Leave a Mark (39 page)

An hour had passed since they left the museum, leaving her bike in the care of her friends and going together in his Jeep. But as they waited, Wren grew more rigid with each moment. They probably should have skipped the coffee at Johnston Street Java, but they’d needed to kill time somehow.

“Have you met her?” she asked, staring at the door.

“Yes.”

“What’s she like?”

Lee drew in a slow breath. “Like… someone at peace.”

Wren’s eyes cut from the door back to him. “You mean like all hippy-dippy-flower-child?”

“God no.” Lee laughed, making Wren smile. “Just… like…” Lee struggled to find the right words. His one meeting with Evelyn had left him with the sense that she was the kind of person who could create a space for other people. One that was free of judgment, but not neutral. Definitely full of healing. “Like someone safe.”

Wren seemed to like this answer because she nodded and let go a sigh. Just then, the soft click of a doorknob made them both go still, and Evelyn Reed stood before them. Wearing a camel duster over an olive-green dress, she seemed as calming as her waiting room. Lee exhaled in relief because there was nothing
hippy-dippy
about her. Just an air of quiet competence and compassion.

“Hello, Wren. Lee,” she said, acknowledging them both. “Wren, won’t you come in.”

Wren gripped his hand and went rigid. “C-can he come with me?”

Evelyn only smiled, unfazed by this request. “Of course.”

She turned and led the way down a short hall. Wren still gripped Lee’s hand. She didn’t need to worry. He’d never let go on his own. His chest filled with pride at the step she was taking. He wanted to tell her as much before they slipped into Evelyn’s office, but there wasn’t time. The therapist offered them a seat on the beige sofa where he’d first met with her, and as Evelyn closed the door behind them, Lee’s eyes met Wren’s.

“I love you,”
he mouthed, unable to keep the words to himself any longer. She blushed and fought a smile, and it was all he needed. The fact that she had come here with him, held his hand, and wanted him by her side meant everything.

Evelyn sat across from them and settled her hands in her lap, facing Wren. “Wren, I’m sure that Lee told you we’ve spoken already.”

“Yes.” Wren nodded. “He has.”

“Good. I don’t want there to be any mystery or misunderstanding about that, so in a few minutes, we’ll go over everything we discussed. All right?" Her words were direct, but her voice was soft.

“Okay.” Wren’s eyes moved between Evelyn and Lee, and Lee nodded, glad that the therapist was beginning with a clean slate.

“Good. Now, I understand that the two of you are at the beginning of a relationship, and it seems as though it’s a very important relationship to Lee.” Evelyn’s eyes glanced at him. “And I—”

“It’s important to both of us,” Wren said, squeezing his hand.

Grinning like an idiot, Lee squeezed back. With her words and her touch, hope opened up his future.

Evelyn smiled, too. “Yes, I can see that’s true. Wonderful. I should be clear about something,” she began. “Lee offered to cover the cost of your treatment, but I believe that you should not feel that your recovery is tethered to your new relationship, so I am going to offer my services pro bono for the first six—”

“I can pay for it myself,” Wren said. She looked back at Lee, conviction in her eyes. “I want to.”

Again, Evelyn smiled. “Excellent. Then let’s talk a little bit about what I know of your history and how compassion therapy could help you.”

The hour-long session seemed to pass in seconds, and before Lee knew it, Wren was scheduling a second appointment in a few days’ time. The session had gone well. Nothing miraculous had occurred, and no great discoveries had been made. In fact, other than Evelyn’s brief recounting of what Lee had told her of Wren’s childhood, the therapist spent most of the hour talking about her technique, going over a few exercises she wanted Wren to practice, and simply getting to know her patient.

There were no amazing breakthroughs, but Lee could see that Wren could let go with Evelyn. Her posture, the muscles in her face, the softness around her eyes all said Wren liked her, that her guard had come down, and she’d continue with the therapy. That was really all he could hope for at the moment.

Hoping and waiting. That’s what he’d do for as long as it took.

They rode down on the elevator in silence from Evelyn’s third-floor office. Lee tested the waters and let his knuckles brush against the back of Wren’s hand. After the day she’d had, she might need space, and he’d readily give it.

She didn’t respond. They stepped out onto the ground floor, and Lee was about to reach for his keys when she grabbed his hand.

