“But his sister....”
But she was elderly, and not in need of funds. Karus had wanted someone to care for his faithful assistants—but Arman was leaving too. He would have to settle that too, before he left.
Arman got Kei to sit with them on the bunk, so he was squashed between his lover and his lover’s friend. Jena seemed to have forgotten her animosity for the moment.
No, I haven’t, Arman. I think I’ve just forgotten
how
to hate you.
Arman smiled despite his pain and Kei kissed him. “And the rest? Will they agree to peace?”
“It’s looking hopeful. They don’t have a lot of choice, but I wouldn’t rule out Kita waking up tomorrow and deciding agreeing to the terms is too humiliating. She likes Peika, as I hoped she would. Meki thinks she’s a waste of time.”
“Hardly surprising,” Kei murmured.
“And the hostages? How are they holding up?”
Jena sat up straight and glared at them both. “I want to kill someone, I really do. We have three women pregnant—three! Raped as prisoners, when they were supposed to receiving ‘hospitality’! And others, even some of the men have been molested, some beaten. I tell you, Arman, the Prij are all bastards.”
Kei smiled a little, as Arman did, no doubt remembering another young woman stating this emphatically. “Then it’s as well that from this day, I am no longer a Prij. Two separate sets of rulers have declared it. I am apparently a Darshianese citizen, so you have to be nice to me now.”
“What?”
They both looked at him in surprise. “It’s true, ask the Rulers. Kita stripped me of my Prijian status in front of most of the senators. So if you cast me out, I really have no home to go to. “
And I would have no home at all, if it weren’t for Kei
.
“No need to fear that. Congratulations,” Kei said, kissing him. “Are you sad about that?”
“A little. It hardly matters in the scheme of things. Jena, I’m most sorry for the hostages, and sorry we couldn’t get here sooner. Has Kei told you all that’s happened since we left?”
“Yes.
Everything
,” she said with a significant glance at Kei. “I know you moved as fast as you were able. The fault is theirs who carried out the abuse.”
Arman leaned against Kei, glad Neka’s help meant his lover could bear this contact when Arman was so distressed. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be with them, helping them?” he asked.
Kei stroked his hair. “In a bit. There are medics with them now, Tiko too—the soldiers are out of uniform.”
“And me? Should I absent myself?”
Kei shook his head, as he caressed Arman’s cheek. “Most of them have no strong feelings about you, surprisingly, and now you’ve brought them back, and your role in that is known, there’s no hostility personally. However, we all need to avoid shouting, speaking Prijian, any military discussions. Treat them as you treat me, pretty much. Except for the sex,” he added with a slight smile.
Arman turned and found Jena grinning at him. “You Darshianese,” he said, shaking his head.
“No,
you
Darshianese,” she said, poking him. “Better learn our ways properly and that includes losing all the stupid prudishness.”
“I intend to,” he said solemnly. “Kei, I could do with something to drink and some fresh air. I’ve been locked in with politicians all day and my nose is full of the smell of shit.”
“I take it you haven’t said this to Lord Meki,” Kei said dryly, before standing and pulling him upright. “Come on, let’s find Reji.”
~~~~~~~~
Kei had been desperate for, and dreading, Arman’s return. He’d known perfectly well what a blow Jena’s news would be, yet there was nothing he could do to soften it, or make Arman’s pain any less. Arman aged ten years as he realised what had happened. Kei felt almost as sad as Arman. He certainly understood why Jena grieved as if for her father. Karus was the kind of person one might meet only once in a lifetime, and only if one was very fortunate. He hoped Karus’s loving, gentle spirit would find a suitable home in his next life, and be blessed by happiness as he deserved, but this hope would only be of cold comfort to Arman as he mourned his beloved teacher.
Reji was still up on deck as were many of the hostages, no doubt enjoying the freedom to walk where they pleased, among their own people. Arman’s appearance brought a few glances, a few smiles, which pleased Kei—he’d hoped his fellow hostages would understand the enormity of Arman’s sacrifice, and it seemed they did for the most part.
