Leah's Seduction: 3 (Gianni and Leah - Leah's Seduction) (7 page)

Chapter 12

The highest high was followed by heartbreak. But Leah didn’t see it coming. Possibly, she was blinded by love, and wouldn’t have turned away even if she had known.

It didn’t come right away. The last afternoon away, Gianni took her sailing. The captain cruised over to Shelter Island, while they enjoyed wine and cheese. They had a beautiful view of the coastline.

But something wasn’t right. At first, Leah thought it was that Gianni didn’t want to leave, that going back to the city was an unwelcome prospect.

However, he had such passion for his business, so that made no sense. It had to be something else.

Yet the final night of lovemaking was sweet. Leah appreciated that Gianni could make love slow and tender. Just because he could dominate her, and did it so well, didn’t mean he had to.

He had nothing to prove. His confidence made him even more attractive. On the one hand, he could control her completely. But he wasn’t threatened by her sexuality. And when Leah couldn’t resist him, and her passion for him was unleashed, Gianni could handle it.

But his mood was off. On the way home, Leah didn’t ask. She was sad to leave the romantic home, and reluctant to return to normal life. Preferring to be in a bubble of security, with no one around to bother them, she savored every last second.

When they arrived at the condo, Leah accepted his offer for dinner. He had requested that the cook leave food for them, so they could reheat it when they returned. Tired but happy, Leah set the table. And Gianni brought out the warmed meals and a bottle of wine.

At the table by the windows, they enjoyed the city view and sipped the rich Cabernet. The food was delicious, and for a few minutes, they focused on the meal. Leah realized she had not mentioned the photos that had been published.

While away, she hadn’t wanted to ruin their time together. Then she had forgotten about them. But now, back in the city, she would have to deal with it. And she wondered how Gianni would feel when he knew.

Gianni raised his glass to get her attention. “Your thoughts?”

She dabbed her lips with her napkin. “There is something I meant to tell you. But I couldn’t find a good time to bring it up while we were gone.”

“We can talk now.”

Leah sipped her wine. “Well, before we left, Kyra showed me some pictures on social media. They were of us, one time when you kissed me at an event.”

Gianni raised his brows, but didn’t seem alarmed.

“The photos weren’t Cody’s. I was glad to see that,” Leah said. “But Vadim will know now that we are intimate, and I was hoping to avoid that. At least a while longer.”

“I don’t care about Vadim.” Gianni’s eyes narrowed. “He’s an asshole.”

She fingered her glass. “What about the media running with the story that we are a couple? Does that bother you?”

Gianni shook his head. “I’m used to the media. They will publish anything controversial.”

That wasn’t the answer Leah was expecting. “What do you mean?”

“The media is always guessing about me. It’s all speculation. It passes.”

Leah had a sick feeling in her stomach. She put her fork down. “Is that what we are, Gianni? Just speculation?”

She had hoped to see love in his eyes, and for him to offer reassurance. But that’s not what happened. Gianni’s jaw stiffened, and he sat straighter. “What do you think we are, Leah? I thought we had agreed on the nature of our relationship.”

Leah was stung by his words, and could think of no quick reply.

“Were you hoping I’d go to the media and confirm that we are a couple?” Gianni’s eyes were cold. “They don’t need insight into my sex life.”

Tears welled in Leah’s eyes. “Is that all I am? Your sex partner?”

Gianni shook his head. “Don’t I treat you well, Leah? Aren’t you happy with our arrangement?”

Crushed, Leah was unable to reply. She covered her face with her hand, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Don’t do this, baby.”

Looking up, Leah gazed into the eyes of a stranger. “Do what?” She was shouting now. “Care about you? Love you?”

Gianni shook his head. “No, Leah, you don’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t feel. You are the last person who would know.” Leah trembled with rage. “You are a cold-hearted bastard. I was seduced into thinking you were kind and caring. But all along, it was just the sex.”

