Authors: Allison Hobbs
“Don’t you raise your voice at me. You may be over twenty-one, but I’m still your mother.”
Marquise returned carrying Markeeta. “Terelle! This shit is whack. Your mom is trippin’. She got you all upset; she got the baby all worked up…Would you please show her the door so we can git some peace and quiet around here?”
Cassandra glared at Marquise. “Nigga, I ain’t even worried about you. How you gonna make my daughter put me out? You payin’ rent now?”
“I’m about two seconds from throwing your little scrawny ass outta here,” Marquise warned. “Terelle, you better do somethin’ wit your mom before she gits hurt.”
Feeling panicked, Terelle looked at Marquise pleadingly. She couldn’t throw her own mother out into the street. But she knew the situation between her mother and Marquise would only escalate if one of them didn’t leave the apartment.
“Mom, you think you can stay over at Gran’s if I call you a cab?” she asked weakly.
“Oh! So, you just gonna send me out into the night. Treat me like I’m some stranger off the street.”
“Mom, please!” Terelle shouted. Then, as if surprised by her outburst, she lowered her head, and rubbed her temples. “Marquise is on house arrest. You know he can’t leave. Now, calm down. I’m gonna call Gran and tell her you’re coming, okay?”
“I can’t believe my own flesh and blood would put this worthless…,” Cassandra started.
“Worthless!” Marquise shoved Markeeta into Terelle’s arms, and then edged closer to Cassandra. “Let me tell you ’bout worthless…” His mouth twisted furiously. “I can’t even count how many times I had to front your worthless ass when I was hustlin’. You just ran wit that shit, Miss Cassy. You was always up in my face beggin’. I couldn’t turn you down ’cause you’re my girl’s mom. And every time my money came up short, it was because of your beggin’ ass.”
“You didn’t front me shit,” Cassandra began, “so, let’s not get it twisted. I have a problem, but I damn sure don’t have amnesia.” Nodding her head, Cassandra’s mouth curved into an ugly smile. “Since you wanna run your mouth, why don’t you tell Terelle the
real
story?”
With growing alarm, Terelle whispered, “What? What’s she talking about, Quise?”
“Man, she talkin’ shit.” Marquise shot Cassandra a murderous look.
“Am I? The way I remember it, we came out even. You gave me drugs; I sucked your dick!”
“Oh my God!” Terelle screamed, and then covered her mouth in shock.
“You lyin’, stank-ass bitch!” Marquise grabbed Cassandra’s arm and roughly pulled her toward the door. “You’re outta here,” he said, as he turned the doorknob.
“Get your hands offa me.” Refusing to be put out, Cassandra gripped the doorframe. “Terelle, help! Tell this muthafucker to let me go,” she shouted.
Terelle didn’t respond. She couldn’t. She paced and whimpered as she rocked Markeeta in her arms. She felt disabled: blind, deaf…mute. Tears blurred her vision; she could barely see the two figures tussling near the now open doorway. Her mother’s accusation—
I sucked your dick
—rang loudly in her mind. The sound of those words was so deafening, she was unable to hear the slamming door. She sensed Marquise’s presence. Felt him gently touch her shoulder as he turned her around.
Don’t touch me
! She wanted to scream, but she could not speak.
“She lyin’, babe,” he said. “I would never disrespect you or myself like that.” His eyes, moist with emotion, attempted to convey sincerity.
She wanted to believe him—needed to believe him because nothing else made sense. But Terelle was tired, beat down.
“I can’t deal with this tonight,” she said in a choked voice.
“Okay, go get some rest. I’ll straighten up the kitchen. Try to get some sleep, okay, babe?”
Teary-eyed and dazed, she nodded, and then stumbled to the bedroom. She put Markeeta in her own small youth bed, stripped out of her clothing and slid into bed.
Sleep did not come easily.
“
T
his is one of my favorite places for outdoor exercising. Isn’t it lovely?” Kai asked as she pulled into a parking spot along Kelly Drive that faced the Schylkill River. En route, she’d decided against taking LaVella to her apartment and definitely against feeding her. Kai became nauseous at the thought of LaVella stuffing her face. More importantly, she was certain she didn’t want her new “friend” to know where she lived.
“Have you been here before?”
LaVella shook her head and looked around anxiously. “Rode pass…saw all the people riding bikes, jogging and skating, but I never thought about coming here myself. I’d probably feel outta place.”