It wasn’t, naturally, the most important thing on their minds. Many had suffered abuse, perhaps not as severely as Kei had at Mykis’s hands, but enough to cause emotional damage, and the women who were pregnant were in despair over their condition. All of them would need a lot of love and understanding. Once the euphoria of being rescued died away, the reality of their situation would need to be dealt with. It would not be quick, Kei knew that from his own experience.
He was stopped several times as they walked across to where Reji stood near the quarterdeck, but while he was happy to answer questions for a little while, Arman needed him now. He tugged Arman along, Jena on his other side, until they reached Reji, talking to Peit. Peit was a little uneasy at Arman’s presence, but stayed nonetheless.
Reji put his hand out to Arman. “I’m very sorry for your loss,” he said solemnly. “I hope your friend’s spirit finds a happy home in the next life.”
Arman shook his hand with obvious surprise that Reji cared at all. “Thank you. So do I.”
“What’s the news on Kurlik Pass?”
“I think the chances are good. It will take the best part of a week though, to clear. We can’t just have Jera and Reis throwing rocks around like pebbles. Army engineers will have to work with them.” Arman turned to Kei. “Have people decided what they want to do about getting home?”
“I’ve only started to talk to them, but those at Ai-Rutej and Ai-Vinri are happy to wait for the pass to be cleared. I think those at Ai-Darbin and Ai-Tuek might go the overland route too, as a lot of their people suffer from seasickness. Our pregnant women are not so far gone that it makes much difference either way—two are from Ai-Tuek, and one is from Ai-Rutej.” Kei took Arman’s hand. “I want to go with those travelling by land, Arman. They need a healer, and someone who understands...and I’d like to see Jena home safely,” he added, hugging her a little.
“Of course,” Arman said calmly. “I told you, I’m with you wherever you wish to be. So long as your clan is happy, then so am I.”
Kei squeezed his hand gratefully. “Reji, will you lead the caravan if the pass is cleared?” he asked. “I know you must want to get back.”
“Of course, Kei. Arman brought me along to manage the animals and take people home. The village can manage for a few weeks,” Rei said cheerfully. “Stop looking so worried, little brother.”
“I’ll try,” Kei said with a smile, and considerable relief. He wanted the longer return to Ai-Albon for selfish reasons, needing more time to heal, and to be with Arman in their new relationship before facing the clan again. Reji’s support made him feel less like he was letting his village down. Myka would still be furious.
“If some of us want to go the long way back, you won’t mind?” Peit asked.
“No—but why would you?”
Peit looked at his feet. “I...we might....”
Kei, you’re not the only one in no hurry to face your clan,
Jena said.
People need time to adjust, and Peit knows you. Others will ask the same thing.
Oh.
Even with the thought he’d put into it, this hadn’t occurred to him. He’d just assumed everyone would want to be home as soon as possible. “It’s all right, Peit. We could use a hunter anyway, right, Reji?” The big man’s expression immediately looked less strained, and he even smiled a little. Kei cursed himself—he’d got too used to relying on his gift, when Peit’s unhappiness was obvious to anyone who just
looked
.
“Gods, yes. We’ll keep you busy,” Rei said, clapping his friend on the back. “Anyone who wants to come, can come.”
Arman listened politely to all this, but he was looking rather weary, and obviously sad. Even this friendly interaction was clearly more than he could bear just now. Kei needed to get him somewhere private.
Jena, can you stay with Reji? Maybe you and he could find our supper and bring it up on deck in a little while.
She nodded, and then gave him a push. “Go and say hello to each other properly. Honestly, Kei, you have no idea how to treat your lovers.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Reji said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her. She blushed beautifully, to Reji’s obvious amusement.
