Katy Kelly_Lucy Rose 04 (3 page)

My love is true and not a fad

That's because I'M HER DAD.”

Under that it said GTG for Got To Go, which is a palindrome and also the truth because he has to have a parent-teacher talk about a kid named Otis who is not one for behaving. This very morning Otis put 30 catsup packs under the toilet seat in the boys' bathroom and when a boy named Zach sat on it catsup exploded everywhere and Zach's pant legs looked like they were bleeding and so did the bathroom floor.

I got out a postcard that was painted by me and has a picture of the Capitol dome that I can see through my window without getting out of my bed. On the back I wrote:

You're the best dad

I ever had.

You teach at Junior High.

You love berry pie.

You wear glasses

And give out hall passes.

Luckily your head's not made of wood.

You love me and that is good.

You eat Cheetos and drink water

I love you because I'M YOUR DAUGHTER.

January 15

One thing I can tell just by looking is that the Divas' nerves are utterly raggedy. Plus I heard Mrs. McBee tell Madam, “I'm in a state of panic.”

That is not like a United State. It is an expression. Here's the other thing: Even Sam Alswang's infant of a sister would say Aunt Frankie's got anxiety if she could talk. I mean Julia the baby, not Aunt Frankie, who, according to Mr. McBee, can talk until her tongue goes numb.

January 16

Jonique and I did the Olympics for my mom, who loved it so much she said: “I have never seen gymnastics performed in such an original way.”

Madam's praise was, “I can't get over how you made such official-looking costumes out of bathing suits, fuchsia curtain fringe, and tinfoil.”

“Plus glue,” I said. “Glue is the secret ingredient.”

Jonique and I were about to do a repeat show but my mom got 1 of her brilliantine ideas and said, “Maybe Ms. Bazoo needs Bingo callers.”

By the way, I am the person who invented brilliantine. It means the same as brilliant, only better.

Jonique and I jumped into action and our clothes. I put on my pink petticoat skirt that's shorter than it used to be on account of I grew a puny bit and it shrunk a lot and also my lime green knitted tights that make my legs feel like they're sweating. For extra, added style, I got my red sparkle sweater and my mom's necklace that's made of orange balls and I tied my bandana in a bow so it would be a compliment for my red hair. Now we are off to whelm the retired.

January 16, only now it's 4:37 PM

Ms. Bazoo felt like she was thrilled out of her mind to see us. Since it wasn't a Bingo day she made the surprising announcement of: “Lucy Rose Reilly and Jonique McBee are here to perform an impromptu concert.”

Then she rushed to the social hall and Jonique and I had to race our legs off to keep up with that speeding lady and everybody was flocking behind us because we have fans galore at the Home.

Usually being on a stage makes me feel like I'm rolling in happiness but today my nerves were in a jangle of embarrassment plus the state of panic. That was due to us being in a dreaded circumstance and me not having 1 shred of a plan to save us. All the retired were sitting, except for Dr. Chu, who was gliding around with her walking stand that has tennis balls on its legs, and Mr. Woods, who was rolling Mrs. Beaufont's wheelchair to the front so she could have a view.

At the last split of a second I got the sharp idea to act like a ventriloquist, only quieter. So, while I was making my curtsey I leaned my head into Ms. Bazoo's side and I whispered at her, “Saaaave us, Ms. Bazooooo! We DON'T KNOW any impromptu songs.”

“Are they country music?” Jonique said a little softly.

Probably we were too quiet because Ms. Bazoo just picked up the microphone and talked to the audience. “Welcome, everyone! We're in for a treat today!” she said. “Now Lucy Rose and Jonique will begin their impromptu concert.”

That made my stomach feel spinny.

But Ms. Bazoo kept on talking: “By IMPROMPTU,” she told the audience, “I mean the girls have NOT PLANNED AHEAD so they will sing whatever they decide at the moment.”

That comment gave me fast relief. “I'm impromptu just about all the time,” I told the microphone.

“Now for ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow,'” Jonique said and we took off singing.

Near the end we made a dedication to Mrs. Hennessy because she's our favorite. We didn't announce that part because of not wanting to cause jealousy but we did sing her best song, which is, “Tonight You're Gonna Sleep in the Bathtub.” It's about a man named Mr. Jones who comes home too late and Mrs. Jones gets unhappy with him.

We learned it from Pop.

For my grandest finale I sang the solo of “Hello, Dolly,” and when I was being Dolly, I made myself sashay. That place went wild.

January 17

Jonique and Hannah and Melonhead came to dinner at Madam & Pop's and afterward we got to cook marshmallows in the fireplace, which was good because dinner was not. It was squash casserole that, according to Madam, is loaded with vitamin A, which turns out to be a pretty bad-tasting vitamin.

P.S. Melonhead kept catching his marshmallow on fire on purpose.

January 18

I was thumbtacking up my book report about a family that makes all their money by catching clams and I heard Ashley tell Marisol, “Lucy Rose is D-U-M. That book is so 3rd grade.”

That made me double steaming because 1. It is not and 2. I am not. So to show my smartness I said, “I did my report impromptu.”

“What does that mean?” Ashley snarked at me.

“It means without planning,” I said. “Just dashing it off at the very moment.”

“I can tell that by looking at it,” Ashley said.

That was an irritation to me because even though I meant to say impromptu, I did not mean to say my report was dashed and unplanned.

January 19

The electricians, who have the names of Hank and Chester and are cousins, are spending 6 days at the Divas' store putting in wires that are not a fire hazard, which I say are the best kind to get.

Since Hank is 1 year older, he's the boss of Chester but Mr. Nathaniel is the boss of Hank and the City Inspector is the boss of everybody.

