Authors: Kelly Varesio
Insperatus (17 page)
She’s tried to find us a way off. That’s all she’s been doing. I’ve been stuck here too, for as long as you! You are not alone in this!”
But putting her completely aside,” Carden continued from nearby the door, “I am meaning to be close to Saria because I believe she is meant for something greater than we both know. She and Miss Pierson both.” He paused and watched Traith tremble as if he were coming out of the disagreeable aftereffects of drunkenness. “And then you tell her you’re
blind
? Come, now, man!”
That was by accident and loss of words.”
Yes, but you’re the colder one,” he replied quivering. “Every time I see her I realize all the more I cannot attach myself to her, and yet I fear that I have. I want to be able to be with someone and I can’t do even that. I could so easily have her be a part of my life—I can’t figure out how I so suddenly…” He was stuttering for a word. “
Fell
for her. You may mean to be close to Rein’s friend, Carden, but you have yet to kiss her like I just kissed Rein. I made her bleed!”
Stop, Traith!” Carden gazed at him with a passionate stare. “I have not and will not. But I am not letting that stop me.”
I can’t ever do it again! Look at me Carden! My eyes are maniacal and I can’t hide it like you are able to. I don’t appear normal to her, nor do I to anyone! How could she love—” he swallowed twice.
My eyes have nothing to do with it,” Carden helped him gather himself. “I don’t hide anything from her, and that’s what makes us different.”
You’re eyes aren’t
red
, Carden!”
I was born with dark eyes. You would just rather make yourself sick, starve yourself, and make yourself less appealing to women! Brits like you—”
What do you mean, Brits like me? Most Brits have red eyes?” He was panting in fury. “I’m not trying to exhibit myself, Carden! My appearance—”
Could be greatly improved, without having to be an exhibit!”
How do you expect me to see her?” Traith finally sputtered. “How do I explain? To speak to someone like her when I made a bloody fool out of myself and everyone who saw it will know what I’ve done.”
You can’t stay hidden in here forever, Traith.”
I may never be able to leave this ship, Carden! Think about how long we’ve been cursed here! Every place I dwell in I will have to be hidden.” He quieted. “This is all being drawn out, and I can’t stand it. I can’t be sure about what is going to happen, and I let myself fall for this girl. But if I show the slightest indication to the captain that I love her he’ll do what he did to nearly every other passenger on here, probably worse.”
Traith, stop thinking like that.”
And then you tell her I have a castle and that I’m rich, after you know I was trying to rid her of me.”
Why, in the name of
God
, would you try to rid her of you? You’ve been alive a long time and have
never
met a lady you admired.
Never
! Almost
instantly
you admired her; I could tell! Lucky for you she’s not even slightly afraid of you. In fact, she continually
fights
to know you, even when you are imbecile enough to walk out on her so often. You refuse to let her know you, so I am doing it for you. Yes, she knows you are wealthy, she knows you have a castle, but does that change anything? She does not want to be with you for your wealth, Traith!”
I can’t sway you,” Carden said with pity. “But if you love her, you must not be evasive any longer. I hide nothing. Saria sees me for what I am.”
But you haven’t dared to tell her, and soon you won’t even have the chance because she’ll be gone!”
I know.”
Therefore I will never have the need. You’d better leave your room, Traith. It was not your fault.”
Get out of here, Carden.”
are
. No, don’t worry. Forget all about her.”
Listen to me,” Carden started gravely. “You will not find someone else like her, so don’t pass up the chance. Keep her protected!”
Rein continued to watch for a short time after Romanoff left, standing with Saria in the dark hall. Her thoughts haunted her. She didn’t want to think that what she had said—the vampire—was real, but she knew nearly nothing about that to begin with. She was never interested in such subjects. But there was at least an accident, and some sort of ‘powers’. The whole idea terrified her, and being lost and unknowledgeable to it all was even worse.
“
Come with me to my chamber for a while,” Saria said. “It isn’t even late yet, and you shouldn’t be alone. Your beautiful face shows the stress you’re in, and you need comforting.”
What are you doing? Come in.”
Rein only shook her head and said nothing. She wanted to speak, but her heart was so full of emotion that words were hard to express.
Saria spoke to her again, putting her arm around her friend. “Please, come inside. Your chamber is so very far away from mine, and the boat is rocking terribly.”
She tried to urge Rein inside, but she continued to resist. “I’m tired, Saria,” was all she could muster. “I ache for some reason. I should like to sleep.”
Saria stared at her deeply. “Sleep? You need to cry. You
never
cry, and you need to. You are so pale, Rein. You look sick! Why did you come with me if you will not even spend a moment in my chamber?”
