Intimate Secrets (The Love and Danger Series) (12 page)

They pulled into his garage at that point.  “Come inside.  I want to show you something.”

He stepped out of the truck and moved to the back seat, lifting Lilly, car carrier and all, like she barely weighed anything.  He walked into the house behind Amy and set Lilly on the table.  “Don’t go anywhere,” he said to Amy and lifted his daughter out of her car seat, a smile breaking through his normally rough, emotionless face when she clapped her hands with excitement. 

“Okay, come this way,” he said and led her dow
n the hallway with Lilly snuggling in his arms.  “Ready?” he asked, holding the knob to one of the bedrooms.

Amy braced herself.  “You didn’t make your bed this morning,” she said, just to have something to say.  She had no idea what he was about to show her, but whatever it was
, the unknown terrified her.  Well, and the way he was looking at her.  And the fact that she was in his house.  She’d always felt uncomfortable here, as if it were too intimate being in his domain.  Walker was masculine enough.  Being in his house, surrounded by everything “Walker”, was an overwhelming experience. 

Walker looked down at her, felt her resistance and stopped in the hallway.  Taking her hand, he lifted it to his mouth, kissing her fingers gently. 
“I know, love.”  He pulled her closer, ever so slightly and she could feel his heat and smell the incredible scent that always made her think of him.  No man had ever made her feel this way with just his scent but Walker had all the components. 

“Show me,” she said, taking a deep breath and praying she’d be able to handle anything he threw at her. 

With those words, he swung the door wide.  Amy gasped as she took in the beautiful room.  There was a lovely white crib set up in one corner with a funny mobile hanging over the top.  A matching changing table already filled with diapers and wipes and in the last corner was a large rocking chair stuffed with pillows along with an ottoman.  Surrounding all of this were the pretty pink walls and lacy curtains over both windows.  The room was magical!  There was even a bright pink rug on the floor to tie everything together.

“You did all this?” she asked, turning around. 
“Today?”

“With the help of those ladies as well as Sam, Brock and Colt.
  They were all over here, took the day off just to get this ready for Lilly.”

Amy wasn’t sure what to say.  She felt like she’d just been thrown into a maelstrom of emotions that she didn’t know how to handle.  On the one hand, the room was much bigger than Lilly’s at her house.  It was prettier and the furniture nicer.  But on the other hand, she didn’t know if she wanted to get back into a relationship with Walker.  There was no doubt that the sexual tension was still there, possibly stronger than it was before.  They’d already proven that.  But was it
sensible to fall right back into a relationship?

“Here,” he said and took her hand, leading her across the hall to the other bedroom.  She saw the pretty bed already filled with pillows.  “Not as much furniture in here,” she said, looking around and fighting back the tears as well as the panic.

“You’re right.  I’m hoping you’ll prefer to be in my bed.”

Amy opened her mouth to say something but Walker kissed her, stopping whatever she might have said.  “No pressure.  I just want to be clear about what I want.  And that’s you and Lilly, here with me.  I don’t want to go to sleep without both of you under my roof.  And I don’t want to wake up without you in my arms and Lilly across the hallway.”

Amy stared at Walker, her mind running through all the problems.  “We can’t do this again,” she said, the words strangling in her throat. 

“Why not?” he asked.
  “We messed it up last time.  I know we didn’t communicate well enough.  But maybe Lilly is the one who is going to give us enough time to learn to talk with each other.”

Amy laughed, remembering the previous evening, her cheeks blushing.  “She’s definitely a handful.”

He moved in closer, still holding Lilly but wanting to be close to Amy as well.  “Marry me, Amy.  Let’s make this a whole family.”

She gasped, never having thought she’d ever hear those words from him.  She’d always thought of him as the single guy, the guy she could have an affair with but he’d never settle down.

“You don’t want to get married,” she said, trying to pull back, to talk some sense into him. 

“Yes.  I do.  I wanted to marry you a year ago, but you told me you were pregnant before I could even pop the question.”  He picked up a box that had been sitting on the dresser.  Opening the box, he showed her the diamond solitaire glimmering in the dim light.  “I bought
this two weeks before that fateful conversation but every time I got near you, other things got in the way.  And we never really got around to talking after that last conversation.  So here I am.  I’m being very clear about what I want because I don’t want any miscommunication between us again.  I want you to be my wife.  I want you and Lilly to live here with me.”  He moved in closer.  “And what’s more?  I want more kids.  I want to experience all of it with you next time.”

Amy took the box, staring at the ring but she didn’t put it on.  She couldn’t.  She didn’t und
erstand why or what was going through her mind because of everything he’d said and done today. 

“Don’t answer me right now,” he told her, shifting Lilly slightly so he could set the box back down on the dresser.  “Let’s eat dinner, feed Lilly and then we can talk once she’s in bed.”

Amy couldn’t speak.  She nodded her head, agreeing with the plan, but her eyes kept straying to that velvet box, wanting so badly to put the ring on her finger.

Three hours later, Lilly was asleep in her new crib an
d Amy was still standing in the beautiful, pink room, looking down at Lilly, but still not sure if she was ready for the conversation with Walker. 

He was so big, so powerful and so overwhelming.  She usually didn’t think very clearly when he was around.  So
how was she going to respond to his proposal? 

And more kids?  Could he really want to be tied down with more kids?  She desperately wanted to have more kids.  Not in the near future, she thought with a chuckle at herself.  And the idea of having more kids with support?  That was an exciting concept.  Not having to worry about everything herself, having Walker to help her get out of bed or out of a chair when she was eight or nine months pregnant.  Oh, what a delight that would be!