“It’s a beautiful place in the spring and summer. I love to watch the boat races. That’s the front of Boathouse Row over there,” Kai said, pointing. “I’m sure you’ve seen the back view from the expressway—the rows of tiny houses that are always lit up as if it were Christmastime…”
“Oh yeah.” LaVella brightened. “I used to call them Santa’s houses when I was a little girl.”
Kai groaned inwardly; she couldn’t have cared less about LaVella’s silly childhood remembrances. However, seeing that LaVella was now a bit more relaxed, Kai cut the motor and spoke in a kind tone. “Do you mind if we sit here for a while and talk? We’ll get your food shortly.”
“I’m not really that hungry and it’s getting late. My mom’s watching my kids and…” LaVella’s voice trailed off; her worried expression returned.
“Hey, relax. I don’t intend to keep you out late, hon.” Kai flipped LaVella’s ponytail playfully. “I just want to help you. I used to have a weight problem also,” she lied.
“For real?” LaVella’s eyes widened. “But you’re so thin.”
“That wasn’t always the case. My parents spent a lot of money sending me to camps for fat adolescents.”
“Are you rich?”
“My parents are wealthy. I reap the trickle-down effect of their wealth.”
LaVella looked appropriately impressed.
“That’s why I chose to major in nutrition. My minor is addiction counseling for eating disorders. That’s also why I’d like to help you,” she went on. “I know you’re underprivileged and can’t afford the intense therapy that would be required to overcome the grip your food addiction has on you.”
“I like to eat, but I’m not addicted; I mean…I can stop myself if I really tried…”
“You’re grossly overweight,” Kai said crisply.
“Wait a minute, I ain’t that bad.” LaVella giggled nervously.
“Well, according to the charts I rely upon, a woman of your height and weight is, unfortunately, considered morbidly obese.”
“Morbidly obese!” LaVella leaned forward, indignant.
“I’m not saying that I personally believe you to be morbidly obese. I’m just telling you what the charts indicate and how you’re viewed by society.”
LaVella fell silent and pressed her head against the leather headrest.
“Ease up, girlfriend.” Yuck! Kai had never used that colloquial expression, and hoped she’d never have to again. However, she felt speaking in jargon was a necessary tool in forming an intimate relationship. Her therapist would be so proud. Ha! She reached over and caressed the back of LaVella’s neck.
“By the time we’ve finished, you’re going to be flaunting your beautiful new body in a two-piece swimsuit.” Kai chuckled. When LaVella joined in the lighthearted laughter, Kai cut her off, her tone turned serious. “You have to be honest with me. We’re going to be together a great deal during the next three months. We’ll be best friends—closer than best friends. We’re going to know each other intimately.” Kai stroked LaVella’s cheek. LaVella tensed, looked away.
“I’m going to expect you to keep a journal of every morsel that passes your lips. I think I’ll start you at fifteen-hundred calories a day and a structured exercise routine, an hour a day, five times a week. But tonight, the sky is the limit!”
“You said something about us knowing each other intimately—what did you mean?”
“You know…” Kai looked off in thought, then turned back to LaVella. “I want to be really close to you during this time of change…metamorphosis. But the wonderful future I envision for you won’t come to pass if you’re hesitant to share everything with me.”
“I wouldn’t lie about what I eat ’cause I know the scale is gonna tell the truth.” LaVella chuckled nervously and fidgeted in the passenger seat.
“That’s true. But in order to effectively treat your disorder, I’ll need to know intimate details about you—your thoughts—your behavior.” Kai noticed LaVella flinch when she heard the word
disorder
. She had to restrain herself from laughing aloud. She was really good, if she said so herself.
“Listen,” Kai continued, “I’m providing you with the same services my parents spent thousands on for me. I think you can honestly say their money was well spent.” She gave LaVella a dazzling smile as her hands made a sweeping movement over her body. “Every woman wants to feel beautiful,” she informed LaVella. “Can you honestly tell me that you feel beautiful?”
“No.” LaVella spoke in a whisper, eyes downcast.
Kai lifted LaVella’s chin with her finger. “Look at me, LaVella. Do you think I’m beautiful?” LaVella nodded her head. “Tell me,” Kai demanded. She pushed curly tendrils out of her face, allowing LaVella a better look.
“You’re real beautiful,” LaVella said meekly, then turned her gaze to the shimmering moonlit Schylkill River.
