Karma Patrol (18 page)

“Jade,” he whispered, her name slipping involuntarily from his lips, and Shannon nodded.

“Jade. Only Jade. That’s the deal, Luke. You get to have the kind of love that only a handful of people on the planet will ever experience, but you’ll only ever have it with her. You’re meant for each other. Our society waters that down, the idea that two people are destined to be together, and we’re wrong to do it. Nowadays, every teenager with a crush thinks they’ve found their soulmate. Real soulmates are very rare and very special. Even before you found Jade, you were her soulmate. You couldn’t fall in love with Leanne because she wasn’t Jade. That’s not your fault. It’s just the way things are.”

“So Leanne is dead because I have a soulmate?”

“Leanne is dead because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. You didn’t have a choice, Luke, but she did. She could’ve stayed on the base like she was supposed to and she would’ve been just fine. She chose to throw a tantrum and run off in a huff, and she ended up getting herself killed. What can I say? People think karma’s a bitch, but free will is a thousand times worse. At least with karma you deserve what you get.”

He folded his arms across his chest. He wanted to hate her for what she was saying, or at least resent the hell out of her for snooping around in his past and finding out things he’d never shared with anyone. Despite all of that, though—despite his childhood and Leanne’s death and the handful of one-night stands he’d had in place of any sort of emotional attachment, despite the fact that he’d decided a long time ago that there would never be a happy ending for him—there was a part of him that ached for what Shannon was offering.

“Leanne isn’t the only reason you push people away,” she was saying, ignoring his distraction. “Leanne isn’t even the biggest reason. She’s become a convenient excuse, a sad story for you to hide behind so you don’t have to admit how you really feel.”

“Oh, yeah? How do I really feel, then?”

“You feel like you don’t deserve to be loved.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut.

“You don’t understand—”

“I
do
understand. Believe me, I do. It started when you were a child and it only got worse as you got older. You’re lonely and you’re miserable and you work late at the precinct every night, because when you’re home alone the silence in your apartment gnaws at you until you can’t stand it anymore. I’m telling you it doesn’t have to be that way. That woman upstairs wants you, Luke. For her, you’re a dream come true. You’re everything she’s ever wanted, everything she’s spent her whole life waiting for. She will love you for who you are, and she’ll accept all of your faults and your weaknesses and keep on loving you anyway. When you need someone to support you, to hold you, to comfort you, she’ll be there. She’ll love you for the rest of your life and she’ll never leave you. All you have to do is decide that you want her. Say the word and she’s yours.”

Her words were a spell that captivated him, and the dream she was promising was intoxicating. Irresistible. To be rid of the loneliness and the heartache he’d thought he would feel forever…

“I want her,” he breathed, hating himself all over again for the ragged desperation in his voice. “What should I do?”

“You should go home,” Shannon said, surprising him. “You’re tired and frustrated and you need time to get your head on straight. I want you and Jade to be happy, and a big part of that is starting things off on the right foot.”

“Too late for that,” Luke muttered, and she shook her head, amused.

“Most soulmate pairs struggle at first. What you need most right now is time. Go home and think about everything I’ve said. Think about your past, and think about your life the way it is now, and then think about how much better the future could be for you if you decide you’re willing to let her in.”

“But if I just talked to her—”

“If you talk to her now, you’re going to tell her everything she wants to hear. You’re going to say that you want her, that you need her, maybe even that you love her. Sooner or later, you’re going to start feeling like you were pushed into it, like you didn’t have a chance to make up your own mind about it, and when Jade realizes that, she’s going to get hurt. Go home and get all of that nonsense out of your system. Once you’ve had time to think things through, then you can come back and tell her you’re willing to give the soulmate thing a try.”

“I can’t just go home. I came over here to protect her.”

“From what?”

“The shooter. We still don’t know who he is or what his goals are, but I can’t shake the feeling that Jade is in danger.”

“That may be the soulmate bond. I’m sure it’s threatened by you trying to push Jade away.” She was clearly waiting for him to argue with her interpretation of his behavior, but he didn’t offer any protest, so she continued. “Even if someone is targeting Jade, she can take care of herself. She’s not just a pretty face, Luke. If it came down to a fight between her and some crazy guy with a gun, I’d put my money on her.”

he next morning dawned bright and cold, but Luke was too engrossed in his own thoughts to pay attention to the weather. Despite Shannon’s admonitions for him to go home, he’d camped outside Jade’s building for most of the night. He’d finally given up and headed to his apartment as dawn started to break on the horizon. There hadn’t been any sign of trouble, and even if there had been, he was too busy mulling over Shannon’s words to do any good as a night watchman.

