Authors: Steven Slavick
“Well, shouldn’t I know those reasons? I’m in heaven, after all.”
“That’s true. But you do not have complete access to all of your knowledge and past experience just a
s Nicholas has even less
access to all that heaven allows.”
“So what’s the reason behind that? You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“Again, you’ve asked
Mei Lee
and me not to disclose those reasons.”
“I’m kind of a pain in the ass, aren’t I?”
He grinned. “Nicholas
far
surpasses
you in that category.”
“There were other parts in Nick’s book that were vague, and they reminded me of the end here: it gave me the impression that there could have been blank pages following a dangerous incident. Why was it so vague?”
“We call those exit points.
Imagine those instances
as if you’re driving along the expressway, and you see an exit ramp.
You have the opportunity to keep going or take that exit. That’s why Nicholas built these vague possibilities into his chart. He wanted to give himself the opportunity to take an exit if he so chose.
”
“
You mean exit…from life. You’re saying he had a few opportunities to die?”
Roland nodded.
“That’s suicide.”
“Not necessarily. It depends on whether or not Nicholas achieved the objectives he’d set out for himself upon incarnating.”
“So I’ve also placed exit points in my chart?”
“It’s possible, but I’m not privy to your chart. I can only view Nicholas’s chart.”
“But I thought anybody can look at any chart.”
“Generally, yes. But in this instance, you a
nd Nicholas forbid Mei Lee and me
from doing so.
You both informed us that, before drawing up your contracts with God, you changed certain parts of your chart.
”
“Why?”
“You were afraid
that those new additions might test
the bonds of our relationship.”
Nina felt anger building in her. “Is that what this blank page is? An exit point?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re saying that we might not be dead, after all?”
“In a matter of speaking.”
“Well, we’re either dead or we’re not. We can’t be in both places at the same time.”
“You’d be surprised. Some
people get stuck between both
side
s
.”
“You mean purgatory.”
“Indeed.”
“So what is purgatory? What does it look like?”
“Life on
e
arth
.”
“How could that
be purgatory? You’re saying when we go to
e
arth
, we’re in purgatory?”
“Not at all. When you die and refuse to return to heaven, your spirit remains on
e
arth
, although no one but you knows that you exist.”
“You mean ghosts. Ghosts are in purgatory.”
“Yes.”
Nina got up from the table and plac
ed the palms of her hands over
he
r
eye sockets. “This is so much to take in.” She removed her hands. “
So if Nick and I aren’t really dead, what are we
doing here
?
Is this a short vacation?
Sort of a…‘no
need to pack any clothing and don’t bother grabbing the sunscreen
,
we’re visiting heaven
’
trip
.
”
“In a matter of speaking
.”
“Will you stop with the generalities?”
“I’m afraid I really can’t give you any more details than that.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“In this instance, I can’t.”
“So what now?”
Roland smiled. “
I know where we’re going, but I don’t quite know what’s in store for you
.”
*
*
*
Nick sat with
Mei Lee
on the
steep-sloped
stone steps of the most stupendous outdoor
amphi
theater he’d ever seen. Opposite him stood a
recreation of a
three-story
stone theater structure that
, according to
Mei Lee
, had
originally
been constructed in 161 AD
on the south slope of the Acropolis of Athens, Greece
. The only difference was that, in contrast to the original theater which could only seat 5,000 spectators, this theater seated hundreds of thousands.
Once more, Nick marveled at God’
s ability to adjust physics to H
is own liking, which in this instance, allowed so many people to sit down at any point of the amphitheater and view the upcoming concert as if they sat in th
e front row. (Earlier, he had ru
n up a few hundred steps to discover that his view of the stage hadn’t changed.
And he suspected that, if he ran up another couple hundred, he would
have
be
en
presented with the same perfect view.
)
“Hi,” Nina said,
upon
appearing to his left.
Startled, Nick placed a hand to his chest. “If I had a heart
in this dream
, it would be pounding a hundred times a minute.”
She just laughed. “What’s going on?” She slanted her head toward Roland, who sat beside her. “He was kind of elusive when I asked him.”
Nick nodded at his spirit guide. “Are you sure you don’t want to sit with
Mei Lee
?
I don’t think I’ve been the greatest company for her.”
“
Imagine that,
” Roland said.
“I’m fine
.”
Mei Lee
sighed and shook her head in disgust.
The light
overhead disappeared, leaving the entire theater in darkness,
although outside the theater
in every direction, the illumination continued unabated, making it look like the Lord had simply placed an enormous lamp shade over the theater. Inside the theater, s
potlights attached to the stone structure ahead of them shot out into the crowd, lighting up the 60-piece orchestra below.
Strangely enough, outside of the theater
;
in front of these musicians stood
an enormous drum kit, and ahead of that stood a microphone stand.