Kai nuzzled LaVella’s ear, whispering, “And you too can be as beautiful as I am. You already possess inner beauty…” Kai had to force the smirk from her face. “You have good bone structure…uh, a cute face. You owe it to yourself—to take advantage of this opportunity. Allow me to improve upon your natural gifts. Just put yourself in my hands and trust me. Okay?”
LaVella sat in rigid silence.
“Look,” Kai spoke in a gentle tone. “I know that part of your disorder stems from the fact that you trusted in the past and got hurt. Am I right?”
LaVella nodded; tears began to pool. “I know, I know,” Kai cooed. “You’ve been taken advantage of…disappointed…abused. But you’ve got to start trusting again. Let me help you.” Kai’s voice was now a whisper. Kai held her breath and bit the inside of her mouth to keep from laughing. “Do you trust me, LaVella?” LaVella nodded and Kai was relieved for her patience was wearing thin. Being deceptive was exhausting. It was time to cut to the chase. She kissed LaVella’s cheek; her lips traveled to her neck, then moved back up to her lips. “Kiss me, LaVella,” she said breathily.
“But I’m not like
that
,” LaVella said in a hoarse voice. “I’m not…”
Kai cut her off. “I’m not like that either. This is something special between us—our secret.” Her tongue flicked lightly across LaVella’s tightly closed lips. Losing her resolve, LaVella uttered a small whimper, slowly parted her lips and became lost in the kiss.
Kai caressed the side of LaVella’s face. With her other hand she stealthily untied the drawstring of her sweatpants and began wriggling out of them. Impatient, she yanked the pink and black fabric down to her thighs, abruptly broke the kiss, and nudged LaVella’s head southward.
“No,” LaVella uttered in weak protest.
“Taste it,” Kai whispered, inching up to meet LaVella’s lips.
“No.” LaVella tried to turn her head away from the soft musky pubic hair that brushed her face.
“Lick it,” Kai commanded, her tone a mixture of passion and hostility as she increased her grip on LaVella’s hair and pushed harder.
No…please…no! God help me!
LaVella screamed in her mind as she helplessly submitted to Kai’s powerful will and tasted the pungent salty juices of this coldhearted woman who hadn’t bothered to bathe after her vigorous workout.
P
iercing the silence, the alarm clock buzzed loudly, and Terelle’s eyes popped open. She reached over to the nightstand, hit the snooze button, and then returned to Marquise’s cocoon-like embrace. Suddenly remembering her mother’s incriminating words, she extricated herself from his arms. When Marquise had gotten into bed last night, Terelle had clung to the edge making sure there was ample space between them. Evidently at some point during the night he had eased up behind her, pulled her close to him and had wrapped both arms and one leg around her.
Irritated, she kicked at his thick imprisoning leg.
“What’s the matter, babe?”
“Nothing,” she muttered, sounding peeved.
He raised his head and squinted at the clock. “Don’t get up yet. You have a few more minutes.” He wrapped his leg around her thighs again.
“Quit it, Marquise.” She jerked her body away from him, flung off the covers and got out of bed.
“You still mad about last night—about that shit your Mom said?”
“What do you think?”
“I think you should know by now that your Mom don’t wanna see us happy. She’s a miserable, lying bi…”
“Watch it, Quise,” Terelle cautioned, cutting him off.
Marquise reached for Terelle’s hand, but she snatched it away before he could grasp it.
“I can’t deal with this right now; I gotta get ready for work.”
“Call out; we need some time.”
“You must be crazy. I’m already on the abuse list at work for calling out, and you of all people know we can’t afford for me to lose my job.”
Marquise stared at her with wounded eyes, and then quickly glanced away.
Though she had intended for her words to sting, to remind him that she was the breadwinner, she was unprepared for the pained expression that crossed his face.
“I’m sorry, Quise,” she said, sighing. “I didn’t mean…”
Obviously recovered from the blow, he regarded her with now hardened eyes. “I knew you were gonna throw that shit up in my face sooner or later. It was just a matter of time.”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“But it’s cool, though. I know what I have to do,” he said as he lit a cigarette and began rapidly puffing and blowing out smoke. “I knew this shit wasn’t gonna work.”
“Marquise…” Terelle tried to caress the side of his face, but Marquise pulled away from her touch.
