Losing Me Finding You (27 page)

24th December 2005

Twenty-nine years old

“So, any ideas about when you’ll have the wedding?” Suzanne asks us the following afternoon. Ben groans beside me, rolling his eyes as his head falls on to my shoulder. I can’t help but laugh. “What?” she says, looking from me to Ben.

Ben lifts his head, making a big production of looking at his watch before he says to his mum, “We got engaged less than twenty-four hours ago, Ma, just give us a second here.”

Suzanne waves her hand at him as though he’s not making any sense before turning her attention towards me and saying, “Evie, any thoughts?”

I’m still laughing as Ben buries his face in my neck again, moaning, “Please, baby, make it stop.” I press a kiss to the top of his head as my arm wraps around his neck, holding him close. “Not sure that’s possible,” I whisper. “But I’ll try and take your mind off it later if you want.” And then I’m laughing again as I feel Ben’s lips hungrily pressing at my skin.

“Come on you two,” Suzanne says, smiling as she watches us. “How can I not be a little excited here, I’ve been waiting ten years for this to happen.”

“What?” Ben suddenly asks, lifting his head as he finally starts paying attention. “Ten years ago Evie was only nineteen, Ma. At what point would you have been okay with me having a teenage bride?”

I smile at Ben’s words, knowing I would have married him in a heartbeat back then, or any time.

Suzanne shakes her head at him. “Well either way, this has certainly been a long time coming, Benjamin.” I burst out laughing now because I know she’s trying to be serious and mum-like when she starts using Ben’s full name.

“Watch it you,” Ben whispers to me, his hand squeezing my thigh.

“One could say you should have made an honest woman out of Evie years ago, actually,” she continues, paying no attention to the fact that Ben and I are too busy laughing and whispering to really be listening to her. “So you can’t really blame me for wanting to hurry things along a bit.”

“Yeah, Benjamin,” I whisper teasingly. “You finally going to make an honest woman out of me?”

Ben’s hand slides higher up my thigh as he leans in and bites at my ear lobe. “Honest, yeah sure thing, baby,” he whispers. And I can’t help but laugh as I turn my head and press a hard kiss against Ben’s mouth.

“God, do you two ever keep your hands off each other?” Rachel asks as she wanders in to the living room.

I laugh as Ben and I finally pull apart, remembering all the times she used to interrupt us when we were younger. I smile at her and she rolls her eyes at me as Suzanne continues on as though she was never interrupted. “And what about where you’ll get married?” she asks now. “Is there anywhere you had in mind, Evie, maybe with some of your earlier foster parents?”

I shake my head at her. “No, I’m good with this family right here, Suzanne,” I say, smiling as Ben pulls me against him with an arm around my shoulder.

“And you, Ben,” she says, turning her attention to her son. “Where were you thinking?”

Ben shrugs as he says, “I wasn’t really,” making me laugh again.

This time it’s Suzanne rolling her eyes at him as she says, “Come on, Ben, you have to be interested in somewhere, in something at least, anything to do with this wedding.”

“Oh I am,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “I’m very interested in the honeymoon.”

And I hear Ben’s dad start laughing as he winks at his wife and says, “Walked right in to that one, didn’t you?”

Suzanne shakes her head as all of us start laughing now. “Yes, yes, I guess I did.”

Ben presses a kiss to the side of my neck before he looks over at his mum, who is sitting on the opposite couch still watching us. “Don’t worry, Ma,” he says trying to be the good son. “As soon as we get it sorted, I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

She smiles at us now as she says, “Well, just as long as you don’t keep me waiting another ten years for the wedding.”

Ben laughs. “No chance, I plan on making this woman all mine as soon as possible,” he says pulling me closer.

“Yours, huh?” I ask, looking up at him.

Ben smiles at me as he kisses the end of my nose. “Like you’ve ever been anything different.”

“Well that didn’t take long,” Ben says, exhaling as he climbs into bed beside me.

