Live-In Position (60 page)

Collin arrived home later than we had planned so instead of telling her over dinner, we had to break the news right before she went to bed. I worried she wouldn’t be able to sleep after she knew about the baby.

“Victoria?” Collin stepped into her room while I brushed her hair.

“Daddy!” She ran out from between my legs and into his arms. He lifted her and kissed her cheek. Setting her down, she made her way back between my knees. I began to braid her damp locks.

“There is something that Soph…your mother and I would like to talk to you about.” Our eyes met and I smiled small at him. His smile grew larger.

“What?” Victoria twisted her head and looked at my face.

The wet hair of her braid slipped through my fingers before I could secure it with the tie. I grasped her shoulders lightly, and turned her back to Collin, quickly grabbing her hair and securing the plait at the middle of her back.

“Tomorrow we’ll be going to see a doctor,” I started.

Victoria groaned. “I don’t want to go.”

“Not for you, for Sophia,” Collin clarified, and Victoria turned her whole body to look at me.

“Are you sick? Are you okay?” Worry lined her face and filled her eyes.

“I’m fine. The doctor just wants to check on the baby.” I bit my lip, waiting for her reaction.

“Oh,” she paused and then her wide eyes looked back and forth between Collin and me. “You,” she pointed to my stomach, “you’re having a baby?” I nodded and her whole body began to shake with excitement. “I’m getting a baby sister?” She bounced enthusiastically.

“Well, we can’t guarantee it’s a girl, but you’re getting a sibling.” Collin moved to sit on the bed next to me.

“It’s a girl, I know it!” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

“Eventually, we’ll find out for sure.” I squeezed her back.

She dropped her head down to my stomach and pressed the side of her face to it. “I don’t hear anything.” She looked up at me.

“It will take a while before we’re able to feel the baby.” I rubbed her head and Collin wrapped his arm around me.

“Like Grace?” she blurted out.

Her disdain for Grace had only increased as she once again seemed to have abandoned Victoria. We had heard nothing from her in weeks.

“Um, yeah, like that. Once the baby grows larger you’ll be able to feel kicking and movement.”

“Can the baby hear me?” She looked between both of us awaiting a response.

“The baby is really tiny right now. But he or she will be able to hear you in just a few months.” Collin tapped her nose with his long finger.

“Do I get to miss school?” She wiggled her eyebrows at us.

“No, and you still need to get to bed. I will get you out early so you can come with us.”

“Fine,” she began to climb into her bed, “but only because I get a baby sister.” She slid under her covers as Collin and I stood up.

“I can’t guarantee a sister.” She ignored my warning.

“It’s a girl. I already told you.” Her grin was infectious and we found ourselves grinning with her.

After kissing and tucking her in, I left Collin to read to her. I was beat and really needed to pee.

Once relieved, I ran the hot water and left it to fill the tub while I went to the dresser to grab my pajamas. During my digging for something comfortable, I heard the ring of a cell phone. Looking around, I saw Collin’s phone vibrating across the small coffee table. By the time I reached it, the call had gone to voicemail. The name of the missed call was unfamiliar so I shrugged it off and headed for the luxurious bath awaiting me.

With the jets on low, the warmth of the tub was easing away the tensions of the day. I was about to fall asleep when Collin’s voice broke me from my jacuzzi-induced meditative state.

“So, you‘ve had no luck at all?” His voice was stern and frustrated. “I understand, but you still haven’t been able to find her, just a trail?”

There was a long pause, and for a moment I wondered if he had left the room.

“No, I understand. Did he say if he knew anything?” He sighed heavily. “Fine, yes, keep me posted...Thank you, good night.”

Collin walked into the bathroom, setting his phone next to the sink before taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub. His face was lined with concern and I didn’t know if I should question him or not. I opened my mouth but closed it when he began to speak.

“There’s still no sign of Grace.” His brow creased. “The investigator has been tracking her but has only been able to find a trail of where she’s been.”

“So we at least know she’s okay?” I sat up.

“Those who have seen her have stated she was fine. They told the investigator where Grace said she was going, but it always turns into a dead end.” He rubbed his face roughly. “I don’t understand. Why would she go through all this trouble to get Victoria if she was just going to disappear? And what about the baby?”