By the time his alarm went off, he knew he was in no shape to go to work. A phone call to Aaron ensured his partner would cover for him again, although he got the impression Aaron was starting to worry. He might have pressed Luke harder for details, but Patel had apparently come up with a promising lead while canvassing the neighborhood where the last shooting had taken place, so Aaron had better things to worry about than Luke’s love life.

Despite the fact that he’d spent the entire night thinking about Jade and the things Shannon had said, it took Luke most of the morning to come to a decision. When he felt like he was finally ready to talk to Jade, he headed downstairs and out onto the sidewalk. He was sure she would be out patrolling the neighborhood, but he wasn’t worried about finding her. If the soulmate bond wanted them together so damned much, it ought to be able to point him in the right direction.

His suspicion was quickly proven right. Not five minutes after he’d started walking, he spotted Jade outside one of the many theaters scattered throughout Midtown. She was headed toward him, distracted enough by the couple to her right that she hadn’t noticed him yet, and he took the opportunity to look her over. She was beautiful as usual, wearing a gray dress beneath a bright pink winter coat, and he couldn’t help but smile. His smile widened when her gaze caught his, her face lighting up, and his heart stuttered with a swell of emotion.

“It’s good to see you,” she greeted him when she was close enough to talk without shouting. He felt guilty at the hesitation in her voice. If he hadn’t walked out on her the day before, she wouldn’t be hesitating now. “Shannon said the two of you talked yesterday.”

“She gave me a reality check,” he replied, taking several steps to the side and into a conveniently placed alley. Jade followed him, moving their conversation off the pedestrian-laden sidewalk and into an area where they could talk a little less publicly. “What did you do last night?”

“I stayed in and watched TV. Nothing exciting.” She bit her lip, visibly tentative.

He nearly missed her next words because he was transfixed by the sudden craving to capture her lips with his own, to push her up against the nearest wall and kiss her until every trace of uncertainty left her face.

“How about you? After you talked to Shannon, I mean.”

“Me,” he repeated, trying and failing to calm his racing heart as the center of his chest throbbed with need.
Shove it
, he thought furiously at the soulmate bond. “Uh, same thing. Nothing exciting.”

After he’d left her building, he’d spent most of the morning lying in bed and staring sightlessly at the ceiling of his apartment, going over every failed relationship he’d ever had and trying to come to grips with the idea that he finally had the opportunity to be loved, but only on someone else’s terms. For most of that time, he’d been inclined to fight it, to walk away from Jade and everything she represented. He hated
the idea of some faceless entity forcing him into anything, and especially into something like this. Now that he was standing next to Jade, though, all of his well-reasoned arguments seemed foolish.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he blurted out suddenly, not sure what he was going to say until the words had already left his mouth. “I was thinking about you and about what Shannon said, and I—I’m an awful choice, Jade. I’m not the guy any sane woman would pick as her soulmate. If I were you, I’d go straight to Shannon and demand to trade me in for a different model.”

By the time he’d finished talking, she was looking down at her hands, avoiding his eyes.

“I understand,” she replied, her voice devoid of emotion, and he didn’t need the sharp stab of pain in his chest to know that he’d hurt her. “You should probably go—”

“Wait. Just hear me out, okay? I really am an awful choice, and I’m sorry you got stuck with me. I’m willing to give it a shot, though. If you want to try being my soulmate, then I’ll go along with it.”

As declarations of love went, it was decidedly anemic, but the brilliant smile she gave him convinced him he had at least gotten his point across.

“I want to try if you do,” she replied.

He nodded, doing his best to ignore the way his throat tightened at the idea. If they were destined to be together, maybe Destiny would keep him from screwing this up.

“Good. Okay.” They smiled at each other, hers ecstatic and his tentative. “How do we do that, exactly?”

“I don’t know,” she said slowly. “To be honest, I was really hoping for the ‘love at first sight’ setup. Maybe we should go on a date?”

He could do dates. He’d dated other women, although that had mostly been a means to get them into bed and he’d never cared about any of them beyond a one-night stand. To be fair, he was pretty sure none of them had cared any more about him than he had about them. Leanne had been the lone exception to the rule of his entire history with women, and he’d never actually dated her.

“Okay. Why don’t I take you out for a late lunch?”

She nodded and then hesitated. “Wait. I still have to finish patrolling my territory. I’m up for a promotion, but only if I can keep the karmic balance in Midtown West stable for the next week or two. With the shooter on the loose wreaking havoc on everything, I’m doing double duty trying to keep things under control.”

“Let’s do that, then,” he said, realizing this was an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. He’d pretty much accepted that Jade was telling the truth about fate and karma and all the rest of it, but it would help his natural skepticism to see a few more examples of karma in action. It would also give them some time together with the emphasis on something other than their predestined soulmate status.

“Do what?”