Let's Call the Whole Thing Off (23 page)

‘But my best friend, Ed? My chief-bridesmaid. You couldn’t have picked anyone worse to cause me maximum hurt.’

‘I know, I know, I know. But believe me when I say I didn’t pick her. She came on to me and she can be bloody persistent when she wants to be. I sound pathetic, I know, but honestly I didn’t stand a chance against her.’

‘You do sound pathetic,’ I agreed, but I suspected he had a point. Once Sophie got the bit between her teeth she became an immovable force.

He clutched his head in his hands, looking defeated. Tiredness was etched around his eyes. He worked long enough hours as it was, but I knew he’d been putting in extra hours in the run-up to the wedding, knowing we’d be away for a couple of weeks.

I could almost feel sorry for him.

‘Just ask Sophie. She’ll tell you how it was. Please don’t throw everything away for something that … well, something that didn’t really mean anything. It was one tiny mistake. Okay, one huge mistake,’ he corrected himself, seeing my doubtful expression, ‘but it’s one mistake I won’t be making again. You and me, we still have the rest of our lives to live.’

Was that really all it was? A mistake. And even if it was, could I ever forgive him for it? It seemed a huge ask to me. But perhaps I was being too harsh. The night I’d discovered Ed’s infidelity I’d been quite prepared to jump into bed with Ben. And a couple of nights later I was inviting Dave back to my hotel bedroom. Even today I was entertaining very dark thoughts about Dave. Didn’t that make me just as bad as Ed?

I looked up into his eager expression feeling a surge of affection. We’d had our whole life planned out in front of us. Would it be that difficult to get us back on track?

We passed on the puddings but a waiter appeared with an ice bucket complete with a bottle of champagne. Although it was becoming my drink of choice, I certainly hadn’t put in this order and I looked across at Ed for an explanation. He gave me a hopeful smile as the waiter placed two flutes on the table and then popped the cork from the bottle. He filled both the glasses, before discreetly disappearing into the shadows.

Ed raised his glass to me.

‘I love you, Annie,’ he said, taking my hand in his, ‘with all my heart. Please make me the happiest man on earth by saying you will marry me this Saturday. I promise I’ll never let you down again.’

I raised my glass to him in return. Living dangerously, embracing the fear, was all well and good if you were an entrepreneurial type like Dave. I wasn’t. And neither was Ed, I suspected. But despite his recent uncharacteristic behaviour he was a good, decent man who loved me and who I knew would make a wonderful husband and father to someone. I felt certain he meant every word when he declared that he wouldn’t let me down again and he intended to spend the rest of his life making it up to me.

This week had given me a taster of a different way of life, but I knew I wasn’t kidding anyone. I was never going to navigate the seven seas, or traipse down the Amazon or throw myself out of an aeroplane.

All I’d ever wanted was a decent man to marry and I had one of those sitting opposite me. Could I throw away my entire future just because Ed had made a stupid mistake? If I really loved him, wouldn’t I be prepared to forgive him?

And how would I feel if I found out Ed was marrying someone else a few years down the line? Why should someone else get the benefit of this lovely man when he could be mine for keeps? Would I spend the rest of my life regretting a decision I made solely to preserve my pride? Why shouldn’t that someone be me after all? Why shouldn’t I marry Ed?

I had so many questions that needed answering and there was only one person I knew who’d be able to answer them for me.

I had to speak to Mum. I cursed myself for not having done it sooner, but now I couldn’t put it off a moment longer. Of course, she’d be shocked at what Ed had done, but the shame and embarrassment and humiliation I felt were not of my making. I had to keep reminding myself of that fact.

Mum would know absolutely the right thing to do. More than anything, more than any other time in my life, I needed my mum. I looked across at Ed, biting back the tears gathering in my eyes.

‘Would you take me home now please, Ed?’

Chapter Sixteen

‘Surprise!’ The welcome was deafening and completely unexpected as I walked through the front door. A fanfare of streamers rained down on my head as a sea of vaguely familiar grinning faces greeted my arrival: aunties, uncles, cousins, a great-aunt or two and an assortment of motley relatives who I hadn’t seen in years.

‘Oh!’ My heart slid to the floor as I looked at my mum and dad for an explanation as they all raised a glass to me as one.

