Letting go of Grace (31 page)

I stand in the same spot for what feels like hours till he comes out of the bathroom. The hurt is noticeable in his eyes. The clear, mischievous blue eyes have clouded over showing that darker days are upon us. He tries to avoid me, but I won’t let him. He goes to walk around me and I sidestep in front of him. He starts to walk around the other side and I again block his path. He steps back and brings his hands to his face, running them over his skin into his hair, and when they hit his neck they stay there. It’s in this moment that we finally make eye contact.

“You can go home now, it’s all over,” he whispers.

“What happened?” I take a step towards him and he looks down.

“Don’t,” he says, more as a plea than a warning.

What do I do? Do I step over the line? All I can do at this point is nod at him and walk away. The first two steps away from Aiden are the hardest. My feet protest, but my mind is still making them walk. It’s not till the third and fourth step that my heart begins to throb. The fifth and sixth steps bring tears to my eyes, making me pick up the pace and run up the stairs to seek refuge in my room.

When I get in my room I close the door and collapse against it. If he wants to be left alone, then I should leave him alone. I close my eyes and slide down the door and let the realization hit me. Aiden doesn’t trust me or feel the same way towards me as I do for him. I open my eyes and look around the room.

“So where are you now Chase? I followed what you said, and look where it got me.” Why am I so angry? When do I get to do what I want, when I want? Why do I keep letting other people make my choices? I should have never walked away from Aiden. After taking a few cleansing breathes I stand and start to pack my things.

I can hear the kids outside running around with Knox and Gabe. I move to their room next and pack. We might as well get back to our lives. I feel like I have been going through the motions for long enough. I created this cluster fuck of distrust and I will have to deal with it. As soon as I get home I’m giving Grant a piece of my mind. And this time I’m not walking away from Aiden.

I’m on a mission as I rush down the stairs in search of Aiden. Aiden sees me and comes over to me.

“Hi,” is all I can get out.

“Hannah.” My name leaves his mouth like a gravely moan. Chills break out on my skin.

“You don’t have to stick around, but I want to know what happened.” I whisper.

“Hannah, please.” His hand wraps around my wrist as he pulls me closer to him. With a deep breath, I look up at him. His eyes are sad and the frown he wears looks like the one he had on his face when he found out about his father.

“You might want to come back to the Cape.”

“I have no need to go back to the Cape. Aiden. I want to know what has you so upset.”

“My mom died this morning.” I watch as his eyes fill with tears, but they never drop from his beautiful eyes. He will hoard all of his emotions because that is what they do. He will never let them fall. Say something, Hannah. Say anything.

“I’m sorry, Aiden.” I take his hand from my wrist and give it a squeeze.

“You’re no longer in danger. Grazzer isn’t coming after any of us because he never existed.” I pull away from him.

“What?”

“Grant made him up, Hannah,” he whispers.

“No! I can’t believe him! Does he just get off on seeing me in panic?” He sighs and I can feel his warm breath on my neck.

“Why?” I ask in a soft voice.

“He knew that you were coming up with the kids to visit me for the weekend, and he wanted to prevent that from happening.”

“That’s sick, even for him,” I hiss.

“There’s more,” he adds. I turn to face him.

“More?” I squeak.

“Hannah, he was also responsible for the car explosions. He wanted me dead.” I gasp as I shake my head back and forth.

“My mother and brothers went to see him while we’ve been here and his place was a disaster. He also was high as a kite. He confessed to everything he had done. My mother didn’t take it well and when she got back home she…”

“She had a heart attack?” I ask.

“No, Hannah, she committed suicide.” The tears finally break free and he begins to cry. He quickly wipes his tears away with harsh wipes on his cheeks. Seeing his like this is destroying me. My own eyes well up with tears as I take his face into my hands.

“Aiden…” I stare into his eyes. “I’m here for you. I will always be here for you. Ill never leave your side again. I…I love…” I never get to say ‘you’ because he pulls away from me with a look of disappointment.

“Don’t, Hannah,” He snaps. My body is still except for the tears that fall down my face as my lips tremble fiercely.

“I’m your friend, remember? I don’t want your sympathy just because Grant fucked up again.”

“T-t-that’s not true,” I stutter. He bends and places his hands on his knees.

“Hannah, I don’t wasn’t to do this with you again.” I take a shaky step towards him, but he holds out a hand, telling me to stop.

“I gotta get out of here. Look… my mom left a note for you. I’ll have Shane overnight it to your house. Gabe can take you home.”

“I’ll drive home with my parents,” I reply.

“Okay.” He straightens back up and turns and walks away. I wrap my arms around myself and begin to sob.

An hour later I pry myself off the floor and head outside. When I get to the driveway I see that Aiden’s SUV is no longer parked next to my parents. This slows me down and makes my heart plummet more. He left. He is letting go of me. What did I think? That he was going to stay and beg me to go with him? Yes, that is what I was hoping. How sick am I? With a sinking heart I make it back into the house to find my parents bringing everything they have to the front door. I stop at the door and stare on last time at his empty spot in the driveway. He is a man true to his word. He has set me free but I can’t let him go.

“We are heading out in a little while,” my father tells, me not making eye contact with me. The only time he does that is when he knows something and doesn’t want to tell me. I wish I cared enough to get it out of him but I’m emotionally drained.