P.S. My dad keeps my poem on his desk at school. I told him, “I taped your new one to the bottom of my desk top, where Ashley can't see it but I can read it every time I open my desk, which is over 11 times an hour.”

January 20

After morning greetings, Mrs. Timony gave us the news that every week or so we're having oral reports on different United States and she said, “I want your presentations to be relaxed and I'm especially interested in hearing about states you've visited.”

Then she called on Hannah to make an example, and Hannah told about double-decker buses in London, even though England is a country not a state. I say that's okay on account of she's a little new to America and hasn't been to so many states.

“Do those double-deckers have movies and bathrooms?” I asked.

“No,” Hannah said. “Just upstairs and downstairs.”

“That's still good,” I said.

Robinson asked her, “Did you ever see a castle or a king or queen?”

“Anybody can see Buckingham Palace just by walking by it,” Hannah said. “But royals don't just sit around in the yard waving at people.”

“I saw Queen Elizabeth,” Amir said and everyone gave him a stare. “Only she was on a stamp,” he said and made a laugh.

“The Queen Elizabeth that's a cruise ship uses 1 gallon of fuel to move 6 inches,” Melonhead said. Lately he's gone crazy over facts. I have no idea where he gets them.

“Last question for Hannah,” Mrs. Timony said.

Ashley jumped up and said, “I think Hannah did a good job, considering her talk was impromptu.”

“Excellent word choice, Ashley!” Mrs. Timony said.

“It means she didn't plan it ahead,” Ashley said and smiled like she was famous.

“That's a good definition,” Mrs. Timony said, and made a beaming look at her. “Now, I want each of you to decide which state you'd like discuss. We'll start tomorrow with Ashley, who recently went to Hawaii.”

On the walk home I told Jonique, “That Ashley is nothing but a word thief.”

“Who should be ashamed,” Jonique said.

“A word thief who should be very ashamed but isn't and gets to go 1st and I bet her talk will be full of hula dancers and brags,” I said.

“No doubt,” Jonique said.

“I am so mad I could spit,” I said.

But I didn't because, according to Madam, ladies don't.

January 21

On our way to buy the daisies that my mom thinks will scare away winter, Pop said, “Let's hear the Scoop du Jour.”

That means Scoop of the Day.

“The Scoop du Yesterday was Ashley's terrible behavior,” I said. “I was too steaming to talk about it.”

I told the whole irritating story and I said, “Now Mrs. Timony thinks Ashley's the smartest and she gave her the reward of doing her state talk today.”

“How did that go?” Madam asked.

“It didn't because she was absent,” I said.

Madam made a sorrowful face. “Old Sock, try to remember Ashley does things like this because she's not sure of herself,” she said.

“Madam,” I said. “You do not know Ashley.”

Madam smiled and said, “Well, maybe time and sympathy will turn her around.”

“There's only 1 thing that will turn Ashley around,” Pop said.

“What's that?” my mom asked.

“A merry-go-round,” Pop said.

That made us crack up like we were hyenas. Not the tame kind, either.

January 22

For his Florida report Melonhead gave out pictures of Mr. Melon's Congressman boss that are signed by him personally and it's my 1st autograph made by a famous person.

During comments afterward Ashley said, “I do not think Congressmen are interesting.”

That remark was maddening to me so I said, “I would say Melonhead, I mean Adam, did a great job because I never knew that flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp and if they didn't their feathers would be nothing but white, which would be utterly dull.”

“Thank you, Lucy Rose,” Mrs. Timony said. “I like the way you focused on the positive.”

“You're extremely welcome,” I said.

January 23

Since Mr. McBee was working on his accounting and Mrs. McBee and Aunt Frankie had suffering arms, the Divas came to our house to eat stuffed shells and red sauce that my mom bought at Vace on the way home from work.

“Are you sure you still want us?” Mrs. McBee asked my mom. “We're a mess!”

My mom laughed, which I think was rude.

“Of course we do!” I said. “You come right in and relax yourselves.”

“You have to hear our news,” Aunt Frankie said.

“We uncovered a treasure,” Mrs. McBee told us.

Aunt Frankie said, “Lola was on the ladder, taking down those awful suspended ceiling tiles, and would you believe there's a tin ceiling underneath?”

“I would believe it,” I said.

“Me too,” Jonique said.

“What's suspended?” I asked.

Now suspended is my WOTD. It means when something is just hanging there.

“We spent the whole day unscrewing the metal strips that hold the tiles in place,” Mrs. McBee said.

“What's the ceiling like?” my mom wanted to know because tin ceilings come in designs.

“It has a wreath pattern,” Mrs. McBee said. “But right now it's painted silver and caked with dirt.”

“I thought you were going to say the treasure you found was opals,” I said.

“I wish,” Aunt Frankie said. “We could use them to pay for the new furnace or the old wiring.”

Then Mrs. McBee gave her a sharp-eye look and Aunt Frankie stopped her sentence very short and my mom blurted, “Girls, it's time for you to go to the kitchen and butter the bread.”

The whole time we were buttering, those ladies sat in the living room and ate Cotswold cheese and talked so softly that they were the only ones who could hear themselves.

January 24

I woke up so early there was darkness outside and I started thinking about my dad. What I thought was, “What if he is oversleeping?” I decided I'd better save his neck from that.

We had a shortie chat on account of he was extremely sound asleep. “See?” I said. “A wake-up call could be a good favor.”

But it turned out his sleeping was on purpose.

Sometimes I forget when it's Sunday.

January 25

Now I know the topic of that talk the Divas had with my mom.