Instinct Ascending: Rabids Book 2 (33 page)

Her back slammed up against the lockers with a crash, and she gasped. She was distantly surprised by the fact that it sounded less like a gasp of pain, or even anger, and more like a gasp of enjoyment. Harley must have noticed too, because he paused, teeth bared and eyes wild with some unknown depth as they assessed her, challenged her. She should have been frightened, yet found herself only enthralled. Suddenly grabbing her wrists, he stretched them above her head.

“Cool down,” Harley ordered gruffly. Instantly the heated moment between them was gone, her anger surging to the surface again.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she howled, struggling against his grip. It was like steel bands holding her put. His body pressed heavily against hers, pinning her to the cold metal doors. She growled in frustration, squirming and wriggling like a mad woman in her efforts to be free.

“Your Hybrid’s freed, meanin’ the drugs are flushed out. You’re safe now. Let it go.”

She continued to struggle and he tightened his grip.

“I’m just as good as you! My opinion matters, my choices matter! I’m not a stupid kid anymore — I can make my own decisions!” she screamed, thrashing against him.

“Knock it off, Thumbelina, you’re gonna hurt yourself.” His words were soft spoken, calm, and they ticked her off. She didn’t want to be calm, she wanted to lash out.

“Maybe I’ll hurt you instead!” she growled.

“We’ve hurt each other enough tonight.”

His quiet words stopped her cold. Reality sank in swiftly, like a collapsing roof. She
had
hurt him already. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him, her best friend and protector. She still didn’t, not really. He was being a jerk, but he was being a jerk to bring her emotions to the surface, to make her face what she didn’t want to. It was just like after she realized the depth of her involvement with Jaron’s death. Harley had made her mad, made her fight, brought her emotions to the surface, saved her from an internal self-destruction. He was doing it again.

Somehow, Harley had found the one way to get through to her, and he was the only one who could do it. Her tears brimmed, bottom lip trembled. His eyes softened.

“You’re right. You’re not a kid. I said some stupid crap tonight, did even stupider crap. I’ve been more outta my head tonight than I have my whole life. I never,
never
should have spoken to ya the way I did,” he admitted with inwardly directed frustration.

“I’m runnin’ on no sleep for the past three days, kid. I just got in from savin’ my dad, bein’ terrified of losin’ him. And the whole time I was terrified I was losin’ you too. There’s danger at Foundation; they’re on to ya. I tried to tell ya over the phone, that it was too dangerous to keep patrollin’ for now, that I’d fill ya in when I got back. But my battery died, and I gotta be careful how I say things to ya over Foundation phones. I guess my whole message didn’t come through.”

Her heart shuddered, the shield of her anger cracking as his jaw clenched against his emotions.

“I got back, eager to see ya. Didn’t bother sleepin’ or cleanin’ up, just went straight to your place. But you weren’t there. I couldn’t find ya, I couldn’t call ya, ’cause my phone was dead. I was terrified Foundation got ya while I was gone.” He chuckled wryly. “I even stopped by the diner.”

Amiel’s eyes widened. “You did?” The words came out small, broken. He nodded.

“The place was empty, the staff said you’d quit the day before. Said they didn’t know where ya went, but that ya went off the deep end and stole money. I kinda panicked after that,” he admitted, chagrined.

“I ran up and down the streets, afraid I’d miss your scent on the bike. Then I finally caught it on Lime Street. I was torn between worry and excitement. My heart was killin’ me when I realized your scent led me to L’s. I thought for sure it was a sign Foundation found ya, that they were forcin’ the mark on ya right then and there. I burst in the door and was so relieved when Foundation guards were nowhere to be seen, and I saw ya layin’ there with that beautiful smile on your face, felt how happy you were.” He swallowed hard.