That was Kei’s cue to pull Arman away and lead him over to a quieter part of the deck. He grabbed a bucket and overturned it. “Sit,” he ordered. Arman was limping worse than ever. “Did that pissing woman have you standing up all day?”
“Most of it.” Arman ignored the bucket and sat on the deck, tugging Kei down beside him and then burying his face in Kei’s shoulder.
Kei held him, wishing there was more he could do, knowing there wasn’t, stroking Arman’s hair and trying to show his love by his touch. The sun was getting low in the sky, but it was still warm—winter was over for Kuprij, and the early spring was nothing like what it was in north Darshian. It felt almost balmy here on deck.
“How do you feel?” he finally asked.
“Funny, usually you don’t need to ask,” he said, his voice hitching.
“No, I know. But I’d have never got through today without that block on my gift, even without Jena’s news. People were pretty overwhelmed when they got back on the boat. It was a very emotional couple of hours.”
“I can imagine.” Arman heaved a heavy sigh. “Mostly I’m just tired. We’ve worked so hard for this, and now it’s nearly over. I think we’ve succeeded, but all I feel is sad.”
“Because of Karus? Or because you’re leaving Kuprij?”
“Both. I don’t regret leaving,” he said gently, raising his head to kiss Kei. “It’s just....”
“Another loss, yes, I know. A big leap of faith too. Were they very rude to you?”
“Very. Kita is very disappointed in me. I’m heartbroken over that as you can imagine,” he said dryly and Kei smiled. “At least my father wasn’t there. And we got Mekus to shit himself more or less. That was fun.”
“Oh, I wish I’d seen that. Reis was all for dunking him upside down in the harbour a few times. I said we could do that as we leave.”
“No argument from me. I have to return to Utuk tomorrow, Kei. I’ll need to see to Karus’s affairs.”
At this announcement, Kei looked at him anxiously. “Is that safe?”
“Probably. Lord Meki will let me take Reis or Jera and some soldiers. It’s unavoidable and I owe it to Karus to make sure his servants are looked after.”
“And...Mayl?”
Arman grimaced. “I owe her too, but not in the same way.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“No, you damn well are not, Kei! Not to my house, never again—”
Kei shushed him. “No, not there, but at least to Karus’s house. Jena will want to go too, I know that. It’s no more risky for us than for you, and I want to be with you to support you.”
Arman shook his head with a rueful grin. “You’re going to be a stubborn brat all our days, aren’t you?”
“Yes, completely impossible. Want to hand me back to Reji?”
“Not in this lifetime,” Arman said, holding him close. “Or the next.” His voice caught on the words. “Do you believe Karus and Loke are together now?”
“I believe we’re tied together in our lives by those we loved in the previous ones, so yes, I do. It’s odd—Loke might be older than him when they’re reborn. Maybe they might even be brothers or playmates. That’s a nice idea, don’t you think?”
“I miss them,” Arman said, burying his face again. “I thought Loke...Loke would be there when Karus died...but Loke died first.... Why do I have to lose everyone? Is it because of my sins? Would they be alive if I hadn’t killed so many, if I hadn’t gone into the army? “
“No, my love,” Kei said, his soul cut to the quick by Arman’s broken voice. “Karus died because he reached his span of years, no more. Loke...well, yes, he might not have died as he did if you’d not been in the army, but he could have died anyway. Look at my father, living a peaceful life in the village and yet he was struck down by bej fever. We don’t even know what causes it, or why. Anything could have killed Loke. Who’s to say he might not have died sooner, if you had not had him with you? Don’t torture yourself.”
But his lover would not be comforted, and all Kei could do was let him grieve silently and hold him as he did. Arman had to go through the same sorrow as he had for Loke, as Kei had done for his parents, and it would hurt, the worse because of it coming hard on the heels of another great loss.
But at least Arman wasn’t alone, as he was when Loke died.
Karus, I’ll look after him for you, as you did. I will make him happy again, I swear.