Light (The Shadows Series) (31 page)

 “What’s with the sad face?”

 “I’m fat.”

 “What? Where is this coming from?”

 “I tried to wear my favorite skirt and Kelly couldn’t get it to zip up. I can’t go anywhere or do anything. I sit around all the time or you carry me. Now I’m fat.”

 “Beautiful, you are not fat. You’re pregnant.”

 “Who the hell starts showing this early?”

 “It’s not really that early. You’re probably around twelve weeks now. When’s your next appointment?”

 Shit. When is my next appointment? I grab my phone from the table beside me and open my calendar. “Friday at ten.”

 “Didn’t she say come back in four weeks? So, it really isn’t that early. Besides, I can hardly tell.”

 “That’s because it’s not from the baby. It’s fat.”

 “Pregnant”

 “Fine. Pregnant and fat.”

 “No. Pregnant and absolutely beautiful.”

 “Whatever. I’m not leaving this bed.” Theron raises his eyebrows and I try my best to ignore his smugness.

 “What if I promised you a day in the library, with a picnic lunch in the garden?”

 “The library?”

 “And now, I have your attention. Baby, pick a dress and I’ll help you into it. Then we can spend the day in the library.”

 “Fine.”

 “Fine.” He stands from our bed and walks over to the closet. He slips inside and comes back holding a plain light blue cotton summer dress in his hands. It is simple and looks incredibly comfortable, perfect for lounging around in. Sitting up, I raise my arms, as Theron slips the dress over my head. Handing me my crutches, he helps me to stand. I put most of my weight on my right foot and relax my shoulders. Standing is a lot easier than walking. The dress falls down my waist and ends mid-thigh. It is tight around my chest, but still loose around my middle. Theron runs his hands down the sides of my waist, and then places them just below my belly button. I can feel his hands rub my stomach, and I look down, noticing just the slightest bump to my stomach. Great. It starts.

 “I like the way you look.”

 “Will you like the way I look when I’m huge and you can’t put your arms around me anymore?”

 “I will always like the way you look. You’re beautiful. I don’t call you that just for fun, I mean it every time that I say it. Come to the library with me, and relax a little. Tomorrow, we’ll see the doctor and find out if you can get a different cast. Let me carry you around one last day.”

 “Like you still won’t try to carry me.”

 “You’re right, I probably will. So, what’s stopping you today?” A smile plays on my lips, as I process his words. Who am I kidding? I would never say no to a day in the library.

 “Okay.”

 “Yeah?” I nod my head, and just like that, I am cradled in his arms once again. He tries to carry me into the library, but I argue with him, so when we reach the bottom of the stairs he sets me in my wheelchair. “You are incredibly stubborn.”

 “You should remember that.” He shakes his head at me, before grabbing the handle to my chair and pushing me into my favorite room of the house. To be honest, it is my favorite room ever.

 I am sitting in one of the leather chairs by the windows and my foot is propped up on a small ottoman that Theron has pushed over for me. This is literary heaven. The way the books feel in my hands, the power of the thin pages, and the smell of the words pouring through the room is absolutely, sinful. I have had a hard time picking just one book, we are only in here for a short while, but I have already had Theron create me a pile of books. He comes across a few books that I know Olivia would love, so I have him make a pile for her as well. We can drop them off after my appointment tomorrow.

My thoughts stray to the bookstore. I imagine Olivia is in the back stocking shelves, as the front of the store somehow manages to operate on its own. Smiling, I think of the first time that I entered that bookstore. Poor Harold was trying to talk Olivia down a ladder. She had climbed higher than she realized and was frozen, refusing to come down. When I walked in, he asked me to call the fire department. I couldn’t figure out why anyone would need help getting down off of a ladder. I asked him if he had any more ladders. He ran from the room, leaving me with a strange woman, clinging to the shelves above me for dear life. Harold placed the ladder in front of me and I climbed up until I was face to face with Olivia. She had tears in her eyes, but I told her not to cry because the books would have to suffer water damage. She laughed and we climbed back down the ladders together. Olivia never took her eyes off me until we got back down to the floor. I fell in love with the store and its owners that day.

I picture the store in my mind, seeing everything in detail. I close my eyes, reminiscing in my time spent there, when suddenly I notice something on the hard wood floors. Bending down to take a closer look, I notice that it is someone’s fingernails sticking out of a crack. My heart slams in my chest and I am frozen to the spot. My arms and legs feel heavy and my head lolls around on my shoulders, as someone screams above me. Their words cut through me like swords made of ice, chilling me to the core. I try to move my legs, but something is forcing me to stay in place. Hot searing pain scorches my skin, I scream as Benjamin walks into the room, laughing at my plight. Someone else screams my name, but I refuse to open my eyes. I can’t. I can’t do this again. I won’t make it. I know that this time I will die.

Something cold and wet drips down my face. I blink, as the water runs over my eyes. Looking up, I realize that I am still in the library. Theron is kneeling in front of me, gripping the arms of my chair and his face is pale, as if he has seen a ghost.

“I…I wasn’t here. Ben…Benjamin.” My voice falters, as sobs escape me in a guttural plea for help.

“Ssh. It’s okay. You’re with me now. He can’t ever get to you again, baby.” Theron places his palms on the sides of my face, wiping my tears away with his thumb. Confusion consumes my mind. I don’t understand. It seemed so real.

“Was I dreaming? Did I fall asleep?”

