Juiced (27 page)

The biggest and most important of those controversies has probably been the one in California over the lab that allegedly supplied Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, and a bunch of other top athletes with designer steroids. The more people learn about the nutritional supplements company known as the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO), the more they understand what cutting-edge stuff we're talking about here. The important thing to know is that, according to press reports, BALCO was doing it right: They were giving blood tests to Bonds and Giambi and the others. As I've been telling people for years, that's the only way to design a cycle that's right for you-to know the details of your body, your different hormone levels, and tailor your dosage accordingly.

The San Francisco Chronicle has come a long way on this subject over the last fifteen or twenty years. It was the Chronicle that helped create the public image of me as a dangerous criminal, from that overblown 1989 headline CANSECO ARRESTED LOADED PISTOL IN HIS JAGUAR on down. But you've got to give them credit for being one of the few papers to do any serious reporting on the rise of steroids in baseball. When they ran those two big stories in December 2004-one saying that Jason Giambi had testified to using steroids, the other reporting that Barry Bonds had told the grand jury he used steroids without knowing what they were-the reality of steroid use in baseball finally hit home, even among longtime doubters.

Ever since those two Chronicle stories hit the stands, people across the country have finally begun to talk about steroids as a reality, not just a dark rumor. The week after they hit, you finally saw prominent media people admitting that the presence of steroids in baseball had been swept under the rug. That was when Howard Kurtz made his point about the media on his CNN show. "But in fact, when Mark McGwire broke the home run record with seventy homers back in '98 and Bonds with seventy-three broke that record, those were great stories," he said on December 12. "Maybe nobody in the press wanted to interfere with what was a nice story for baseball."

That was a big step forward, and I hope the discussion surrounding this book will be the next one. Ultimately, it all depends on whether people are looking for answers, or just settle for pointing fingers and assuming they know more than they really do.

As for the BALCO case itself, it's hard to know which way it will turn. Usually when a legal case ends up becoming a media circus, the way this one has, nothing much pans out in terms of prosecution. That's often why these leaks start in the first place: The case isn't as strong as prosecutors would like. Barry Bonds is smart, we all know that, and if he keeps denying that he ever knowingly used steroids, he'll be in the clear. The only issue that Bonds will have to face is the question of whether he perjured himself in front of that grand jury. If he's careful, he will be fine, but if he says something that contradicts his sworn testimony, he could end up doing some time in jail. Having been there myself, I hope for his sake that doesn't happen.

No matter how this BALCO case works out, the one thing we can all agree on is there's no going back to the way it was before.

There's no more pretending. What we have to look forward to is a world where honesty about steroids is the only policy. The challenge is going to be demonstrating to people that steroids can be a good thing.

I've never said it will be easy to educate the American public about all this, to get them to accept what biochemistry and biotechnology can do to change our lives. We're really only getting started on that national conversation, and we're in for an awkward period as the revelations about steroids start to sink in.

In the short term, you can count on plenty of people urging baseball to crack down, to wipe steroids out of the game.

What I'm hoping is that some more intelligent, forward-looking voices will come out and urge baseball to embrace the potential of steroids-to fight for their place in the game, and in our lives.

As for me, I plan to enjoy the freewheeling debate this book will help unleash. I've said again and again that the reporters who covered me were blinded by their own biases and prejudices about me as a Latino, and never got to know me. They thought they understood me, but they were really just shouting in an echo chamber, reacting to an image they helped create. Those same people have been putting out the word that I've written this book out of desperation. And you know what? They can think what they want to think. I don't really care about all that anymore.

Life has taught me so much about myself, and made me appreciate what really matters. When I was in prison, I vowed that when I got out I'd make the most of every day and appreciate every minute I could spend with my daughter, Josie. A vow like that is something you never forget; our time together is the most important thing to me. She has me wrapped around her finger, but so what? She's not the first beautiful little girl with a big personality to have a daddy who loves her to death.

Do I think about the disappointments I've had in life? Not much. I still wish I'd had a chance to reach five hundred home runs in my baseball career, which would have put me into the Hall of Fame; all it would have taken was one more season, if a single organization had given me that shot. But what's done is done. I'm through looking back on all that. What matters is looking forward to the years ahead, to watching Josie grow up, and to the fresh challenges that will await me in my work life.

I've always had a lot of fans who stood by me through ups and downs, and also a lot of detractors. To both groups I'd say: Don't you worry about Jose Canseco. I've been through a lot in my life, but despite everything I'm doing just fine. I may not be a hero, but I'm not the bad guy they made me out to be, either.

Accept me as I am, the way I've learned to accept myself-and you may just find you're in for a few surprises.

Acknowledgments

There are many people to thank for making this book possible. I would first like to thank Major League Baseball for giving me the opportunity to play the game I love-as well as for their crazy politics that has made the content in this book necessary.

Thanks to Doug Ames and Michael Wallman. Thanks to Judith Regan, Cal Morgan, Daniel Nayeri, and the entire team at Regan Books. Thanks to Brian Saliba. Thanks to Steve Kettmann.

Thanks to Bret Saxon. Thanks to my entire family, who's always been my support group: my brother, Ozzie; my father, Jose Sr., my sister, Teresa; my niece, Barbie; my nephews, Frankie and Jessie; and my dog, Zeus. And a special thanks to the love of my life, my daughter, Josie.

Copyright 2005 by Jose Canseco

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