my reality. To have a rock like him to cling to. But I couldn’t allow myself to get used to this. He belonged to Jen. To their unborn child. Things would never be the same between us and the sooner I accepted that, the better.

I abruptly forced myself away from his embrace. “I have to get to the hospital. My family’s there.”

“I’ll take you.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Maddy, look at you. You’re in no shape to drive.”

As much as I hated to admit it, I knew he was right. “Okay. Fine. You can drive me to the front door. But you’re not coming in. I need to be with my family right now.”

His shoulders sagged. “I understand.”

But did he? Did he really get the fact that I needed him to stay away for good?

It didn’t matter. All that could be discussed on a later date. Right now, I had to get to the hospital. To Lulu. A vision of her, strapped to life support, unable to breathe on her own, gripped me and wouldn’t let go.

Oh, Lulu, why? Was it worth it?

We jumped in my car and sped to the hospital. Jamie pulled up to the emergency entrance, promising to return my car to the driveway and take his motorcycle home from there.

“I’ll call you,” he said, grabbing my hand before I could exit the vehicle.

“Please don’t.” It killed me to say, but I had to. I removed his hand from mine. “It’s hard enough without you being so sweet.”

“Maddy, please. I don’t want to lose you.” His eyes were pleading. And they broke my heart.

“Don’t you get it, Jamie? You already have.”

I got out of the car and slammed the door too hard, bursting into tears. I ran into the hospital without looking back. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I scanned the waiting room, looking for my dad, and found him in the far corner. Next to him sat a mousy brunette in black-rimmed glasses who, for a moment, I couldn’t place. Then her slightly bulging stomach clued me in.