I roll over, prop myself up on my elbows as I smile at him. “You know it was to be expected,” I say. “She was pretty excited when we told her.”

Ben releases a breath, blowing his hair back off his face as he looks up at me. “Yeah, she kinda was, wasn’t she?”

“Yep,” I say, smiling back at him. “Are you?”

“What do you mean?” Ben says quickly. “About being married to you, of course I am.”

“So no regrets?”

Ben’s shaking his head at me, as he says, “No fucking way. I want nothing more than to marry you.”

I smile, leaning in to kiss him. “Me too, Ben. But, you know we could always elope if you want, avoid all of this other stuff.”

Ben’s arm snakes around my waist now and he pulls me over so I’m lying on top of him. “Ah no. As much as I’d love to just run away and do all this in private, I’m pretty sure we’ll both be in the shit if we do that.”

“Yeah, you might be right,” I say, laughing as I lean in to kiss him.

“Of course I’m right, baby,” Ben mumbles against my lips.

I tickle Ben’s stomach. “You are so cheeky, you know that, right?” I say, pulling back a little.

Ben grins up at me, one arm wrapped around my waist, the other now tucked behind his head. “Cheeky, adorable, loveable, funny,” he starts to list.

I laugh, shaking my head at him as I say, “Oh and let’s not forget, cocky and confident and…”

“And madly in love with you,” Ben says, his smile gone now.

I swallow, my heart melting at his words. “And madly in love with me,” I whisper, repeating his words.

“Yep, I truly am, baby,” he whispers, lifting his arm from behind his head as he slides it around my neck and gently pulls me in for a kiss.

“How did I get so lucky finding you?” I ask, my lips still on his.

I feel Ben smile. “I think I’m the lucky one here, Evie.”

“Mmm, not so sure about that.”

“I really am, baby,” he whispers.

“Why?”

Ben pulls back a little, his beautiful blue eyes staring up at me. He smiles, his fingers brushing the hair back from my face as he says, “Because I’m the one who gets to love you.”

My heart flips in my chest at his words, at the way he’s looking at me as he says them. I want to tell him that I feel that way too, want to ask him why loving me makes him so lucky, but I can’t. Because Ben’s lips are once again kissing me, and this time, it’s in a way that means business. His kiss is tender, but deep, causing my body to melt into his as I slide my hands under Ben’s shoulders, my fingers curling around his hard muscle. I let out a soft moan as our legs tangle together and Ben’s head lifts off the pillow, rolling us over so I lie beneath him.

Pulling back a little, so only our noses are touching, Ben smiles as he says, “Now, about that sex you still owe me.”

I burst out laughing. Only Ben can simultaneously make my heart skip a beat, my panties melt and put a huge smile on my face.

“What?” he says, grinning like he’s got no idea.

“The sex I
owe
you, huh?” I ask, tilting my head so I can kiss the end of his nose. “How exactly do you figure I still
owe
you sex? It’s not like you missed out last night…or this morning.”

“That was for not looking in the shopping bags, baby,” he says, still grinning at me. “This time, it’s bonus points for the proposal.”

I’m shaking my head, my eyes closing as I try to stop myself from laughing at this gorgeous man lying naked on top of me. The man who I can’t seem to stop falling deeper in love with, every single day.

“Ohhh, here we go,” I finally say, my eyes opening as I look up at Ben’s still grinning face. “Now the real reason comes out. You only asked me to marry you for sex, didn’t you?”

Ben shakes his head. “Baby I told you, there’s a million reasons why I love you, sex with you just happens to be one of them.”

I smooth my hands down the hard muscle of Ben’s back, my fingers digging in as they reach his butt. “It’s one of the many reasons I love you too, Ben,” I say, sliding my foot up his leg now in a move the wipes the grin off his face. “And I plan on having lots of sex with you, both before and after I’m married to you.”

Ben groans as his body falls between my legs and I wrap them around his hips. Arching up to meet him, his arms sliding under my back, I smile as I hear Ben whisper, “That’s going in our wedding vows,” before his mouth is on mine, not letting me say another word.