“Then I put two and two together. You’d done the one thing I’d been tryin’ to save ya from all along. Everythin’ came crashin’ down on me in that moment. I reacted in my hurt, exhaustion and fear. All I could think about was fixin’ the problem I wasn’t there to stop. All I could think about was my Hybrid needin’ to put ya in your place.” His eyes met hers, penitence in their clear blue depths.

“But you didn’t need me to put ya in your place. You’re not one of my recruits that I gotta dominate. You’re my family. Ya needed my understandin’. And I couldn’t give it. I was too caught up in the need to protect ya physically, that I ignored what really needed protected.” One hand slid down her arms, moving to rest above her heart. The shield over that heart cracked further, tears burning her eyes.

“I’ve been poundin’ this bag, wishin’ I could pound my own head for actin’ so stupid. I didn’t know about your brother, I didn’t know about any of the other stuff weighin’ down on ya. But if I’d stopped to ask, if I’d bothered to find out rather than react, I coulda known. You wouldn’t have run off to that freak club in the first place, or been attacked and drugged.” He shook his head.

“I’m a genetically altered freak. But at the core, I’m still very human, Amiel. I make mistakes. I think sometimes you really do think I’m Superman. But I ain’t. I know I let ya down when ya needed that strength. And I’m sorry for that.”

“Superman had weaknesses, too. It didn’t make him any less amazing. Neither do yours,” she whispered. He closed his eyes, shook his head.

“You were right about everythin’ but one. You’re
not
just as good as me.”

She bit her lip. His thumb rose, gently pulling the lips from her teeth. The pad of his thumb ran over the flesh swollen from her constant biting tonight. He met her eyes, made sure she understood what he was trying to convey.

“You’re
better
. You’re better than me, in
so
many ways. There is this innate goodness in ya, kid; it shines outta ya, brighter than the sun, warms anyone near ya. My heart beats to see it every day; I yearn to bask in your glow with every breath I take. It’s a rare and beautiful gift in this dark and ugly world. It’s somethin’ I’m terrified of ya losin’. And if anythin’ can take that from ya, it’s Foundation. I can’t,
won’t
let that happen to you, kid.” His voice shook. “I won’t.”

Amiel felt the last of her shield of anger crack, then crumble. It rushed from her body under the torrential incoming of regret and sadness that followed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Harley,” Amiel sobbed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing into the crook of his neck. “I am so sorry. I was stupid. And selfish. And a complete moron.”

Harley chuckled softly, rubbing her back. “Stop it, kid. Did ya hear anythin’ I just said?”

She pulled away to look in his eyes. “No, you were right to be upset with me! I’m not proud of myself. I said I wanted to go to the club for Joyce, told myself I wanted to go to make her happy. But there was a darker truth behind that. I went to that club with a selfish, stupid need to rebel, to show you I could handle myself and that I didn’t need you. I wore this crazy outfit Joyce picked out for me, and we stayed in that stupid club because I was too stubborn to leave once we got there. I was an idiot and didn’t keep an eye on my drink. The guy next to me, I think he saw the tattoo under that stupid scarf. I should have known.”

“Ya can’t read people’s thoughts, Thumbelina.” 

“No, but I can read
mine
. I should have listened to my instincts from the start. I should have left the moment I knew the place was bad news. I shouldn’t have even gone in the door. I knew, but I chose to ignore it. I was mad, and hurt and just stupid. You got in a huge fight tonight because of me, and I was useless. It’s worse than that night with Duane. At least then I did something. Tonight I just laid there like an idiot!”

“To be fair, ya didn’t just lay there. You served as a bit of a distraction, and chucked some rocks too,” he teased. Amiel’s eyes widened.

“Oh, gosh, don’t remind me! Oh, I’m such a mess!”

“You’re hurtin’. And I added to that hurt. You carry your heart on your sleeve, Thumbelina, and that’s somethin’ to be admired. It takes strength to do that, to feel everythin’ around ya and react openly to it. But sometimes that’s a burden that’ll get ya in over your head. And that’s why I’m here: a friend to have your back. But I screwed up. I shoulda been there at your side, pullin’ ya away from the edge. Instead, I let my own frustrations get in the way, and I’m sorry for that, too.”

