Knowing Is Not Enough (28 page)

Easton opted to leave without uttering a word to Jake or asking about his mother. We looked on as he entered the elevator, presumably leaving the hospital. I turned to face Jake. He wasn’t happen about Easton’s unexpected appearance.

“Did you call him?” Jake asked.

“No, he just showed up.” The nurses were busy ignoring us. In all the commotion, I didn’t notice Tobey walking from the direction of Jake’s mother’s room. She got to us before Jake could say anything more.

“How are you guys holding up?” she asked.

We gave a unified response. “We’re doing okay.”

“Has the doctor been in this morning?”

“That’s why were down here, to see when he’s coming in,” I said.

“I can find out—go ahead. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Jake rubbed my arm, motioning for me to come with him. Down the hall a ways he said again, “I don’t like that you’re seeing him.”

“I get that, Jake. What you don’t get is it’s not your decision to make.”

We reached his mother’s room. She remained silent and unchanged. Tobey and the doctor came into the room
a few minutes later to confirm what we already knew. Her condition wasn’t improving.

We were losing her.

I cried for all the time we had, and didn’t have. Jake walked out with the doctor while I repositioned myself in the chair next to her bed. I placed her cold hand in mine, rubbing it against my cheek praying she would come back to us. God had other plans.

We’d checked her into the hospital on a Sunday and two weeks later to the day she died.

Death was a blessing and a curse.

It took Ms. Thomas, but it gave birth to clarity. The insight I’d been avoiding for some time now. At about four o’clock we said our final goodbyes before his mother’s body was removed from the room. We packed two weeks of clothing, books and blankets in a suitcase and departed the hospital for the last time. I needed to go by the office to check in before Jake took me home.

Jake pulled up to the back entrance where we both got out and entered the building. I heard Karen on the phone taking an appointment for the next week. Jake lay down on the couch in front of my desk, while I booted up my computer to take a look at my calendar. It wasn’t until Karen entered that either one of us uttered a word. Karen approached Jake, her arms open. “What happens now?”

I answered. “Most of everything was preplanned, so-” I glanced over at Jake on the couch. He added, “Just planning the reprise, which—” he said at me, “if you don’t mind, I wanted to have at our house.”

“You mean my house?”

He smiled. “Your house.”

Karen stepped out of the way avoiding the conversation. “Let me know if I can do anything,” she said.

“You can help me with the obituary.”

“Do you have a date yet?” she asked.

Jake responded. “Wednesday, next week.”

“I’ll have to move some stuff around.”

I clicked the calendar icon on the desktop. It didn’t look too bad. “There’s only one appointment on Wednesday and it’s late.” I pointed to the date on my screen. “Can you explain what happened and possibly move this one up a day?” I asked.

“I can certainly try—oh, before I forget you got an invitation. I put it inside your desk.”

“From whom?”

“I couldn’t tell from the envelope.” She pointed to my desk drawer. “It’s in there.” I glanced at the door, but didn’t open it.

“Did anybody call Sanford?” she asked.

Jake sat up. “Why would she call Sanford?”

I was a little taken aback by his response. “Why wouldn’t I? He’s met your mother before.” Jake lay back down without responding.

“Karen you don’t have to stay here,” I said. “I got it.”

She took a step back. “Are you sure? It’s only three-thirty.”

“Yeah, I’ll be here until four, nothing should happen between now and then.”

“All right, if you don’t need me—just don’t forget that
invitation.”

I continued checking my appointments. “I won’t.”

Karen yelled bye from the other room while Jake continued to doze off on the couch. Skimming my appointments, I noticed there was nothing on the calendar for Mr. Johnson. I started to yell Karen’s name when I remembered I told her she could go for the night. The next thought that entered my mind was the invitation. Maybe that’s why I haven’t heard from him. I opened the desk drawer and pulled out the large envelope. It looked like a wedding invitation. I pushed my finger through the edge of the envelope to open it.
Mystery solved. He’s getting married. At least somebody’s love life is working out okay
.

As I read the wedding details my cell phone rang. I put the invite back in my desk, got up and retrieved the phone from my purse. Jake, still sound asleep, didn’t appear to hear anything going on in the room. I looked at the screen. It was Easton. I answered, “Hold on, let me move to the other room.” I glanced back at Jake then walked into the receptionist area and took a seat behind Karen’s desk.

“Hey,” I said. “What’ going on?”

“It’s been a few days. How are you, babe?”

“I’m fine, just tired. It’s been a long week.”

“How is Jake holding up?”

“Ah—as well as to be expected.”

“What do you mean—as well as to be expected?”

“Oh God, I’m sorry—Jake’s mom passed this morning. I haven’t had a chance to call anybody. We literally left the hospital and came here.”

“Where is here?” he asked.

“My office.”

“Can I help in any way?”

“You’ve already been wonderful just by being patient with me.”

“Anything for you. You know that,” he said. “Don’t give me too much credit, I’ve been missing you like crazy. I wanted to come back and snatch you away one day.”

I took a deep breath then exhaled. “I want to talk to you when things settle down a bit.”

There was profound silence on the other end. His words seemed weighed from my request. “Oh, that can’t be good.”

“No, it’s not like that. We just need to talk.”

“Can you tell me what’s it’s about?”

“Well—sitting in the hospital gave me a lot of time to think—about us.”

