Let Slip The Princesses of War (10 page)

Weeks passed while I recovered enough to travel.  While I rested, Pea tended my wounds, washing me daily in the pool, treating me with creams and salves from Cinderella’s medical supplies.  I ate and slept and cried.  As painful as it was to see what they had done to Flynn, what I had done to him, it hurt even more to lose him a second time.  He was dead, I’d left him for dead, and now he was alive, and even though he hated me, rightfully, for what I’d done, I was happy that he lived.  Even twisted and working for Mallory, I rejoiced in his life. 

I hated when Sweet Pea put the creams on my scars. If they faded, would they take the last of Flynn from me? 

When I was strong enough to walk a few steps, I asked them to set up a bed outside.  I’d missed the open air in the dungeon and too much time in the tent, as opulent as it was, felt stuffy and oppressive.  Emily and Cinderella and Pea trained in the clearing.  I couldn’t believe how much Emily had progressed.  She was becoming a true warrior. It made me proud.  It made me sad.  She was 6 for the fucks sake!  She needed to be a child, not a soldier.  But, life demands what it demands and we either deliver or we die. 

Nonetheless, it made me happy to see her playing with a doll.  I don’t know where she’d found a doll.  Cinderella didn’t seem like the doll type and I’d never seen one in the tent.  I was lying out on my daybed, watching her play, some kind of silly little game with her doll.  Ben was beside me, as he always was now. 

Then Ben got up and ran over to Emily and snatched the doll from her hand.  Emily screamed and I yelled at him. “Ben!  No!  Bad dog! Drop it!” But he ignored me.  He ran to the far edge of the clearing and dropped the doll on the ground.  ‘Finally.’ I thought, then as Emily ran to recover her doll, he lifted his leg and peed on the doll! 

“Bad Ben!” Emily yelled with deep anger. 

I pulled myself to my feet and walked towards Ben.  Then I noticed the piss soaked doll start to smoke and shake.  “Emily!” I shouted, “Back away.  There’s something strange!”

Emily looked at me as she ran. “No shit!” I wonder where she picked up that language.  Pea and Cinderella must have heard the commotion and they came running out of the tent, weapons at the ready. 

So it was, that we were all there when the piss soaked doll, basically, exploded and in its place sat a naked piss soaked Beauty!

She looked around, confused, for only a second, then spotting the tent, she said, “I need a bath.”

A few minutes later Pea helped me into the tub where the others were waiting, even Ben.  All eyes turned to Beauty, even Ben’s.

“Ok,” said Cinderella, “Tell us your story.”

“Well,” Beauty began, “We had reports of a sleeping spell in an area close to the eastern border.  The report was that the spell was growing, every day covering more territory.  Nobody had ever heard of that kind of spell and I’m sure you can all see how dangerous it would be.  So, Snow and I decided I should check it out.  I mean, who else?  Right?  I assembled my team and off we rode.  You’ve all been to the border lands, you’ve seen how the population thins out until you are essentially riding through empty territory.  So, it turns out we had entered the sleeping zone without noticing it.  This spell was different than any I had ever seen.  Normally there is, almost, a wall.  On this side you’re fine and on that you sleep for a hundred years.  And while they don’t affect me, I can feel them.  It’s like walking through cotton or spider webbing, the air feels thick.  But this time I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t notice anything until I couldn’t rouse my team one morning.  Well, you know once someone is under the spell, the only cure is to find the source and break the spell.  So, I pushed on.  To save my team and complete the mission.  But it was a trap.  Suddenly, Mallory’s creatures were everywhere.  I fought, of course, I fought and I killed, I killed a lot, but there were too many and, what can I say? They captured me. 