8th July 2006

Thirty years old

“So, Ben really stayed here last night?” Rachel asks handing me a pair of antique diamond earrings she’s brought over.

“Uh huh, he did,” I say, trying them on to see if they work with the simple, strapless black dress I’m wearing.

“Well, did you at least sleep in separate beds?” she asks.

“Nope,” I say, turning to look at what else she’s got. I don’t have a lot of jewellery on account of the fact that nothing I own ever comes with me when I disappear. Unless I give it to Ben to keep safe for me, I usually never see it again. It’s annoying sometimes because I often lose things I like an awesome pair of shoes or a really great bag. But it’s useful as well, especially for wiping out credit card debt or speeding fines.

“Geez,” she says, handing me another pair of gorgeous silver ones to try instead. “Please don’t tell me you had sex?”

“Rachel!” Suzanne says to her, smoothing down the front of her deep red dress. My soon to be mother in-law, who is more like a mother to me, looks fantastic. Sarah and I both laugh at her reaction, as I wiggle my eyebrows at Rachel in the mirror.

“You so did, didn’t you?” she says, smiling as she shakes her head at me. “Are there any traditions you guys are sticking with?” she asks, gesturing to my non-traditional wedding dress. I know she’s not criticising us and is really only asking because she’s genuinely interested. But Ben and I are just not traditional people. We don’t care about things like not seeing each other on the night before our wedding day, or white dresses, or getting married in a church. None of that stuff matters to us.

Not only did Ben and I have sex last night, we had sex again this morning. I’m also going to walk out of this room and into his arms where we will head to our wedding together. When we get there, we’ll say a couple of things in front of our family and friends and then with the help of a celebrant, we’ll officially become Ben and Evie Foster.

When you don’t have all the time in the world, or you never know how long that time can be taken away from you for, you don’t sweat the small stuff. And not seeing my fiancé the night before we get married is small stuff to Ben and me.

“Don’t worry, Rach,” I say, coming to give her a hug now. “I’m leaving all that traditional stuff for you.” I wink at her before giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Come on, let’s get that soon-to-be husband of mine and go get married.”

“Evie,” Suzanne suddenly says, grabbing my hand as I head for the door.

“Yeah?” I say, one arm still linked through Rachel’s and the other now holding hers.

“I just want you to know,” she says, and already I can see tears in her eyes. “That I’m so glad you and Ben sorted out whatever happened between you years ago.” I feel Sarah step closer to us as I stare at Suzanne’s face. “You and Ben were always so close growing up, and, well…” She pauses to take a tissue from her pocket before pulling me into a tight hug. “I’m just so glad you’re marrying my son.”

I tighten my arms around her waist and hug the only family I’ve ever wanted to hang on to. “Me too, Suzanne,” I whisper. “Me too.”

“Okay,” she eventually says, pulling back as runs her fingers under her eyes. “Let’s go.”

I turn to walk out, but before I do, Sarah pulls me close and whispers, “Growing up together, I thought you met him when you were sixteen?”

I smile as it occurs to me that Sarah doesn’t realise just how long I’ve known Ben. “I’ll tell you later,” I whisper back. “Thank you for being here today, Sarah.”

She smiles at me as she says, “Are you kidding me, after nagging you for so long to call him, I’m here to make sure this happens!”

“Oh it’s happening,” I say smiling. “I promise.”

Ben is waiting for me in the living room of our flat and his face when I walk out of our bedroom almost undoes me. “Evie,” he breathes out as I walk up to him and plant a kiss on his lips. “You look amazing, baby.”

I smile, checking him out as he stands in front of me in a simple black suit and shirt, no tie. “Thanks, you don’t look so bad yourself.”

Ben pulls me into his arms now, leaning down, as he whispers in my ear, “No baby, I mean you look really fucking amazing in that dress. I don’t know if I want to stare at you all day or rip this damn thing off and have my way with you all day.”

