Letting go of Grace (21 page)

“You can say no to her.” I have to get over my overprotective side of them with him. He doesn’t want to hurt them. He had been nothing but amazing with them, giving them tons of attention and doing fun things with them that I never do.

“Hey, if I’m going too far just tell me, OK?” he says softly under a whisper.

“It’s not you, Grant,” I say in a huff.

“It’s just…” I can’t find the words to tell him that my kids are in love with him as much as I am and they want him to be their father as much as I want him to be my husband.

“Too fast?” he answers.

“I don’t know,” I say, turning away from him like a coward.

“Grant,” Ella calls from the living room. “Come play with me!”

“I gotta go play Barbie tea party,” he informs, then runs into the living room and starts to fight with Ella on how he wants to be the princess Barbie. Of course, Ella starts laughing at him when he picks up the Tinker Bell doll thinking she is princess Barbie. I finish breakfast and set the stacks of pancakes on the table and call everyone over.

We all sit down like a family and eat breakfast together, but before we begin Grant and Aiden say grace while we all hold hands. The kids have just started to learn it, so they say the words they know. Grant and Aiden seem impressed by this and the kids are proud of themselves. I sit back and wonder how the hell we even got here?

I don’t say much at breakfast, only because I need to sort out how I feel, and I can’t stop thinking about what Chase said to me about Grant. I love him, but the more I hear Chase tell me he is right for me, the more I resist it. I need to feel this on my own and not have Chase persuade me into what I should be feeling. He was the one I blame for tricking me to run into Grant’s arms, thinking it was him, but I know I love Grant, and after Hunter’s slip of the tongue this morning, I can tell they love him as well. So what am I fighting against? Why can’t we just be happy? Why do I have to make everything so complicated when it doesn’t need to be? He is being amazing, and is proving himself true with everything he told me thus far. He wants this. I want this.
Let it just be, Hannah,
I tell myself. Let it just be and see what comes of it. It’s not like I’m begging my children to love this man, or begging him to love my children. It’s all just falling into place easily, and this makes me worried. It’s not my heart I have to protect anymore, it’s theirs as well and I will do anything to keep their tender hearts protected. Soon I’m stepping out of the shower still having my internal debate when I spot Grant sitting on my bed.

“Hey you, you were quiet during breakfast. I just wanted to make sure you were OK before I left,” he says rising off the bed. He takes a few short strides then wraps me in his arms.

“I’m fine, just have a lot on my mind,” I confess into his chest, letting his scent fill me.

“Well I wanted to let you know Hunter and I just had a talk.” With that said I pull away from his warm embrace.

“What did you talk about?”

“Well he apologized for calling me “Daddy” this morning.” I don’t talk. I stay quiet, willing Grant to continue.

“He wanted to know, if I wanted to be his daddy.” Finally I make eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry, Grant, this is a lot for you to take in,” I begin but he cuts me off.

“I told him I was planning on becoming his daddy one day, and whatever he felt comfortable calling me he could. I told him never to apologize for calling me that. I felt honored that he did.” “Hannah I came into this knowing you already had a family and I was going to have to learn how to fit into it somehow. I just didn’t realize it would be easy. I thought the kids would hate me and make me work for it, but they have been nothing but loving and fun”

“For the first time I feel like I belong somewhere, like I finally have a purpose outside of the company. I don’t want to kill myself working in seven different time zones and traveling nonstop. I want to come home to this every day. I want to be part of this family.” I’m still staring at him when he finishes. I have lost all ability to speak so I just stand there looking into my blue oasis.

“OK, maybe that was too soon for you. I’m leaving for work and I will be home around seven. You can digest that and we can talk about it later or never again. I love you.” He kisses the top of my head and I know I have to stop him. I am just in such shock. I can’t shake out of it fast enough. When he is almost through the door my ability to talk returns.

“Grant,” I say weakly. I watch him turn and face me.

“Come back here, please,” I whisper. He closes my door and walks directly to me.

“Thank you,” is all I get out before I kiss him with everything I have and everything I want us to be. I put all my desires, wishes, and hopes into this kiss as if it will make everything I envision for us happen. He kisses me, his kiss long and hard matching my desperation. His hands glide into my hair as he tilts my head back so he can kiss me deeper. I slow the kiss and back away from him so I can see his face better.

“I love you, we love you. I just don’t want to scare you off with everything falling into place too soon. I know you say you’re ready for all of this, but this” I motion around my room.

“Is a lot to take in and a lot of responsibility. It’s not only me, but them too. I told you already I can deal with a broken heart again, but them? They didn’t deserve what happened to their father and I would hate for you to get bored one day and leave them too. It would devastate them.”

“Hannah, stop. I told you, this is it for me. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I want to prove to you guys, that you are it for me. What can I do besides what I have been doing? You need to start trusting me. If not with your heart, at least with theirs. I would never do anything to hurt them, Hannah. Never.”

“I know, Grant, I just have a lot of emotional baggage. I’m their mother and I will always put them first and worry about them.”

“As you should, but let me put you first. This way you have someone to take care of you.” He looks at his watch.

“I have a car waiting for me, I have to go. I love you.” He kisses me one more time, then I watch him leave the room.