“You came to my rescue, like you always do. Superman to my Lois Lane,” she replied. He offered a soft, lopsided grin.

“Robin. You’re too smart for Lois.”

“Tonight I earned Lois’ name, I’m afraid.”

“We all make mistakes. Part of the flawed beauty of humanity,” he acknowledged, voice laced heavily with understanding. She smiled, but her hand inevitably ended up in her hair, twisting the ends and giving away her doubt on that matter. His hand intercepted hers, threading his fingers through hers as he pulled it away.

“Stop it, kid.” He paused, face pulling down into a frown. “Sorry, guess I shouldn’t call ya that anymore.”

“No. Honestly, I kind of like it. I just… I don’t want you to
actually
think of me as a kid.” She blushed.

“Trust me, I haven’t thought of ya as a kid in a long time.” His pupils dilated, gaze smoldered, and her breath caught. A shiver raced her skin, and he cleared his throat, pulling back from the precipice of something big.

“We better get ya home so ya can change. Your body’s still in recovery mode, and it’s too cold for it in that outfit. I’ll head downstairs.” He cleared his throat again and walked away. Amiel sighed heavily, flopping back against the lockers. What had just happened? They were so close to something, and then he was gone. She thumped her head against the cold metal in frustration.

Pushing away, she quickly moved to grab his jacket from the couch and ran downstairs to join him. He was already sitting on the bike, the engine running. When she came bouncing out the door, his dark eyes caught hers, and she saw felt the edge of his emotions in the current. He was just as frustrated as she felt.  His eyes jerked away, focusing on his coat. Surprise surfaced on his face, as he realized he’d forgotten it. She handed it to him and waited for him to put it on.

Instead, he held the coat in one hand, the other reaching out to grasp the front of her tank top. Their eyes locked as he grabbed a handful at the waist, tugging her forward, drawing her close until she was nearly touching him. Without a word, he wrapped his coat around her, slowly zipping it fully. Pulling her thick hair over her shoulder to cover the tattoo, he tucked it into the jacket so it would stay in place. His eyes never once left hers. Her heart pounded as his hands slid down to grasp her waist, tugging her forward the rest of the way until she sat fully on his lap.

“Skirt’s a damned hazard. Almost as bad as the suit,” he muttered, so quietly she could barely hear him over the engine. The bike surged forward before she could find her voice.

“Keep your head down,” he said, readjusting her windblown hair as they pulled forward to the gates at the apartments. The guards moved forward to do their thing, though they still only tested Amiel. Either they knew they didn’t have to worry about Harley’s kind being infected, or they were simply too afraid to try it. She obediently kept her head down, offering her arm for testing. She tensed when a growl started in Harley’s chest, grumbling against her shoulder. His large hand fell to her lap just below the skirt, covering her.

“Keep your damned eyes where they belong, pig face.”

Amiel hadn’t even noticed the guard staring down at her far-too-bare legs. The guard quickly looked away, stepping back and waving them on the moment the test was complete.

“Cursed hazard,” Harley grumbled again. Despite the embarrassment of the situation, she couldn’t help the grin that threatened, just because she found him oddly cute in his grumpiness. Harley parked, helped her off the bike and walked her to her door. She silently unzipped the jacket and handed it back to him. He stared at her with that same dark gaze he’d worn since the gym, his Hybrid at the surface this entire time.

“Okay, kid?” he asked gruffly. She nodded silently. They stared at one another for a long, heated moment, before he finally nodded and walked away. Amiel slowly shut the door, resting her forehead against it as the tingling in the tags faded. Then her breath caught, heart tripping over itself. The tingle was back. Harley was back. An urgent knock sounded at the door, seconds before she jerked it open.

