Lady of Misrule (Marla Mason Book 8) (20 page)

“What’d you just do?” Rondeau said.

“I’ve got a surprise for Marla, and I think your boy Pelham stumbled onto it, looking at things he wasn’t
supposed
to look at, peeking in on my private business. Can’t have him spoiling the big reveal.” She reached out and patted Pelham’s head, making him blink and groan more.

“Wait,” Rondeau said. “We’re going to see Marla?”

“Her plane lands shortly. I’m sending you to meet her.” Nicolette rose and turned to face Rondeau. He wasn’t used to her looking down at him, but in her new body, she was about six-foot-four.

He fought the urge to take a step backward. “Then, uh, I guess we’ll be facing you soon on the field of battle? Or whatever?”

Nicolette shook her head. “There won’t be any battle. Which, in a way, is disappointing, except I know Marla will be
more
disappointed, because she doesn’t know how to deal with anything unless she’s beating on it with a lead pipe. Frustrating her... you know, it’s funny. I used to think making her miserable was the most important thing in the world. And I still care about doing that, but it’s more like... a tasty dessert after a meal that was already totally satisfying. You don’t
need
dessert – it’s just nice.”

“So what’s the main course?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? I’ll leave you to get dressed alone. I don’t need to see that bare bony ass of yours. Not when I’ve got this sweet one all to myself.” She slapped her own ass with both hands, winked, and left the room, not even bothering to shut their cell door behind her.

“Rondeau?” Pelham said, sitting up and rubbing his face. “What’s happening?”

“You got the whammy put on you,” Rondeau said. “But now we’re going to see Marla. Apparently.”

And here they were, waiting in the back of the limo. Maybe it
was
all a trick, Nicolette just fucking with them one more time, but she usually wasn’t that subtle. Her idea of a good joke was filling your bed with snakes or setting your car on fire, not pretending you were going to see your friend. Even so, he wasn’t going to be entirely comfortable until –

The door opened, and Marla slid in. “Move over, Rondeau, I’ve been in an airplane seat all night, I need space.”

Then
Bradley Bowman
got in too, sitting across from Rondeau and Marla, next to Pelham. “Ignore her, we flew first class. Our seats were bigger than this whole car.”

“Commercial air travel takes an existential toll, regardless of where you’re seated.” Marla looked Rondeau up and down. “Stop gaping. Yes, that’s B. Not exactly
our
B, obviously, but the closest possible equivalent.”

Bradley gave him a little wave. “Yeah, I come from the universe next door, where you didn’t steal my body – you took Danny Two-Saints’s body instead.”

“Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy,” Rondeau mumbled, flushed with shame all over again at the way he’d stolen Bradley’s body. He hadn’t
meant
to, but that didn’t change the reality. “Wow. Uh. Things must be a lot different over there, where you’re from.”

“Oh, yeah. Marla never got ousted from her job as chief sorcerer of Felport, for one thing. From one little change –”

“Right, sure, for want of a nail the kingdom was whatever,” Marla interrupted.

Rondeau couldn’t help but smile. “Good to see you again, boss. Thanks for coming to get us.”

She reached out and patted him on the knee, a little too hard. “You are a couple of colossal fuck-ups, but you’re
my
colossal fuck-ups.” She looked at Pelham. “You couldn’t keep a better eye on him?”

“I must admit that many of the mistakes were my own, Mrs. Mason.”

“Damn. Can’t leave you two alone for a month without the world almost ending.”

Perren River got into the limo, sitting beside Marla, looking at Bradley with great interest. “Did you say you’re from a parallel universe?”

“I did not,” Bradley said. “Those words did not pass my lips.”

“Shut up a minute, Perrin,” Marla said. “Bradley, do a diagnostic on everybody, okay?”

Bradley squinted at Rondeau, shook his head, turned his gaze to Perren, shook it again, then looked at Pelham and whistled. “There’s some kind of binding magic on Pelham.”

“Yes,” Pelly said glumly. “I regret that I am not able to fully serve you, Mrs. Mason. Nicolette has placed limitations upon me.”

“Magical gag order,” Rondeau said. “Pelham got a glimpse through a magic mirror and saw some big secret Nicolette has, and she doesn’t want you to know about it.”

“More precisely, she wants to reveal it to you
herself
,” Pelham said. “I suppose so she can have the pleasure of seeing you become very upset in person.”