Gianni looked stricken, but Leah couldn’t stop. “You won’t talk about other women you’ve been with. Why? Because you treated them the same way? You didn’t love any of them. Just like you don’t love me?”

For once, Gianni wasn’t in control. He looked devastated, and in her fury, Leah was glad. He deserved to know what he was doing to her. She couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“I love you, Gianni. Even though you won’t share your feelings with me. You won’t talk about women. You won’t trust me with your business.” Leah stood up and pointed toward the hallway. “And what in the hell is that room down the hall that is always locked?”

Gianni looked like she had slapped him. He rose from his chair and stepped toward her. “Please, don’t do this. You ask for more than I can give. I need you to understand.”

Leah shook her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I do understand. Before I didn’t, but now I do.”

Gianni stood inches away from her, but didn’t reach out.

“I understand that you have a heart of stone. You are amazing in the bedroom, I’ll give you that. It’s like you know my most private fantasies, like you can read my mind.” Leah paused. “But I don’t know if I can do it anymore. Am I to understand that you are asking me to live the rest of my life without love? To not expect it?”

Gianni didn’t reply.

Leah brushed past him and headed for the door. “Call your driver and tell him to meet me in the garage. I’m going home.”

She opened the door and stepped out. A part of her hoped that Gianni would run after her and tell her that she was wrong. He would confess love, and say he’d been remiss in not telling her sooner.

But there was only silence behind her. Leah shut the door and pushed the button for the elevator, blinded by her tears. Her life was over. She couldn’t live without Gianni, not after what they’d shared. But she couldn’t love him as she did and not have the feeling returned.

Leah had thought she could do it, that her love would be enough for both of them. But the intimacy of the weekend away, things they’d done together, had moved her with a power she wasn’t equipped to deal with.

The way he made her feel, how Leah gave him all, left her raw. She was vulnerable, and if she stayed with him, she would only be hurt worse. Gianni likely wouldn’t want her now, anyway. She had committed the unforgivable sin of confessing her love.

*****

The door shut, and Gianni went to the window to look out into the darkness. It probably would have happened sooner or later anyway. But that didn’t help fill the gaping hole in his chest. It was a nightmare, and it was happening all over again.

It was his fault. Taking Leah on romantic getaways could only have given her the wrong impression. And so it had. What Gianni had trouble getting his wits around was why he had done it in the first place.

More and more often, he had wanted to be with Leah. He wanted her sleeping next to him, and he wanted to take her away. Gianni was in dangerous territory, as he knew the nature of women. It was more difficult for them to be intimate physically without involving the heart.

Gianni could do it. He had sworn he would, not wanting to repeat past mistakes. But now he had upset Leah, which hadn’t been his intention. He realized he was behaving out of character, encouraging closeness instead of keeping his distance.

He wasn’t certain when things changed. It had been subtle, a gradual change he hadn’t noticed. Then everything had blown up. Leah wanted something he didn’t have to give. Maybe once he did. But not now.

*****

Gianni had slept little. He missed Leah, but knew he wasn’t good for her. It was better that she find out now. In time, she would realize it was for the best, and meet a man that could give her everything she needed.

Alone in the condo, Gianni had thought of the journal. Then he had remembered what Leah had shouted at him when she had been mad:
“It’s like you know my most private fantasies, like you can read my mind,”
Which was precisely the case. If Leah was not the author of the sexy journal, she was close enough.

Whatever the true author dreamed of seemed to fit into Leah’s fantasies without effort. He had seduced her, being privy to her most private longings. That had served to bind her to him in a powerful way.

How had he not predicted that she would think she was in love? Gianni should have known. And he should have kept her at arm’s length. Now it was too late. Yet, wallowing in his misery in the empty condo, he had been unable to seek solace.

He had wanted to read the familiar journal, and drink in the sensual writing. But he hadn’t been able to bear to do it. Not with Leah gone. Despite his longing, he had left the journal locked up, as though he’d had his privilege revoked.

