Leon's Way (25 page)

The sperm donor’s gaze flicks to Leon, who folds his arms, waiting. “Do you mind if I explain myself?” Dad asks, and it’s a question, not a rebuke.

Leon’s amusement has already retreated, his unapproachable mask, the one he uses to guard his feelings, drawing like stage curtains. “Sure, why not?” he drawls.

Relief glows from under puffy eyelids as Dad catches on. This is his chance. Like most people, even our father is multifaceted, and it’ll help my Shishi to glimpse these other sides.

“I’d been to the pub. You have to understand, my wife—your mother—she was the most beautiful lady in our entire town. Me, I had my business. Had done well for myself and earned some money. Your mother was twenty years my junior, a tiny beauty queen straight out of high school and working at the Jewel, a cocktail bar downtown.”

We know, Dad.

Shishi straightens. Chin pumped up, his glacial stare blazes into the man shriveling on the bed. I’m not sure how much longer he’ll stay for this story. Our father better get to the point.

The sperm donor shakes his head blandly against the pillow as if aware that this is futile. “Don’t worry, son. I won’t ask your forgiveness—that’s not where I’m going.”

“You’ve got one minute.”

“We began to date,” our dad continues. “I took her to dinners, to plays, and to the movies. We drove my Corvette up to the summit to watch the sunset. Your lovely mother was kindness, tenderness, everything I didn’t deserve. I had no idea what she saw in me.”

A silent laugh trembles on his lip. “But who was I to let a gem slip by? I loved her at first sight, you see, and I figured she must have seen something worthy of her time in me.

“I wooed her—spent money to impress her. I did everything in my power to show your mother why she should choose me. Within six months, I proposed, and my ruby accepted. I arranged a lavish wedding, the wedding every woman dreams of, and we celebrated at the Shisha Gardens, the way she wanted.”

Father lifts a hand pierced with needles and hospital tape. He dabs away a tear with his fingertip. It sparkles at the edge of his eye before he subdues it.

“Ah,” he breathes, voice cracked. “You should have seen the gardens that night. The hundreds of garden lanterns made even the darkest corner shine. They twinkled in every color of the rainbow, promising an amazing future, and Ayako—she was so happy!

“Everything happened too fast, my babies. It didn’t sink in how she—
she
—of all breathtaking creatures wanted middle-aged, mediocre me.”

“Which is why you thanked her by abducting your infant daughter a couple of years later,” Leon lashes out.

The sperm donor lets out a breath that rattles. Then, he starts again. “The beginning was good, Leon. I’d give her anything she wished for. In return, she gifted me with
you
, and I was in awe of the creation you were—so similar to her and yet so much like me. That’s when the big guys moved into town, monopolizing the tire business and stealing my customers. I couldn’t meet their prices and earn enough to keep a roof over our heads.”

“So you started taking it out on Mom?” I ask before Leon can wring his imaginary lance in our father’s chest again.

“Barely at first,” he puffs out. He’s tired. Dad’s eyes find Shishi before they close. “At my wish, my ruby left her job as soon as she became pregnant with you, Leon. She was my little homemaker who kept our big house pristine, hot meals ready when I came home from work.”

“Big?” Leon laughs.

“Yes, it was big. During the first years, we lived in the Bellevue district, two terraces below Shisha Gardens.”

I draw in a breath; the neighborhood is the Bel Air of Deepsilver. I try to catch Leon’s attention, but he’s not looking my way. I read surprise in the tense set of his shoulders.

“What you, Leon, remember as home is the tiny apartment I could afford after I declared bankruptcy. The only job I got was as an attendant at my competitor’s. You were three when that happened.

“Your mother wanted to return to being a cocktail waitress to help with our finances. The Jewel was willing to take her back at any time. She was that good at what she did. I can’t say I was young and immature—I was just dumb. I rejected my ruby’s wish, wanted to be her provider, her everything.

“Selfishly, I demanded she stay at home. She was my private gem, the most amazing creature in all of Deepsilver. All the men had watched her while she worked at the bar. Heck, I’d been one of them!”

He’s crying, and my brother’s face contorts with disgust.

“Yeah, screw this shit. You’re a lowlife,” Leon spits out. His glare shoots blades into the one who gave us life before piercing me. “Sis. I’m outta here. Coming?”

“Don’t you want to learn why he took off with me?” I whisper.

My brother always knows what he wants. It’s heartbreaking to see him stand there, shifting almost imperceptibly on his feet before he replies.

