Authors: S. J. Frost
“No, it was someone else.”
“I didn’t think that kid was your type.” Brad grinned and gave Julian’s forearm a light slap. “But I also know it’s been a while for you, so I thought you might of reached the point where you didn’t care what he looked like so long as he was warm and breathing.”
Julian laughed. “It was getting close to that.”
“So who’s the guy? I heard you tell Jesse you were thinking of staying in touch with him, so he must’ve struck a chord.”
Julian tensed inside. What was he supposed to say? The truth?
He met Brad’s gaze. It was one thing to believe he could keep things secret from his friend in his thoughts, but to sit here now, looking Brad in the eyes, was entirely different. He could almost feel the truth wanting to push its way out. But Morgan stood stronger in his mind, and the desire to keep Morgan’s job safe.
Julian cleared his throat. Maybe telling partial truth would make it easier. “Actually, I met him a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn’t until the other day things got more serious between us.”
Brad sat back slightly. “A couple of weeks ago? Why haven’t you said anything about him?”
“Well, I wasn’t even sure at first if he was interested, or if
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anything would come of it. And we’ve all been so busy with getting ready for the road, we just haven’t had time to talk.”
“We do now. And we’ll have a hell of a lot of time on this bus.”
Julian’s heart started to beat faster. He was lying himself into a corner. Or maybe it was the opposite with telling a little truth, now he didn’t now how to get away from telling all of it.
Kenny voice sounded from the back by the entertainment area. “What game do you guys want to play?”
“You pick,” Brad called, then looked back to Julian. “So what’s this guy’s name?”
Julian cleared his throat. “His name?”
“You
did
catch his name before you slept with him, didn’t you? Since you said you’ve been talking for a couple weeks, I figure you’re calling him something other than ‘hey you.’”
“Yeah, well, it’s just…” Julian’s mind worked frantically. He could just tell him Morgan’s name. It’s not like he was the only person in the world with that name, though he was probably the only one working the tour. There had to be a way around it. An idea struck him and he spoke before it finished playing through his mind. “It’s just he’d rather wait until he can meet everyone in person.”
Brad gave him a curious look. “That’s a little odd, don’t you think?”
“No, he just likes to make a full first impression himself.”
Julian clenched his teeth together. It all sounded terrible to his ears, he knew to Brad’s it sounded even worse.
“I still think it sounds weird, like he could be hiding something,” Brad said. “And I really don’t like the way he’s ordering you around saying you can’t tell anyone his name.”
“He didn’t say that specifically.” Julian glanced out the window.
The conversation was getting worse by the second. Now he was putting words into Morgan’s mouth and it could effect how the others would look at him later. Guilt stabbed through him, for Keys to Love
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both Morgan and Brad.
Brad slid his hand across the table and touched Julian’s arm, his voice soft. “Is everything okay, Jules? I’ve never seen you like this.”
Julian put on a bright smile and forced lightness into his voice.
“I’m fantastic! I’m just a little distracted. You know how it is when you first start seeing someone, they’re all you think about.”
“I guess. It just seems like it’s more than that.”
Kenny’s voice called out again, “Are you guys coming, or what?”
Brad glanced back on him. “Man, give us a minute!” He faced around to Julian. “I just hope you know if ever you have something going on, even if it’s something you feel embarrassed or weird about, that you can come to me.”
Julian laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood. “You don’t have to tell me that. Of course I know!”
“I kinda felt like I had to say it.”
Julian laid his hand over Brad’s, giving it as squeeze as he smiled warmly at him. “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
The grumble Brad gave in answer expressed he wasn’t as certain.
Julian patted his hand and stood up. “Now let’s go before Kenny has a fit. But you better have my back, and not let Kenny kick my ass all over the virtual place.”
As Brad turned to walk up the aisle, he whispered, “I always have your back, Jules.”
Julian gazed at Brad’s back, a sting of pain added to the guilt at the hurt he heard in Brad’s hushed voice. He was starting to think he’d put himself into a worse situation than even Jesse and Evan had faced. At least the people closest to them were privy to their relationship, but he couldn’t even let the people he cared the most about in on him and Morgan. And what was worse, deep down, his instincts rebelled against what he was doing. It wasn’t who he was to lie like this.