“Well that’s a burning bag of crap,” Marla said. “I hate surprises, especially Nicolette’s.” The limo started up and pulled out. “Where’s Mr. Beadle?” she said.

“Up front driving,” Perren said. “With you in the car, Nicolette didn’t trust sending a lackey to drive.”

“A member of the council for my chauffeur. Looks like I’m a VIP.” Marla leaned back, lacing her hands over her belly, and looked at Perren through half-closed eyes. “I had my eye on you back when you ran the Honeyed Knots. You were the only addition to the council I really approved of. Maybe that was a mistake. I thought you had spine, but you just rolled over for Nicolette, huh?”

Perren sighed. “The council changed a lot after the Mason’s Massacre.”

Marla winced. “You said that like it’s a proper name. Everyone calls it that?”

“Some call it Marla’s Massacre.” Perren’s voice was bland and entirely non-judgmental. “I never thought that was fair. The Mason was your double from another universe, but that doesn’t make her
you
. Anyway, after she killed half the leading sorcerers in the city, and you were exiled, we had to rebuild things from the ground up, divide up the city again, all under the Chamberlain’s direction.”

Marla looked like she wanted to spit, and Rondeau thought only the fact that she was in a limousine stopped her from doing so. “I never liked her. Thought she’d be a terrible leader.”

“Oh, she was,” Perren said. “Diplomatic, always polite, but if someone disagreed with her, she just... ignored them. Her own powers were so substantial, she didn’t feel the need to build coalitions, not even to the extent you did. Hamil tried to be a moderating influence on the council, but...” Perren shrugged. “Who did he have to work with? Mr. Beadle is good at infrastructure, he keeps the garbage collection and mail delivery and everything humming, but politics is too disorderly for his tastes. Langford doesn’t care about anything but his experiments, and since he took over running the Blackwing Institute, that’s kept him occupied – he doesn’t even come to meetings anymore. The Bay Witch keeps things working in the water and around the ports, but again, she couldn’t give less of a crap about the city as a whole. Hamil and I tried to do what we could, but...” She shrugged. “The Chamberlain doesn’t pay attention to anything that happens south of the river, except maybe the financial district a little bit.”

Rondeau whistled. North of the river was, basically, the rich part of town, the big houses, the old families, the golf courses and country clubs. South of the river was... everything
else
. The Chamberlain had always been the voice of the wealthy in Felport, and the keeper of the ghosts of the founding families, who provided Felport with a reservoir of magical power that could be used to protect the city. The fact that taking over the city as a whole hadn’t made the Chamberlain care about the other 99% of the city’s citizens was troubling but not shocking.

“That’s exactly why she should never have been made chief sorcerer,” Marla said. “Ignoring everything south of the river? Gods.”

“To be fair, didn’t you ignore everything north of the river when
you
ran things?” Bradley said.

Marla scowled. “Yeah, but those rich fucks can take care of themselves, and anyway, they had the Chamberlain looking out for them, chasing disobedient ghosts out of their attics and keeping succubi from seducing bi-curious debutantes. The rest of the city
needs
help.”

“It’s been bad since you left,” Perren said. “But none of us had the power to oust the Chamberlain. You need a unanimous vote to kick out a sitting ruler, and she had Langford in her pocket completely, and the Bay Witch, too, for some reason – something about owing her a favor?”

“Do a solid for the Bay Witch, and she’ll do one for you,” Marla said. “Even if it’s something like ‘never vote against anything I want to do ever.’ So the best you could hope for in
any
vote was a deadlock, and in a tie, the chief sorcerer gets her way. First among equals, right?”

Perren nodded. “That’s when the Chamberlain even bothered to bring a vote before the council, instead of just doing what she wanted. Not good times.”

“Ha. And then Nicolette showed up, and times got even worse. How the hell did a head in a birdcage take over the whole city?”

Perren made a face. “She came in with heavy muscle, this guy Squat? Magic just bounces off the guy, he’s invulnerable. He’s about as subtle as a chainsaw murder at a shopping mall, too, but he gets things done. Somehow Nicolette got to Langford, I don’t know how – blackmail or black magic or simple persuasion. They flipped a few lieutenants to their side and kidnapped the Chamberlain, locked her up in the Blackwing Institute. Some of her people tried to stage a rescue, and Squat....”