I laugh, loving that he feels this way. “You don’t want to get married first?” I tease.

“Evie,” he growls in my ear. “Married, then the dress comes off.”

I laugh, pressing a kiss to his neck as I whisper, “Deal.”

Ben’s dad, John and Paul are both sitting on the couch, hopefully out of earshot, waiting for us. They are dressed in casual suits and shirts and I smile at them as I link my arm through Ben’s. We all head downstairs and into the waiting taxis that Paul has organised. We have a forty-five minute drive to where we’re getting married, but Paul has also organised drinks for us. As I take a glass of champagne from Ben, he smiles at me. “No cold feet?” he asks, sliding his hand into mine.

“Nope, none at all.”

The journey passes by in a blur and before I know it, I’m smiling as we pull up to our destination, taking Ben’s hand as he helps me out of the taxi and we join the others waiting for us.

We’re getting married at Greenwich, right on the meridian. It’s impossibly clichéd and unbelievably romantic and totally Ben’s idea.

“It’s the start and end of time, baby,” is what he’d said when he suggested it.

And he’s right. It is the start and end of time because it’s where world time is measured. The one spot where time begins and time also ends. And if you stand right on the line, then perhaps time just ceases to exist for a little while too.

It’s absolutely perfect for us.

There’s an observatory here, a museum filled with clocks that all mark the development of time and using that time to navigate the seas, but we aren’t bothering with that. Instead, we are having a simple ceremony, right on the grass hill under the afternoon sun, followed by a reception at the pub down the road. As Ben’s parents, Paul, Rachel, and Sarah walk towards the rest of our guests, I look up at Ben and smile.

“Last chance,” I say. “Sure you want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life?”

Ben smiles as he leans in and kisses me. “Baby, I’m sticking with you for eternity, whether you like it or not.”

“Good answer, Ben,” I say, laughing.

Ben’s hand slides into my hair, holding my mouth against his. “The only answer, Evie.” And then he kisses me in a way that completely takes my breath away.

“Come on you two!” Paul yells back at us. “You actually have to get married first.”

Ben and I laugh as we break apart.

“Ready?” he says, smiling at me.

“Yep, let’s do it,” I answer, watching as Ben turns and nods at Paul. I turn to see what’s going on and that’s when I hear the music kick in. A cover of an old song that I not only adore, but which perfectly sums up everything there is to say about Ben and me. And it’s with this song and realising that Ben knew exactly what to pick for us today, that I feel the tears start. Tears not only for how happy I am, but how utterly perfect this man standing beside me is.

“You okay, baby?” Ben whispers, his hand squeezing mine.

I turn and smile at him. “So much more than okay, Ben,” I say, pressing up on my toes to give him one last kiss. “Let’s go get married.”

We walk together towards the celebrant and the rest of our family and friends. All the guys from Ben’s station are here, along with their girlfriends and wives, his parents, Rachel and her boyfriend, and Sarah and Adam, of course. There’s no family for me this time though. Nick has gone now, as I expected. But there’s a part of me that still misses him, will always miss him.

The celebrant smiles at us as Ben and I stand in front of her, holding hands. “You ready?” she asks and we both nod.

She welcomes everyone to our wedding, explaining what today’s ceremony means and asking whether anyone has any objections to what’s about to happen. Ben and I glance around, but everyone is smiling at us. I catch a glimpse of Ben’s mum, tears in her eyes again as she watches us.

“Well then,” the celebrant says. “Ben, would you like to say your vows?”

Ben nods, turning now so he faces me, both of my hands in his. “Evie,” he starts, his voice strong as his eyes hold mine. “There are a million reasons why I love you. A million reasons that all begin with the amazing woman you are and end with the type of man you make me want to be. But even if there were only one reason, it would be more than enough. I have been in love with you since I was six years old, Evie. You are my best friend, the love of my life, and the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I promise to always love you, laugh with you, protect you, have an endless amount of sex with you…” Ben pauses, grinning at me in that cheeky way as everyone else laughs. “To always be there for you and to always wait for you, for the rest of my life. I love you Eva. I’ve always loved you, and that, baby, will never change.”