His concern for Grace and her newborn was commendable, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me.

“I don’t know. I’ve never understood her.” It was the truth and the only thing I could say that wouldn’t sound harsh.

“Of course you don’t,” he quipped. I stiffened for a moment at the words and the tone used to deliver them. He turned and looked down at me. “You’re different than her, better.” Slipping from the side of the tub onto his knees, he leaned over the edge and pressed his lips to mine.

“You are far more than she could ever hope to be.” The words fell from his lips as he pulled back from the kiss.

His words ignited me. Quickly grabbing the back of his head, I pulled his mouth to mine. A groan left his mouth. I swallowed it.

THE NEXT MORNING, while Victoria finished eating breakfast and I packed her lunch, Collin sat two chairs away from her talking to his lawyer about Grace. Victoria started to pay a little too much attention to his phone call so I rushed her out the door to the car.

“Did Grace go away?” Victoria’s words were whispered down to her lap. My head shot up and looked at her in the rearview mirror.

“Um,” I hesitated, not sure what to say. I tried to keep focused on the road in front of me.

“She left again, didn’t she?” There was a small sniff.

I quickly pulled over and climbed from the car. Victoria’s surprised eyes watched me from the rear window when I opened her door and took her into my arms.

“We don’t know where she went or why,” I answered honestly. “I’m sure she will be back.”

“She never wanted me,” Victoria sniffed. I looked into her face.

“Who told you that?” Grabbing her chin in my hand, I pulled her face up to look at me. “Who, Victoria?”

“I overheard her say it,” she whimpered. My heart broke and a sob formed a lump in my throat.

“Oh baby,” I held her tightly.

“She was talking to the babysitter about how she only got pregnant so she could marry Daddy,” she choked out. “I was never wanted.”

“Shh, baby, you are wanted.” I ran my hand over her back in a small attempt to soothe.

“Not until you,” she sniffed.

“Victoria,” I pulled back again to look into her face, “your father wanted you.” She opened her mouth to protest. “Honey, he was lost and hurt because of your mother leaving like she did, but—”

“Grace,” she cut me off.

“Yes, with Grace leaving, but he wanted you. Trust me, he did and still does. I know he didn’t do enough to make you see it or feel it. I’m so sorry for that.” I hugged her again.

“You‘ve always wanted me.” She nuzzled her face into my shoulder. “That’s why you’re my mommy.” We kept our arms around each other.

“I’m happy you chose me.” I smiled, but Victoria shook her head. “I shouldn’t be happy?”

“No, I didn’t choose you.” She grinned wide. “You were made to be my mommy and you just finally found me.”

“I see. Thank you for correcting me.”

After putting her back into her seat and buckling her up, I climbed back into the front. Before pulling away from the curb, I called the school to inform them Victoria would be out for the day. In the rearview mirror I could see her eager and curious eyes watching me, waiting for an explanation. I called Collin to let him know that I would have Victoria with me for the morning. There must have been a definitive tone to my voice because he didn’t question me. We hung up with a loving goodbye after confirming that we would meet at the house before the appointment. I drove to a nearby salon and spa to have a date with my daughter.

C
hapter
T
hirty

-NINE

WITH FRESHLY MANICURED hands and feet we entered the house laughing. Victoria was still trying to imitate the women at the salon. I should have made her stop, but it was just too funny. Collin met us in the foyer with amusement on his face, which turned into laughter when he heard our interaction.

“Seems you two had a nice morning.” He stepped toward me and kissed me.

“It was very nice,” I said, smiling at him. He leaned down and kissed Victoria’s head.

“It was awesome. Look!” Her hands were fingernails-forward in Collin’s face. He flinched back just slightly and looked at her rainbow nails.

“Those are very pretty.” He turned to me. “Are we ready to go?”

I looked at my watch. “We still have time.”

“We should get there early, just to be safe.” He was like an impatient child waiting to open birthday presents.

“They won’t see me any earlier than my set appointment time,” I chuckled and headed upstairs to clean myself up.

Stepping inside the bedroom, I suddenly felt clammy and hot. I pulled the collar of my sweater away from my body as nausea swept through me. It wasn’t until I was knees to the tile, bent over porcelain, that I realized this was all self-inflicted. I had only eaten a piece of toast with a small glass of milk this morning. My body was letting me know my mistake.