She withdrew her hand and began quietly preparing herself for work. Marquise trudged to the kitchen to start Markeeta’s breakfast.
An uneasy feeling plagued Terelle throughout the workday. She called home every chance she got, but there was no answer. The law forbade Marquise to leave the apartment, so where the hell was he? The possibilities were too scary to ponder, so Terelle concentrated on her work.
At 3:22 Terelle and a throng of coworkers stood by the time clock with their employee ID badges poised and ready to swipe. Melanie from the Laundry Department was the first in line. She looked back at Terelle. “Still honeymooning?”
Terelle confirmed the inquiry with a big smile that did not match her unhappy heart.
“Trouble in paradise? Girl, don’t tell me Marquise is acting up already?” Keeping one eye on the clock, Melanie cocked her head and screwed up her lips as if the likelihood of Marquise misbehaving was a personal affront.
At 3:24 Melanie swiped her badge and waited for Terelle. “You need a ride to the subway?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Terelle replied.
Terelle knew that nosy Melanie had only offered the ride so she could probe deeper and try to get the latest scoop on her and Marquise. As badly as Terelle wanted to decline the offer, she couldn’t. She had to pick up Markeeta and get home as quickly as possible to find out what was going on with Marquise.
The subway stop was only a few minutes away from the nursing home, yet Melanie managed to fire off a million questions in the short time span.
Terelle skillfully maneuvered around every question. Her acceptance of the ride had not been a promise to be forthcoming about her relationship with Marquise.
Successfully keeping her business to herself, Terelle got out at Broad and Girard.
“Thanks, Melanie.”
As if she’d been deceived, Melanie sucked her teeth and angrily zoomed off.
By the time Terelle reached her daughter’s day care center, she could no longer keep her worry at bay.
Using the center’s phone, she called her apartment again. The phone rang and rang. Feeling frantic, she quickly zippered Markeeta into her snowsuit and hurried out to catch the bus.
Running with Markeeta in her arms, Terelle hailed down the 52 bus as the driver attempted to pull off.
Finally home, she hoisted Markeeta on her hip and took the stairs to her apartment two at a time.
“Marquise,” she yelled outside the door as she fumbled for her keys.
He opened the door and took Markeeta from her arms. “How’s Daddy’s girl? Where’s my sugar?”
Markeeta giggled and kissed him as her father carried her to the living room.
“Why didn’t you answer the phone?” Terelle asked as she trailed behind him. “I’ve been going crazy, worrying all day.”
He put Markeeta on the futon and unzipped her snowsuit. “I ain’t have no rap for you,” he said coolly with his back to Terelle. “I tried to talk this morning, but you gave me your ass to kiss.”
“That’s not true…I was willing to talk, but you wanted me to take the day off. I couldn’t. Besides, I was still confused about everything that happened last night…” Terelle paused. “I mean…my mom really messed my head up when she said…”
Turning around to face her, Marquise didn’t allow Terelle to finish the sentence.
“You gotta be crazy to take your lying-ass mom’s word over mine? You trippin’, but go ’head…think whatchu want.”
“Quise,” she said, sighing. “Why can’t you understand how I felt—how I still feel? My mom accused you of something so shocking, it’s a wonder I didn’t pass out on the spot.”
“What about me? I’m the one she was lyin’ on—how the hell do you think I felt? I’ll tell you,” he said, the veins in his neck bulging. “I felt like puttin’ my fist down her lyin’ fuckin’ throat.”
Terelle groaned, then instinctively picked up and patted Markeeta as if to protect her from the foul language that had fallen from her father’s lips.
“Miss Cassy was into some wild ass shit when I was on my grind. I ain’t say nothin’ ’cause I ain’t wanna hurt you. But I’ll tell you this…she’d do anything for a hit. First of all, she’s your mom and I don’t get down like that and second…after all the shit I seen and heard about Miss Cassy, ain’t no way I would let her put her nasty mouth on my jawn.”
Terelle gasped. She had no illusions about her mother’s morality, but Cassandra was still her mother and she was therefore extremely sensitive about her and fiercely protective of her. Everyone, including Marquise, knew better than to make malicious comments about her. Marquise had crossed the line, but Terelle couldn’t muster the strength to defend her mother—to dispute his damning words. Challenging his honesty had the potential of uncovering far more than her heart could bear.
Marquise was silent for a few seconds, then added in a solemn tone, “And I’m gonna tell you something else—your mom’s gittin’ high again.”