“It was odd, once they capture me, they were almost pleasant.  They took me to your old tower and locked me in.  It was almost a joke.  I escaped in about 20 minutes.  I mean, no offense Rae, but the tower really was designed to keep people out, not in.  But, Mallory had hundreds of soldiers surrounding the tower, so I didn’t get far before they recaptured me.  They beat me and broke my legs and put me back in the fucking tower.  As soon as my legs healed, I escaped again.  Well, this went on for a while.  I’d escape, they’d recapture me, break something, I’d heal and the cycle would start over.  It was fun it in its way, something to do at least.  Anyway, one morning, I was going through my exercises, testing my shoulder, seeing if I was healthy enough to escape again, when suddenly I couldn’t move.  Not an eyelash! Then, just like she was out for a morning stroll, Malloy herself walks in the tower window!  She starts on some long boring speech about how I’m causing her problems and how expensive it is to keep replacing the guards and how she hates, hates to have to handle these kinds of things personally, and so on.  Then she tells me she’s been thinking on the problem and she wanted to come up with something especially humiliating for me, so, she’s going to transform me, but not one of those cool transformations into a swan or a bear or something.  She tells me how I was such a bitch that she thought about transforming me into a dog, but finally decided on something worse.  She tells me how I am a disgrace to the name of princess, with my armor and my fighting.  How a true princess should be dainty and all that, you know what I’m talking about Pea.  So, she tells me how she’s decided to transform me into a doll!  So that I can finally provide a good example for a little girl.  Then, well, you all know that it’s a rule that every transformation has a key, a way it can be broken, and it can be anything, a kiss from a prince, seven years of silence, whatever.  So, just ‘cause she can’t stop thinking how I would make a good dog, she decided the key is I need to get peed on by a dog!  And she’s laughing and laughing how funny that would be and how no dog is ever going to climb the tower and how I’ll be a doll forever and ever and she’s laughing and laughing and the next thing I know, I’m sitting in the mud, soaked in dog pee!  So, I guess the joke is on her!!”

Once Beauty finished her story, Cinderella asked her, “Do you have any idea how they knew you would investigate?”  I could see what she was fishing at.

Beauty shrugged, “I guess it’s just common sense, set up a sleeping spell and see who comes, got to be me or Snow and either way they’re going to be happy.”

Cindy wasn’t satisfied.  “Do you have any sense that maybe someone from our side, someone from inside the palace maybe, tipped them off?”

Beauty shook her head, “Traitors can be anywhere, but I doubt it.  Snow runs a pretty tight ship and I doubt she’s letting sensitive information slip out.”

Cindy can’t let it go.  “What about if Ms. White wanted the information out?  What about if she saw, let’s say, strategic value, in letting it out?”

Beauty was almost angry now, “No!  I know what you and your bunch of cackling hens, want to think.  It’s true, Snow and I had our differences, sometimes loud differences, but we’re talking policy differences.  Snow White may not be the best commander. She may not have the best military mind, but she’s 100% against Mallory and I trust her 100%. Hell, I assume she sent you to rescue me, so that should put to rest any idea that she set me up.”

Cinderella starts again, but I cut her off.  “Beauty, Ms. White did send us to rescue you.  But, she had ulterior motives.  She wants you to join our quest.” Beauty started to say something, but I cut her off too. “But I need you to say, right now, without knowing anything about it, that you refuse to join us.”

“How can I refuse to join you, if I don’t know anything about it?”

“I’m asking you as a favor, as a personal favor, to just say ‘Without knowing anything about it, I refuse to join your quest.’, and I’ll remind you that you now owe me two favors.”

“Two favors!” She almost shouted “No!  There was that time in, well, we don’t need to go into the details, but it’s just one.”

I shook my head.  “Nope, it’s two.  That was my dog who pissed you back to human.  So, just say it.  You can reserve the right to change your mind later, if additional facts come to light or something.”

“Additional facts, I don’t have ANY facts!”

“Just say the fucking words!” Sweet Pea waded into the conversation.

“Alright! Fine!” Beauty crossed her arms.  “I, Beauty, refuse to join your stupid fucking quest.  I wouldn’t join your quest even if you asked me nice.  There!  Are you all fucking happy!?”

And we were all fucking happy. I asked Pea to bring me the letter from my coat pocket.  “Ok, Beauty, I want you to read this and maybe this will change your mind.”

“You’re a bunch of gad damned lunatics.  You don’t have to change my mind, I don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about!”

I handed Beauty Ms. White’s letter with its golden coupon and we all watched as she read it.

“Ok.  Got it.  Now can I join your quest?  Pretty please?”