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He started to wonder if it was worth it. So what if Morgan lost his job because of their relationship. It didn’t mean him and Morgan would have to stop seeing each other. Except, Morgan would have to go back home to try and find work. Julian shook his head as he followed after Brad. He couldn’t let that happen.
He knew it was selfish, but he wanted Morgan with him.
He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out to see he had a text message from Morgan. He opened it to two simple words,
Missing you.
As Kenny and
Brad
debated on video games, he slowly sat down, unable to dim the smile on his slips.
Julian hit reply and typed,
Missing you, too,
and sent it.
Kenny’s words couldn’t be more true. He’d also reached the point of being ready to disregard everything to be with Morgan.
Save for those things that were important to Morgan himself.
Julian let out a discontented groan as the alarm clock repeatedly beeped. Morgan rolled away from him to slap it into silence. As he returned to snuggle, Julian released a pleased groan and shifted back into him.
A drowsy chuckle rumbled in Morgan’s throat. “Don’t you start with that ass wiggling. I need to get back to my room. I’ve got an early day again with the trip to Detroit ahead of us.”
Julian reached back to touch Morgan’s hair. “I can’t help it if I’m greedy.”
Morgan kissed Julian’s shoulder. “I like you greedy.”
Julian turned his head toward him. Morgan greeted Julian’s lips in a sensual kiss. As the kiss grew more heated, he slowly drew away.
“I really have to go,” he whispered against Julian’s lips.
“I know.” Julian gave him another kiss.
They eased apart a second time, and Morgan climbed out of bed. Julian moved to get up, but he stopped him with a hand on Julian’s hip. “No, you stay in bed and get some more rest. There’s no reason for you to get up, too.”
“These late nights and early mornings are going to burn you out.”
Morgan pulled on his boxer-briefs and picked up his jeans from the floor. “Such is the life of a roadie, from what I’ve been told. But I was looking at the concert schedule yesterday, and it looked like there are quite a few breaks.”
“Evan arranged it that way. He wanted us to have more and longer times off to keep us rested.”
Morgan finished zipping up his jeans and grabbed his shirt.
“I saw in a couple weeks, there’s going to be a week long break before the show in Charlotte. Did you have any plans for it?”
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“Not really. I was thinking of going back home. Evan has the Phoenix private jet booked and they’re going home for that week to celebrate Jesse’s birthday. I know Kenny’s going back, too. Don’t know what Brad’s doing.”
Fully dressed, Morgan sat on the edge of the bed beside Julian. “I was thinking we could go camping. The mountains in North Carolina are beautiful, and the leaves are probably starting to turn.”
Julian sat up and took Morgan’s hand. “That’s a wonderful idea. We could stay at the Biltmore. When I was young, we took a few family vacations there as a change since we were always going to Martha’s Vineyard.”
Morgan chuckled softly. “That’s not exactly the type of camping I was talking about. I’m talking hike out to the middle of the woods, pitch a tent, no people around for miles, camping.”
Julian’s expression turned tentative. “What about a bathroom?”
“You’ll have your pick of thousands. Oaks, maples, maybe a pine tree here and there.”
Julian held up one hand, waving it back and forth as he shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ve never, in my entire life, peed outside, and I don’t intend to start now.”
“What do you mean you’ve never peed outside? Every man has peed outside!”
“Not this one. I won’t even use one of those disgusting portable things.”
“Going outside is a lot cleaner than those.” Morgan took Julian’s hand, grinning as he kissed his knuckles. “You’re so sheltered. I’m seeing now I need to get you out in the world.”
Julian rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen the world several times.”
“No, you haven’t. You may have traveled it, but you haven’t
seen
it, and I’m going to show it to you.”
Julian leaned toward him. “I’d love to see the world if it was shown to me by you. Except for the whole peeing outside part.”
