Leon's Way (8 page)

I am weak, slumping my head against his shoulder as he cradles me in his arms. He kisses my neck, a warm burst of air hitting me from his nostrils and producing goose bumps.

“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning for everything. For giving in to him, for not making him happy, not easing his worries like my mission has been since I started loving him. I’m adding to his burden instead.

“Sshhh, baby. Sshhh.”

I’m not sure when Kat will return. Knowing her, it depends on our father’s situation, which isn’t something I’ll lose sleep over.

After a week of having her at my house, I’m floored by how much I’ll miss her sweet presence. It’s why I’m with her, entering my father’s hospital room on Kat’s last day in Deepsilver. I’m doing this for her.

Kat alerted me to the tube that’s supposed to cover his mouth, but as we enter, he’s awake with piggy eyes peering at us from over thin, transparent breathing tubes in his nose. His mouth, that damn slit in his face, tries to smile at me when I stop dead in my tracks by the exit.

“He’s awake?”

“They left a voicemail.”

“How long ago?” I ask, voice low. Menacing. Daring her to say she’s known the whole time that he’s not in a coma anymore.

“I swear, Shishi—I just noticed the message from the hospital on the way here. I couldn’t risk that you turned around, so I didn’t call them back,” she whispers.

“Lee…” The asshole tries to say my name. Yellow jowls hang asymmetrically from his face, touching the blue hospital gown below his neck. He’s thankful we’re here, and I want to hurl my guts out Arriane-style. Fuck. Him.

“Dad,” Katsu says. Her pitch trembles. The fear in it catapults me straight back to the night of my black-belt graduation.

“Screw this, Kat,” I say. “Ready to scram?”

“Shishi, please sit?” she begs before she flops into a visitor’s chair by our father’s side. “We’re here—we’re owning this.”

“Thang…” my father starts. “Thaah…”

Oh, hell no.

“You thanking us for coming, Dad?” I spit out. “You should thank your daughter. She’s a fucking angel, you know that? Not your doing.”

“Leon,” Katsu begins, putting a small, cold hand on my arm. “Please don’t—”

“No, Kat. You brought me here—I’m here. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay, but you’ve got to deal with me being me.”

Kat’s bottom lip trembles. I can almost see her heart beat like wings against her ribs. “I’m not hurting you, Kat, for speaking up, am I? Am I hurting your feelings if I tell this piece of shit that he’s a piece of shit?” I laugh and swing to him.

“Father. You’re dirt under Kat’s shoe. I’d like to sanitize her shoe, okay? No–get her
new
fucking shoes!”

My father blinks with something other than callousness. Different than cruelty, rage, or pleasure. His heart monitor beeps faster, which probably isn’t a good sign, and I don’t give a flying fuck.

“Shishi, please! Let’s go—I’m ready to leave…” Kat tries, knowing damn well I can’t be stopped now.

I lean in over my dad’s hospital bed. Loom over him the way he did over
my
bed when I was little before I learned how to lock my door. “Should I kick you in the gut, Daddy? Remember how much fun you had doing that to me?”

“Ssstooh—” my father rattles.

“Stop it? Is that what you mean? Wow, sounds mighty familiar. Hmmm.” I lift my index finger to my lips and make a show of mulling over my déjà vu.

“Oh! Right. Kat said that to you. Over and over and over again. You don’t enjoy it when the tables are turned on you?”

The beeping speeds up, and Kat is crying. Don’t want her to cry but…
fuck this bastard!

“Leon,” she pleads. Kat never was much for using my birth name. Whenever she could, in homage to the light side of our lives, she’d use the Japanese word for lion as my nickname,
Shishi
, like Mom did. “Don’t become
him
.”

No one knows my buttons the way Katsu does. This fucking glob starts to ferment in my throat, making it hard to breathe as I glare at my father.

“Guess what, dude.” I squeeze the words out through my teeth because this man, who is
nothing
, hasn’t earned my tears. “I’ll never turn into you. When I become a father, I will
be
one. No fucking hard liquor. No violence. No losing it. Because I learned from the worst.”

I’m back in control. I’ve got it now.

My chest isn’t about to implode with anger anymore, and I rub Katsu’s shoulder while she cries on her chair. Shit, I love this little girl so much. “Don’t worry, Kat,” I say to her. She’ll never be too old for me to want to protect her.

A tear slinks out of the corner of our father’s eye, trailing halfway down his cheek. His mouth opens, but he can’t form words anymore, and fuck me if I don’t hope it’ll always be this way.

“Dad, we’re about to take off—got stuff to do—but I wanted to tell you a goodnight story first,” I say.

The heart monitor reacts immediately, hacking up inconsistent bleeps. Good sign; the monster brain works well enough to comprehend that this story is not one he’ll want to hear. “It’s got a happy ending,” I tell him.

“Take it easy on him,” Kat whispers, because she is a fucking angel, and I love her to death.

I’ll try. I’ll try.

“Once upon a time,” I begin, modulating my pitch down to Disney storyteller level, “there was a father who wasn’t a father. He was an evil wizard, without the magic powers.” I nod, enlarging my eyes for emphasis. A small sob escapes my sister, and I’m sorry, but I can’t stop now.