“Fucking
tell her
!” he shouts.

My father must have been yelled at a lot since Leon began visiting because he barely flinches. “I will. Katsu, I started frequenting pubs after work to forget what I couldn’t provide for Leon and your mother. A beer isn’t expensive. Neither are two. Electricity, new clothes on growing children, gas, loans, property taxes. Ingredients for meals that are more than just bare basics. Together they formed a mountain I couldn’t scale.”

“Poetic,” Shishi grits under his breath.

Dad knows he needs to finish his story quickly before his son stalks out the door. “I drank to relax, to be who you needed when I came home—a good husband and a father who didn’t budge over extra pennies spent when she made decisions without me.”

“Get to the point!”

The sperm donor does. “One day, she’d gone back to the Jewel without my permission. I was drunk, and I hit her. A week later, after our power got shut off for non-payment, she went back again. Got the electricity turned on with the tips from a single night, and the fury blinded me.”

“Of course.” Leon’s pupils are dilated. It’s distress—fear of what comes next. I’m used to stories I don’t remember because I was too little. I’m not fearless by any means, but for Leon this isn’t a common occurrence.

“Things went downhill after that. I didn’t make my ruby happy. The look in my son’s eyes wasn’t one of delight whenever I returned from the low-salary job I hated. For each day I took an extra swig at the pub, I lost my wife a drop and a beating at a time.”

Wisely, he swallows a sob my brother wouldn’t be able to stomach. Then, dying blue eyes meet mine. “I wore your mother out. I wasn’t the happy, relaxed drunk I thought I’d be. Alcohol doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t even drown your sorrows.” His expression exposes a need to laugh, but he can’t muster the energy.

“Soon, Ayako took on more waitressing hours without my consent. When violence didn’t stop her from returning to the Jewel, I suspected that another, better man was taking her from me.”

His exhale jangles, causing me to wonder about his lungs too. Dad whispers now, exhausted from talking. “Jealousy took over. I hit harder, more often.”

“Why didn’t Uncle Hank intervene?” I ask.

“Because your mother is proud. She wasn’t one to push her problems onto anyone else, so she left her brother in the dark.” This story—it’s like he recounts someone else’s actions; he’s got the full overview. He’s not apologetic, trying to sugarcoat what happened. Fully aware, he doesn’t hide his wrongs.

Shishi’s by the door. He sends me one look, and I know he’s had enough. “Dad, I think we’re leaving,” I say because Shishi is beyond even sarcastic retorts. “Next time,” I offer.

The sperm donor hasn’t been sitting up in bed for days. Still, when I stand to follow my brother, a grunt escapes him as he supports both hands to the mattress and shoves upward in a futile lift. “Katsu, little one. I…”

Tomorrow, I’ll hear him out when he tells me why he abducted me. Yes, right now, the present is more important than the past.

He’s out of breath. I’m thinking there’s definitely something wrong with his lungs.

“I didn’t have a reason to steal you. I wanted to hurt your mother like she hurt me—”

“But she did nothing wrong!” I exclaim.

“—by not allowing me to control her.”

Leon spins in the doorway. For a nanosecond, his cyan-blue lasers flash with intense alarm. Our father collects his last audible breath and lets his voice chase Leon into the corridor with a hollow shout: “I never stopped loving her!”

Time. Steps, stairs. Minutes, seconds,
her
.

I’m imploding. I need to reach the Bag Room before it’s too late. The world is obstacles, and the shield holding me in is too fucking thin.

I dropped Kat off at her place. Doors haven’t opened at Smother yet, but I give a small nod to Christian, the only one already in-house, and push upstairs to my apartment. I use the key. I hope it’s locked, that she’s not in. Pointless wish—the door swings open.

Her irises turn indigo with concern as she drinks my panic through the cracks of my composure. “Leon. Sweetie?”

I want to stalk past her, but I can’t shove her out of the way; she’s ripe with my baby and loving me hard. I cup Arriane’s face with hands that tremble. The madness pounds to get out, and I drill my need into her soul, stare to stare, beseeching of her, “Let me past.”

Too slow.

Too late.

“Leon!” she cries as I succeed, bypass her into my sanctuary, and slam on my hell, letting it wail through the speakers while I rip my clothes off, everything, leaving no thread to disguise lunacy.

Howls from devils shake the walls as I lose my wits to the demons that were my father’s. I own them now, finally I inherit them all the way.

God! Why is this happening!

