Light in Mourning (Mourning, #2) (30 page)

He looked like me, had my eyes, but that was coincidence. I wrapped my arms around Georgia and, finally, a sigh escaped my lips. “I don’t know what to think.” I held onto her for dear life. If there was anyone I needed at this moment, it was her, in my arms. In my life. “I didn’t want him to be mine for you . . . but I think part of me did want him,” I murmured so softly it was a revelation to me.
 

“I know. I know,” she whispered as she stroked my back.
 

“I didn’t think I was ready to be a dad, but when he looked up at me . . . I want kids, Georgia.”

“I know, honey. Buckets full,” she whispered, a smile in her voice.
 

“I want kids now.” I pulled away, gazing at her.

“Now?” Her eyebrows knit together. “You’re probably just adjusting. You thought for so long he was yours and now to find out he’s not . . .”

“No, that’s not it. Being his dad, no matter how short, I loved it. And I want that. With you.” I held both of my hands against her flat stomach. Her eyes darted down to my hands holding her belly. I knew what she was thinking, because I was thinking it too. I was thinking about my child; our baby growing inside her. She licked her lips before her eyes found mine again.
 

“Yeah?” she whispered, her lips parted slightly as small breaths escaped them.

“Yeah.” I grinned. “I want to get started on those buckets full of babies,” I murmured before I kissed her and laid her down on the floor, worshiping her body in the best way I knew how because Georgia had finally chosen me.
 

Chosen this.
 

Chosen us.

“Uhm . . . what the fuck are you doing?” I stepped out of the bathroom, my eyebrows scrunched together as I took in Georgia’s form on the bed, a pillow propped under her ass, legs in the air.
 

“Shut up,” she pouted. “It helps your swimmers get to where they need to be.”

“Seriously?” I cocked my head to the side, an eyebrow arched in disbelief.
 

“I read it. You would know that too if you would have read the daddy book I bought you, you jackass.” She laughed before fumbling for a thick blue and pink baby book on the nightstand and whipped it at my head.
 

I caught it before it had a chance to take me out. “Babe, I don’t think my swimmers need any help.” I winked at her, setting the book back on the nightstand and standing beside her contorted form on the bed.
 

“Well, dear, my eggs may say otherwise since it’s been three months since we started trying . . .” Her voice trailed off, water misting her eyes.
 

“Georgia . . .” I sat beside her on the bed and threaded my fingers through her long, chocolate locks. “It’s gonna happen for us, baby, just give it time. Can’t stress affect it? We had so much going on over the holidays. Just give things some time to calm down.” I dusted a kiss along her temple.
 

“Yeah, but what if I can’t have kids? What if I’m barren? I’ve been on birth control for years, Tristan.
Years
. Maybe that makes a person sterile long-term.” She wiggled her hips and arched her ass farther in the air.
 

“Did you read that somewhere?”

“No, but—”

“No buts. It’ll just take time.” I placed a soft kiss on her cheek before pulling on a pair of jeans that were lying in a heap on the floor.

 
I was about to head to the porch to call Trevor for our Saturday morning sports recap. After we'd gotten the paternity test results and found out that I wasn't Trevor's dad, I'd called Lexi and we'd talked for a long time. It broke my heart to explain to Trevor that I wasn't technically his dad, but that I still wanted to hang out with him. Apparently the only other guy that could be his biological dad had problems with drugs and alcohol so Lexi didn't want him in Trevor's life. I agreed with her, and I'd grown attached to the little guy, so I promised to swing by and see him whenever I was in Jacksonville and continue to call him at least once a week.
 

“Can’t it take up to a year for your system to readjust without the birth control anyway?” I tried to ease her mind as I shrugged a button down over my shoulders.

“Yeah.” She heaved a sigh. My hands dropped to my sides before I could button the shirt. She was so adorable, her eyebrows furrowed with worry, her legs hiked up, only a sheet covering her soft body.
 

Happiest day of my life when she’d said yes.
 

“Stop worrying, beautiful.” I bent to kiss her.

“Come down here and keep me company. I have to sit like this for thirty minutes.”

I rolled my eyes at her refusal to accept my reassurances. “I’m telling you, my swimmers? Strong. They don’t need the help. But I will lie in bed next to your hot little body.” I grinned and tweaked her nipple as I rolled onto the bed with her.
 

“Ow. You’re a sadist.” She grabbed her breast and massaged it in her hand.
 