“No. You were reading, but you just seemed to space out on me. I kept calling your name and waving my hands in front of you, but you couldn’t see me. You looked right through me then you started screaming. I didn’t know what to do. I yelled for help, I didn’t know what to do.” His voice shakes, as the fog lifts from my mind. Oh my God, I completely freaked out on him. Holy shit. Taking deep breaths, I try to calm my nerves, but the tremors in my hands won’t stop. Before I realize it, I am shaking all over. My skin feels hot and clammy. I am going to be sick, my stomach wretches, as I quickly cover my mouth with my hand. Theron rushes across the room and comes back with a small trash bin.

I am not going to be sick. I am not going to be sick. I am not going to be sick. I desperately try to breathe in through my nose and out my mouth, while repeating that mantra in my head, but it fails me. My sweet man is holding my hair back, as I sit in a chair throwing up all the contents of my stomach into a small bin. I gain my composure. I wipe my forehead and realize that it is wet. I look down at my hand, noticing the water droplets on my fingertips.

“I didn’t know what to do. I threw my glass of water on you, and it worked.” He shrugs his shoulders, as if there is no better reason for what is taking place right now. Voiceless, I nod my head. Bed. I just want to go to bed, curl up in the softness of my covers and pretend my little melt down never happened. Jesus Christ. I am a complete mess. I am broken. My eyes cast downward from embarrassment, how could he even want to be with someone as fucked up as me? “I think we need to give the books a rest for a bit. Bed or garden?” As hopeful as his voice sounds when he says garden, I know that I won’t be going out there today.

My eyes never look up. I keep my head down with my eyes cast to the side. “Bed, please.”

“Beautiful, talk to me. What happened?”

“Don’t. Just take me to bed, please.”

Theron lifts me into his arms, I try to take comfort in his touch, but something is still off. It is as if I know something is wrong. I lay my head on his chest, he tries to set me in my chair, but I shake my head ‘no’ at him. If he lets go, any sense of reality I have is going to come crashing down around me.

“Oh, beautiful.” His words are soft like silk wrapping around me, saving me from myself. His heartbeat thrums in my ear, as he carries me up the stairs to our bedroom. He doesn’t speak, but he places several kisses on the top of my head, before he sets me on our bed. He pulls the duvet over me and I twist my hips as best as I can, so I can comfortably lay with the side of my face resting on my pillows. I don’t know how long he sits at the end of the bed before I fall asleep, but I know that it’s quite a while. Every time that my eyes start to close, I jerk myself awake from fear of what I might find in my dreams.

Warm enticing smells pull me from my slumber. The sunlight peaking in through the balcony window is soft and subtle. I search for him with my eyes, my heart sinks when I realize that I am alone. Next to me, I find a bowl of chicken soup and a piece of freshly baked bread. I prop myself up onto my pillows, then eagerly reach for the piece of bread, bringing its deliciousness to my lips. I smell it before I take more than an ample size bite.

“So, she smells bread as well. It’s not just books.”

A shy smile graces my lips, but quickly fades. Looking up at him through my lashes, I give him the best apology I can offer. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. One minute, I was thinking about the bookstore, and the next minute I was back in that room with Ben. It was so real.”

“Don’t apologize for that. Ever. If I had it my way, I would have tortured him for years before letting him finally die, but only after he begged for relief. Don’t. Ever. Apologize for what that fucking lunatic did. We clear?”

He doesn’t want me to apologize, but I definitely feel like I am in trouble now. How am I going to move past this without hurting Theron or dragging him along with me? He has had enough pain in his life. I don’t need to add more.

“Stop. I know that you’re in that head of yours. Whatever you’re thinking, whatever excuse you are trying to concoct to make yourself believe you’re responsible…it stops now. I told you that I’m keeping you. That means all of you. Every beautiful inch of light and every fucked up shadow that follows you. You can’t hide from me, Eve. I’ve lived with guilt and blamed myself for years for situations that were way beyond my control. The weight almost drowned me, until you came along. You reached out into my dark abyss and pulled me out. All I could see was a beautiful angel coming to save me and I followed you out. I’m not going to let you drown. My shadows still loom around me, but when you’re near, they dissipate from the pure light of your touch. It’s my turn to pull you from the shadows. Don’t hide from me. Don’t apologize for things that you can’t control. Just let me love you. Let me take care of you. Let me carry you when you’re too weak to go on by yourself. I love you.” He leans down, taking my face in his hands and kisses away my tears. The dam around my heart bursts open, as my pain from the last couple of months explodes around me. He doesn’t ask any questions instead he just holds me. I cling to him, as if he is my life raft in a sea of turbulent waves crashing down around us. There aren’t any words to describe the way that I feel, as he saves me from the dark abyss. His word, his touch, his love, wraps me in a cocoon of security. I know anything we face together we will be able to conquer.

He sits with me the rest of the night, as we talk about random things. The conversation is light over dinner, neither one of us bringing up the shadows hiding in the corners. Instead, we relish in each other’s company. As he crawled into bed with me that night, everything finally felt safe. I embraced his hold around my body, his fingers circling my belly, even after he drifted to sleep. My heart soars with love for this man. I close my eyes and eagerly greet my dreams because tonight I know the sooner I get to sleep the sooner I will wake up in his arms again.

“
Are you sure?”

“I’m telling you, we have him located and he hasn’t moved. Something’s not right.”

“Fuck. I have to take her to the doctor’s today. I want you to follow, even if you need to locate another vehicle. I don’t want him to recognize you.”

“I understand, Sir.”

I close my eyes, as I hear our bedroom door push open. I can hear Theron’s footsteps. An uneasy feeling comes over me, as I recall their conversation. I am sure they both thought that I was asleep, but I am restless. “Who is Evan watching?”