Sitting up in bed, she saw her belongings neatly stacked in the corner with her laptop bag on top. Remembering what she had been looking up last night before the craziness exploded all around, she let her thoughts wander back to Jobe.
Loss of control issues. Workaholic. Pulling away from loved ones.
As much as her mind wanted to continue to hate him, she realized that something traumatic happened to the man she loved.
Too much time had passed to ever go back to what they were, but she could not help but wonder if perhaps he would share part of his past with her.
Just so I can put it all to rest, once and for all. Only then, I might be able to move forward.
Getting out of bed, she threw on the robe that was laying on the floor and walked down the hall. The sight that greeted her was as bizarre as the entire past twenty-four hours and, yet, seemed oddly right.
Jobe and Penny were sitting, chatting over breakfast as though they had been doing so for years. Both looked up as she watched them, their smiles real and unforced.
“Goo mo-nin,” Penny greeted as Mackenna walked over to kiss her mom.
Jobe rose from his seat and headed to the stove. He was filling up her plate as she moved next to him. “You don’t have to get this,” she said, softly. “I can do it.”
“I know you can, but I’d like to,” he replied, smiling at her.
“You’ve done so much already,” she protested, taking the filled plate from his hands. As their fingers touched, her breath quickened.
“I’ve done very little for what all I need to make up for,” he said.
“Is that what this is?” she asked. “Guilt?”
He snorted as he poured her coffee. “I’m filled with guilt, doll. But no, this is doing what I want to do just because I want to help take care of you and your mom.”
Not knowing if he was referring to last night’s events or something else, she remained quiet. Taking the coffee in one hand she walked over to the table, sat next to her mom and dug in greedily to her breakfast.
Jobe reminded her that she was going to be going with him to Alvarez Security to meet with Tony and the detectives.
He caught her concerned glance at her mother and quickly said, “I’ve made arrangements for Penny for today. She’ll be well looked after.”
Penny seemed to be happy with whatever plans had been made, so Mackenna did not dispute Jobe taking charge. At least for the moment.
J
obe pulled his
pickup truck into the driveway of his parent’s home. Mackenna glanced sharply at him, but his face gave away nothing. By the time he rounded the front of the vehicle and assisted Penny to the ground his mother was already bounding down the porch steps with his father close behind.
Rachel and Penny hugged and greeted each other like long-lost friends while Joseph stood to the side beaming. As Mackenna slid over to the passenger side, Jobe plucked her easily off of the seat and set her down on the ground, letting his hands stay around her waist a moment longer than necessary.
Before she could process what was happening, Rachel bustled over and pulled her into a hug as well.
“Oh, my dear Mackenna. We missed you so much. And when my Jobe called to tell me what happened last night, I was beside myself! We insist that Penny stay with us until your home is safe to go back to.”
Joseph gave her a hug as well, his head nodding in agreement with his wife’s proclamation.
“I…um…I…she has to have…um,” Mackenna blathered, not able to form a coherent sentence.
“My Miriam is a nurse and she can be here in the evenings for whatever Penny needs,” Rachel enthused.
Mackenna looked toward her mother for assistance, but Penny’s face just glowed. “Mom? Um, what do you want to do?”
“I wou love ta stay if tha don mind,” she said.
At that moment, Mackenna realized how much her mom had missed out since the stroke. When they moved to Richland, her mother lost contact with many of her friends and other than her and the nurses, Penny’s world had shrunk. With tears in her eyes, she hugged her mom, whispering, “I’m sorry mom. You haven’t had many friends lately have you? Of course we can stay.”
“Oh no, bab gir. Only room fa me. Ya stay wi Jobe,” her mother whispered back.
Mackenna pulled back and saw the twinkle in her mother’s eyes. Glancing to the trio standing a few feet away, she saw the same twinkle in Jobe’s parents’ eyes as well.
Softly, her mother spoke wisely, “It is time fa ya to de-ci. Are ya goin ta forgive or not.”
“It’s not that easy, mom,” Mackenna whispered back, noticing the others stepping back to give them some privacy.
“Eva-thin worth havin, is worth fightin fa,” her mother said.
Mackenna took a deep breath and nodded. “We’ll see, mom.”
With a last goodbye, Mackenna turned to get back into the truck. Jobe hugged his parents before handing Penny’s suitcase to his dad. As he moved he saw Mackenna already sitting in the seat, her head down.
The ride to Alvarez Security was quiet, each lost in their own thoughts. Jobe glanced nervously to the side, wondering what was going through her head. Finally, when he could not take the silence anymore, he opened his mouth to speak. Before he could get a word out, she began to speak.
“Last night, I was on my computer when I heard the shots go off.”
He continued to drive, waiting to see what she was going to say next.
“I was looking up some things on PTSD.”
His heartbeat increased as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.
Here comes the part where she says she can’t handle dealing with a fucked up me.
Mackenna, aware that he was not going to say anything, continued, “I was thinking that maybe we could talk sometime if you still wanted to.”
Jobe let his breath out slowly, trying to control his pounding heart. He had no idea what she meant by that statement, but he was willing to take it as far as she was willing to listen. “I’d like that. Whenever you want,” were the simple words that came out, afraid to say anything more.
She sighed as they drove into the underground garage of Alvarez Security, looking on in curiosity as he pulled his truck in line with other large vehicles. “Maybe tonight, when all of this is over.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’m ready when you are.”
She turned and peered at him, seeing the familiar face that had haunted her for so long.
Whatever happened to you, I’ve gotta know. I’ve gotta know everything so that I can decide what the hell I’m going to do.