After showering and packing my parents’ car, we get on the road. This ride home is quiet. The kids don’t talk much. Once in a while they will point something out but after an hour they fall fast asleep. When we pull up in front of my house, I feel like I haven’t been home in years. My parents help get the kids settled in their rooms and leave. They know I’m not in the mood for small talk. I am sure Aiden told them about Victoria and that’s why they are silent. Or maybe they are just reading me and keeping their distance, either way I am thankful for being left alone.

After I lock the front door I gaze around at my house. I look into the kitchen and see all the different lives I’ve lived here. I can imagine Chase in the kitchen playing with the kids at the table, then I blink and I see Grant in his place. When I blink again I see Aiden leaning against the counter laughing. Three men haunt this house. I hear a key click into the lock and step closer to the front door. Kevin opens the door and I think I scare him.

“What are you doing home?” he asks walking in further. I look at the only constant in my life and I find myself falling into his arms as I explain everything to him. Everything I have never said out loud before, comes pouring out of me. All of the ugly parts don’t get sugarcoated either. This is me coming to terms with letting go of the Graces. This is me pouring all of the love and rage I have inside my heart. I have been afraid to voice it all along because then I would have to admit it’s all true. Kevin just stares at me in shock when I finish. I know he doesn’t know what to ask first so I speak again.

“I’m not looking for you to say anything. I had to get it out so I can move on with my life. I need a change Kevin. I need to actually start my life. I went from being numb with Chase’s death to falling for the wrong one and letting the right one slip through my finger.”

“So, Victoria…” Kevin begins, but I wave my hand dismissing him.

“I don’t want to think about this anymore. I know she thought she was doing them a favor by committing suicide, but she has left unthinkable scars on all these men. You should have seen Aiden’s face. I just can’t think about that right now. He wouldn’t let me be there for him and I can only imagine how he is dealing with it right know.” Kevin is the first to move.

“The puppies got huge in the last week,” he says, changing the subject. He starts walking into the kitchen where they are currently gated in. They are fast asleep in a pile around each other. I look them over and I swear these dogs doubled in size in the past week.

“Just another reminder of Grant,” I say out loud, not meaning to.

“You will have a lot of that,” Kevin remarks.

An hour later I am alone in my house. It’s quiet, but my thoughts are as loud as a marching band walking down Fifth Avenue in a parade. After the FedEx guy leaves, I take the envelope that holds Victoria’s letter to me and make my way outside to sit and think in the darkness. The stars are out and I try to get lost finding constellations. I put off opening the letter for a good half hour before I tear into it. I read with a heavy heart as she explains to me why she felt the need to do what she did. She got wind of the lie about Grazzer because Shane can’t lie to save his life. She said it was funny because Shane would think Grazzer would be after the family since he had dies fifteen years ago. Grant must have known this, but the others didn’t.

“Wow,” I sigh. I stretch my feet further on the lounger and continue the read her letter.

She confronted Grant and found out that he concocted the whole think. His plan was to take out Aiden, but Aiden got out of town and took me with him.

Grant was so insecure about Aiden taking me away after I chose him, that he wanted to kill his own brother. It horrified her that her son wanted to kill his own blood.

She said that she underestimated Aiden. He was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type till he met me.

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. Grant went on a rampage when he realized I had left with Aiden. Shane, her and John went over to his house and found he place trashed. Grant was strung out on God only knows what.

They didn’t expect Grant to me in a drug induced rage. They always thought Aiden was the one with past drug problems. He admitted his plan to his brothers thinking that they would back him, but he was wrong. Shane and John were disgusted and she was gutted that her first born had turned down such an ugly road. The guilt was eating her alive. She loved each of her sons equally and she realized that she had failed. This broke my heart. Now with Victoria gone, they are orphans. This makes me think of the day that I had to tell my kids that their father had gone to heaven and how hard they took it. They needed me more than ever then. The death of any family member is a horrible, traumatizing event, and I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy.

I wipe the silent tears that crash over my face and continue reading. She tells me that Shane and John had Grant admitted to a rehab center and they planned on telling Aiden what really happened. She must have killed herself before they got the chance to talk to Aiden. She finished the letter by telling me that she knows I have a good heart. That she’d always know it since we first met me and begs me to please be patient with her family. They’ve had a rough life. I read the last few sentences out loud. “Hannah, please follow your heart. I never did and I always lived a lonely and regretful life. Strong single mothers are a rare breed. We take care of everyone and everything and often neglect ourselves. Please give a kiss to your children on my behalf and watch my boys. I’m sorry. Signed, Victoria Grace.”

I FELL ASLEEP OUTSIDE
, and by seven in the morning my cell has rung twelve times. I haven’t answered it once. I rub my tired eyes and finally look at my phone when it starts to ring again.

“Hello?”

“Hi Hannah, can we talk?”

“Good morning, Shane.” I sit back and listen.

“Aiden told me he told you about my mom.” He begins.

“Yes, I am very sorry for your loss Shane,”

“Addy found her yesterday morning in her room.” He pauses and I can hear him crying.

“I can’t believe she killed herself, Hannah,” he whispers while holding back more tears.

“Shane, I am so sorry, if there is anything I can do,” I add. I immediately wish I could take the words back. I am used to saying that to patients’ families when consoling them.