I grab a punching bag, draw strength from insanity to hurl it against the mirrors, splintering the reflection of evil—of me—one bright eye, disheveled hair, naked muscle for each silvery shard.

The heavy-bag absorbs a punch, two, three, before fury defeats me and I heave this target against the wall as well. It’s not enough. I’m erupting. The energy needs release. I fly into jump twists, killing, obliterating invisible opponents in deadly butterflies, tornado kicks, and aerials.

And fuck me if she doesn’t fucking enter. I’m in here, and I’ve lost my mind to the dread of being my father, and she—
she
—the one I protect, stands there round and scared under the arc of the door, defenseless in my storm.

“Leave!” I roar through the death from my stereo, but she shakes her head, not listening, eyes so beautifully wide. The choir of devils thickens and thuds around us, crowding her like a physical entity. She’s innocent, carrying someone more innocent with her, and I—

Leap over. Choke the music.

I stare at her, but my brain isn’t with me. I’m naked, cock warrior-erect and ready to dominate, and her fingers quiver as they cover her mouth. In three strides, I’m with her, grabbing her arms. Shaking them, I grind out one word at a time.

“Why. Did. You. Enter?”

“Because I love you,” she whispers.

No. I can’t let her become—

Mom!

From within smoggy thoughts, I shout, “Arria! We’re not working out!”

“Sweetie...”

My chin trembles, teasing saltwater from my ducts. But I stop it, don’t allow it. “Why do you live with me? Baby, don’t you see who I am? I can never be what you need!”

Arriane doesn’t remind me that I urged her to move in. Her gaze flicks to a stack of bath towels on a small shelf. She unfolds one, and tries to tuck it around my waist.

I yank it from her and let it drop to the ground before I kiss her. My mouth is rough, opening hers and craving tongue.

“What happened at the hospital?” she manages while I jerk her dress up until it rests over her belly. Arriane doesn’t object. Soft and pliable, she lets me.

“My father happened,” I snarl, pulling her panties to a side and finding welcoming warmth. “Why do you accept me?”

My girl has no answer. I withdraw my hand, feeding her two damp fingers and making her gasp.

I tug her with me past the rubber mat to the gym wall bars. My pace is unexpected, causing her to stumble. Even in my darkness, I’m aware. I’m not careful, but what I do, she can take.

I shove her face sideways into the bars, her belly pressing against them. She sighs a scared, pretty sigh when I let my fingers back in, fucking her with them. I’m not slow, measured, no—I’m fast and hard, and she whimpers.

“Leave,” I growl.

“No…”

“You don’t like me like this!”

“I love you.”

Fuck!

Abruptly, I pull out and replace my hand with my dick. It’s raging and desperate, wanting to hurt her—make her cry out in lust and pain. My thoughts race through my father’s descent into monsterdom. That could be me—that is me—look at me! I’ve loved no one like Arriane, and yet I do this. How far is it from
this
to needing her as controlled as I keep my club? When will I become as jealous as my father?

When will I break her!

We’re pointless.

I used to have it right. My way—my broken-dolls—were what worked.

Laughter rumbles up my throat, and it sounds like a fucking sob. Arriane’s stuck her ass out against me. She tightens, welcoming every pump. I love her.

“I love you, Arria. The baby.”

“I love
you
.”

Arriane is still asleep when I call a meeting with Christian. I’m off the phone with Ralph, the manager at Choice, and this is for the best; I’ve got to physically remove myself from my father’s influence and from what I do to Arria. My dad can lie there, putrefying his surroundings like pestilence all he wants, as long as I’m beyond his reach.

I soak in Arriane one more time before I leave to meet up with Christian.

“Listen,” I tell him at the coffee shop around the corner. “Something has come up at Choice, and I need to be there full time for a while. You’re my man—you’ll be in charge at Smother—but I’m asking more of you than that.”

“Sir.” Christian’s gaze meets mine, ready over the brimming coffee.

“I’m leaving Arriane here.” I don’t owe him an explanation, but employees work better within framework they understand. “Here, she’s close to her obstetrician and near the hospital if she has a scare.” A protective flutter in my chest rebels against my decision. I subdue it. “I’d trust you to watch over her as if she were yours. Your salary will be doubled in my absence, of course. Is this something you can take on?”

Christian isn’t surprised by my generous offer. After his years with me, he knows it’s how I run my business. I’m frugal and cut corners everywhere else, but with my employees and my customers, I don’t mess around. I need them happy and a hundred and fifty percent loyal to the bar and me.

“Absolutely, boss.”

