Authors: Hannah Hooton
Jack’s expression was pained. He looked away and stared sullenly at his desk.
Pippa stepped back again. She was fighting a losing battle against the tears.
‘I can’t do this,’ she whispered as she retreated.
Jack looked up sharply and opened his mouth to say something.
Pippa didn’t think her emotions could take any more abuse. She interrupted him.
‘I have to go. It’s time I went anyway.’
‘What? Wait! What do you mean?’
She paused by the door. Jack looked at her in horror.
‘I quit, Jack.’
T
he 11pm news broadcast was rounding off its headlines as Pippa pulled into a parking space down the street from Tash’s flat.
‘And Pippa Taylor quits her job as secretary to National Hunt trainer, Jack Carmichael, and forfeits all chances of a future relationship or happiness,’ she added to the newsreader’s stories as she killed the ignition. With a despondent sigh, she hauled herself out of the car to unload her two lumpy suitcases.
After beeping her into the building, Tash met her halfway down the stairs. Pippa closed her eyes as her friend hugged her tight and rocked her, finding comfort at last.
‘My poor Pip. Come on, let me have one of those. They look like they weigh a ton. Then come upstairs and tell Auntie Tashie everything.’
With a grateful smile, Pippa handed over one of her cases.
‘Thanks, Tash,’ she said, following her up the narrow stairwell to the second floor flat. ‘I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. I just couldn’t face being alone at Hazyvale, so close to – to
him
.’
‘Pah! It’s nothing. It’ll be good to have some company. I’ve been lonely since you left London, you know.’
They dropped the suitcases in the front room and Pippa looked to Tash for reassurance.
‘Really?’
‘Of course I have, you muppet.’ Tash shook her head and gave her another hug.
‘I probably won’t be very good company.’
‘No sweat. As long as you appear to be listening when I babble on, then you’re company enough for me. Now, come on, let’s have a smile, eh?’ Tash gave her a reproachful look. ‘You look shattered. How about some hot chocolate? No better cure for a broken heart, regardless of how often Smirnoff might tell you otherwise. Then we can sit on my bed and chat in comfort.’
Settled cross-legged on Tash’s king-size bed, wrapped in a fluffy blanket and sipping hot chocolate, Pippa gave a small giggle.
‘You’re right. I’m feeling a bit better already.’
‘That’a girl. So, go on, I get a tiny-voiced Pippa on the phone to me saying “can I come stay with you for a while” with no further explanation. I haven’t been on such tenterhooks since Dirty Den came back to
EastEnders
after fifteen-odd years and said “’Ello, Princess” to Sharon.’
Pippa looked down at the Eeyore-print blanket and picked at the fluff.
‘I quit.’
‘Oh, sweets.’
‘Jack and I had a fight. I said sleeping with him had been a mistake.’ Pippa looked up, her bottom lip trembling. ‘But I didn’t mean it, not really. You know how when you panic you say things – things which you think will protect you, but which – which don’t in the end...’
‘What did Jack say?’ Tash probed gently.
‘He agreed. Told me the same old story about relationships in the workplace.’
‘It’s a bit late for him to use that excuse. He should have thought about that before seducing you.’
Pippa smiled.
‘It might have been the other way round. Technically, you might say I seduced him.’
‘Sweets, he’s been seducing you since you first walked into his yard. It’s just that neither of you recognised it at the time.’
Pippa shrugged.
‘Well, anyway, maybe he’s right. The past couple of days have been torture in the office. He didn’t know how to act around me and I wasn’t much better. I didn’t have a clue how to be around him.’
‘Sure, it can be tricky. But he’s your boss. He had a responsibility towards you and directing where you’d both go after your Big Night.’
‘Maybe he
was
being responsible then. Maybe the way he’s been acting these past couple of days is his way of directing our relationship. Directing it towards This-Won’t-Happen-Again Street.’
‘Come on. Jack having one-night-stands? That doesn’t sound like his style, Pip, I have to say. He wouldn’t have slept with you unless he cared a helluva lot for you.’
Pippa shook her head and slurped her drink. The liquid scalded her tongue.
‘Couldn’t have cared that much. Why didn’t he stop me when I left?’
Tash leaned forward and rubbed her shoulder in a consoling gesture.
‘Maybe he was also feeling a little hurt? A little scared maybe?’ she suggested.