Terelle dropped her head, massaged her temples. “No, she isn’t…that’s a lie.”
“Trust me. I know the signs,” he said, nodding. “You saw her. Y
ou
know the signs, too: nervous and fidgety, mad at the world, hair all nappy under that raggedy-ass scarf. Shit, she looked like she been gittin’ it in for a coupla days or more. Her and that Harry dude was probably fightin’ over the last rock.”
“She promised,” Terelle said in a faint voice, shaking her head in disbelief. As if in a trance, she carried her drowsy daughter to the bedroom to lay her down.
Marquise followed. “Forget her. She ain’t never gonna change. Ain’t no rehab in the world stronger than that drug.”
“You should know,” Terelle said, giving Marquise a mirthless smile.
“Don’t blame me ’cause your mom’s all messed up again. Damn right, I was out there gittin’ mine; I was doin’ what I had to do. But, I ain’t never put a pipe in nobody’s mouth. Now, I did my time and I’m tryin’ to move on.” Softening his tone, Marquise continued, “Babe, why you tryin’ to act like your mom’s lookin’ out for you when we both know she ain’t got no motherly instincts. Think about it; what she ever do for you?”
Terelle flinched.
“She don’t care ’bout nothin’ but a hit. She’s miserable and wants everybody around her to be miserable, too. She wants to ruin our relationship…and she can if you let her.” Marquise gently tugged at Terelle’s arm. “Use your head, babe. You gotta keep her outta your life. She don’t bring nothin’ but trouble.” He gave a bitter smile. “Don’t let her come between us. You think we can move forward together?” he asked in a whispery voice.
Terelle responded by laying her head on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat, she closed her eyes; a warm feeling flowed through her. She’d been desperately waiting for this feeling, this love for so long.
She had faint memories of a time when she could feel her mother’s love. But drugs entered their lives like a raging storm, ruining everything. Drugs had destroyed her mother, prevented her from loving or properly caring for Terelle. And although Children and Youth Services had stepped in, no love was shown in the foster care system in which Terelle was placed for three years.
The only kindness ever shown was from her last foster mother, Mrs. Genwright, who had dressed and fed Terelle properly and even offered an occasional hug. Too bad the woman was a religious fanatic—a Holy Roller—who dragged Terelle to church every day of the week and all day on Sundays.
To this day, Terelle had never stepped foot inside another church, and absolutely never prayed. But the Bible passages she’d been force-fed were indelibly etched in her brain. And so was the day one of the church members concluded that Terelle’s mother’s transgressions had been passed on to the child. Sins of the mother, which had to be stamped out.
“The Lawd done spoke to me and we gotta save the soul of this here innocent chile,” said a zealous church member.
The flock of men and women who called themselves Prayer Warriors encircled the frightened child and began praying over her, speaking words they were convinced would ultimately cast out every one of Satan’s demons. They worked themselves into a feverish frenzy, and then as if on queue, the Prayer Warriors shrieked simultaneously and broke into a well-choreographed dance that resembled some of the old-time dances that Gran used to do. Screaming, Terelle broke away from the circle, but she was chased and caught just as she reached the big brass handle of the main door—the door that would have led to safety. Terrified, Terelle kicked and screamed. She tried to fight them off, but couldn’t. She pleaded for Mrs. Genwright to save her, but her foster mother shook her head sadly and assisted in holding Terelle down. The members prayed passionately, insisting that she was plagued by the demon of drug addiction, the demon of the flesh…the demon of damn near everything. According to the parishioners she’d inherited all her mother’s demons and they were hell-bent or perhaps
heaven-bent
to rid the poor child of Satan’s power. Terelle quaked with fear when her foster mother began touching the top of her head and praying so passionately her eyes rolled into the back of her head. And when Mrs. Genwright started to speak in a scary-sounding gibberish, Terelle clawed, spit, and sputtered until she peed on herself and passed out from exhaustion.
From that day until the day Aunt Bennie got out of the army and came to reclaim her, she was labeled as the little girl who’d been possessed by demons.
Terelle closed her eyes tight as she squeezed back tears and horribly painful memories.
Her mother had made her choices. And now it was time for Terelle to choose. She lifted her head and gazed first at her sleeping daughter and then at Marquise and decided that the love of these two people was all the love she needed.
There was no room in her life for her mother. Not now, not ever.