My next stop is Kat’s place.

Ingela’s tousled head surfaces in the doorway. Her eyes widen when she sees me this early in the morning, and without a word to me, she turns and shrieks so loudly that my eardrums vibrate. “Katsu! Leon’s here!”

She steps aside. Bare feet and a knee-long, white T-shirt is all she wears. I look away from the nipples teasing through the fabric.

“
My
sister still asleep?”

“Ja, it’s, like freaking eight,” she informs me. “You want something to drink? I can make you Swedish coffee.”

“No, thanks. Swedish coffee is different from our coffee?” I ask while I wait for Kat.

She shakes her head, smirking. “Of course not! It’s exactly the same as here.” Which in my mind forfeits her original point of offering Swedish coffee.

“So… you buy it for the packaging?” Girls.

“Not at all.” She sniffs, starting to reconsider her supervisor’s intelligence, I can tell.

“Why do you get Swedish coffee, then, Ingela?” I finally ask the obvious.

“Because I can.” She shrugs. “All you have to do is order it online and pay extra for shipping. Oh-oh! It could be Smother’s signature coffee!”

Jesus.

Katsu’s toweling off her hair. Brows lowered, she’s studying me as she enters the kitchen. “Arriane okay?” is her first question, and I love her for that. After yesterday’s visit to our father’s, I expected her to ask about
my
wellbeing.

“Yeah, she’s in bed still. We need to talk, Sis.”

Ingela leans against the counter, unaffected by her own braless attire. Her eyes teeter between the two of us, curious. The girl has no plans of leaving us alone.

“Go for a walk?” I suggest to my sister, and Ingela groans with disappointment.

We stroll the park downtown one slow foot at a time. I need to do this, now, before I leave, and I cut straight to the essence.

“Sis, can you move into my apartment above Smother again?” Her espresso eyes snap to my face, trying to read more.

“Why? What’s going on? Is Arria returning to Ingela?”

“No, she’s not. I’m moving to Talco for a bit to take care of the club there.”

“And she’s staying in Deepsilver?”

I nod once.

“Bullshit!” Kat whips out, causing an old man with an overgrown mutt to stare at us on his way past. “Who the hell
are
you? My brother would never disappear the last minute before his girlfriend has his child.”

“Will you listen?” I’d expected nothing less from my sister. Her sense of right and wrong is overdeveloped. I have to make her understand where I come from. It’s time to be deadly honest with someone other than myself.

“I am Dad, Kat.”

“No, you’re not. You’re kind, caring, everyone loves you—look at your employees, at Arriane—”

“No, I am Dad with Arria.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “You don’t beat her.”

“I know, but I so easily could. Last night when Dad said he wanted to hurt Mom the way she hurt him by not obeying his wishes? That’s when I realized it’s only a matter of time before I’m him in every way. Whenever I lose my shit like last night, I’m rough with her, Kat.”

“You said you don’t hit her…”

“In bed.”

She shuts her eyes, cringing from the knowledge. She doesn’t reply until she’s composed herself.

“I knew you were different,” she mumbles, and I should be surprised at her admission. Smother is a rumor mill, though. She blows out pent-up air. “But does she… like it your way too?”

Her shyness is cute. Then again, I am her big brother, and we’re discussing my sex life. I understand. “She’s not into my kinks, Kat. With her, I’m vanilla, except for when I’m upset, which is often lately with Dad in the fucking picture again. She accepts me in any way I am, and the guilt is killing me.”

I stop and turn to my sister, making sure she meets my gaze when I continue. “Kat, I’ve been so selfish. I can’t drag her down with me. The baby, her—she isn’t well either. I’ve talked with Christian, who’ll run the bar while I’m in Talco. He’ll keep a close eye on Arria, but I’d like the reassurance of knowing you live with her and take care of her in my absence. It feels crazy to leave, but I’ve got to get in control of myself, and around Dad that’s impossible.”

“Are you two breaking up?” Kat asks plain and clear the question I’ve avoided.

“She probably doesn’t want me after our agreement is over anyway, so it’s not an issue.”

“You didn’t answer. What if she stopped her chicken-shit tendencies and actually realized that she has an amazing boyfriend and father in you?”

“Shut up, Kat. Did you not hear me? That’s exactly the problem—I am not any of that. I’m an asshole like our dad! I’ll end up being a jealous prick, beating her, scaring the shit out of both Arriane and my son, and then I’ll do things to hurt her the way Dad did to Mom. I. Am. Dad.”