Lexi, Baby (11 page)

I looked away from him. This was not going
to be a fun little chat.

“Umm... Layla isn’t here right now,” I
replied.

“God damn it Lexi....” I cut him off by
waving a hand. “We’ll go get her in a minute, but I need to talk to
you first. Please try not to get mad.” I was so nervous.

“What?” Landyn asked in an irritated
tone.

“She sort of knows you’re her father,” I
whispered. He opened his mouth, but I quickly continued. “I didn’t
do it on purpose, I swear. Ryan came over and started arguing with
me about you. He said it loud enough for Layla to hear so I had to
tell her. I’m so sorry,” I whispered again and meant every
word.

He ran both hands through his hair before
bending at the waist and setting elbows to knees with his hands
clasped together. “How’d she take it?” he asked worriedly.

“She was happy Landyn. Actually, that’s an
understatement. She was ecstatic. She was so upset that I wouldn’t
let her come here with me, she made me promise her that you were
coming with me to go get her.”

When his eyes quickly narrowed on me, I
tilted my head and asked, “What?”

“Lan,” he said, correcting me. I didn’t know
what he meant until I replayed what I’d just said in my head. Then
I rolled my eyes and shook my head when I realized I called him
Landyn.

“So annoying,” I mumbled. Lan shrugged his
shoulders, clearly aware of his annoyingness.

“Is it over with Ryan?” he asked roughly. It
was my turn to shrug my shoulders. I didn’t feel like answering
him.

“What the fuck is that?” Lan shouted so
randomly that he scared the crap out of me. I looked at him and saw
that his eyes were on my lap. In my lap was the bruised wrist that
I was softly massaging with my opposite hand. I didn’t even realize
I was doing it.

I let my hands drop to my sides, but he
snatched up my hurt wrist. “Did he do this to you?” he asked
heatedly. I tried to pull away, but he held tight. “Tell me! Did he
do this to you? Did Layla see him do this to you?” He didn’t let me
answer. “It doesn’t fucking matter. If I ever see him, he’s going
to pay for this. Please tell me you at least got a restraining
order.”

I shook my head. “No. Layla didn’t see and
please don’t worry about this. He thinks I wasted two years of his
life and he was more than a little upset, but I’m not going to see
him again. I know he’ll leave me alone, he was just angry.
Considering I just had sex with you, even though I didn’t tell him,
in a way, I deserved his anger.”

He let go of my wrist like I burned him and
looked away quickly before looking back at me. “Lexi, baby, no
woman deserves to have a man put his hands on her regardless of the
circumstances. I lived with that shit growing up and I won’t live
it again.”

I sat there for a moment trying to process
his comment. “I’m sorry?” I asked softly.

“My real father used to hit me and my
mother, Lexi. He hit us until the day I called the cops on him when
he nearly put Mom in the hospital. I was twelve. He left us after
that. He called on occasion and the conversations always started
okay, but always ended with abuse. I won’t let that shit happen to
you.”

His hand lifted to wipe away the single tear
that escaped my eye. His hand lingered there and I turned my face
into his hand. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Baby, there’s so much more to the story and
hopefully one day I’ll get to tell you in detail, but I even have
an older half-brother out there somewhere. My piece of shit father
had a son with another woman about four years before my mother had
me, and my parents had been married for five.” Lan paused as he
grew pensive.

“Mom never knew, but I did. She didn’t find
out until I told her. My father introduced me to my brother once
when we ran into him and his mother at the post office. I remember
the woman looked scared to death at seeing my father and the boy
looked panicked. That was the only time I talked to him. I swear
I’ve seen him a handful of times around town, but we both pretend
the other doesn’t exist. I know it’s him.”

He grew quiet and I silently cried for him,
his mother and the brother he didn’t know. How sad.

Lan wiped away my tears as he scanned
caringly over my face. “Lexi, baby, you were the most precious
thing in my life from the moment we met. There was no way I would
have tainted you with that knowledge back then.”

“You could have told me. It hurts that you
didn’t feel like you could, but I understand. God, and your mom.
She was always so sweet, I never would have guessed.”