“By all means then, let me help.” I lowered my head, hair falling across my forehead, and sucked her little pink nipple between my lips, caressing it with my tongue, pulling on it, and drawing it out.
 

“Ugh,” she whimpered and held my head to her chest.
 

“Ready again, baby?”
 

“Thirty minutes,” she moaned. Jesus Christ, she was determined to follow that book, no matter what.
 

“Might help our chances to double the dose of swimmers.” I grinned and sucked her other nipple into my mouth.
 

“Mmm . . . I don’t think that’s how it works,” she whispered as she threaded her fingers in my hair and I got lost in her all over again.
 

“You’re thinking about adopting?” I heard Georgia murmur over the phone. She sat perched on a deck chair, the misty air swirling her brown locks around her shoulders as she talked with Silas on the phone. I watched her from the French doors, listening in on her conversation.
 

We’d been married for six months, and been trying for a baby since the first night we’d gotten home from our honeymoon, without luck. I knew that every month that passed she grew sadder and sadder. She was becoming more affected by our inability to conceive and it ripped my heart out to watch her sadly shuffle into the room and announce that she’d gotten her period yet again.
 

She was losing heart.
 

Every month, we tried when she was fertile, but that wasn’t the only time we were having sex, because we were still as insatiable as ever. I couldn’t get enough of her, but now, during her fertile window, she went to great lengths to encourage the swimmers, as she said. I tried to make a joke, tried to make it a laughing matter, but I could tell the humor was slowly leaving her.
 

The thing she’d always dreamed of, the life she’d always wanted, and we were having trouble making it happen. I’d already gone to the doctor to see if it was me. I’d splooged in a cup, nervous that it could be my fault that we hadn't yet made a baby. The counts had come back good. Motility perfect. I prayed to God this wasn’t a permanent problem, I didn’t know if Georgia could deal with something else being taken away from her.
 

“Hey, babe. How’s Silas?” I wrapped one arm around her as she tucked herself into me. She nuzzled into my neck and took a deep breath. Scenting me, taking me in, she’d been doing exactly this since the beginning and it made me delirious with love and desire for her.
 

“Good. He and Justin are thinking of adopting.”

“Yeah? That would be great. They’d be great dads.”
 

“Yeah . . . I just wish it wasn’t so hard for us . . .”

“I know, Georgia.” I’d stopped telling her to give it more time because truth be told, I wasn’t sure that was all it would take anymore. I was scared that there was something wrong and that thought made my heart ache.
 

“Happy birthday, man.” Gavin swatted me on the shoulder, beer in hand. Bennett ran full tilt across the living room and out the French doors, Charlie hot on his heels. His laughter echoed on the wind as Georgia and Drew giggled at his antics.

“Thanks.” I tipped my beer to my lips. The start of the summer season: May, my birthday, and the time of year that business ramped up for the beach house. This day was usually hard for me, but since Georgia had come into my life, it had become something different. Something worth celebrating when she was here.

 
Drew and Gavin had married on Valentine's Day. They were spending the weekend with us. Silas mixed cocktails in the kitchen while Justin chatted with the girls outside. Our perfect little extended family. Silas and Justin had decided to move along with trying to adopt and were looking at a beautiful little girl from Romania.
 

“Presents,” Georgia called as she motioned me over to the kitchen table that was set up with gifts. I rolled my eyes because somehow this felt less like a thirty-year-old's party and more like one for a ten-year-old. I indulged her, though. She loved this stuff.
 

“This is great.” I grinned as I opened a kit to make your own beer at home.
 

“Such a guy gift.” Drew rolled her eyes and rubbed her belly. Soon after they’d gotten married, she’d found out they were pregnant again. Some people were just more fertile than others, I guessed. I’d watched Georgia’s face falter when Drew had told her over the phone, but she’d been enthusiastic for her friend. “Open the envelope,” Drew instructed.
 

“Aw, guys, this is great. Season tickets for the Pirates, baby.”

“Great.” Georgia rolled her eyes. I smacked her on the ass because I knew she secretly enjoyed going to baseball games with me. She loved going to the ball game, throwing a cute little ball cap on her head, scarfing hot dogs and drinking beer with me.
 

“Maybe I'll bring Silas, then.”

“Not a chance, lover boy.” Silas shook his head.

“Open ours.” Justin stepped into the room from the deck, carrying a box. I narrowed my eyes when I heard a whine escape it. All the faces in the room lit up, including Georgia’s.