“No.” I shook my head, “Not until you hear all the details.” I swear, she would have beaten the crap out of me, except I already looked pretty crapless. 

By the time we got out of the tub the tent had added another bed and another chair at the magic table. And so we were five.

Cinderella helped Beauty pick out some armor from the pavilion’s stores (they eventually settled on some silken scale armor that wore more like clothing than armor).  I doubted it was tough enough to stop a direct strike, but Beauty’s style has always been to avoid getting hit in the first place. Meanwhile, I was practically bouncing from excitement.  Now that we had Beauty, I was more eager than ever to get on the road.  Go to Beauty’s castle, rescue the mystery prince, find the Magic Mirror, escape, use the Magic Mirror to defeat Mallory, win back Flynn!  I pretty much had my life planned out. 

While they waited for me to heal, Beauty began training classes with everyone.  She was a marvel to watch.  Fast, fluid, precise.  And she was a hell of a teacher.  She helped Pea shave a fraction of a second off her aiming, taught Cinderella a new technique to break a clench, guided Emily through a host of different ways to handle her blade, she even trained with Ben.  It was the damnedest thing.  She’d get down on all fours and they’d wrestle or she’d show him how best to angle his head for maximum biting power or whatever. 

One day she came over and sat down on my bed. “Got to get you out of the bed.  You’ll heal better on the training field.”

“You’re right.  I know.  I just can’t seem to find the strength.  Maybe a few more days and we can train a bit.  I see you working with the girls.  I’d like to get you to look at my technique too.”

“Don’t forget Ben!  He’s no girl.  I’m sure there is nothing I can teach you. But we can train together anytime you feel up to it.  I’d like to get a look at your technique.  You know, I use a whip sometimes.”

“I know.  I saw you use a whip back in the ‘78 campaign.  You were incredible!” I was gushing like a school-girl.

She shrugged, as if to say ‘Incredible is just what I do’.

She turned and walked away.  I closed my eyes and let the sun shine down on me. 

I almost felt it, before I heard it.  A sword being drawn, whisper quiet.

I barely twisted off the bed before the blade bit the cushion.

“Fuck Beauty!  What the fuck are you doing?!”

“I’m getting you off the gad damned day bed!”

She struck at me again and I had to jump back.  I didn’t think she would really hurt me, but I know Beauty well enough to know that if I didn’t move she would make me regret it.

I pulled my whip and lashed at her.  She batted it away with her sword. Like it was nothing. 

“What’s the story with the dog?” She yelled.

I dodged another thrust and countered by lashing at her feet.  I almost had her, but she danced away.  “Not much of a story, I saved him from a gnome or something who was going to drown him.  And now he’s, more or less, mine. You know, master and dog.  I love him and he loves me.  Just a girl and her dog traveling the land and righting wrongs. Why?” 

She shrugged again.  “No reason really.  He’s some dog, alright.  Hell of a fighter.  Cindy tells me he’s saved your asses more than once.  Saved me too, if you think about it.  Something odd about that though.  Emily says he just ran up to her and grabbed me, well the doll that was me, and just dropped me, well you know, on the ground and just, sort of, pissed on me.  I’ve watched him.  He’s not a random pisser.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s got a special pattern when he pisses.” She threw her blade at me and I had to dive to avoid it. 

I lashed at her, finally connecting, a glancing blow, but I saw blood on her shoulder.  It didn’t seem to slow her any.  “I can’t say that I have noticed how he pisses.  As long as Cindy isn’t nagging me that he’s pissing in the tent, I’m pretty satisfied.”

“Watch him.  He’s careful to always wander off into the forest, never in the same direction twice. As if he doesn’t want anybody to be able to track him, us, from his piss.” She’d replaced the sword with a gun and she fired directly at my head.  My whip fanned out and blocked the bullet and tossed it back at her.

“That is weird.  What’s it mean?  He’s a smart dog.  Anyway, it was your luck day when he decided to piss close to home!”

She dodged the bullet, and took a shot at my feet, too fast for me to block, I pranced away just in time.  Lost a piece of my boot.  “I don’t know.  Probably nothing.  Maybe he’s had some bad experiences, taught him to be careful.  Also, he’s always watching your ass.”