Pippa’s tears, which she’d managed to keep dammed up for the past few hours, welled in her eyes. The thought of hurting Jack was almost as upsetting as the other way round.
‘You think? I don’t want him to hurt, Tash,’ she whispered.
‘Agh, stop. You’re going to make me cry and I’m not kidding.’
‘Sorry,’ Pippa said and brushed away an escapee tear making a getaway dash down her cheek.
Tash sighed and looked at her imploringly.
‘You love him, don’t you?’
Pippa looked down at Eeyore’s woeful expression again. Another tear splashed onto the donkey’s nose. She nodded then gave a mirthless snort.
‘I think I’m only realising that now though. Same old story, isn’t it? You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.’
‘Maybe he’ll realise the same thing then.’
Pippa gave her a searching look.
‘That he might be in love with me? But what if he realises he’s not? I can’t go back to find out. It’d kill me if I knew for sure that he’s not. I’d rather stay here not knowing than face the truth.’
‘Oh, Pip.’
‘I know you’re thinking I’m a coward, but –’
‘I don’t think you’re a coward at all,’ Tash interrupted. ‘Hell, you’re one the bravest people I know. And you don’t have to go anywhere until you feel ready. You’re staying right here with me. Okay?’
Pippa gave her a wobbly smile.
‘Thanks, Tash. You’re a mate.’
‘What are best friends for, eh?’ She reached out and squeezed Pippa’s knee.
Tash perhaps didn’t reckon on just how long it would take Pippa to feel ready. A week later, Pippa was still holed up in the spare bedroom. She sat hunched on a stool in front of her easel in the corner of the cramped room. Beneath the tip of her brush, Bristol Harbour in the spring glittered in acrylic sunshine. She couldn’t bring herself to paint the landscapes which had surrounded her for the past five months, but when she’d spoken to Deidre Forrester the other day, agreeing to take part in the Kings Gallery art exhibition, she’d been asked to produce a variety of work and not just equestrian art.
Her mobile vibrated on her bedside table, making her paintbrush jump across the canvas. Tutting, Pippa went to retrieve it. Her hand paused over it when she saw the caller ID.
Aspen Valley
She hadn’t heard from Jack since she’d walked out a week ago. Why now? To have him pick up the phone and consciously dial her number must have warranted a very good reason.
She hesitated. Was it a reason she wanted to know or didn’t already know for that matter?
With a trembling touch, she accepted the call.
‘Hello?’ she answered in a small voice.
‘Hi Pippa, it’s Emmie.’
Pippa exhaled and sat down on the bed with a bounce. Her heart, having stopped just a moment ago, now palpitated in her chest.
‘Hi, Emmie. You all right?’
‘Yeah, not bad, thanks. I mean great in some respects, but not so great in others.’
Pippa’s throat contracted.
‘Is the baby okay?’
‘Oh, yes!’ Emmie giggled. ‘The baby’s fine, don’t panic. I felt it kick for the first time yesterday. I think it was taking exception to the noise in the office.’
Pippa frowned, her imagination flitting from wild celebration parties being held in her absence to Jack attacking her desk with a sledgehammer.
‘What’s been so noisy in the office?’
‘Just Jack.’ Emmie lowered her voice conspiratorially. ‘He’s been a right grouch since you left. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry as he was yesterday.’
Pippa tried to control her breathing.
‘Why was he angry?’ she asked, trying to sound as uninterested as she could.
‘It was over nothing really. Some horses were turned out in a paddock which is meant to be rested and he got really angry about that. So I made him a cup of that chamomile tea to see if it would calm him down and he completely lost it. Refused to drink it. Told me to throw the box in the kitchen away. Said he didn’t want to see it again. He slammed the door so hard, your lovely painting on the wall here fell off. And all over a cup of tea!’
Pippa’s pulse quickened. She didn’t want Jack to be angry or miserable, but maybe it was what had to happen before he realised he needed her in his life?
‘Why did you leave, if you don’t mind me asking?’ Emmie asked. ‘Jack said you had some personal problems which you had to sort out. Is everything okay? Billy and I stopped by Hazyvale a couple of times on the way home from work and there haven’t been any lights on. Are you not at home?’
‘No, I’m in London. Just... like Jack said, just sorting out some personal problems.’ Pippa smiled wryly. Emmie would have had no idea that the personal problem Jack had given as an excuse was himself.
‘Are you coming back?’
She pulled a face and looked down at the carpet. How she wished she could give an affirmative answer.
