Into You (9 page)

As if he could read my thoughts he offered a tidbit of information that kept me intrigued. Carter opened up and spoke of his great pain over the recent loss of his father who died suddenly of heart failure. A father he was close to and idolized as a child. A father whose love could never be felt again.

I thought his suffering explained his reluctance to discuss matters close to his heart. It made sense and endeared him to me. But still I kept my guard up and tried to keep myself from being put i
nto a compromising situation.

“C’mon,” Carter sounded very much like a little boy trying to get his way. “I promise I won’t try anything.”

I hesitated a moment, then gave in to my desire. I sat on the bed beside him, my heart racing, my stomach back flipping in anticipation, wondering what I got myself into.

Carter leaned in to me, using one hand to steady
himself, the other getting lost in my hair. This time I couldn't resist him anymore. I didn't want to. I initiated a long, delightful kiss, loosing myself in the pleasure of being in his room and on his bed. I inched over, closer, pressing my body against his.

The sweet kiss we started with evolved into something bred of hunger and need. My fingers wound into his hair, holding him close. His hand travelled from my hair, down my body, squeezing, kneading my flesh. His body arched over mine as I moved backward. I went down and he followed, covering me like a
blanket, grinding against me.

With my hands on his chest I pushed him away trying to slow things down. “You said you weren’t going to try anything.”

Carter rolled off me onto his side, his chest heaving with every breath. “I didn’t. You did. And boy am I glad you did.”

I remained silent, staring, as he got to his feet.  He wobbled over to the dresser, pulled out an oversized tee shirt and tossed it in my direction.

“You can wear this," he smiled. "Or nothing at all. Either way I won't mind."

“What are you going to wear?”

“Usually I sleep naked.”

My eyes widened in fear. I couldn't be in the same bed with him if he didn't wear anything. I knew then it was a certainty he'd be trying to get me out of my clothes. And if we were both lying naked under the covers, there was no way we were j
ust going to sleep.

“But, for you I’ll wear sweats,” he answered, a devil
ish grin playing on his mouth.

I snatched the shirt from his hands and looked at him skeptically, “No funny business.”

Carter held his hand up, “No funny business. Scout’s honor.”

I placed a quick kiss on his lips before disappearing into the bathroom. After splashing cold water on my face I looked into the mirror and chastised myself for agreeing to spend the night. I knew what he wanted. The worst part was I wanted it too.
Just not tonight.

I knew in my heart if we had sex tonight, it would have more to do with Jamie than it did with Carter and me. I wouldn't let her into our relationship and certainly not into our bed. Not that there was "our"
bed yet. But one could hope.

After a deep cleansing breath, I steeled myself to stick to my guns. I returned to the bedroom surprised to find Carter already lying in bed, his eyes closed.

I pulled the covers back, and climbed in as quietly as I could, relieved he had his sweats on, and disappointed that he already appeared to be sleeping. A smile formed on my lips as Carter reached for me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest.

We'd never spent the night together, never held each other like this, and it unnerved me how right it felt. How comfortable I felt in his bed. His arms were safe and warm, a perfect fit for me. I snuggled up against him as he tightened his grip on me, like chains that would bind me to him forever.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Don’t mention it.” I wondered if he could feel how happy I was.

Chapter 24

Carter

I love you. Those were the most comforting and terrifying words ever. Comforting to hear, terrifying to say. Only one time in my life did I ever feel the need to say it, to let the world know I loved her.

I loved her, she loved me and life was great; until she shattered me. The innocence of youth kept me ignorant to the pain she could inflict. I always knew the possibility existed that she could meet someone
else, I just didn't think she would, especially not my father. I was blinded to her ambition by her beauty.

I promised myself never again. I'd never put anyone before me. I'd never hand over my heart and love another woman the way I loved Jamie. But Elizabeth stole my heart. It was hers and she could do with it what she wanted. She could realize how fragile it was and treat it with kindness and care, or she could char a
nd burn it like meat on skewer.