“I’ve never been much of a runner. Can’t stomach it. But I been runnin’ from ya for a long time, kid, and I just can’t do it anymore.” His eyes met hers, open, unguarded, dark and pleading. “Please let me in.”

Amiel silently moved backward, holding the door wide. He stepped over the threshold, the door shutting behind him.

Amiel

Amiel stared hard at the man before her. Harley's large form filled the doorway, muscles bunching beneath his t-shirt as his hands rhythmically passed the jacket back and forth from one hand to the other. Heavy, intense silence hung in the air, like the prelude to a storm. She turned and nervously walked further into the room, giving him more space. Somehow her apartment seemed too small, smaller than usual. She turned to find him staring at her in a heated and entirely unexpected way. He blinked, quickly looking away, his hand rising to run through his hair.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he said, eyes again rising to meet hers, a deeper question lying in their depths. Something about his voice made her mouth dry. It was like a hot summer's breeze whisking across her skin. She fought to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, crossing her arms over her chest. Her mind scrabbled for purchase. She often found herself at the edges of a precipice with Harley. One step in the wrong direction would send her careening off the edge. Suddenly she realized Joyce had been right all along. She should have just spoken to Harley, rather than diving in headfirst with the tattoo. For being such a quiet guy, Harley put a lot of stock in words.

“Do what?” She finally managed to unglue her mouth enough to speak. The change in his eyes was like watching a storm rolling in over the ocean, dangerous clouds turning the beautiful blues into tumultuous shades.  The butterflies flew into a frenzy as she watched him straighten, an air of determination settling on his shoulders.

“You undo me.” The way he said it sent shivers up her spine. Not the terrifying kind, but the delightfully heated and tantalizing kind.

“Oh,” she murmured, feeling slightly breathless. “Is that a good thing?”

He opened his mouth, hesitated, hand running through his hair again before falling to run along the back of his neck.

“I think so?” He didn’t sound sure at all, his actions making it obvious he was full of his own nervous butterflies. She grabbed a piece of her long, mahogany hair, twisting it. They stared at one another for a long moment, before he nodded to himself, that air of determination coming back to shroud him. Releasing a shuddery breath, he stalked toward her. Grasping her hand, he slowly lifted it, placing it above his heart. It fluttered madly beneath her palm, like the wings of a trapped bird.

“You terrify me, Amiel,” he whispered. Leaving her hand pressed to his chest, he stroked a knuckle across her jaw line, fingers moving to sink into her hair. Gently cupping her ear, his thumb and forefinger slipped along the shell of it before coming to rest on the fleshy lobe. His thumb caressed the empty piercing hole there, before giving it a gentle tug. Amiel stared up at him, unsure she had heard him correctly.

“
I
terrify
you
?”

“There are few things I want in my life. I rarely let myself.” His thumb rubbed gently back and forth on her ear lobe, the motion putting her into a somewhat hypnotic state. “I wanted my mom to love me. That didn’t end too well.” His wry smile made her heart ache for the little boy he once was. “I wanted Cajun to heal and get better. And that one actually worked out, but at a heavy price. I want this war to end, but that ain’t lookin’ too promisin’ from where I stand. The things I want don’t work out so great. But when it comes to you?” His thumb slipped back down along her jaw to caress her bottom lip. “You make me want everythin’, darlin’. And that terrifies me more than anythin’ in the world.” Her heart caught at his endearment, his bold statement.

“What do you want right now?” she whispered.

“You.” The way he said it, the way his soul-searching eyes bored into her very core told her that his answer was a reflection of one she had given him all those months ago. When he had looked at her through his Hybrid’s gaze, and asked her what she saw when she looked at him, at his tattoos. She’d replied with a simple “You.” And their friendship had been blooming ever since. Now he was offering her his own simple answer, one that held a depth that was anything but simple.

“I’ve never wanted anythin’ as much as I want you, Thumbelina. Ya make me want what I’ve never allowed myself to even consider before.” He ran his thumb along her lip once more. “I’ve wanted to kiss these lips for so many long and torturous months.”