Hurting her like he had, Gianni didn’t deserve the pleasure the journal offered. He didn’t have the right. If Leah were suffering, then he would too. Even the strength of his urge to read the sexy passages in the diary hadn’t been enough to make him do so.

So he had sat in front of the window until late at night, thinking about nothing. And everything. Any attempt to sleep had been fruitless, until finally before dawn he had drifted off briefly out of pure exhaustion.

The next morning he went to the gym before work, hoping to find relief. Even pushing heavy weights and running until his legs were rubbery provided no release from his torment. Nor did burying himself in work, as he tried to do as the days went by.

Leah was not far from his thoughts, no matter what else he was doing. And the void inside him gaped with the lack of her presence. Agonizing over the absence of a woman was unfamiliar. It hadn’t happened to Gianni before.

Sure, the sex with Leah was outstanding. But there were other women. He could find a woman he could teach to do the same things. However, it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t feel the same, and he knew it.

The days paraded by, and although Gianni dealt with business, he was vacant. Lost. For the first time, he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know what would make the pain go away. The thought of finding another woman and placating his troubles with sex held no attraction.

He wasn’t the type to drink away his sorrows. And he refused to talk with anyone. What could anyone tell him? That he had been an idiot? That he didn’t know a good thing when he had it? They didn’t need to.

Because that was precisely what he had been telling himself.

Yet no ready solution came to mind. Gianni couldn’t transform just because Leah wanted him to. It wasn’t that simple. He had been the way he was for so long, he didn’t know if he
could
change.

And he wouldn’t lie to her. Going to her and professing love just to get her in his bed was out of the question. So what was he left with? Endless torment, and living life without the one woman who belonged in his bedroom?

How could he have come this far, and conquered so much, only to be left in such an untenable situation? One day, after everyone else had left the showroom, Gianni locked his office door. He sat in his chair and stared out the window, seeing only visions of Leah.

Something had to give. He couldn’t go on this way. And worse, he had a feeling it wasn’t any better for Leah. She wasn’t the type of woman to give herself to him so fully and then allow another into her heart.

Gianni cherished her feelings for him. He really did. The trouble was that he didn’t know how to give back. Not in the way she asked him to. He didn’t know if he could, and admitting the weakness was frustrating. But he was going to have to figure something out. Very soon.

Chapter 13

Leah called in sick all week. The thought of facing Vadim and taking the chance he had seen the photos of her with Gianni was distasteful. But she wouldn’t have left her apartment anyway.

She could barely get out of bed. The night she had left Gianni, all Leah could do was curl up on her loft bed and cry. The next day, she didn’t eat or shower.

There was no other man but Gianni. There wouldn’t be for her. The loss was complete. Leah was destroyed, and her heart ached.

She had given everything. She had let him guide her sexually, dressed as he liked, and even agreed to his relationship terms. But she couldn’t do it anymore. Leah loved him too much.

That
she hadn’t expected. Early on, she had thought she could abandon herself to the amazing sex, and it would be enough. But it wasn’t how she was made.

Intimacy to that degree involved her heart, whether she wanted it so or not. Leah couldn’t be what he wanted, no matter how badly she wished she could. And Gianni couldn’t be what she wanted either.

It was an insurmountable problem. Leah had thought she could crack the wall around his heart. But she had failed. Whatever had happened to him that made him that way would remain a mystery. Gianni hadn’t been willing to share it with her.

And now there would be no opportunity to do so.

In her grief, Leah considered going back, and telling Gianni she would play by his rules. But it wouldn’t be the truth. She couldn’t lie to him any more than she could lie to herself. Plus, now that she had told him that she loved him, she couldn’t take it back.

The only relief she found was in writing in her new journal.

I love Gianni. I always will. But he doesn’t love me back, and knowing that has ripped my heart to shreds. He is a good man, and he treats me well. I don’t understand why he won’t allow love into his heart.