“Thank you, Lee.”

At the look in her eyes, Lee’s lungs emptied. “No. Thank you,” he said, shaking his head. “That took a lot of courage. I’m so proud. Really.”

One side of her mouth curled. “I didn’t really have a choice.”

At her words, his stomach dropped to his knees. “Oh God… did I force you?”

Wren shook her head and brought her palm to his cheek. “That’s not what I mean.”

They stood in front of the lobby’s double doors, and, before she could explain, an older man entered and pressed the elevator button beside them. Wren’s eyes tracked to the man and then back to Lee.

“Can we go back to your house and talk?” she asked, her voice dropping. “I need a minute to figure out what I’m going to say.”

Lee only nodded. His tongue wouldn’t work. Was she going to leave him again? Tell him that she couldn’t focus on herself and a relationship at the same time? Lee wouldn’t blame her if she did. He could only honor her choice and hope she’d want him back in her life at some point.

The drive home stretched on, lengthened by silence and Lee’s own sense of doom. Every chance he got, he let his eyes drift to Wren’s profile, trying to burn the image of her into his mind, cataloguing the way her blue waves fell around her face, the glint of the sassy barbell in her brow, the pout of her lips. Would he ever get the chance to look at her like this again? To touch her?

At the house, Lee stalled. They brought Victor outside, and, as the puppy nosed around the monkey grass, Lee didn’t urge him to hurry as he usually would. Besides, Wren was smiling at the dog, and he wanted to savor the moment.

Walking back into his kitchen, Lee grasped for anything to hold her there. “Are you hungry?”

Wren shook her head. “Not really.”

“Would you like something to drink? Tea? Hot chocolate?”

“Hot chocolate?” she echoed, her brows lifting. “Like real hot chocolate or the little Swiss Miss packets?”

Lee had the little Swiss Miss packets, but he also had the raw ingredients, which would take longer.

“Real hot chocolate. Let’s make some.” He didn’t give her the chance to decline but grabbed a saucepan from the cabinet. “Can you get the milk?”

By the time he’d assembled the sugar, salt, and cocoa powder, Wren had already measured out two cups of milk into the pan and found a whisk.

“We need a quarter cup,” she said, nodding to the cocoa. “And three tablespoons of sugar.”

Lee found himself smiling. “You know the recipe by heart?”

Wren’s grin swirled his insides. “You think I’d grow up with Mamaw Gigi without learning it?” He watched her add the sugar and cocoa before carefully shaking a tiny heap of salt into her palm. She sprinkled it into the milk and dragged her whisk over the bottom of the pan. “Mamaw adds a little vanilla extract, though.”

Lee crossed to his spice cabinet and took down the miniature bottle. “Here.”

Smiling, she took it from him, and Lee watched her eyeball a dash of it. The rich aroma of chocolate and vanilla filled his kitchen, teasing him.

She is my home.
Lee gripped the edge of the counter.
My God, what will I do without her?
Swallowing hard, he turned away from the stove and busied himself by setting out two mugs.

When steam piped from the milk, Wren turned off the flame, tilted the saucepan, and filled both mugs.

“Should we go sit in the living room?” Lee asked, feeling like a man facing the gallows.

Wren nodded, her expression even, and the fact that he couldn’t read what was behind it made his forehead mist with sweat. He followed her into the living room and watched her choose a corner on his sofa. Lee hovered a moment, unsure how close he should sit — how close she’d want him if she was about to break his heart — but in the end he sat beside her. Not close enough to touch, but close enough so that he wouldn’t regret missing the chance to be near her if it was his last.

Wren held her mug in both hands and gave him a wary look. “What’s wrong?”

Lee took a deep breath. “Nothing,” he lied. If she had to tell him that he couldn’t be with her, that she needed space to heal, he wouldn’t let her feel responsible for hurting him. If he could, he’d lift each of her burdens, and he’d certainly claim responsibility for his own heart.

He sipped his hot chocolate. “This is delicious,” he told her truthfully. “Mamaw knows her stuff.”

Wren huffed a laugh. “Well, she knows food.”

“What else is there?” Lee joked, almost cheering himself when Wren laughed again.

“Boy,” Wren said, shaking her head. “She was mad at me today.”