Her knees felt weak. He wanted her. “So what’s stopping you?” she questioned boldly.

His eyes locked with hers, refusing to relinquish their hold.

“There are things we haven’t discussed about Hybrids and Foundation. I… I need ya to know everythin’, before you’re willin’ to go any further.” That was actually a very honest, mature reason; though coming from Harley, it didn’t surprise her at all. It did, however, deepen her respect for him.

“Okay,” she stated simply.

“Okay?” Harley asked, as though giving her another chance to back out. She smiled.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated, more to himself than her. “Can you sit down?” A shy expression masked his face as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I can’t think straight with ya touchin’ me.”

Amiel smiled to herself, but quickly went to sit in the chair. He nodded to himself and then began to pace, hands rubbing together as he sorted his thought process.

“Hybrids are still a fairly new thing. We’re kept on a tight leash. Strictly speakin’, relationships outside of Cajun and Charleen are forbidden, and that is only allowed because of their leadership positions. Of course, there are the occasional law breakers at Foundation, Hybrids that have a fling with one another now and then. But if it is discovered, it’s quickly… put to rest.” She didn’t have to ask to know what that meant. 

“No wonder so many people have to be put down,” Amiel pondered sadly. “That must be so very lonely and depressing.”

Harley nodded. “It can be.”

“But, you’re in a leadership position, right?”

He paused in his pacing.

“So, you could take a mate?” The word sounded oddly more intimate than the typical girlfriend/wife words, and she found herself fidgeting bashfully in the chair. His eyes found hers, holding them with that hypnotic power he seemed to carry in his gaze lately whenever he spoke to her.

“I could,” he confirmed. “My mate would become the fourth and final section of leadership.”

“Sounds like a highly sought-after position.” She smirked, though she felt a twist within, an uncomfortable squirming of jealousy.

“The position of power is, yes. But it comes with its own prices.”

“Such as?”

He hesitated, considering his wording again.

“The relationship rules are meant to protect Foundation from us.”

“Protect them how?”

“From procreation.” He paused, letting the words sink in. Her lips pursed in thought.

“I see.”

“The lower caste females are given a sort of Hybrid birth control shot each morning. Their lives are seen as expendable, should the shots fail. Leadership mates, however, are a bit different.”

“How so?”

“Leaders are those who have weathered the rigors of Hybrid life and climbed to the top. They are harder to come by, therefore much less expendable. In addition to the daily shots, the female’s eggs are harvested every month. Sedation does not work on us, and therefore the procedure is a very painful one. It’s a lot to ask of someone, to be your mate, when you know they will have to go through that each month.”

Amiel swallowed. It was a daunting proposal, for certain. She pushed forward, trying to maintain an objective point of view.

“Wouldn’t it serve Foundation’s purposes better to remove the leadership mates’… uh...”

Harley got the point, and quickly moved on so that she didn’t have to embarrass them with further hand gestures or floundering words.

“They could take everythin’ out, yes; unlike the eggs, it wouldn’t grow back. We can’t regrow organs or limbs, just fix damage done to them.  They cannot remove the male parts of the anatomy, as they need that to function as proper Hybrids. Vasectomies regrow within hours, and without the other bits… well, let’s just say eunuchs would suck at their job and be useless. And Foundation won’t risk removal of the female anatomy, because they fear it will compromise the Blood Moon Hunts.”

Amiel frowned in question. Harley winced, the subject matter clearly not to his liking.

“Every time one of our women goes through their… cycles, the scent and change in pheromones draws Rabids in. With most Hybrids, it’s faint, but detectable. Charleen’s is… more potent. Maybe it’s because she’s in leadership position, more likely it’s because she was born as a Hybrid. But whatever the reason, it’s there. And Foundation uses it as a weapon. Once a month, we gather together and go on a hunt as one. Charleen leads, and her scent draws in hordes of Rabids. It’s how we stay mostly ahead of the Rabid growth here.”