“How many of them did he eat?” Marla said.

Perren’s eyes widened. “Only one. The others got the message and backed off. Do you know Squat?”

“He used to work for me, but Nicolette recruited him. Seems like a not uncommon approach for Nicolette. I’m not sure how she does it. She’s not exactly charming.”

“She’s not that, but she’s brave and audacious. With the Chamberlain gone, Hamil stepped up as chief sorcerer, but Nicolette got to
him
somehow, too, I don’t know how – only that it’s not mind control.”

“How the
hell
,” Marla said. “Hamil is with
Nicolette
? Willingly?”

Perren nodded. “Maybe under duress – I don’t know. He elevated Nicolette to his old position on the council, and then voted to let her take his place. We resisted, of course, but apparently Hamil had a favor to call in with the Bay Witch, too, so she voted. That was Hamil, the Bay Witch, and Langford on her side, so...” Perren shrugged. “Apparently that kind of voluntary transfer of power doesn’t need to be unanimous? Or so the bylaws say. Procedural shit. What was I supposed to do then? Resign in protest? Nicolette can’t be killed – we figured
that
out pretty quickly – and Squat can get to anybody. They are not people you want for enemies. Well, maybe you do, but
I
don’t. I figured I’d go along to get along, look for a chance to take control of the council myself, and make things
sane
again.”

“Yeah, how’s that working out?” Marla said.

“Well, the thing is... It’s only been a couple of weeks, but... Nicolette is doing a great job.”

Rondeau couldn’t help it: he groaned. Pelham looked as alert as a rabbit in the presence of a wolf, and Bradley seemed to be holding his breath.

Marla’s voice was low and utterly uninflected. “What.”

Perren shrugged. “She just... she’s got it down. The changes are already obvious, and the plans she’s set in motion are going to pay off in a big way. Look, my territory is the inner city, you know? The place my gang comes from, my people. Drug use has plummeted. There haven’t been any murders.
None
, not drug-related, not personal grudge related, not even being-an-asshole related. Thieving is way down, burglary too, even vandalism. Services are being offered, and my people are actually taking advantage of them. Everyone’s just
happier
. It’s like a balance has shifted in the city. I’m hearing similar reports from elsewhere, the other at-risk neighborhoods. Government grants that have been held up for years are coming through. Ancient grievances are being sorted out. It’s like... all the things that used to work against each other are just working
together
now. Stuff that used to clash is running smoothly now.”

“Tyranny,” Marla said. “Despotism. Fascism. Right? Everyone behaves well when there’s an iron boot on their neck.”

“I admit, Nicolette came in hard,” Perren said. “She was all murder all the time and we figured we were in for nightmare times going forward. But once Nicolette took the big chair, I don’t know, it’s like something in her changed. She started making deals, giving people what they wanted, and even better, what they
needed
. She asked my advice, and she
took
it. She couldn’t be more different from the Chamberlain.”

“This is bullshit,” Marla said, voice still flat. “She
can’t
run things well. It’s not possible. Chaos witches can’t run cities any more than dogs can play piano. She’s a fucking head in a cage!”

“She’s got a body now,” Rondeau said. “Actually several, I think.”

Marla glared at him, and he shrugged and looked away.

Perren spread her hands. “I don’t know how to explain it. I agree, from everything I know about Nicolette, she should be awful at this job, but she does it like she was born to and trained for leadership.”

Marla sank back into her seat. “How long before we get where we’re going? I want to see this amazing enlightened philosopher-queen for myself.”

“Not long,” Perren said. “We can –”

“Shut up then,” Marla said. “I need to think.”

Your thinking looks a whole lot like brooding
, Rondeau thought, but sure as hell didn’t say.

“Okay,” Marla said after a while. “Pelly and Rondeau, you guys are going to get out of town.”

“You don’t want our help?” Rondeau said.

She shrugged. “I’ve got B, and no offense, Rondeau, but anything you can do, he can do better.”

“He’s had more time to learn how to use our powers,” Rondeau said. “I’ll get there.”

“Given how little you practice, I don’t think you’re ever going to make it to Carnegie Hall. You guys could certainly be helpful, but Nicolette’s demonstrated a willingness to use you as leverage, so let’s take that tool out of her box, okay? Besides, you should get back to Vegas.”