What must have happened to make him that way? I can’t imagine. It hurts to think that something so terrible occurred in his past that it stole his love. All I want is to be with him, to help him repair the damage.

But he won’t let me in. If anything would have melted his heart, it would have been the weekend we shared together. I saw the truth in his eyes. I saw emotion, the very emotion he works so hard to deny.

I know what I saw. I know what I felt. But if Gianni is blind to it, then it just cannot work out. I might even be willing to suffer, and offer the love in my heart as the only source for us to thrive on.

But Gianni wouldn’t be happy. He doesn’t want my love, and would be miserable when we are together. Now that I’ve bared my soul, there is no way to go back. There is no way to have sex, to strip away our inhibitions and give all.

Because he knows. Gianni knows I love him. And I wouldn’t deny it even if I could. I want him to know he has my love, despite the fact that I can’t be with him. There is at least that: saying how I feel.

I don’t think I could go on if I hadn’t told him. It would have all been false, all the intimacy based on a lie. Because I could not have submitted to him the way I did, and held nothing back, if I hadn’t felt the way I do.

The doorbell rang, and Leah stuffed the journal under her pillow. She wrapped the terrycloth robe around her and brushed at her hair with her hand. There was a flame of hope that it was Gianni. That he had come to save her from the hell she was in.

But the hope died as quickly as it surged. He wasn’t going to do that, and the sooner she faced it the better. Leah knew she looked a mess, and didn’t intend to open the door. But she peeked through the peephole in case it was a package or something.

In the hall was Kyra, tapping her foot impatiently. “Open up, Leah. I know you are in there.”

Leah unbolted the door and swung it open.

“You look scary,” Kyra said, and walked in. “What’s going on? You don’t answer my texts. You don’t call. I found out that you haven’t been to work all week.”

Turning away, Leah went to the living room, really the only room she had, and flopped on the saggy cushion. She leaned back with her head against the back of the sofa, and sighed.

Kyra stood over her. “Are you sick?”

A tear rolled down Leah’s cheek, but she didn’t say anything.

Her friend sat beside her and studied her. “Oh my God,” she said. “Gianni?”

Leah bit her lip, and more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“What happened?”

Kyra wasn’t about to go away, but Leah didn’t know if she had the strength to explain. “I left him,” she said. That was all she could verbalize.

“Okay, we are going to talk about it,” Kyra said. “But you look awful. Your eyes are red, and so puffy I can hardly see your pupils. Have you stopped crying
at all
since you left him?”

Getting no reply, Kyra grabbed Leah’s wrists and hauled her up from the sofa. “And you smell. I’m taking you to the bathroom for a shower. And when you get dressed, we are going out.”

Her friend pulled her toward the tiny bathroom and shoved her inside. “And brush your teeth, too.” Then she shut the door. “I need to hear water running in there.”

Leah knew that Kyra was serious. Limp as she was, turning on the water was a chore. But once she was under the spray, it felt good. She really did need a shower, and a friend to talk to. Calling her family hadn’t been an option. They would just worry.

Same with Kyra. But since her friend lived in the same city, there was no avoiding her. And she would want to hear the whole story, which Leah wasn’t sure she could tell without breaking down and crying again.

She managed to get presentable, and went back to the living room to find Kyra thumbing through magazines. “That’s better,” she said, appraising Leah’s choice of outfit. “You look half alive anyway. How long since you’ve eaten?”

Leah shrugged.

“That’s what I thought.” Kyra started toward the door. “Come on, we’re getting out of here.”

For days, Roston, or a suitable bodyguard replacement, must have waited for her to emerge. As soon as Kyra led her out to the street, he guided them to the limo. Being too surprised to refuse, her friend slipped into the back seat, and Leah got in beside her. “Your bodyguard?”

Leah nodded.