“A princess lived in his dungeon. She was an itty-bitty princess, and one night when her brother, the prince, was away on a tournament—” I lower my voice and cup my mouth to indicate how I’m revealing a secret. “That’s me, Father, at the karate black-belt grading test.” I wink before I continue, “—the wizard beckoned for the princess to join him in his chambers. His chalice was empty and his head and his
dick
were raging. The wizard—or was he a devil?—took the girl to his royal en suite and locked the door.

“But, see, the brother-prince knew better than to stay behind at the tournament once he’d won. He galloped over the moat on his fair stallion, threw the reins to the stable boy, and dashed into the dark castle.”

My sister laughs through her tears, laughs at my fairytale, and the pressure in my chest drops.

“The brother-prince ran to the dungeon and discovered that the itty-bitty princess was gone. He wasted no time running to the wizard’s chambers where he knocked, then used his tournament skills to break down the door.”

The piggy eyes staring at me from the pillow have widened. They plead of me to stop, but I won’t—can’t—even when Kat’s low giggles fade and die.

“And guess what he found?” I use the tone of a kindergarten teacher who dreams of Broadway; I’m excited to let my audience in on the conclusion. Fucking ecstatic to rub salt and vinegar, whatever else medieval heroes tortured their victims with, into my father’s wounds.

“Eeenuff…” my father manages through a cough.

“Sorry, didn’t get that,” I say, hardhearted like him.

“The brother-prince barges in and finds the wizard on his throne in the en suite. The itty-bitty princess sits astride his lap, and neither of them wear royal underpants.” I’m not smiling anymore. I’m not in character, because—

“The fucking wizard was a child molester and the brother-prince saves the princess in the nick of time!”

I’m done. I’m done. I could so easily destroy the monster on the bed that’s too good for him. Demolish this room. I get up to leave. I rake a helpless hand through my hair and my eyes connect with Kat’s watery brown ones.

“You didn’t finish,” her small voice nudges.

“What?” I ask. My chest still needs air, expanding and shrinking too fast. “You want more?”

“Yes,” she whispers. “This is the best part.”

Katsu is right. I did promise a happy ending, and I’ve focused too much on the bad. I owe it to my sister to detail the good. The thought makes me feel less wrecked.

“True,” I say, inhaling a lungful of oxygen. “The brother-prince ripped the itty-bitty princess off the evil wizard who was not a father. He put her behind him, out of reach from the wizard. Grabbed the wizard by his shirt collar, and placed him on his feet.

“In quick succession, the brother-prince fired off a series of bare-knuckle swipes and kicks. The rising elbow strike caught the wizard off guard and sent him pummeling to the ground, but the brother-prince wasn’t done. No, not at all done.”

My father’s eyes close, lids trembling. He can’t escape this.

“The brother-prince was a karate expert,” my sister whispers, licking a tear that has leaked into her mouth.

“He was,” I say, straightening a bit. I’m in character again, and I like the way we’re summing this up together. “So the brother-prince hoisted the half-naked wizard off the floor. Shoved him into the wall, and got him with a rising punch first. Then, he followed up with a gut-wrenching mid-level punch and a double hook that left his face in shambles. In the end, the spear-hand strike that broke his clavicle sealed the deal.”

My sister claps. It’s a faint, fragile thing that doesn’t indicate joy.

“What did the itty-bitty princess do?” she asks.

“She got the brother-prince out of the bathroom before he could destroy the wizard,” I sigh out. Kat nods, her eyes so full of tears I can’t believe they don’t spill over. I let out a laugh.

“Your eyes, Sis. Are you trying to hold back?”

She smiles, drying them with the back of her hand. “Did she live happily ever after?”

“Yes, yes, the itty-bitty princess did. Because the brother-prince sent her to another, better kingdom, where there were no wizards, only real moms and new schools.”

“New schools.” She emits a choked laugh.

“Yeah, new schools.” I help dry her tears, pull her into the crook of my arm and walk her toward the door. Neither of us turns to say as we head out and back to the car.

I’m mad at myself for my scheduling deficiency. We had to race to the airport after visiting the sperm donor. I’m leaving, and Leon is not okay. As good as it felt to hear him tell the fairytale version of my last night in our father’s house, I wish I’d gone alone to the hospital. My Shishi almost lost it, and I hate to see him this way.

He’s kept the memories stitched up, but now they’re bleeding fresh. He should have someone with him, to keep him from suffering. I stare at him seated across from me in front of the security gates. The minutes tick by, and we’re not smiling anymore. If it weren’t for my job, my awesome, too good for someone with an associate’s degree in game design job, I’d move back temporarily. Until this dirt has been cleaned up.

Shishi’s elbows are on his knees, his fingers running through his hair. He senses my gaze on him and looks up, milky blues prodding me.

“Are you going to be okay, Kat?” he asks, always concerned for me. “Sorry I couldn’t stop in there. Not the kind of shit you wanted to rehash.”

I ruffle his hair and speak in a burst of bravery. “Don’t worry about me. I’m strong. I cry. I survive.”

“Yes, you do.” He links an arm around my head and pulls my forehead in against his. “You be good out there, okay?”

It’s the cue for my lower lip. It starts quivering. “Always.”

I stare after my Shishi when he leaves. Head held high, he weaves his way out, sinuously dodging the crowd going in the opposite direction. Soon, he’s a dark silhouette that makes sliding doors open and close. The other travelers file to the checkpoint one by one, and I get in line too.