"The people with these memories aren't lying," she said. "They could pass lie detector tests, and indeed it might be difficult to disprove them. But we know that such memories can be seriously flawed. We confuse dreams with recalled events. As for cases of abuse, memory is weakest at both ends of the spectrum of stress and boredom. Both mundane and violent events actually decrease the accuracy of memory. And, of course, memories can be implanted, either purposely or not, by others."
As she spoke, I watched the jurors. Rapt attention, some nodding with recognition of instinctual truths. The best expert testimony makes sense to the layman. It fits with reality as we know it. DNA testing, combining genetics and statistics, is a challenge to your average Dade County juror, whose knowledge of English, much less chemistry, is rudimentary. Given a choice between Ph.D.s dishing out scientific mumbo-jumbo or the visual presentation of a glove that doesn't fit, I'll take the glove every time.
After twenty minutes of listening to Millie Santiago, I wasn't sure I believed my own memories. Had I really seen my father cry that day on the porch when my mother ran out to meet her lover? Or had those been
my
tears?
"Are you saying there is no such thing as recovering repressed memories?" I asked.
"No," Millie said.
On direct examination, just like Socolow, I set up straw men, then knock them down.
"Memory suppression is hardly unknown," she continued. "In one study, researchers found that thirty-eight percent of adult women who had been treated for sexual abuse as children had no memories of the incidents. The difficulty is to recover the memories without contamination by postevent occurrences or suggestions by therapists, whether innocent or malevolent."
Malevolent
. Nice word. I wanted to make it Lawrence Schein's middle name.
"The literature is replete with false accusations," she continued, "such as the former altar boy who accused a Roman Catholic cardinal of sex abuse, only to recant. We now know that many such accusations are therapy driven."
It was time to move from the general to the specific.
"Have you had an opportunity to examine the defendant, Chrissy Bernhardt?"
"Yes, I examined her."
"Have you reviewed any records in connection with the examination?"
"I read Dr. Schein's entire file, including notes detailing the therapy sessions, his tests and diagnoses, and I listened to the tapes. Additionally, I reviewed as many of the patient's childhood medical records and current records as I could locate."
"Based on your examination and the records you reviewed, are you able to state to a reasonable degree of medical certainty whether Chrissy Bernhardt was sexually abused by her father?"
"No."
The jurors responded with puzzled looks. I had disappointed them. They expected a revelation, and I had none. Yet.
"What could you determine?"
"Christina suffered severe trauma when she was approximately eleven years old, and she repressed the memories of the incidents," Dr. Santiago said. "There are certain indicia of sexual abuse which coincide with the time frame. She had several urinary tract infections at ages eleven through thirteen and also suffered eating disorders, including bulimia. Her schoolwork suffered and she became rebellious at about the same time. These can demonstrate a history of sexual abuse, though they are not conclusive."
"What about the fact that, while under hypnosis, Chrissy revealed alleged instances of sexual abuse by her father?"
"Those statements are as reliable as a witness to a crime who picks the alleged criminal out of a lineup while being coaxed by a policeman. Christina's revelations are tainted by Dr. Schein's overly suggestive questioning and are completely unreliable. In fact, at the present time, they have been recanted, at least to the extent that Christina now states she no longer knows what happened to her."
"Then how can we determine what really happened?"
"There's no certain way, but with appropriate, neutral questioning under hypnosis, without the use of drugs, there's a possibility."
I turned toward the judge. "Your Honor, at this time, we call Christina Bernhardt to undergo questioning under hypnosis by Dr. Santiago."
"What!" Abe Socolow leaped to his feet. He leaned toward the bench, resembling the bowsprit of a sailboat. "The state objects. You can't put two witnesses up there together and have a tea party."
"Is that a sexist remark?" I asked, aiming for the female jurors.
"There's no precedent for this," Socolow complained.
"It's an evidentiary demonstration, no different than any other," I responded.