“I love you.”

Elizabeth moaned in my arms. I squeezed my arms tighter around her.

I had no doubt she knew how I felt about her. Not after tonight, but I wasn't positive she felt the same. Especially after the show I put on for her, both at my father's house and at the restaurant, p
ounding down drink after drink.

I didn't want to tell her the whole story. I thought I could give her the important facts while skirting around the details. But I didn't. I had diarrhea of the mouth and once I started, I couldn't stop until I spilled every detail of Jamie
and my father doing the nasty.

Elizabeth hadn't said much after. I worried she thought I was weak because I didn't fight for Jamie, but Jamie wasn't worth it. I hoped Elizabeth wouldn't look at me differently in the morning. I didn't want her pity. I wanted her love.

My heart thrummed hard against my chest, like a sledgehammer. Holy shit, did I just tell Elizabeth I loved her? I thought it all night, but did I say it aloud? She didn't answer. Didn't respond. Didn't acknowledge it at all. What had I done?

I
stretched and yawned in the glory of the morning. I felt relaxed and rested. Most nights I tossed and turned, waking at odd hours, unable to fall back asleep. This morning I opened my eyes surprised by the strange surroundings until the realization of where I was came upon me.

I rolled over expecting to feel the warmth of Carter’s body but the bed was empty. I sat up and searched the room, he wasn't there. I checked the bathroom. Finding no sign of hi
m I made my way to the kitchen.

Carter sat at the small, round kitchen table leaning back in his chair, eyes closed, legs outstretched,
hands behind his neck. I climbed onto his lap squeezing between Carter’s body and the table. I clasped my hands behind his neck and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

“Good morning,” I said with a smile.

“Morning.” He opened his eyes and darted them away from me.

He looked strung out. I understood why he might be nervous to see me. I should have answered him.
Shouldn't have just left him hanging, especially after his confession. My first, big mistake.

An awkward silence filled the empty space. I took a deep breath gathering my courage to tell him what I should've said the night before. But Carter spoke first.

“About last night . . .” He sounded far away and detached.

“Don't worry. I'll deal. If I'm lucky, no one from the office but Dr.
Penbrook knew I was there.” I planted another small kiss on his lips and smiled.

Carter shook his head. “I don’t think you understand.”  He cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice steady, “I . . . I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

His words were like a big hard football to the nose. After the roller coaster ride of emotions the previous night, I expected if he had anything to say it would be an apology.

I climbed off him and took hold of the pendant on my necklace, staring at him in disbelief. I fiddled with it, pulling it from side to side co
ntemplating what I just heard.

“You can’t possibly mean that.”

He shook his head, “Last night got a little out of hand . . .”

"It got a lot out of hand
."

"Exactly."

"But I never felt closer to you. It's like there's this part of you that's been completely closed off. I don't know how to explain it, but now it makes sense."

The previous night had me reaching into my soul, asking myself if I could love Carter in the way he needed, with every ounce of my heart. I knew my feelings for him ran deeper than I wanted to admit, but until his drunken confession I didn’t realize how deep. He led me on a journey of pain, and all I wanted to do was take it away. Yes, I could love him.
Totally. Completely. And with my whole heart.

Although I tried to keep myself detached, I couldn't. Even from the beginning, there was something haunting and dangerous about Carter. As much as I knew letting him in my heart was like showering hairspray on
a flame, I couldn't stay away.

“I love you, too." My heart pounded hard.

Carter looked confused.  “I don’t think you understand . . .”

“I heard what you said. And I heard what you said last night. It took me a while to respond, but I love you, too.”

Carter brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed his temples looking very uncomfortable. “I never said that.”

Was he kidding? My stomach dropped. “That’s what you said when I got into bed with you. And in case you’ve forgotten, you’re the one that was smashed last night.”

Carter stood and crossed his arms over his chest, “I was not . . ”

“Yes. You’re right. You were fine,” sarcasm rang heavy in my voice.