In between groans, I heaved and my stomach began to feel sore. As my abdomen muscles began to relax, I sat back on my heels with my elbows on the seat of the toilet. There were a few small spasms, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t control.

“Mommy,” Victoria’s voice came from the bedroom, “look I matched my…” Her voice died away. “Mommy?”

As quickly as my body would allow me, I flushed the toilet and moved to the sink. She entered the bathroom as I was splashing cold water on my face.

“Mommy, are you…eww,” she covered her face with her hand, “it smells in here.” Her voice sounded muffled behind her tiny fingers.

“Sorry.” My cheeks flushed as I spit the light blue foam into the sink and rinsed it down the drain.

“Are you okay?” Her brow crinkled. I nodded and rinsed the bristles of my toothbrush.

“Yes, I just need to eat.”

“Did you throw up?”

“I’ll be fine.” Trying to reassure her, I put my hand on her shoulder. “Let’s go get a snack, then we can get ready to go.”

“I already am ready.” She pulled away from my touch and posed. “Look, I match.”

“Yes, you do,” I giggled. Victoria stood with a rainbow striped sweater dress and matching leggings. “You’re one big rainbow aren’t you?”

“I’m your rainbow.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

“Yes, you most certainly are. Now let’s go feed the baby.” Taking her hand, I led her through the bedroom door.

“You mean my baby sister,” she corrected. She released my hand and skipped around me. I shook my head and followed.

I pulled lunchmeat, cheese, lettuce, pickles, and mayo from the fridge. Victoria brought the wheat rolls from the bread drawer and we made a large sandwich to share. While I cut the sandwich in half, Victoria grabbed sliced carrots and apples from the fridge. We sat next to each other at the bar and dug in.

“I guess you were hungry,” Collin chuckled, examining my mouth as I chewed on an extra-large bite.

“Mommy got sick,” Victoria spoke without looking at her father. She bit into her sandwich.

“Are you okay?” His warm hand on my arm sent a shiver down my spine. I nodded and swallowed.

“Yes, I’m fine. I hadn’t eaten since this morning, that’s all,” I shrugged.

“You’re sure that’s all it is?” Long smooth fingers tilted my face up to look at him.

“I’m sure.” Smiling, I placed my hand on his before turning back to my food.

“Be sure to tell the doctor about it today.”

My mouth was still full so I just nodded. The smoky flavor of the turkey breast mixed with the spicy pepperoni caused my taste buds to rejoice—nausea forgotten.

The waiting room of the doctor’s office was lined with black and gray chairs against the walls. Small tables with health magazines sat at the end of each row. Two women sat waiting.

We took seats with Collin on my right and Victoria on my left. It was silent for a few minutes while I completed paperwork, until a nurse called for the woman in the business suit to follow her back to the exam room.

For a moment, my thoughts drifted to Grace. Would Victoria ever know her other sibling? Would Grace ever appear and if she did, would it be to simply cause more drama? Part of me was sad Victoria may never know her brother or sister.

“Sophia?” My head snapped up when a tall, thin nurse with long, red hair called my name.

“Yes?” Standing, I approached the open door. Victoria and Collin followed close behind.

“Come with me.” Her thin lips parted into a bright white smile. Walking by the desk behind the sign-in window, she led us to a large, open room. I caught sight of the scale and groaned.

“Okay, so I’m going to ask you a couple of questions and then just get your basics.” She approached with a wide black nylon cuff and wrapped it around my arm, pumping it up. “When was your last period?”

“About three months ago. I don’t really have an exact date. I got the shot, and my cycle changed, mostly only spotting.”

“You were on the shot?” She looked at me astounded.

“Yeah, why?”

She shrugged. “It’s not one hundred percent, but it’s rare to have someone get pregnant while on the shot.” Her attention turned to Victoria. “Are you excited to be a big sister?”

Victoria’s head nodded. “I’m gonna have a baby sister.”

“You’re hoping for a girl?” The sinewy nurse smiled in amusement.

“I know it’s a girl,” Victoria said matter-of-factly.

Getting on the scale wasn’t as bad as I imagined it would be. The worst part had to be answering all the questions concerning my symptoms. Collin jumped right in to tell the nurse how I got sick most mornings, including right before coming to the appointment today. Victoria decided it was also a good idea to elaborate on how horrible the bathroom smelled.