Socolow's Adam's apple bobbed above his shirt collar. "It's cheap theatrics!"
The judge motioned us up to the bench. "Let's have a brief sidebar." When we got there, he looked at me. "What are you pulling here, Jake?"
"Nothing," I whispered. "I don't know what my client's going to say. No one does."
"Then you're incompetent," Socolow said. "First you impeach your own expert. Now this! The court should protect your client from you."
"I appreciate the state's concern for my client's welfare," I said, "but I've fully discussed this with my client, and she wants to do it. She wants to know the truth and wants the jury to know, too."
"How do I cross-examine a defendant under hypnosis?" Socolow whined.
"You don't," I said. "I don't examine her while she's under, and neither do you. When she comes out of it, she'll remember everything. Then, if you want, ask her questions 'til everybody falls asleep. You usually do."
"That's enough, boys," the judge said, shooting a look at the jury. "This is a murder trial, and I'm not going to unduly limit the defense. But, Jake, if you start getting into past lives or some kind of witch doctor voodoo, I'll cut it off quicker than Lorena Bobbitt with a pair of shears."
"Judge, I don't know what's going to happen, so I can't make any promises."
"You really didn't rehearse it?" the Honorable Myron Stanger whispered.
"Nope. Dr. Santiago said it wouldn't be proper."
The judge whistled under his breath. "Jesus H. Christ, if they weren't paying me to sit here, I'd buy a ticket."
"That's what I mean. Judge," Socolow said. "Jake's turning your courtroom into a circus."
"Well, if the elephants shit on the floor, we'll just pile on the sawdust," the judge said.
I nodded in appreciation of this gem of judicial sagacity and resumed my position in front of the jury box. Turning to my client with a slight bow, I said, "Chrissy Bernhardt, would you please step forward?"
32
And When Chrissy's Bad . . .
The lights were dimmed. New Age music played from Millie's tape recorder. It sounded like tinkling wind chimes, a flute, and waves pounding a rocky shore. Chrissy leaned back in a recliner in front of the jury box, Millie telling her to relax, to let her mind run free, to approach a brilliant white light. Her body was growing heavy, Millie said; it was sinking deeper and deeper into the chair. Then she had Chrissy count backward from fifty, her voice logy.
I didn't know about Chrissy, but I was getting sleepy. I was also watching her cream-colored Emanuel Ungaro skirt creep up her thighs and hoped it neither distracted the men nor pissed off the women sitting in the jury box.
It only took a few moments before Chrissy was in that never-never land between somnolence and wakefulness. "What is your name?" Millie Santiago asked.
"Christina Bernhardt," she said, eyes still closed, "but on my card, it just says Chrissy."
"What card, Chrissy?"
"My composite. I'm a model."
"Are you a good model, Chrissy?"
"When Chrissy's good, she's very good." She chuckled to herself. "And when Chrissy's bad . . ."
"What do you do, Chrissy?"
"I make scads of money for pouting or cocking a hip or hitting a volleyball on the beach."
"Do you enjoy your work?"
"It's all right." Sounding bored.
"Are you happy?"
No answer.
"Chrissy . . ."
"Sometimes."
"When?"
"When I dream about being married and being a mother."
I liked that. This wasn't just a spoiled, high-paid party girl. Chrissy Bernhardt had dreams of a ranch house with a white picket fence, just like everybody else. At the prosecution table, Abe Socolow was scowling, or was that his version of a smile?
"What do you want from life?"
"I want to eat hot fudge sundaes and get fat."
The jurors smiled. The answers had the ring of normalcy, of truth.
"You mentioned getting married, becoming a mother. Are those goals, too?"
"Sure. But no one's ever asked me.
Ever
."
"Maybe you haven't met the right man."
"I've met Mr. Wrong a thousand times." The pain in her voice filled the courtroom. "I'm damaged goods. That's what he said."
"Who?"
No answer.
"Chrissy."