“That’s right.”

What was wrong with him? I took a step closer, “Uh huh, that’s why
I
drove
you
home.”

“I was tired.”

“Drunk is more like it. Completely smashed. And I’m betting right now you’ve got a killer hangover.”

“Okay, maybe I drank too much. But I had no idea what I was saying. So even if I did say it, I didn’t mean it.”

Was he really denying it? Why? “Don't do this. You meant it.”

“You think so?”

I understood his fear, his feelings of vulnerability but I wasn’t going to let him hide behind them. “Yes, I do. Because if you didn’t we would’ve had sex.”

Carter gave me an all knowing smirk and shook his head mockingly, “I tell you I love you and nothing happens. You don’t see a problem with that?”

Frustration settled in. He had a good point. Usually I love you is followed by some sort of seal on the deal, a long passionate kiss, a hot steamy night of love making. Nothing happened the previous night. Nothing at all. But he was taking it out of context. It was because he loved me, because he respected me that nothing happened.

“Carter . . .” I stopped, realizing it didn’t matter what I said or how I protested. If he wanted to deny his feelings, there wasn’t much I could do about it. Feeling dishearten
ed I turned toward the stairs.

I’d only taken one step when he gently took hold of my arm. “Elizabeth,” he
said, compassion heavy in his voice. “I am sorry.”

I brought my eyes up to meet his and challenged him, “For what? Being afraid?”

Anger flared in his eyes. He stepped in toe to toe with me, still holding my arm. “I’m not afraid.”

“Sure you are. You’re so caught up in what happened with Jamie you won’t take a chance of having your heart broken again.”

“I’m done discussing this.”

“Of course you are. It hurts too much.”

“Oh, really?” He released his hold on my arm only to grab my shoulders and pull me against him.

“Really!”
I wasn't about to back down.

In a flash his mouth covered mine. He wrapped his arms around me, one hand at the small of my back, the other
under my hair holding my head.

I didn’t resist. I held him tight, wanting to succumb to the mountain of desire within me. It had been built up over the last two months, and finally we reached the tallest peak, we could go no higher. Nerve endings tingled throughout my body. My breaths quickened as his mouth traveled from my l
ips to my neck and décolletage.

Carter kept a tight hold on me. He pulled his hand from my hair and ran it under the oversized tee shirt. His flesh felt cool against my warm skin. I shuddered as his hand moved freely up to my breast where his fingers caressed and pinched its peak. I tried to fight the need to feel his body against mine, inside of mine, but found myself losing as his touc
h had me writhing in his arms.

There was
an intensity between us we hadn't shared before. I inhaled, breathing him in. A faint trace of cologne still clung to his skin. My hands travelled up the back of his shirt, as I pressed myself against him, feeling the proof of his arousal as his heart beat hard and fast against mine. I ran my hands up and down his chest, feeling his smooth muscles moving beneath my hands. My fingers dug into him holding on tight like he was a fast and dangerous ride I might fall off of.

I pulled back to look in his eyes. They mirrored an insatiable hunger. There was only one way to quench this need, this yearning I managed to suppress since we met and could deny n
o longer. And we both knew it.

In one swift motion Carter swept me up into his arms. I clasped my hands around his neck, resting my forehead against his, knowing full well what was going to happen next, wanting it to happen. My heart hammered insi
de me, wild with anticipation.

Carter made his way from the kitchen into the bedroom.  He lay me down on the bed and climbed in next to me. Leaning on his elbow, his other hand rested on my stomach. He remained still a moment as his eyes raked over my body, soakin
g me in with fire in his eyes.

Carter’s hands moved gently, his fingertips barely brushed the visible areas of my skin. Feeling them there, I shuddered. Imagining them touching the places where the ski
n wasn't visible made me ache.