‘Hello, darling! We thought we’d have a little drinkee before your big today. They’re not staying long, I promise.’ Everyone giggled self-consciously. ‘We know you need your beauty sleep, but everyone wanted to raise a toast to you on your last night as a single woman. How about that? Here you go,’ she said, thrusting a glass my way.

I didn’t suppose for one moment they’d all just turned up on the off-chance. There’d been some heavy-duty orchestration going on, on Mum’s part, I knew. God bless her.

‘Thank you,’ I said, my voice sounding weak and strangely disassociated from my body. The smile fixed upon my face was completely at odds with the feeling of complete dread in the pit of my stomach.

The relatives had arrived en masse. Mum was in a hyper state of excitement judging by the tell-tale pink blotches travelling up her neck and I just happened to glance over at the dining-room table, which was unrecognisable beneath a mountain of presents, cards and flowers.

How could I even contemplate cancelling the wedding if I didn’t want to be lynched by the auntie and uncle mob? Why had I been so stupid as to spend the last few days gallivanting around the countryside pretending to be someone I wasn’t when I should have been here sorting out the mess that was my life? And how would I ever get to speak to Mum alone now?

‘It’s lovely,’ I said, trying desperately to get into the spirit of things. ‘Just so lovely to see everyone. The thing is, Mum, I wanted to have a chat if that’s all right.’

‘Of course, darling. There’ll be plenty of time for that a bit later. First, come and say hello to Auntie Mo and Uncle Brian. They’ve driven all the way down from Scotland today.’

That was an awfully long way, I knew. Six hours’ driving at the very least, I reckoned. I hadn’t seen them in about fifteen years. I didn’t really know them and they didn’t really know me, and yet it was lovely to think everyone had made such an effort. I sighed inwardly, feeling like a spare part.

Everything was in place for the most magnificent day ahead and I was cast in the starring role. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Mum had gone the whole hog and ordered printed tea towels with our faces on to give to the unsuspecting guests. She could barely contain her excitement as it was as she propelled me around the crowd, showing me off like a performing seal. I picked up a chipolata from a proffered tray and popped it in my mouth.

I entertained a thought that Ed and I could slip away in the morning and elope to Gretna Green. The thought of getting married, just the two of us, away from all the fuss and everyone’s prying eyes suddenly seemed very appealing. At least it would get over the problem of Sophie. How could I get married with her at my side? How would I explain it away if she wasn’t at my side? It was all too insurmountable.

Thankfully, and much to my relief, Mum was true to her word and within the hour the lovely relatives had been dispatched to their hotels with promises of plenty of fabulousness for the following day.

I was completely exhausted. I felt as though I could climb into my childhood bed and sleep for a whole week, missing the wedding in its entirety.

Mum made me a mug of hot chocolate and came and sat on the edge of my bed, as she’d done on so many occasions when I was a child. I half expected her to pick up a book and read it to me and the way I was feeling I wouldn’t have objected in the slightest. Instead, she wiped the hair away from my face and stroked her thumb across my cheek.

‘You look whacked.’ she said, smiling indulgently. ‘How are you feeling about tomorrow? Are you very excited?’

‘The thing is, Mum …’ I wriggled up on the pillow and looked her in the eyes, not knowing what the hell to say. This was my big opportunity to tell her what had happened, to express my concerns, to say I didn’t know whether I still wanted to marry Ed or not, but I couldn’t, not when she was looking at me with such pride and affection in her gaze. I took a deep breath but the words that had been running around my head for the last few days snagged at the back of my throat and instead I wimped out, smiling. ‘I can’t believe I’m actually doing it, getting married. It seems like such a big thing to do.’

She threw back her head and laughed, looking girlish.

‘Of course it’s a big thing to do. It’s the biggest thing in life you’ll ever do, apart from having your first child, perhaps. But you’re on the brink of a terrific new chapter for you and Ed. I’m not saying marriage is a bed of roses – believe me, it isn’t – but I don’t think my life would have been half as fulfilling if I hadn’t shared it all with your dad. And you’ll have Ed to share your future with. Of course, you’ll have problems to face as well as the good times but you’ll get through them together. As long as you love each other, then you’ll have everything.’