*
Mackenna sat in
the large conference area of Alvarez Security, eyes wide as she peeked around in curiosity. The huge room held computers, partitioned off areas, white screens on the walls, as well as other equipment against the walls. Doors leading to offices and other rooms holding God knows what else were in sight as well.
“Mackenna?” Jobe prodded.
She jerked, blushing as she realized that she had been asked a question. Pushing her hair behind her ear, she apologized to the others around the table. “I’m sorry. I’m so distracted. Please, what did you ask?”
Shane smiled as he repeated, “Can you tell us when you first became involved in gang work?”
“I’m not involved in gang work,” she explained. “That was never my intent, although it’s a by-product.” Seeing the confused expressions of the others, she continued. “My thesis was actually in women’s studies at first. Looking at the home lives of why some girls drop out of high school. What I found was that for many of them, they were involved in gangs. If they weren’t getting the love and support from home, they often turned to the family atmosphere of a gang.”
“Family atmosphere?” Gabe asked incredulously.
“Yes, family,” she replied. “Not the sort of family that we associate with the word. But group. A community. A sense of belonging. Even ownership can feel good to someone who hasn’t had that.”
“But…” Vinny started but found himself unable to speak his thought in mixed company.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, a sad expression crossing her face. “Most girls are still beat-in as an initiation. And where the males have to rob or even kill to get in all the way to prove their obedience, the females have to have sex with multiple gang members. And again, it’s not our way of thinking about family, but for most of the girls…it’s what they know.”
Matt questioned her more. “So tell us about the center.”
“With my research, I found that the only way to get women to break out of that lifestyle is to be more independent. So localities who offer GED assistance, career training, etc. in a safe environment have a better chance of getting some of these girls out of gangs and working independently. So my grant does that. The city leases the center and the grant pays for the teacher, the night watchman, the food, and then I get donations for everything else.”
“And the girls there? How do the gangs feel about them being there?”
“Honestly, it hasn’t been a problem. Several of the girls had not joined a gang completely, so I guess it was no big deal when they left.” She hesitated, then looked at the men around the table. “You also have to understand their world. Women aren’t valued as human beings. They’re drug runners or prostitutes. The gang members may not have realized the other girls were gone until it was too late and no one ever came looking for them.”
“Until now,” Shane stated.
She sat quietly, thinking about the situation and how it had gotten so far out of hand. Leaning back, she let out a heavy sigh, rubbing her temples as a headache was forming.
“You want some water?” Jobe asked. “You need a break?”
She offered him a small smile but shook her head. “No, I’m just frustrated.”
“So, now?” Shane prodded.
“The last girl we took in about a week ago, is pregnant. I was excited to get her because she’d contacted her former school counselor to let her know that she’d like to get away. This was exactly what I’d wanted. And she’s great. Smart, motivated, doesn’t want her child to be born into the gang life. But suddenly she would get afraid and I’d see a car with dark windows drive by slowly. I wasn’t scared; I just thought maybe someone was trying to see what we were about, but there was nothing threatening at first.”
Mackenna hated to admit the next part, but knew that the police and Tony’s group needed all the information. She was looking down when she felt Jobe lay his hand across her shoulders. Instead of feeling awkward, it felt comforting. Right. Normal. She found herself wanting to lean into his strength, but held herself back.
“What’s going on in that mind of yours, doll?” he asked softly.
This time, even he calling her doll did not make her angry.
What’s happening to me?
Jobe had not meant to let the endearment slip out in front of everyone and steeled himself for her rebuke. It never came. Instead, she just sighed as she glanced up into his face for a moment before turning back to the group.
“This is where I have to show my stupidity,” she admitted.
Tony smiled, saying, “Don’t worry about it. Everyone in this room has had moments when they didn’t act in the smartest way.”
She peered at him carefully, measuring his words. “I very much doubt that, Tony. I have a feeling that when you all were in the Army, your missions were well planned out and executed. And you two,” looking at Matt and Shane, “if you screw up then people die, so I doubt you make many dumb mistakes. My dumb mistake could have gotten my mom killed!” Her eyes filled with tears and no matter how hard she battled them back, they slid down her face anyway.
Jobe immediately wrapped his arms around her, shooting a look at the others. They all stood to take a break as he held her carefully, letting her cry as she clung to his shirt. “Go ahead and cry, doll. Get it out,” he murmured into her hair, stroking her back. As much as he hated her hurting, the feel of her in his arms meant everything to him. He would take whatever this woman would give him, but what he really wanted was her in his arms every day.
After a few minutes, the men returned. She pulled herself together and glanced around in embarrassment at the spectacle she had made of herself.
“No one’s looking. You’re fine,” Jobe whispered, giving her a tissue.
After a minute, she nodded that she was ready to continue. The men would not let her apologize, instead quickly letting her know how much they admired what she was doing.
Grateful, she continued, “Even though I’ve studied the women and what they need, I have only researched gangs peripherally. I know how they use women, and I know the basics of how they function. I certainly know they aren’t to be trifled with, but there are so many and so varied that I haven’t studied them in depth.”
Taking another deep breath and letting it out slowly, she said, “And that was where I screwed up. When the car drove by the other day, I acted foolishly. I grabbed the baseball bat and charged out onto the stoop in a threatening manner. If it hadn’t been for Jobe and the others showing up right then, things could have gotten ugly. And now, not only have I put the center at risk, but I’ve put my mom at risk. All because I didn’t spend enough time learning about the different gangs that the girls come from.”