"He said I'd always be his, even if I was grown up, even if I was married and a mommy myself, 'cause he was the first. He told me I belonged to him and every other man would know it."
"Is that true?"
"Yes. Everybody knows."
"What does everybody know, Chrissy?"
She sniffled back a tear but didn't answer. I thought of the song that had been playing just before Chrissy shot her father.
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded. Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed.
"I've fucked a lot of men," she said, and one of the women jurors gasped. "But I've only made love to a few. I fucked men because they bought me dinner. I fucked men because I was bored. I fucked men for no reason at all."
Now Socolow leaned back in chair and truly smiled, if that's what a shark does just before swallowing a grouper. Judge Stanger was glaring at me as if I were the circus elephant with loose bowels. I was afraid his gavel would end our little experiment before it had a chance.
"I had dreams," Chrissy said. "For years, the same dreams, snakes curling up my legs, underneath my skirt, getting inside my panties, and then inside me."
She sobbed and pulled her knees tight up against her chest. There was no sound in the courtroom other than the wheeze of the ancient air conditioning and the scratching of pen on paper in the press row.
"Tell me about the men," Dr. Santiago said.
"So many men. Always laughing."
"Why would they laugh?"
"Not out loud. Not so that I could hear them. But they laughed at me. They knew. I could tell by looking at them that they knew."
"What did they know, Chrissy?"
"They knew I was dirty." She curled into the fetal position. "Who would ever want me?"
"What made you dirty, Chrissy?"
"So long ago. So long . . . I don't remember." She seemed to drift off.
"Let's go back to that time. Let me help you remember. I've seen your pictures. You had a ponytail and you rode a palomino. How old are you?"
Silence.
"Chrissy."
"Sugarcane."
"What?"
"I'm eleven and my horse's name is Sugarcane." The little girl voice. "She broke a leg and Daddy had to shoot her."
"That must have made you very sad."
Another sob.
"What else makes you sad?"
No answer.
"Does anything frighten you?"
"The sounds."
"What sounds, Chrissy?"
"At night. In my room."
"What's in your room?"
"He is. The door opens, and he comes in. I can hear the floor squeaking even though he walks on tippy-toes. The bed squeaks, too, but I don't make a sound because he tells me not to. His voice is so rough. He sounds like a pig grunting, and he sweats so much, the bed is all wet. I get scared, 'cause I think he's sick or hurt."
I wasn't breathing. Her anguish cut to my heart. And I was getting what I deserved. After I'd discredited Schein for his methods, he still turned out to be right. Harry Bernhardt had been a slime who raped his daughter. All the fancy footwork and we were right back where we started. Chrissy had the motive, but not the lawful excuse, to kill her father.
"I pull the sheet up over my head so I can't see," Chrissy said, "and I think about an island with green cliffs and high waterfalls. I don't really feel anything until morning, when my peepee hurts. I tell him it hurts, but he keeps coming to my room anyway."
"How many times has this happened, Chrissy?"
"I don't know. Lots of times."
"Who does this to you?"
Another sob.
"Chrissy, who comes into your bed at night?"
A sniffle caught in her throat and she coughed.
"Chrissy, is it someone you know?"
"Yes."
"Someone in your family?"
"Yes."
"Is it your father?"
"My father?"
"Is it your father who comes to your bed and hurts you?"
"No, of course not. Daddy would never do that."
What? In the courtroom, time was frozen. No movement except for dust motes floating in the shaft of an overhead spotlight. A moment of crystal clarity, of blinding intensity, a moment carved into the soft metal of my memory with the forged steel blade of the truth.
"Who does it, Chrissy?"
She didn't seem able to answer.
"Who comes to you in the night? Who frightens you? Who hurts you?"
Unconsciously, Chrissy wiped away a tear with the back of a hand. A little girl's gesture. Sweet and innocent and so painful as to sear the soul.
"My brother," Chrissy said. "Guy hurts me. It's always Guy."
33