“Wow.” She paused. “Wait… so, you can smell when it’s that time… for me?”

Harley’s cheeks flushed slightly, and he offered a stiff nod.

“Well. That’s awkward,” she muttered, and based on the way he cleared his throat, he agreed.

“And it’s almost as potent as Charleen’s. Seems to grow more so each time. Which explains part of the Rabid attraction to you,” he added gruffly. “So, chances are, if you were with me, you’d have to do the same thing as Charleen. Every month.”

Amiel nodded, just trying to soak up everything he told her.

“Aside from the medical discomforts, any mate I chose would have to fight her way through the ranks, proving she was worthy of the leadership title. She’d be challenged. A lot.”

“Must be willing to be cut open every month and kick butt on an hourly basis. Got it. What’s next?”

His eyes widened, clearly surprised by how calmly she was taking this discussion so far. She smiled inside. 

“Uh… ya got any questions about any of that so far? I wanna make sure ya don’t have anythin’ left unanswered. I’ll try to answer everythin’ as clearly as I can.” This time, her smile was harder to keep under the surface. He was obviously preparing himself for girly-related questions that all men wanted to avoid at any cost. 

“The ‘Hybrids cannot be sedated’ part. Go.”

He released an audibly relieved sigh. No embarrassing girl questions.

“Okay. It’s the opposite of stimulants. Our bodies run at accelerated states constantly; it’s how we heal so quickly, how we are always ready for a fight. Use of drugs or stimulants can be dangerous because of that. Left alone, it will overload, corrode, and eventually destroy us from within.”

“I thought you said I had to burn the drugs off in my system, by getting worked up and agitated. Wouldn’t that have just killed me faster?”

He stared at her with an expression that told her that was exactly what could have happened. Her lips parted, unsure what to say.  So she settled for a simple, “Oh.”

“It was a risk. I coulda left the stimulant in your system, but it woulda been a slower and typically inevitable death. Or you can run the risk of heightened activity in an effort to forcefully and quickly purge it from your system before it can damage too much. Either it will be flushed out, or the acceleration will destroy ya before it can work its way out.” He met her gaze squarely.  “I took that calculated risk. I had to try somethin’ to save ya. Foundation has had more luck in the past with the accelerated version. And, lucky for us, you’re strong.”

She felt an undeniable surge of pride from within at that statement. “Okay, I get that.  Thanks for the choice you made; I approve. Living works for me.”

He smirked, playing along with her somewhat shaky joke.

“So, sedation…?”

“Sedation works the opposite. Our bodies burn it off before it has a chance to do any good.

“Right. Okay. What’s next on the list of reasons not to date Amiel?”

“Well. In the beginnin’, I was worried my DNA would kill ya.”

“Because of your deadly good looks?” she cheesed, trying to take the edge off. Harley scoffed.

“Because my saliva produces the same dangers that Rabid saliva does.”

She was taken slightly off guard by his blunt presentation of that fact. But in a good way. He really had been thinking about kissing her for a long time. And despite the heavy subject material, he was starting to loosen up a bit in delivery. A thought occurred to her.

“Is your blood the same way?”

“Yes, though not nearly as potent as our saliva.”

“But that’s why you were worried when you Collapsed and I cleaned your wounds. Because I’d touched your blood?”

“Yeah.” He sat on the bed, staring down at his hands. “It was definitely a concern. But mainly it was because of the fact that it made ya smell like me, marked you as mine in a way, and it made me wanna kiss ya, which led back to the saliva concern.”

She blinked, again surprised by his honesty. He was really taking that vow to answer every question as thoroughly as he could seriously. And she really liked it.

“Good to know. I like the honesty.”

He offered a bashful grin, rubbing at his arm. She moved forward so as not to embarrass him back to his guarded ways. “You said you were worried about that in the beginning. What changed?”