There was a pause. “I don’t know, Saria.”
Saria lingered a moment, thinking. “I suppose, if I absolutely cannot have you stay, you should be quickly off. You’ve managed a hard few hours, but try to not be so grim, Rein. You’ll speak to Harker many more times before we leave the ship.”
“
Right,” Rein choked and swallowed after pulling the red-stained handkerchief from her mouth. “Do you love Romanoff, Saria?” Her voice hoarse, but present.
Saria smiled. “Oh yes. Perhaps on our way home from America we will be able to catch this ship and meet with them again.”
“
You aren’t sick for having to leave him?” Rein asked again with a crack of ambiguity.
Saria stood still, her lips formed in a doubtful smile. “I won’t know until I leave here. But I do think that there is love found in many places, Rein, not just in one.”
Rein narrowed her eyes at her friend and turned, beginning to walk down the hall. “Good night, Saria.”
“
Sleep well, Rein. Please, cheer up. I’ll come see you directly tomorrow morning. I’m going to find Carden, if I can, and perhaps find out some information for you, all right?” She gasped a little. “Oh. I wonder whatever happened to Edgar.”
Rein didn’t look back at Saria. She didn’t care about Edgar; she felt like she didn’t care about anything. She paced in angry misery. Once she had turned the corner of the hall, she slowed down, feeling sudden sympathy toward Saria. Her lip was aching as if it had its own heart, and she wanted to see how bad the injury was. She had to go to her chamber. If by some chance he was there, around there, she could talk with him. But her confusion made it so hard to hold back tears—tears she had been holding in for years that only came out as the truth did.
The voices were calm but serious, and Rein found she could only catch small bits of their heated conversation or argument, whatever it may have been, except when the voices raised a small bit. It did sound, however, from what she could hear, like Traith speaking of his eyes. She thought she heard Romanoff say, “I can’t sway you” or “I won’t have the need” or “gone.” It sounded like they spoke, argued, about what had happened to her. Traith sounded so upset.
Suddenly Rein heard a voice by the door, and then watched as the knob began to twist. “You’d better leave your room, Harker, it wasn’t your fault.”
It was Romanoff. He had spoken clearly from inside the doorway. After that, his voice faded with words she couldn’t make out, and all she heard was a shuffle and the loud noise of something hard, probably wood, hitting against the wall on the inside of the room.
She ran back to the door of her chamber, her hand trembling to get the key into the lock as fast as possible. Quickly she closed herself inside her chamber before anyone had left the room.
Rein was panting against the inside of the door, her bodice heaving up and down.
She heard a door slam.
She closed her eyes and pressed the handkerchief against her lip hard. She would have dreaded being caught listening to their conversation.
Her feet, in shaky steps, took her to the vanity where she looked into the mirror. She saw the ghastly cut: a puncture mark. Seeing that the bleeding had slowed, she set the handkerchief down and started unlacing her corset and undressing.
Traith’s tooth cut her lip. He cut her and was scared enough to disappear without a word. She felt so much pity for him. Only three years her senior, he was, and he had to live the rest of his life like that. Or, he didn’t. Not if he was with her. But he didn’t know that, and she had no way of telling him. She couldn’t.
She grabbed her nightgown and the bloodstained linen and headed back out the door after a few minutes. She had changed her mind. She needed Saria; she felt guilty for leaving her. She hadn’t spent that much time with her, and she needed someone. She was so hot, as if in fever, and she felt tired, but her body was not. She was bringing her nightgown to sleep in Saria’s chamber tonight.
The halls were empty and silent. Everyone was still at the ball. The sun had just gone down. She reached Saria’s room and was welcomed with open arms.
A few more days passed. The evening of the ball had been gone for some time, but the thought of what had happened lingered in Rein’s mind with intense clarity. She had been so close to a complete, meaningful kiss. So close to almost beginning a relationship with a gentleman she had come to adore. So close…but since that night, she had not seen him. The thought of a relationship began to shrivel; that happy possibility was slowly being replaced with a petrifying and unnatural one.
Rein had decided to try on a dress from her wardrobe. One not as formal as the one she had worn the evening of the ball, but handsome all the same. It was cream in color, long and stiff around the stomach. There were gloves to match and shoes, all items she had discovered in the dresser.
She glanced in the mirror at herself. She looked elegant in her attire. Her hair was pinned up into a loose bun, and her white gloves were missing all ten fingertips. She sighed, however. It meant nothing to be dressed in such a beautiful gown if no one noticed. Well, Saria would. She left it on and headed out her chamber to find her friend.