“She missed you when you left. When I told
her what happened, she almost kicked me out of the house. She
worried that I would end up like my father and I think she would
have disowned me if she didn’t love me so much.”

Everything grew silent as we both seemed to
be lost in the moment.

Suddenly, I laughed a dark and unhappy
laugh. “What is it?” he asked me.

“I was just thinking that when we were
together, I always felt like everything was perfect between us.
Even when I left, I would think back on the time we spent together
and I could literally feel how much we loved each other. But I
really didn’t know you at all, did I?”

“You know that’s not true,” he grumbled.

“Why did you cheat on me, Lan?” I asked
sadly. “Was I blind? Did I just love you too much?”

“No!” He stated firmly. “It had nothing to
do with you baby.” He turned me to face him.

“It was a mistake. God, I don’t even want to
think about how stupid I was. I had way too much to drink and
Destiny...” At the mention of her name I tried to pull back from
him, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Listen to me Lexi. There is no excuse for
what I did. All I can do is tell you why.” He bent his head and
kissed my tears away.

“I was drunk, to the point of nearly passing
out. Destiny followed me around everywhere I went whispering things
about you in my ear every chance she got. I don’t remember
everything she said, but I know she placed doubts about our
relationship in my head.”

He was gutting me. “I didn’t realize the
connection we shared was that weak. I don’t want to hear anymore,”
I whispered.

“Baby, you were so fucking beautiful and
didn’t even know it. You still are, even more so. I always worried
that one day it would finally hit you, just how much better you
could do than me. I had also received one of my father’s infamous
phone calls that day, and again that’s not an excuse, it’s just
what was going on in my head and why I drank so much that night. I
was throwing up in the bathroom when Destiny locked herself inside
with me. She wouldn’t stop touching me and telling me that she
would take care of me since my own girlfriend left me to take care
of myself. I was mad at you because I wasn’t thinking clearly. To
this day I still don’t remember everything.”

He took a deep breath and continued.

“I do remember exactly how I felt when I
walked out and saw you; the look on your face. It was like being
drenched with ice water and it sobered me up fast. I remember
wanting to hold you and you looking at me like I just destroyed
your life. And I knew I did too because
I
was destroyed and
you
were my life. I remember you asking me if I used a
condom-” he started, but I cut him off.

“Please stop. I don’t want to hear this,” I
whispered, my eyes pleading with him not to continue.

He lifted both hands, framed my neck and
pulled my face closer to his. “I have to tell you this baby. For
some reason that question always ate at me. I know you don’t want
to hear it and it probably won’t matter, but you need to know... I
need you to know. I did. I know for a fact I used a condom because
when I took it off it was empty. I never even came.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Somehow, that
statement sickened me, and made me feel slightly better at the same
time.

“But you’re still with her,” I choked
out.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he
asked sounding genuinely confused. I opened my eyes and saw that
his eyebrows were pinched together.

What was so confusing about what I just
said?

I explained. “I ran into Destiny at my
graduation and that’s where she saw Layla. You were here in two
weeks.”

He sighed loudly. “Destiny showed up at my
bar the night before I found you to tell me I had a daughter. I
almost didn’t believe her at first, but it made sense after she
started describing the little girl she saw you holding. You and I
never used protection.” He sighed again. “Lexi, a lot of people we
went to school with know I own the bar. Before that I hadn’t seen
Destiny since that night. You disappeared and two months later I
joined the Marines.”

“So that’s why you stopped calling,” I
whispered out loud to myself.

“Lexi, I knew you were pissed at me and had
every right, but why wouldn’t you talk to me or tell me about our
daughter?” he asked.

I took a deep breath.

“I was hurt and hormonal. I assumed you
would try extra hard to get me back just for the baby and I
couldn’t handle that. I would have given into you. At about three
months pregnant, right around the time you stopped calling, I
started getting sick; very sick. I was eventually put on bed rest
until Layla was born.”