The busy pizza place was a good choice. Since it was crowded, it was unlikely anyone would overhear their discussion. And Leah knew that her friend intended to pry every last detail out of her. It might feel good to talk after all.

Assuming Leah wasn’t up to choosing, Kyra ordered pineapple and mushroom pizza with Cokes. The drinks were served quickly, and they waited quietly for the pizza to arrive. “You need to eat before we talk,” Kyra said.

The aroma of baked pizza crust and tomatoes filled the restaurant, and Leah realized how hungry she was. Still, she wasn’t sure she could eat. Then the pizza arrived, balanced high on a wire rack. It smelled so good.

“Eat, please,” Kyra said. “It’s your favorite.”

Leah slid a piece onto her plate and managed to take a few bites. But her stomach wasn’t ready for food. It was tied up in knots. She took a sip of her Coke to wash down the pineapple and mushrooms.

Kyra pushed her plate aside. “Okay, let’s hear it. I can already tell it’s awful, so don’t spare any details. What in the world happened?”

Leah looked at her friend, then off into the distance, trying to decide where to start. Unsure, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I screwed up, Kyra.” She blinked back tears. “I fell in love.”

Once she got started, Leah couldn’t stop talking. She told her friend everything, omitting only the most personal sexual details. The more she unburdened, the better she felt. But it didn’t change anything. It was still over with Gianni. And she still hurt more than she would have thought possible.

Kyra looked sad. “I hoped it wouldn’t go that way, you know.”

“Yeah, me too.” Leah rubbed her temple.

“You can’t be with a man who doesn’t love you, no matter how much you love
him
,” Kyra said. “Believe me, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.”

“I know.” Leah took a sip of her drink. “But I’m lost here, Kyra. I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine my life without him. And there is no way to be with him.”

Kyra squeezed her hand. “It’s still so fresh. I mean, it just happened, what, a week ago? It takes time for hearts to heal.”

Leah looked at her friend, so glad she was there, and relieved to have talked about everything. But her life looked just as bleak as it had before. “I don’t know, Kyra. I don’t think I can get over Gianni.” She shook her head. “I just don’t know.”

*****

Leah returned to work. She was numb with grief, and the horrible ache in her chest wouldn’t go away. But she had to go on. Somehow. For a few days, she did the tasks required, oblivious to everything else.

Even Vadim must have known something was going on, because he left her alone. Maybe he thought she was still sick. And she was, really. Just not in the way he thought. The nights were the worst, because her apartment was so empty and quiet.

She dreamed of Gianni whether she was awake or asleep. Leah continued to write in her journal every night, trying to make sense of her feelings. She wanted to move on, and look forward to the future. Only her heart wouldn’t let her.

Most nights she ate out, even though it trashed her budget, because she couldn’t stand to be alone in her shoebox-size apartment. When she finally did go home, she took long soaks in the tub, and poured out her thoughts in her journal.

Emotionally spent, Leah would fall asleep, only to have vivid nightmares of losing Gianni. Then wake up to find it wasn’t just a nightmare. A cloud of depression hovered, but she forced herself to get up every day anyway, and go to work.

Saturday came, and she found the weekend was worse. Leah was so alone. But she wouldn’t have accepted a date even if any guy had been interested. Her heart was taken, and it didn’t look like that was going to change.

Shopping was off limits. She had done too much of that already, and couldn’t afford to keep spending. She tried going to the movies. Even saw a triple feature. But she had to come back out in the light of day. Back to her life.

On Sunday, she decided to go for a long walk. The weather had cooled, and it was actually pleasant. She dressed in jeans with a cotton shirt, and put on her walking shoes. If she was going to walk, it needed to be a long one. Maybe she would pretend she was running away, escaping from the incessant pain of existence.

The doorbell rang. Leah couldn’t imagine why Kyra wouldn’t have texted. She knew she was back to work, so there was no reason for an unannounced visit. Grabbing her purse, she went to the door and looked out.

There in the hallway stood Gianni.