Authors: Carol Rivers
He nodded. ‘I’m sorry you had to find out that way.’
‘You knew all the time, didn’t you?’ She searched his gaze.
‘I had me suspicions all along there was something amiss, but I kept telling meself it was just a bit of the green-eye over you. Then just before your uncle popped his clogs, he asked me
to find out about these rumours . . . your gent’s name had been bandied about by the old blokes down the Mission Hall. It was said he’d been over to Germany a few times, Italy and Spain
too, to hobnob with the likes of Hitler and Mussolini.’
‘I thought he was going to buy furniture.’
‘Yes, but you wasn’t to know the truth.’
‘I wouldn’t have cared what he did or was, anyway. I was always imagining meself as lady of the house, that it was me who would make him forget Delia and that I’d help in his
career.’ Her voice trembled. ‘He always talked so passionately about it, but I should have known it wasn’t right when he asked me to lie.’
Ben gave her a long look. ‘Lil, no one knew for sure what he was up to.’
‘I thought he loved me.’
‘Well, who’s to say he didn’t?’
Lily swallowed on the hard lump in her throat. ‘If he did he wouldn’t have married someone else, it would be me in that house now, not a new family.’ She brushed away another
tear. ‘I saw her standing there with a baby in her arms and I thought, that should be me.’
‘We can’t always have the things we think we want.’
‘Charles used to talk as if we’d be together. I believed him, but I was just useful for appearances’ sake. Like Annie.’ She sobbed. ‘I suppose even that was a lie,
that she didn’t pinch anything and he made her think he loved her too?’
‘Lil, you won’t ever know.’ He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. ‘Look, he was just another charmer. A man who got himself in a muddle and couldn’t get out
of it. There’s been dozens of them in history and will be a few more. He fooled a lot of people – people in high places – not just you. It took the civil war in Spain to make him
show his true colours.’
She nodded. ‘I suppose so.’
‘The one lesson we should all learn from this is that every moment of peace counts. To live our lives and be happy together.’
Lily looked into his earnest grey eyes. ‘I thought I was going to be happy.’
‘You can be,’ Ben smiled. ‘Happiness is just a thought away.’
‘But what about me baby?’
He took her hand. ‘You’ve always been me girl, Lil. I want to look after that little life inside you. Count him as me own.’
Lily shook her head. ‘But it’s Charles’ child.’
‘Listen, Lil, as far as I’m concerned, when that kid opens its eyes, he’s gonna see me. And like the proverbial duck, he’s gonna waddle after the first ugly mug he sees
and I’d like that mug to be mine.’ He wiped a tear on her cheek with his thumb. ‘So what’s the answer?’
‘You mean you’d marry me, knowing that I—’
‘I’ll marry you, Lil,’ he whispered. ‘Just say the word.’
Lily gazed into his loving grey eyes and remembered Charles’ dark ones. Would she ever forget them? Was it right for her to take everything Ben offered when she had so little to give
back?
Could she learn to love again?
The baby moved inside her as if in answer. As Ben leaned forward to kiss her, she closed her eyes. His touch was soft and familiar and though it wasn’t the grand passion she had dreamed
of, it was something deeper and wiser.
She knew then that happiness really was only a thought away.
28th September
The fascist conqueror Benito Mussolini and Adolf Hitler staged a massive floodlit demonstration of solidarity in Berlin tonight. The German leader once again referred to the
text of his book
Mein Kampf
; ‘Without colonies, Germany’s space is too small to guarantee our people can be fed safely and continuously . . .’
10th October
Sir Oswald Mosley was hit on the head today and rendered unconscious as he prepared to address a crowd of 8,000 in Liverpool. It was only four days ago that he led his
Blackshirts through South London but was stopped by Costers’ barrows, barbed wire and overturned vehicles.
16th November
The British government have drawn up plans for the evacuation of London, if necessary, in the event of war, though MP’s voted today for thousands of air raid shelters to
be erected throughout the country’s towns and cities . . .
24th December
A postscript from the editor of the
Mission Hall Quarterly
, Charlie Brent, retired coal merchant.
On a lighter note to end the year, I would like to make a short report of the delightful occasion to which the Mission Hall members were invited. Bonny four-month-old Josephine Heather Bright
was baptized this afternoon at three o’clock at St Peter’s! I’m happy to record that the church was full to the gunnels, hours before the midnight service! The christening was
held on this date to commemorate the memory of the baby’s great uncle, Noah Kelly, who passed away one year ago to the day. His niece, Lily James and husband Ben, the proudest of parents, put
on a wonderful knees-up for us all afterwards at Noah’s old abode, number thirty-four Love Lane. The house is still occupied by his sister Josie after whom the child was named and her husband
Bob. A happy Christmas was wished to one and all, as we thoroughly wetted the baby’s head, making the very most of the peace that still reigns – if not in Europe, then in every East
Enders heart.
All the best for the New Year, everyone, Charlie.