Was it as simple as that? Loving each other. If you’d asked me a week ago I would have said we were madly in love and could have dealt with anything that was thrown at us. Now I wasn’t so sure, but could I really walk away without giving our relationship, a second chance? What would have happened if the affair had been uncovered six months or six years down the line? We would just have had to have dealt with it and worked through the problem together. Wasn’t that what marriage was all about? Maybe we were just getting our problems out of the way before the marriage.

I slid back down the pillow and into the depths of my bed, pulling the duvet up under my chin. Tiredness washed over me. I was being silly even considering cancelling the wedding. Ed and I were destined to be together. This was our first major problem and we were sorting it!

Besides, I could hardly send Auntie Mo and Uncle Brian back home without showing them a proper good shindig. Mum would never forgive me.

***

‘Good grief, Anna, how much weight have you put on exactly?’ The next day mum was wrestling with the zip on my dress, pushing the escaping folds of fat into the white silk fabric.

‘Just a few pounds,’ I said, breathing in exaggeratedly.

‘Most brides lose weight in the run-up to their big day, not put it on. Whatever have you been doing?’

‘A bit of comfort eating, I suppose.’ Deciding not to tell her about the copious amounts of alcohol I’d got through this last week.

When I was safely shoe-horned into the dress, I turned to look at her.

‘Oh my goodness,’ she gasped, tears forming in her eyes. ‘Look at you! You look absolutely stunning, doesn’t she, Derrick? Derrick, come here.’

Dad duly wandered across from the other side of the bridal suite where he’d been fiddling with his cufflinks for the last fifteen minutes.

His face lit up when he saw me, a huge grin stretching his features.

‘I can hardly believe it! My little girl has turned into a beautiful woman.’ He clutched Mum’s hand and they both had a misty-eyed moment as they stood there in silent awe.

‘Oh, you two! Stop it.’ I flapped my hands in front of my face. I couldn’t cry today, not with all this make-up on my face. I had visions of me ending up in a gloopy puddle on the floor. Besides, I’d cried enough tears this week to last me a lifetime. My crying days were behind me. ‘I think we need a drink!’ I announced theatrically. ‘This is my wedding day. Bring on the champagne, Dad!’

‘Yes, Derrick, let’s have some champagne.’ She sent him off with a flourish of her hand. ‘Just make sure you don’t get any down that lovely dress of yours or we will be in trouble.’

‘You know, Mum, you look absolutely stunning too.’ I grabbed hold of her hand and squeezed it tight. Her face was flushed with barely contained excitement. We attempted a restrained hug, carefully avoiding each other’s make-up, sequins and newly coiffed hair, and ending up patting each other fondly on the back.

My relationship with my mum hadn’t always been the easiest one in the world. She could be interfering and disapproving and was over-protective, over-anxious and lots of other over-things, but she was the best mum I’d ever had and seeing her this morning, positively brimming with pride, made me feel a huge surge of love her.

‘You know that colour on you is fabulous, Mum, and your hat sets the whole look off wonderfully. You look amazing, I’m so lucky to have you as my mum.’

‘Thank you, love,’ she said with a satisfied smile, pulling down the hem of her jacket. ‘But I’m the lucky one. To have you as my daughter.’ She composed herself, wiping a tear away from her eye, pulling back her shoulders. ‘We don’t scrub up badly as a family, do we?’

I smiled and looked at my reflection in the mirror, hardly recognising the woman staring back at me. In truth, I looked like a sugar plum fairy, a slightly plump sugar plum fairy. My cleavage spilled over the sweetheart neckline much more than was intended, the curve of my stomach strained against the fabric of the dress and if I tilted my head forward slightly I could just make out the beginnings of a fetching double chin. I turned to the side, looking at myself in profile. Unfamiliar corkscrew curls framed my perfectly made-up face. It perhaps wasn’t the look I’d envisaged when I started planning my wedding over two and a half years ago, but somehow, it worked. I looked like a Disney Princess who’d fallen off the wagon.

‘This is okay, isn’t it, Mum?’

‘Okay? Okay, darling? Don’t be silly. It’s way and beyond being okay. You look truly scrumptious.’ I gave a wry smile. I hadn’t imagined the Disney Princess look after all. ‘In fact, I think you’re probably the most beautiful bride there has ever been.’ She stood in front of me and tended to my hair, gentle fluffing it up as she’d done several times already this morning. ‘Anyway, where is that chief-bridesmaid of yours? She should be here looking after you.’