His hand slid under my shirt again, until I sat up and pulled it up over my head. I had no need for it. I wanted to see the look of approval and desire in his eyes as they fell on me, all of me. He wore a cocky, triumphant look on his face, but his eyes were still ablaze.

Carter's lips began an excursion of my top half while his hands began to explore my bottom. I bit my lip as his fingertips slid down to my center. He hooked his fingers into my panties and paused. Knowing they were there, centimeters away from where I wanted to feel him brought me to the edge of a cliff. For a moment I wondered if I was ready to dive off. After a breath, I jumped.

Chapter 26

Carter

I leaned my head against Elizabeth’s as I tried to catch my breath, still feeling the exhilaration of being inside her. It was unlike
any feeling I had before. Ever.

I looked at her hoping for a clue to the thoughts running through her mind. She smiled putting me at ease for the moment. Since when was I so unsure of myself? I knew how to make girls feel good. From her cries of approval, Elizabeth was no exception, what had me so worried?

I rolled onto my side and pulled her against me once again. “You were right,” I said my voice low.

“About?”

I kissed her lips tenderly in an attempt to stall, “I don’t want to stop seeing you.”

“I should hope not.”

“You already mean too much to me.”

“Good,” I could see the mischief in her smile as I brushed her hair from her face.

I looked away, too nervous to meet her eyes. “Did you mean what you said earlier?”

She hesitated answering, but she had to know there was only one thing I
could possibly be referring to.

“You mean when I said ‘I love you’?”

I swallowed hard and nodded.

She answered full of confidence and without hesitation. “Yes.”

Relieved, I took a deep breath before engaging her in another long tender kiss.

“Then you’ll qui
t?” I asked as we broke away.

Elizabeth pushed herself up into a sitting position with her arms crossed over her bare chest. “You’re kidding, right?”

I tried to keep my tone light and gentle despite the sentiment of my words. Never let them see you sweat, and boy was I sweating this one.

“No. I’m dead serious,” I paused a moment. “If we’re going to give this a shot you can’t expect I’d be okay with you working for him.”

“What’s changed since yesterday?”

Was she crazy?
“Everything.”

“I told you I have no direct contact with him. Even if I did you’ve known where I work and
that’s never been an issue.”

“Yes, but until last night he didn’t know about me.”

“So you think that’s going to change things at work?”

“I know it will. Sure as I’m sitting here, he’ll call you into his office Monday morning and everything will change.”

“You haven’t seen or spoken to the man in five years. I’m sure he’ll have questions.”

Feeling my muscles tighten, I shifted away from her and rubbed the back of my neck. “The less he
knows, the better.”

“Why? What’s the big deal?”

“Because that’s how I want it!” I snapped. I didn't want to lose my cool. I had to calm myself down. I took a deep breath before speaking again. “He’s going to try to use you to get to me.”

Elizabeth reached up and placed her hand on my face. "I won’t let him.”

I shook my head, “You won’t even see it coming.”

“All I can do is
give you my word. I won’t hurt you.”

“Face the facts, Elizabeth. Love hurts. You start out with the best of intentions, but inevitably you hurt each other. I love you, but that didn't stop me from hurting you last night, or this morning. Love sucks. It's just the way it is.”

She searched my eyes. For what? What did she think she'd find there? Did she think she'd discover some deep secret in them? I shared enough secrets with her for a lifetime.

“Okay, let’s suppose I do quit. What then?”

“You’ll get a job somewhere else.”

“Where?
Working for whom? Another doctor? A woman?”

I squeezed my eyes closed tight, frustrated. “I don't know.”

“And what if there are men there? Are you going to ask me to quit? After how long? A day? A week? A month?”

Why couldn't she just agree and end this? “He's not just a man. He’s my father.”

“That’s my point. He looked really happy to see you last night. I doubt he’d do anything to push you further away than you are right now.”

“Look," this discussion had to end.
Now. "I can’t force you to quit, but I’m not at all comfortable with you working there. And there's nothing you can say that will change that!”