The nurse escorted us to the exam room and instructed me to strip down, put on the gown, and take a seat on the table. I looked at Collin hoping he wasn’t going to stay while I changed. When he took a seat with Victoria, I pulled a privacy curtain around me.

“Are you nervous?” he asked as I changed into the gown.

“A little bit,” I responded, unsure of how I really felt.

Collin stood and took my hand just as there was a knock on the door. Dr. Marshall entered the room with a bright smile.

“Dr. Bishop?”

“Yes,” Collin answered and extended his hand. They shook firmly but briefly.

“I wasn’t aware you were, well, that your wife was a patient.” He looked back down to the chart.

“My future wife,” Collin stated with a smile, “as well as the mother of my children.” His hand tightened around mine. My heart fluttered at the word children, plural.

“Oh, well, I guess double congratulations are in order.” Dr. Marshall took a seat on a stool and started going over my symptoms while preparing me for the upcoming exam.

“Can you take Victoria out for this part?”

“I want to be here.” Collin looked exasperated.

“I know, but I don’t think she is ready to experience the internal exam.” Realization broke over his face.

“Oh, of course.” With a kiss to the back of my hand, he released it and reached for Victoria. “We need to give the doctor and Mommy a minute alone.”

“I want to see the baby,” Victoria whined and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Victoria,” Collin warned.

“The nurse out front has lollipops,” Dr. Marshall interjected. “Tell her I sent you to get one for you and your mommy, okay?”

Victoria jumped from the seat and ran for the door. The moment the door was closed, the doctor got down to business.

The familiar cold touch and discomfort of the devices lasted no longer than a normal pap smear. When he was finished, Dr. Marshall called Collin and Victoria back into the room.

“Do we get to see the baby now?” Victoria spoke around the large lollipop bulge in her cheek.

“Not today,” the doctor explained. Her face fell. “But you do get to hear the baby.” Her eyes came back up to his, excitement all over her face.

Dr. Marshall moved the material away from my stomach where he applied a small amount of gel. From his deep white pocket he pulled out a beige box and pressed a wand to my abdomen, moving it around slowly. It took him a few moments to get a read on the heartbeat, and I could tell Collin was getting more anxious than Victoria.

When the swooshing sound filtered out of the box Collin relaxed with a large grin, but Victoria looked confused. “What’s that?” Her nose wrinkled up.

“That’s the baby’s heart beating,” Dr. Marshall answered as he wiped off my stomach and helped me to sit up.

“That was it?” Victoria sounded disappointed.

“For today.” Dr. Marshall grinned at her. He turned his attention to Collin and me. “I want you to make an appointment for an early ultrasound so we can determine how far along you are, okay?”

After discussing a few more things and agreeing to make the appointment with Dorothy, the nurse at the checkout desk, he left me to redress. Collin kept Victoria busy while I slipped back into my clothes and discarded the gown into a hamper in the corner of the room. On our way out, we set up the appointment for the following week.

The day before our wedding, we found ourselves back in the doctor’s office. Sitting with an uncomfortably full bladder, I was crossing and uncrossing my legs. Victoria giggled. I looked to her amused face.

“You’re doing the pee dance.” She giggled again.

“You think it’s funny, huh?” I tickled her side with my fingers. She began laughing louder.

“Sophia Ashwood?” A short, dark-skinned ultrasound technician leaned out the door. I stood and walked toward her with Collin and Victoria in tow. She led us back to a room with an exam table. The nurse rounded the table, stepping up to a machine with a monitor on top.

“Can you lie down on the table, please?” She gave it a pat.

With a deep breath, I hopped up onto the table and lay back, my head resting on a small pillow.

“I’m going to apply some gel to your abdomen.” She began pulling my shirt up over my midsection and stuffed some white tissue into the top of my pants, folding it over the front. “It’s warmed, so there shouldn’t be any discomfort,” she said with a gentle smile.

“Okay,” I breathed out nervously. Collin took my hand.

“Are we going to see the baby?” Victoria looked over my body to the small monitor.

“I need to get a few measurements first, but after that, yes.” Victoria squealed with happiness.