I start to pace my room then decide to clean it. After making the bed and sorting laundry I decide to attack the downstairs. When I get to the kitchen I pause to see the kids on the couch with Aiden watching TV. Disney channel, of course, but that doesn’t deter Aiden from watching. I think secretly he likes watching kids’ stuff. I make my way down the hallway and put the first load of laundry in. I work my way through the house cleaning. It calms me. Something I have done my whole life when I get anxious or upset. The “Idle Hands” saying my mother always says pops into my head. She always knew when something was wrong with me because I would rip apart her house in a spring cleaning type of way. I need to keep busy and figure out what I want. I need to give up worrying and go along with this and stop fighting against everything I really want.

“Guys,” I yell into the living room.

“Go strip your beds. I need to clean your sheets.” I hear some protest then Aiden’s deep voice. A few seconds later the kids are running up the stairs. I start to clean the downstairs bathroom when I hear Aiden clear his throat.

“Is everything OK?” he asks quietly.

“Fine, why?” I answer, finally looking up at him

“Because I think you are going to rub a hole through the floor if you keep scrubbing it like that. What did he do now?” he asks, leaning against the doorjamb.

“Nothing at all. The exact opposite of nothing actually. He is doing everything right.” I lean my weight on my hands resting on the floor. My head is down and I don’t know why I feel the need to hide from Aiden. Him of all people, have seen me at my worst.

“Then why so blue?”

“I’m not,” I finally say looking him in the eyes.

“Hannah, it’s me you’re talking to, remember?” And just by those words I smile.

“I don’t know, Aiden. I want this, I do. I’m just scared. I don’t want the kids to get caught up in him and have him leave us.” The truth isn’t a pretty thing. Even though I told Grant this and he told me he isn’t going anywhere I still feel like something is bound to happen to us.

“Did you tell him this?” Aiden asks simply.

“Yes. We talked about it and he told me he isn’t going anywhere and he wants this.” I stare into his eyes and they are telling me something. I just can’t figure out what it is. He doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t look sad. A mask has taken over his face and he is stoic.

“Well, of all things my brother is, one thing he isn’t is a liar. The man will tell you how it is no matter what. If he is telling you he wants this then take it for what it is. The truth. Did you ever think that what he really wants is a family and to settle down?”

“No,” I reply, looking down at the floor.

“Well Hannah, maybe you should just go with it. My brother loves you, trust me.” He says the words with some distaste and I know it’s because of the way we all started out. I get off the floor and suddenly feel the need to hug Aiden. I gently wrap my arms around his bare chest.

“What’s this for?” His deep voice vibrates through me.

“For always being there for me, even though you don’t always want to be there for me.” He hugs me back.

“Hannah I will always be here for you, not because I have too, but because I do love you as a friend, and I will do anything for a friend, especially you.” His words of kindness prick my insides. He is a wonderful friend, one I don’t always deserve. He kisses the top of my head and I can hear the kids running down the stairs. I reluctantly pull away from him and he gives me that classic Aiden grin of his.

“Thanks,” is all I can manage to whisper.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS WITH
Aiden and Grant around go by faster than I wanted them too. I love having Grant share my bed with me at night even though we haven’t done anything in the bed but kiss. Aiden has been a great built-in babysitter for me, sitting down by the pool with the kids while I run an errand or get dinner started. But having someone to talk to was what helped me through a lot of my Grant issues. I feel more free and open when I chat with Aiden. They are both leaving tomorrow and I know I will miss Grant for the few days we will be separated. I will miss Aiden, too. What if after this I never see him again or just in passing?

My parents are taking the kids up to the lake house and I will be going to the Caribbean with Grant to stay at his new hotel that just opened. I booked everything under my name because he likes to go into his new places undetected and really get the scoop on how guests are being treated and how the staff really acts when there is problem. So this weekend we will be Mr. and Mrs. Winterfield. I find it a little sick that I actually came up with the idea. Letting Grant be Chase for a few days that is. I know he will never be Chase, but when we arrive, that’s who they will greet him as.

That night at dinner, Aiden is more vocal than usual.

“I think I’m going to have a party at the Cape house in a few weeks. Do you think you could come up with the kids?” he asks, before filling his mouth with spaghetti.

“Please Mommy. Aiden says he has a really big pool and we can go swimming in it and he would take us out sailing on the boat,” they almost say in unison. I look over at Grant and he is smiling.

“I have a room for the kids. What weekend?” Grant asks Aiden.

“I don’t know, what works for you guys? I’ll get the word out to everyone else,” he replies with a mouthful of food. I nod my approval and feel mixed emotions about going back up to the Cape where it all started with the three of us.

“Is Shane going to be there?” Ella asks.

“I’m sure he will be,” Aiden answers with a smile.

“Will Annie have the baby by then?” she questions.

“No, she isn’t due for a few more weeks, but the baby will come soon.” he explains to her.

“Are you going to be my uncle when Grant becomes my daddy?” Ella asks next. I think I choked on my spaghetti. It’s funny she stated it that way. “When” being a matter of time not “If” It’s comical how kids can be so sure about things.

“Yup squirt, that’s exactly what I will be,” he laughs.

“Will Shane be my uncle too?” Hunter asks this time.

“Yup and John also, but you haven’t met him yet. I hope he will at the party though.” John was transferred up to the Cape when he was stable enough. I haven’t seen him since he was in ICU. My feelings of hurt for him haven’t changed and I’m sure I’m still not his favorite person.