L8r, G8r (6 page)

SnowAngel:

why do you keep reading them?

mad maddie:

you sure are glib for someone who's experienced glendy-love firsthand. she STALKED you, angela. and now she's stalking me!

SnowAngel:

oh, muffin, you don't know what stalking is. has she bombarded you with care bears? noooo. has she invited you to dolphin-themed sleepovers? noooo. if she weren't the daughter of my dad's boss, i would have throttled her long ago. but luckily for glendy, she's zillions of miles away in california, so i deal with her by ignoring her—which is what you should do, you freak.

mad maddie:

but why why why is she sending emails to someone she doesn't know?

SnowAngel:

she must have gotten your addy from some group email i once sent, i dunno.

SnowAngel:

she collects ppl like butterfly collectors collect butterflies.

mad maddie:

i am not glendy's butterfly!

SnowAngel:

if you go to her facebook page, you'll c she lists over 4,000 friends. now c'mon. does anyone other than famous ppl really have 4,000 friends?

mad maddie:

the email i got from her today was titled “This Is Beautiful … And You Will Cry!” however, it was NOT beautiful, and i did NOT cry. it was about a
made-up person who survived a hurricane or a tsunami or something, and there was a link to a fund where we cld send money. it makes me so mad that ppl try to exploit disasters real live ppl really do go thru.

SnowAngel:

why don't you just block her messages?

mad maddie:

cuz then i couldn't complain about them. duh.

mad maddie:

at the end of the terrible disaster email, it said “let's see satan stop this one,” followed by instructions to send it to 5 more ppl in 60 seconds, blah blah blah.

SnowAngel:

of course glendy probably sent it to 60 more ppl in 5 seconds … make that 2,000 more ppl …

mad maddie:

ack, g2g. chumley is hissing at pete mazer's iguana, and Peaches the Friendly Librarian is trotting over to break up the fray.

SnowAngel:

good ol' peaches. give her a squeeze for me.

mad maddie:

fo shizzle!

zoegirl:

hurray for angela! you returned to school—AND YOU SURVIVED!

SnowAngel:

barely. ppl stared, zo. it was one of those deals where everyone's eyes wld drift down to my nose then jerk back up, like, “oh, don't mind me. sure didn't notice that horrible blot on your face—nope, sure didn't!”

zoegirl:

sweetie, your nose is so much less horrible than you think it is. i mentioned it to doug, and he said he wouldn't have even noticed if i hadn't pointed it out.

SnowAngel:

gee, thx

SnowAngel:

speaking of doug, what was up with his whole cheese rant?

zoegirl:

what was up with you giving him such a hard time about it? everyone in the cafeteria was swiveling
their heads to see what was going on. they were like, “ok, what's HER deal?”

SnowAngel:

oh please. exaggerate much?

SnowAngel:

he sounded so pretentious, that's all.

zoegirl:

well i guess they have better cheese in other parts of the world, because the cheeses there aren't pasteurized or something.

SnowAngel:

uh huh, whatevs. i LIKE american cheese.

zoegirl:

so do i

SnowAngel:

and not just cheese made in america, but actual orange squares of american cheese. it's the only kind for grilled cheese sandwiches.

zoegirl:

all i'm saying is that *yr* the 1 who made a big deal out of it, not doug. and i guess it seemed a little … over the top. even kristin was like, “does it not bother you that angela spent the whole lunch period monopolizing your boyfriend? she talked to him more than you did!”

SnowAngel:

omg, that is so not true! i can't believe kristin said that!

zoegirl:

it wasn't in a malicious way. it was just an observation.

SnowAngel:

friends aren't supposed to make “observations” like that.

zoegirl:

ok, time out. forget i mentioned it, all right?

SnowAngel:

no, it's not all right. what she said was completely rude!

zoegirl:

we're changing subjects now

SnowAngel:

says who?

zoegirl:

i passed jana in the hall, and if i'm not mistaken, she actually *smiled* at me. isn't that bizarre? i keep expecting to find pig's blood on my locker or something, as payback for the whole Boo Boo Bear thing, and instead she smiles at me?

SnowAngel:

no comment. i'm still annoyed with kristin.

zoegirl:

is it possible that what terri said to her—compliments of me—actually made her change her evil ways?

SnowAngel:

no. a spade is a spade is a spade—which AGAIN is why i'm surprised that kristin would act so uncool, cuz until now i didn't think she WAS a spade.

zoegirl:

okaaaay, time to change the subject

zoegirl:

will you go to planned parenthood with me? i've called and made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

SnowAngel:

whoa *jerks back in shock* didn't see that one coming!

zoegirl:

it's just that i'm pretty sure doug and i are gonna have sex, and i'm pretty sure it's gonna be sooner rather than later. i feel bad that i've made him wait this long!

SnowAngel:

he's been AT SEA, zoe. not a whole lot you could do from across the ocean.

zoegirl:

and when we do, i don't wanna be unprepared. i told the lady at planned parenthood that i wanna go on the pill, and she said i have to come in and talk to a counselor.

SnowAngel:

why the pill? why not condoms?

zoegirl:

well, because doug's a virgin just like i am, so disease-wise, we're both safe. i've thought about it, and the pill's the right choice for me.

SnowAngel:

you could do the patch, u know. that's what my aunt sadie uses.

zoegirl:

have you seen it?

SnowAngel:

it's just this brown plastic-y thing. it looks like a band-aid.

zoegirl:

i'm gonna go with the pill.

zoegirl:

will you come with me?

SnowAngel:

of course

SnowAngel:

does doug know?

zoegirl:

no, i'm going to surprise him

zoegirl:

hey! you should go on the pill too, for when you and logan decide to go for it!