But how many kids?  And would he expect her to give up her job?  Walker seemed like a very traditional kind of dad so far.  Would he want her to stay at home with the kids?  Amy knew that many moms were really good at staying home, giving up their careers and it suited them perfectly.  But she loved her job!  She felt like she had something special to give her kids and they responded.  Watching them grow over the year, learning to read, to write, it was an absolute thrill for her.  She’d gone into teaching with her eyes wide open, having experienced the pros and cons of an educator’s life from her own mother.  But in her mind, the pros outweighed the cons by a large margin. Would he want her to give up her job? 

Would she resent him even more if he suggested such a thing? 

Oh goodness!  How did they overcome all the resentment of the past and build a strong enough future to have more kids?  Was it impossible?

“Are you coming out?” Walker asked from the doorway.

Amy spun around, suddenly realizing that he was watching her.

“Yes.  Of course,” she whispered.  Her voice was low because Lilly was sleeping, but also because she couldn’t get much volume past the lump in her throat. 

She walked to the door, feeling the heat of his body as she drew closer.  She stopped right in front of him, not sure what to do.  If she went forward, she would step into his arms.  But if she stood there, not moving, would she miss those arms?

Walker made the decision for her.  He stepped back himself and walked into the family room, pouring both of them a glass of lemonade.  “You’re not having a beer?” she asked, astonished that he would abstain.

“When you can drink, I’ll drink with you,” he replied and he downed half the lemonade.

She took a sip herself and sat down on the stone fireplace.  “I really like your house.”

He leaned against the breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the den area.  It was a nice, open floor plan that allowed the person cooking to still talk with someone in the living room. 

“I like you in it,” he came back.

She fidgeted nervously, not sure how to start the conversation about a future with him.  Not even sure if she wanted to discuss it.  The whole idea terrified her.  “Dinner was really nice.”

“Chloe is a great cook.  She’ll probably open another restaurant soon.”

“She deserves another one.  The rest of the city deserves another restaurant,” she replied, smiling as she realized how far off the subject she’d gotten.

“Why are you so nervous?” he asked, pushing away from the wall.

She looked down at her lemonade, wondering about the best way to answer him.  In the end, she went with brutal honesty, wanting to be clear and sure of what they were saying to each other.  “Because you make me nervous.”

“That’s not my intention,” he replied.

She laughed.  “I don’t think you can help it.”

He was standing in front of her now.  “I didn’t used to make you nervous.”

She sighed.  “That was before.”

“Before what?” he asked, running a finger down her cheek and neck.  “We’re still the same people.”

She shook her head.  “No.  We’re strangers now.”

He disagreed, but conceded she might feel that they were different. 
“I still want you.  That hasn’t changed.”

As much as she liked those words, they weren’t what she needed to hear.  “I’m going to head to bed.  Thank you very much for making sure Lilly and I
are safe.”

He smiled slightly.  “That’s my job.  I’ll never let anything happen to either of you.”

Amy nodded, still feeling awkward.  She walked silently towards the bedroom he’d set up for her, wishing he would just take the decision out of her hands.  He’d done that the first time, just sweeping her off her feet and making love to her until they were both too weak to speak.  She’d loved those days and didn’t know why he wasn’t doing that this time.  He’d always been so overwhelming and the last two times he’d kissed her, she’d been swept away by that same desire.  If it hadn’t been for Lilly, what would have happened? 

Amy closed the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes as she shuddered through the answer.  She knew exactly what would have happened.  And Lilly wasn’t going to save her this time.  Anything that started, it would be finished.

She got ready for bed and curled up under the sheets.  She was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep.  She felt restless, not sure what to do.  Laying in the unfamiliar bed, she stared up at the ceiling just like she’d done that first night when he’d been downstairs in her tiny den. 

Rolling over, she looked out the window, wishing s
he knew what he was thinking. 

Unfortunately, w
hat she was thinking was how much she wanted to be with him, to have him hold her in his arms and take her to heaven once again.  She’d been so busy with her anger and resentment, then the pregnancy and just trying to stay healthy and not worry too much.  After Lilly was born, there wasn’t any time to think much less dream. 

So this was the first time in over a year that she’d actually wondered what she wanted. 

And at the end of every argument, there was Walker.  He was what she wanted.

Could she trust him again? 

But he hadn’t been untrustworthy to begin with.  That had been her mistake, her insecurities projected unfairly onto what he’d said.  She’d messed up in the beginning.

Okay, that brought everything full circle again.  Walker was willing to put himself out there.  He hadn’t said he loved her, but he’d said he’d never let anything happen to her or Lilly.  And he wanted to marry her.  Was that enough?  Could she live with him, love him with her whole heart, be with him and know that he didn’t love her
back? 

Was it enough?

Did she have an alternative?  Amy didn’t think she could step away from him.  He was determined to be in Lilly’s life and she honestly couldn’t keep the two of them away from each other.  It wouldn’t be fair to keep them apart, but she also suspected it wasn’t legal.  Beyond any of those considerations, Walker would be a good father and Lilly deserved the best.  Walker also deserved to have Lilly in his life.  The two of them already had some sort of connection after only three days.  It was odd, to watch them like that.  It was as if they had a magical connection and it warmed her heart to see them together. 

She pulled the pillow closer, wishing it was Walker instead. 

Amy sat up in bed, her eyes searching and finding the black, velvet box.  No, she couldn’t commit to marrying him.  Not at this point.  But why did she have to deny herself his comfort?  They both knew what they wanted.  They were consenting adults.  Why not enjoy each other? 

She stepped out of the bed, her bare feet padding to the doorway.  The house was dark even though it wasn’t very late.  Of course, they’d been u
p early this morning with Lilly.  Not to mention, he’d been sleeping on the floor and she’d been tossing and turning for the past two nights so it wasn’t like either of them had gotten a very good night’s sleep.