“I would have been there for you. You have
no idea how much it hurts to know that I missed helping you through
pregnancy and seeing the birth of my little girl; that I’ve missed
out on five years of her life; a life that we should have been
living to together.” He sounded tortured.

“I’m so sorry, Lan. I regret being so
selfish, but I couldn’t handle it at the time. You’re still young,
you’ll have more babies.”

I watched as Lan’s lips thinned and a muscle
ticked in his jaw. “Yes, we’ll have more,” he said loud and
clear.

I cleared my throat at that suggestive
remark. “Yes, we’ll both have more, but not with each other.”

“The only babies you’ll have will be from
me,” he stated with total certainty.

“Stop it Landyn,” I hissed through my teeth.
“You can’t bully me into being with you. It would never work out. I
already have so many trust issues because of you, so actually being
with you would drive me insane.” I shook my head energetically at
the ludicrous thought. “No way. I’d be miserable, I’d make you
miserable. I’d constantly think you were cheating on me.” I kept
shaking my head. “Not happening.”

“I would never hurt you again. This is
happening,” he stated firmly.

Ugh!

“Look, this conversation was really nice
while it lasted before you became all he-man. Hopefully this will
help heal some of the damage done to my heart and bring me closure.
But the only relationship we will ever have is being parents to
Layla. You can’t just come back in my life and act like there’s not
still bad blood between us. I’ll always hold Destiny over your head
and you’ll always hold me keeping your daughter from you over
mine,” I countered with the truth and nothing but the truth.

Completely catching me off guard, he dove in
for a kiss, his tongue searching and finding mine. His mouth was
soft and sensual; teasing. When I moaned in his mouth he pulled
away slightly and wrapped a hand in my hair. “You have no idea how
much I’ve missed your mouth,” he whispered, just before taking it
once more.

“You can hold Destiny over my head for as
long as you want. I’ll take it as long as we’re together. I need to
be with you,” he said gently against my lips.

I sighed. It astonished me to know just how
much I actually missed him too, but too much had happened between
us.

“I can’t do this right now,” I
whispered.

He stayed quiet for a minute; pensive. “I’ll
give you some time, but only a little. Let’s go get our
daughter.”

“Okay,” I mumbled.

As we walked to my apartment my mind was in
a fog. Landyn kept trying to wrap his arm around my shoulders, but
I kept pulling away. At his last attempt I jerked away from him.
“Stop it,” I hissed.

“I need to touch you,” he said,
frustrated.

“No. Layla’s probably hanging out of the
window waiting for us and I don’t want her to get the wrong
idea.”

“Soon enough it’ll be the right idea,” he
shot back.

“Ugh! I can’t deal with you right now Lan.
Please just stop. Nothing’s going to happen between us.”

“Whatever you say Lexi, baby,” he responded
in the fakest sugary-sweet voice I’ve ever heard.

I growled. He grinned.

I was glad I went with my gut. Before we
even made it up the last step, the front door opened and Layla ran
out. She headed straight for us and skidded to a halt right in
front of Landyn. “Hi,” she breathed, out of breath, looking up at
her daddy.

Landyn bent down and palmed Layla’s cheek.
“Hey there, precious girl.” Landyn surprisingly sounded hesitant
and nervous now. A far cry from his normal behavior.

Layla stared at Lan for a beat. Then I
watched as big, fat teardrops gathered in her eyes. “Will you keep
me? I mean, will you not leave me even if you don’t like me?” she
asked in a tiny, innocent voice.

That little voice pierced my heart. It was a
horrible feeling knowing that by keeping Landyn away, I
inadvertently caused my baby girl so much pain. I was crying again!
I saw Landyn wipe his eyes too.

“Precious girl, I’m never letting you go,”
Landyn choked out and pulled her in for a hug.

When they finally pulled apart, Lan said
“You’re very beautiful, Layla. You take my breath away.”

She smiled huge. “Will I be as big as you?”
she asked excitedly.

Landyn chuckled. “I really hope not
precious. There aren’t too many girls in this world as big as me.
But I will say that I think you’re going to be bigger than your
mom.” He made it sound like that was a good thing.