Drums pounded from unseen speakers, followed by a saxophone and horns, playing the
original
Tonight Show
Theme Song. Johnny Carson,
who hosted the show from 1962-1992, and is still considered
by many (on earth and in heaven) as
the quintessential host of
late night
television, stepped out from behind the curtain
wearing a white dress shirt under
a black suit and red tie. He
walked out on stage
and waved to the crowd who jumped to their feet, whooping with excitement.
“Thank you,” Carson said, his voice booming throughout the theater while partially bowing. “Thank you. That’s very kind of you.” He looked confused for a moment. “
With so much fist-pumping and chants of “Woo, Woo, Woo,” I’m guessing you were all expecting Arsenio Hall?”
The crowd rocked in delight.
“
Honestly, who paid each of you to deliver such
a long-winded welcome? The Almighty
upstairs?” He looked skyward and nodded then looked out at the crowd. “Thank you all for attending tonight. We have quite a show for you. Just a reminder that in this very theater we’ll
soon
be graced with
both
Elvis Presley and John Lennon performing a duet
of their hits “Imagine” and “Hound Dog”
– only
with a twist. This time it’ll be
titled, “Imagine a Horn Dog.”
The applause reached new heights.
“My parents loved this guy,” Nick said. “But I prefer Jimmy Fallon.”
“I like
Ellen DeGeneris
,” said Nina.
“She’s not Late Night.”
“She’s still a talk show host.”
“But she comes out dancing, doesn’t she?
Who does that?
”
“
Ellen. Besides, s
he’s funny. Jimmy Fallon’s not.”
“What?”
“Hey!” said
Mei Lee
and Roland in unison, prompting them to exchange glances, allowing brief smiles to light their features.
Mei Lee
said, “Give some respect to the godfather of late night.”
Carson said, “
But tonight,
I’d like to introduce you to this evening’
s entertainment.”
One man walked onto the stage
and
waved to the crowd
then took a seat behind
the drum kit.
“Apparently, John Bonham needs no introduction.” He looked at the drummer. “Way to make a man feel unimportant.”
Bonham hit the punc
h
line drumroll: ba-dum-bum.
The crowd cheered as the
venue
lights swirled
th
rough the
audience
.
Two
men with guitars strapped around their shoulders appeared
on stage to tremendous applause: bassist, Cliff Burton, and lead guitarist, Randy Rhodes.
“It appears,” Carson said, “
that
I’m out of my element.
Perhaps the Lord should have booked Dick Clark for this gig.”
Then he caught sight of movement behind the curtain. “Allow me to introduce one of the greatest guitarists in history, Jimi Hendrix.”
The left
-handed axeman stepped out
to a standing ovation, playing the opening riffs to his most famous song, “Purple Haze.”
Bonham and Burton provided the backing rhythm section to complete the song’s dynamic.
“Ladies and gentleman,
” Carson said,
“
our next guest needs no introduction…So why am I here? But seriously, folks, here is the King of Pop: Michael Jackson.
Jackson
moonwalked
onto the stage wearing a white T-shirt,
and a
sparkling black jacket along with black pants and shoes. A black hat covered a mass of curly hair.
The crowd jumped up and down. They hollered, clapped, and whistled.
Jackson
came to a stop beside Carson and
stood in front of his band mat
es then bowed to them before clapp
ing
along to
the
beat
and let out a quick, “shooka, shooka,” f
ollowed by a “he, he, he”
that populated so many of his hits.
“
He’s okay,” said Nick. “But he’s not
one of my favorites
. So w
hy is Michael Jackson appearing in my dream?”
“Exactly,” said Nina.
Puzzl
ed, Nick
settled his gaze o
n the stage. “Oh, yeah? I’ll prove it to you that it’s a dream.” He stood silent, closed his eyes, blocked out the crowd, and cl
eared his mind. He concentrated
on making Michael Jackson vanish with the same level of intensity he utilized while making the McDonald’s restaurant appear a while back. When he no longer heard Michael Jackson making
his bizarre sounds, he opened hi
s eyes and turned to Nina. “See?
N
o more Michael Jackson.”
He gestured
toward the stage.
“I’m sure you remember Kurt Cobain?”
“Oh, really?
I didn’t think Cobain was black and touched his crotch all the time. And why do you think Michael did that? To make sure it’s still there
?”
He
looked
and discovered
that Michael Jackson still danced on stage. “Well, that can’t be right.
I guess I just have to try harder.
”
“
Finally
,”
Johnny
Carson
said, “it
is a tremendous honor to
introduce
one of
the greatest musician
s
in history: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.”
Carson left the stage as Mozart raced onto it with the glee of a seven-year old child in the throes of a sugar high.