‘No, I don’t think so. My job was coming to an end soon anyway.’
‘Oh, that’s too bad. We miss you, you know.’ Emmie giggled. ‘Maybe that’s why Jack’s been such a tyrant lately. Maybe he misses you too.’
Pippa forced a laugh which dried very quickly in her throat and turned into a cough.
‘Anyway, the reason I’m calling, Pippa, is that I’ve got great news. You know I told you Billy and I couldn’t afford Hazyvale by ourselves?’
‘Yes?’ Despite herself, Pippa felt her breath quicken.
‘Well, our parents have announced that they’re going to chip in and help us pay for it! Isn’t that fantastic?’ Emmie squeaked.
‘Oh!’ Pippa felt tears prick her eyes. An ocean wave of gratitude that the cottage might become the couple’s home crashed against a stony beach of regret that Hazyvale would no longer be hers.
‘It is still for sale, isn’t it? You haven’t sold it to some city weekenders, have you?’
‘No, no!’ Pippa gave a teary laugh. ‘It’s yours, most definitely. That’s wonderful!’
‘Oh, Pippa, this is so exciting! Once we get over all the boring bank loans and mortgages, then we can sort it all out. Billy’s dad is a solicitor in Bath so I’m sure we could cut a few costs using him. Isn’t this great? Oh! The only downside is that you’re not going to be living here anymore. You could buy another place round here, couldn’t you?’
Pippa grinned at her enthusiasm.
‘I don’t know, Emmie. I’ve got an art exhibtion here in London in a few weeks’ time and...’ Her voice trailed off as she heard another voice in the background. She gulped as she recognised the speaker’s deep tone.
‘Ooh, hang on. Jack’s just walked in,’ Emmie said.
Pippa strained to hear Jack’s muted voice.
‘Who’s that?’ she heard him ask Emmie.
‘It’s Pippa. Do you want to talk to her?’
Pippa’s heart crashed against her ribs. Breathing suddenly became more difficult and painful than learning to knife juggle. She waited for his response.
‘No. I’ve got things to do,’ Jack replied.
One of Pippa’s juggling knives pierced her chest.
‘Okay. I’ll tell her you say hi.’ Emmie’s muffled voice became clearer as she removed her hand from the receiver. ‘Jack says hi.’
‘Right. Well, hi, Jack,’ Pippa said with an attempted laugh. She failed. This was too hard. ‘Listen, Emmie. I’ve got to go. Thanks so much for calling. It’s great news that you’ll be taking Hazyvale. I couldn’t be more pleased.’
‘Me too! You’ll be guest of honour at our house warming party,’ Emmie enthused.
Pippa’s first thought was to wonder if Jack would be there too.
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll speak to you soon.’
‘Okay. Bye, Pippa!’ trilled Emmie.
‘Bye.’ Pippa’s reply came out like a drying up stream. She let the phone slip through her fingers and bounce onto the bed. She flopped back and stared up at the ceiling. A nasty brown mark from the upstairs flat’s bathroom stained the corner.
That was that then, she concluded. Jack didn’t want to talk to her. He was handed the opportunity on a plate by Emmie and he’d walked away. He’d had time to think about it and he still wasn’t going to make the effort.
‘Who am I kidding?’ she muttered. ‘Jack isn’t some stupid romantic hero. Those things just don’t happen in real life.’ She threw a pillow across the room, knocking
Bristol Harbour
off its easel. She didn’t care. She slammed her head back against the mattress again. ‘Stupid, fucking two-dimensional romance crap. They never bloody take into account the consequences.’ She snatched up her phone and whirred through her address book. ‘Why am I trying to fool myself? Did I really expect Jack to declare his undying love to me in front of Emmie?’ Her thumb stilled as she got halfway through her list of numbers. ‘It’s all bullshit.’ She read out the highlighted name on the screen, ‘Jack Carmichael,’ and pressed
Delete Contact
.
‘
K
nock, knock. Anyone home?’ Tash said, appearing in the doorway to the spare room.
Pippa looked up from her book.
‘Physically, yes,’ she smiled. ‘Mentally – well, that’s open to debate.’
Tash grinned and stepped into the room. She raised her hand, dangling a pair of shoes by their straps. Pippa looked at her questioningly.
‘I come bearing gifts. Your dancing shoes. You’ve locked yourself away for three weeks now. It’s time to stop moping.’