“What about us?” He paused. “We’re having fun—right?”

“That’s just it—I think I’m looking for something more than
fun
.”

“That may have been a bad choice of words,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said. “Maybe, which is why I think we should sit down and talk about this.”

“Can I come by later today?”

“Maybe not today, but look—I’m going to get out of here. Can we talk later?”

“How long do you think that will be?” he asked.

“I don’t know. A few days, maybe.”

“Okay, then, in a few days.”

I hung up the phone and walked back to find Jake awake. I stopped short at the door and put my phone in my sweater pocket.

“Who was that?” he asked.

I walked back behind my desk. “I think you already know who it was.” I began shutting down my computer system and gathering my things to take home.

“What did he want?”

I looked around the monitor on my desk. “Nothing—I told him about your mom. He’s checking in.”

“So, what are you going to do about him?”

“Jake!” I put my hand up. “I’m not talking about Easton with you. So just stop . . . please.”

He stood up, stretched and fished his keys out of his pocket. “Fine. You ready?”

“Yeah.” I turned off the computer and walked around the desk to get my purse. “Let’s go.”

Jake and I exited the same way we’d arrived. In silence. On the ride home, I rested my elbow on the window and looked out at everyone whose day didn’t appear to be going as unpleasantly as ours. I whispered to myself, “this too shall pass.” Jake overheard. “What did you say?”

I shook my head. “Nothing—talking to myself.”

He let it go and a few minutes later I was back inside my house. It was only five-thirty and pitch black outside. I dropped everything on the kitchen table and cut on the lights. For a split second, and it may have been shorter than that, I contemplated calling Easton, but elected against it. The only person I wanted to talk to was the one I couldn’t. I decided to give what was left of the day to the night and went to bed.

“Can feelings that change so dramatically in a week’s time ever have been real?”

“Do you want an answer to that or you thinking out loud?” Tobey asked. Linda and Karen walked into the kitchen from the living room.

“I don’t think so,” Linda said as she retrieved more plates for the buffet table we’d set up in the living room for the guests.

Karen, leaning against the doorframe said, “Why do you ask?”

I stopped arranging flowers to respond. “Because a couple of weeks ago Easton was the only person I wanted to do or see and now I’m dreading talking to the man.”

Tobey walked across the kitchen and handed me her finished vase of flowers. “This is pretty,” I said. I walked into the living room with the vase and Karen followed me.

“This is what I think,” Linda added. “You had broken it off with Sanford, and Easton took your mind off of that. No love jones—just a distraction.”

Karen said, “I agree. I never thought you and Easton would be anything more than friends.”

“Especially with him being married!” Tobey yelled from the kitchen.

I sat down on the couch and examined the room to determine our preparedness for the reprise service. “I think we’re done ladies,” I said.

Tobey walked in with the last vase of flowers. “Where do you want these?” She stood holding the final bouquet of roses. “I guess we can put those on the kitchen table. What do you think?” I turned to Linda for a decision.

“Is this the same table?” she asked.

“Yes, I am ashamed to say, I haven’t gotten rid of it.”

“Hopefully you’re not keeping it to remember him by,” she said.

“What happened on that table?” Tobey asked.

I stood up. “Never mind,” I said, taking the flowers from Tobey’s hands. “I’ll put them on the kitchen counter.”

“What do you mean, never mind? I’ve eaten at that table.”

I looked back at Tobey. “Real funny.” I put the flowers on the island in the kitchen.

Everything looks beautiful. Jake will be happy
. “I think Linda’s right. It couldn’t have been real, because I am so over it already. To think he was going to counseling and didn’t tell me.” I strolled over to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of wine. I held it up as I walked into the living room. “Anybody game?” Karen stood up. “You can count me in. I’ll get the glasses.”

“Obviously I’m not,” Linda said. “Why are you drinking your guest’s liquor?”

Karen returned to the room with three glasses. “It’s not liquor,” I said. “It’s wine, and I’m in the mood.”

Tobey agreed, holding up her glass. “Me too.”

I poured a glass of wine for all non-expectant mothers in the room. Linda and Karen were hanging out on the couch. Tobey lay across the floor on pillows in front of the fireplace. “Did anybody tell Sanford?” I asked.

“I texted him that Friday,” Linda responded.

“What did he say?”

“Give Jake his condolence.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, pretty much. What were you thinking he would say?”

“That he’s still in love with Alex,” Tobey offered.

Karen rose up and poured herself another glass of wine. “Is that why you’re done with Easton all of a sudden?”

“Of course not, I just asked if one of you told him—that’s all.”

“Don’t even try it,” Tobey interjected. “You still have feelings for Constantine.”

Linda burst into laughter. “Oh my God—that is his name. I forgot about that.”

I set my glass down on the floor and sat up. “What if I do still have feelings for Sanford? It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world—would it?”

“Maybe you should have figured that out before you broke up with him,” Linda snapped. “Sorry,” she added, rolling her eyes. “I may be too sober for this conversation.”

“I think you are.” I motioned toward the kitchen. “Go
get some water or something and let the less rational people talk it through.”

Linda stood up, laughing. “Not a problem,” she said.

“Tobey, I asked you before if you thought it was too late. What did you say?”

“Are you kidding? I don’t remember what I said to you. Look, when I am having profound moments—you really should pay attention,” she laughed.