SnowAngel:

i don't think so

zoegirl:

why not? don't you want to?

SnowAngel:

of course i do, just … there's no need to rush things. sometimes the wait makes it all the better.

zoegirl:

you're right, you're right, i don't mean to pressure you. i guess i'm just so happy that i'm in love, and i want you and logan to be that happy 2. i mean, you already are, of course. you know what i'm saying.

zoegirl:

if only maddie would find someone!

SnowAngel:

is she coming to planned parenthood with us?

zoegirl:

no, she promised to help her brother move out of their parents' house. can you believe mark and his girlfriend are finally getting a place of their own?

SnowAngel:

it's taken long enuff

SnowAngel:

how's pelt-woman doing, anyway? hairy as ever?

zoegirl:

hairy as ever, or so i assume. maddie still doesn't call her by her real name, if that tells you anything.

SnowAngel:

do we even know her real name?

zoegirl:

i don't remember. do you?

zoegirl:

omg, how horrible!

SnowAngel:

well, she probably doesn't know our names either. we're just “maddie's little friends.”

zoegirl:

maddie's little friends who are off to planned parenthood …

SnowAngel:

ppl have no idea, do they? that we're growing up.

zoegirl:

but *we* know … and one of these days they'll figure it out.

SnowAngel:

just hopefully not until after graduation. *wink, wink*

mad maddie:

there is nothing—nothing, i tell you—worse than itchy toes.

SnowAngel:

except for itchy palms. HATE itchy palms.

mad maddie:

toes r worse. the itch is on the knuckle part, and it's driving me nuts.

mad maddie:

but i actually didn't text to tell you that. i texted to tell you about vincent. i went to his house today and found him LOOKING AT PORN ON THE INTERNET!

SnowAngel:

ewww!

mad maddie:

i strolled into his room and there it was, up on the screen. i was like, DEAR JESUS, SAVE THIS BOY!

SnowAngel:

what is it with guys and porn on the internet? do ALL guys like porn from the internet?

mad maddie:

hmm. you want the true answer, or the angela-friendly answer?

SnowAngel:

you don't think logan looks at porn, do you?

mad maddie:

no, no, no. of course not.

SnowAngel:

that's the angela-friendly answer, isn't it?

SnowAngel:

oh, nvm

SnowAngel:

my new friend andre doesn't look at porn on the internet, i know he doesn't.

mad maddie:

what, cuz he's gay you think that? poor innocent angela.

mad maddie:

and you don't have to say “my new friend.” i go to school with andre too.

SnowAngel:

yeah, yeah, yeah, but i'm SURE he doesn't look at porn. at least not the kind that vincent looks at.

mad maddie:

well, with vincent, it's straight-up girl porn, and it's just who he is. i'm like, “ya gotta love him,” u know?

SnowAngel:

“ya gotta love him”??? maddie, PLEASE tell me yr not doing what i think yr doing!

mad maddie:

which would be …?

SnowAngel:

crushing on vincent! falling for the bad boy!

mad maddie:

whoa—me, falling for VINCENT?!

SnowAngel:

i personally can't believe you're even friends with him, given that he's so tight with jana. how do you get your head around that?

mad maddie:

i don't. don't know what the guy sees in her.

SnowAngel:

have you asked him?

mad maddie:

he says she's fun to party with. is that a guy response or what?

mad maddie:

anywayz, why the inquistion? you have andre, who's your “new friend.” i have vincent, my spanish class friend. who entertains me.

SnowAngel:

and makes you hot.

mad maddie:

give me a break. that is not true, angela! and not that it's any of your beeswax, but he's got a thing for lila.

SnowAngel:

uh, hate to say it, but it's not like you've let that stop you before. chive was totally dating whitney when you guys did your little fuck-buddy thing.

mad maddie:

i am so not gonna respond to that. ancient history, a.

mad maddie:

and “fuck buddy” is hardly the term, since i never even got naked with the guy.

SnowAngel:

next thing you know, it'll be YOU jaunting off to planned parenthood, and i'll be alone in the corner wearing black, a virgin forever.

mad maddie:

save the drama for yo mama. vincent and i are just buds.

SnowAngel:

u could look at porn together. and eat popcorn.

mad maddie:

and as for being a virgin forever, you're way more likely to leave the V-club than I am—that is if things with logan are as good as you say.

SnowAngel:

shuddup. when and if logan and i have sex is

mad maddie:

yessss?

SnowAngel:

hold on—mary kate just texted. LOTS of !!!!s.

mad maddie:

dum di dum, dum di dum

mad maddie:

i'm practicing my typing … abcdefg

mad maddie:

STILL practicing my typing … hijklmnop

SnowAngel:

ok, now THAT was weird

mad maddie:

what?

SnowAngel:

maddie, tell me the truth. is something up with zoe? has she been saying things about me to anyone?

mad maddie:

what are you talking about?

SnowAngel:

according to mary kate, paige said zoe thinks i was FLIRTING with doug at lunch.

SnowAngel:

*holds out hands in bewilderment* was i flirting with doug at lunch?

mad maddie:

angela, you flirt with every 2-legged male on the planet.

SnowAngel:

but it doesn't MEAN anything. zoe knows that.

SnowAngel:

do you think she seriously has a problem with me talking to doug?

mad maddie:

yes, she probably thinks yer trying to STEAL HER MAN

SnowAngel:

that's ridiculous!

SnowAngel:

omg, i'm gonna txt her and see what's going on.

mad maddie:

angela, i was teasing!

mad maddie:

angela?

mad maddie:

BUT MY TOES R STILL ITCHING!