I’m smiling so hard at Ben’s words, at his promises to me, that when he finishes, I don’t even think about it, I just lean in and kiss him.

“Evie,” the celebrant says. “Do you maybe want to say your vows first?” she asks.

I pull back, smiling as I bite my bottom lip. Ben laughs, raising his eyebrow as he grins down at me. I know he doesn’t care that we’re not following protocol here. Neither of us does. Today is a day for celebrating who we are, and nothing says Evie and Ben like making the most of every opportunity.

“Yes,” I say, turning to smile at her.

“Well,” she says, laughing at us. “Your turn.”

I turn back to face Ben, squeeze his hands before I start. “Ben, I fell in love with you when I was five years old. You are my best friend, the one person I love most in this world. The one person I never want to lose. No matter what happens, no matter how lost we ever feel, just know, I will
always
be only yours and we will
always
find our way back to each other. I promise to love you, to protect you, to always look after you and…” I pause, biting my lip before continuing, “To have lots and lots of sex with you.” Ben’s smile gets wider and I hear all of our guests laughing again. I take a deep breath before finishing, “For the rest of my life. I love you, Ben. Always.”

When I finish, Ben doesn’t even hesitate before pulling me into his arms and kissing me. It’s only when the celebrant coughs, that we finally realise we still aren’t up to this part yet.

“Rings,” she stage whispers, making everyone laugh again.

Ben and I smile as we quickly exchange rings before turning to look at our celebrant. She’s smiling at us as she finally says, “Well, by the power granted to me by the City of London, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ben,” she says, pausing to wink at both of us. “You may
now
kiss your wife.”

“Thank god,” Ben murmurs as he takes a step towards me.

Smiling, I wrap my arms around his neck. But before I can kiss him, Ben’s arms are around my waist, my feet are off the ground and Ben’s smiling face is looking up at me as he holds me in his arms. “You’re stuck with me now, baby,” he says, his eyes sparkling.

I smile. “Shut up and kiss me, tough guy,” I whisper, knowing there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

And as Ben’s lips crash against mine, binding us together, somewhere in the background, I hear the sound of our family and friends, clapping and cheering.

“To the happy couple,” Paul eventually says, raising his glass as trays of champagne are passed around. “Mr and Mrs Foster.”

I smile against Ben’s lips, our arms still wrapped around each other as we celebrate finally being married.

“Wait,” Rachel suddenly says. “You are taking his name right, I mean…well, are you?”

I smile as I face my new sister. “Yeah, Rach, I am,” I say to her. “That’s one tradition I am sticking with.”

And I am, because it’s the only one that really matters to me. Not just the part about being married to Ben and him being mine, it’s the tradition that’s finally given me a name, a permanent name that I can always come back to. Now I will finally always be one Evie, the same Evie, every single time.

“My Evie,” Ben whispers in my ear, reading my mind.

I turn back to him. “My Ben.”

“Baby, hold up,” Ben says as I slide the keycard into the door of the hotel room we’re staying in tonight. Ben’s parents have given us a honeymoon in the south of France. A week in a villa all to ourselves and we leave on the Eurostar tomorrow morning.

I turn to face him, smiling as I ask, “What?”

Ben smiles at me as he says, “Come on, you think I’m not carrying you across that threshold?”

I laugh. “Yeah, I’m kinda hoping you are,” I say, pushing up on my toes to kiss him.

“Come here, Evie Foster,” he says, wrapping his arms around my waist as he picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. “My gorgeous little wife.”

I laugh as I slap Ben on the arse. “Get me inside, sexy husband, you’re supposed to be ripping this dress off me, remember?”

I actually hear Ben growl as he pushes the door open, carries me into the room and then kicks the door shut with his foot. He slides me down his body, his arms still around my waist as he holds me against him. “You look so beautiful today, Evie,” he says, suddenly quiet. “So beautiful.”