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Morgan brought their smiling lips together, then stood, his hand on Julian’s cheek. “See you in Detroit?”
Julian laid his hand over Morgan’s. “You know you will.”
Morgan turned to leave, his hand lingering on Julian’s cheek until he was forced to pull it away. He petted and talked to Chopin, then headed for the door. He cracked it open, peered up and down the hall, and seeing no one, stepped out.
Morgan sighed as he walked to the elevators. One night of sneaking around and he was already sick of it. He took the elevator down a couple floors to his room, swiped the card through the lock, and entered to the sound of the shower running. He was lucky that he got paired with Remmy to bunk with, or would’ve considered himself lucky if he was actually going to be spending any time in his rooms. He got along really well with him, and had learned more from him than anyone else.
He went to his suitcase and dug out fresh clothes as he heard the shower turned off. He waited for Remmy to finish, then grabbed the TV remote and reclined on the unused bed.
Remmy walked out, a white towel around his waist, another on his head as he dried his hair. “Hey, I’m glad you’re back. I was starting to wonder about you.”
Morgan glanced at him. With hair wet, Remmy looked even younger than his twenty-four years. His wiry body and soft features made Remmy appear like he could’ve blended in with Morgan’s former students at the high school.
Morgan looked back to the TV. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I should’ve told you I wouldn’t be crashing here last night.”
Remmy sat on the opposite bed. “It’s okay, but I should warn you, if you’re banging someone on the tour, you need to play it cool. If Kurt finds out, he’ll have your ass. He’s real anti-intermingling, you know?”
“He really needs to get over that incident from the last tour.”
“He’s always been that way, which is why everyone just sleeps around behind his back. I think it’s because he never gets any and
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wants everyone else to feel as miserable as him.”
“Yeah, that could be it.”
Remmy stood and returned to the bathroom, leaving the door open as he continued to speak. “So, are you going to be not crashing in our rooms a lot?”
“It’s looking that way so far.”
“Are you going to tell me who she is?”
“Didn’t you just tell me to play things cool?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t mean with me.”
“So that’s how it works. Sorry, either way, I think it’s better if I stay discreet for a little while longer, even with you, so I’m not going to tell you who
he
is.”
Silence answered him from the bathroom.
After a long moment, Morgan slid off the bed with his fresh clothes in hand. He stepped into the bathroom doorway to find Remmy staring down at the sink. Remmy slowly looked up at him. Morgan slapped his hand down on Remmy’s bare shoulder.
“Come on, I don’t hide it that well. I don’t even try to hide it at all. Now, are you done in here?”
Remmy blinked rapidly a couple times and snapped his gaze away to grab his clothes folded on the toilet lid. “Yeah, yeah I’m done.”
As Remmy exited, Morgan walked into the bathroom and prepared to close the door. “I guess judging by your reaction, it’ll be a good thing I won’t be here much.”
Remmy quickly shook his head. “No, man, it’s cool! I was just surprised, that’s all. I’m down with you being gay.”
Morgan laughed. “Alright, good.”
As he shut the door, his laughter stopped and his smile dropped from his lips. He lowered his head and put his fingertips to his forehead in an attempt to massage away a growing headache caused by Remmy’s warning.
Julian walked through the backstage of yet another stadium.
Only a little over a week on the road and they all already looked the same. He scanned for Morgan, having checked on stage and not finding him there. He rounded some large equipment crates and saw him leaning back on one, laughing with three other roadies and Remmy. For an instant, he felt a touch of discomfort, as if despite all their moments of intimacy, he didn’t know how to approach him.
In this atmosphere, surrounded by his co-workers, none of them knowing their relationship, he got a glimpse of how Morgan must have felt the night he saw him at the meet-andgreet. This was a part of Morgan’s life he didn’t share in, one he didn’t fully know. Irony touched him in two ways; at now being subjected to what Morgan had experienced and how for all his time working as a musician, so much of the behind the scenes aspects were just that to him. Hundreds of tasks performed by just as many hands went into these concerts, yet he realized how blind he’d always been to it all, just expecting things would be done for him.