Lee blinked. “Mamaw?” Wren’s grandmother was a spitfire, but it was hard to imagine her truly angry — especially at Wren.

But she nodded and took another sip of cocoa. Then her eyes met Lee’s. “She doesn’t really understand what I’m going through.”

Lee’s body went still. His blood may have even paused in his veins.

“But you do.”

Lee swallowed. There were a million things he could say — about how he was trying to understand, about how he’d support her through anything, about how much he’d read on cases like hers. But he didn’t want to be her doctor, and he didn’t want to smother her, so he kept his mouth shut.

“A few minutes ago, I said I didn’t really have a choice,” she said, frowning.

Lee’s heart started to pound.

“But that’s not really true. I have a choice, but it’s really no choice at all. It’s something I have to do.”

I will always love you. I’ll wait for you forever.

“What do you mean?” He forced out the question, but even then, his voice came out a whisper.

She studied his face a moment, and then she set down her mug on his coffee table.

Lee set down his own before he could drop it.
Here it comes. Be strong for her.

Wren reached for the top of her blouse, and to his astonishment, she undid the first three buttons. She drew open the blouse to reveal her phoenix.

“Cherise asked me about this the other day,” she said, blushing. “I got it when I turned twenty-four, to mark the fact that I’d officially outlived Laurie. But Cherise told me that if I let everything that happened to me shut down my life, then, in a way, I hadn’t outlived anything. I’d still let all of that shit kill me.”

Lee watched her eyes pool with tears, and she brushed them roughly away, giving a frustrated shake of her head.

“So there really isn’t any choice, because it’s either life or death,” she said, talking over the break in her voice. “Laurie chose death, and I’ve been pissed at her my whole life. If I choose death, too, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Her eyes swam with tears, but they blazed with strength and determination. The woman across from him could create beauty and care for the elderly and heal the addicted and overcome evil. He’d seen it all with his own eyes. She could best him at ping-pong, spur his lust all night, turn his house into a home, and make a mean fried peach pie.

“And if you never love me back, I’ll lead a long and lonely life.” The words were out before he could call them back.

Wren’s eyes flew open in shock. “What?”

Lee shook his head. “Ignore me. It’s a side effect of the awe. Please continue.”

She watched him for a moment, a mystified look warring with the beginnings of a smile. “I… I have a long way to go. It’s not just a matter of
choosing
to be okay,” she said, balling one hand into a fist and planting it in the palm of the other. “That’s what Mamaw wants. That’s what Cherise would want for me, but at least you understand that it takes work. Don’t you?”

The way she tilted her head was almost a plea, as if she
needed
him to understand. And he did. He understood all too well. It would take work. It would take time, and Lee would give her that time. And the space.

“I do.”

The plea became a look of raw, unguarded yearning. “And you still want me… even though I’m such a mess? Even while I work through all this?”

Lee’s mouth fell open. “Wha — God! Yes!” He shot forward and grabbed her hands. “You mean — like right now?”

“Yes?” Wren hedged, eyes wide.

Lee’s smile almost hurt, but he needed to be sure. “You want to be with me — have me in your life — now?”

“I know it won’t be easy, but it’s life or death. Phoenix or ashes. Lee or regrets.” Wren shook her head, but her smile grew. “It’s not a tough call.”

WREN FOUND HERSELF
in Lee’s lap, his smile lighting up her world.

He caught her mouth with a kiss before pulling back to look in her eyes. “I thought you were going to send me away again."

She ran her fingers down his cheek, loving the masculine smoothness of his skin, the line of his jaw. The last few hours had forced her to see what she’d tried to ignore. Even if she gave up on herself, Lee Hawthorne refused to give up on her.

So she damn-well better try.

“No, I’ve learned my lesson,” she said, shaking her head. “No more sending you away. I’d like you to stay right here with me — if you’re willing.”

His arms encircled her, his touch tender but insistent. “You know I am.”

Keeping her palm to his cheek, she moved her thumb over the softness of his lips. She needed to say it aloud so neither of them could hold any illusions. Her scars ran deep, and she couldn’t pretend otherwise. “I have a long road ahead of me.”

He kissed her thumb and spoke against it. “I’ll walk it with you. We’ll take our time.”