Inferno (15 page)

“I’m sorry,” she offered. “I don’t know what my problem is. You were just trying to make small talk and follow your orders. You didn’t deserve that kind of backlash.”

“It’s nice of you to apologize, but I did,” Jackson corrected with a negating shake of his head. “Your personal life is none of my business, and Sebastian would have my ass if he knew I was prying. I’m more than willing to forget this ever happened if you are.”

“Deal,” Taylor agreed.

A shadow fell over the passenger side window as they pulled up to the gates, and she glanced up in time to see Rupert approach. Confusion flickered across the Cajun’s scarred visage. It only intensified upon seeing Jackson seated next to her in the unfamiliar car. On any other night, she might’ve found the big man’s expression comical enough to laugh. Tonight, she just didn’t have the humor in her.

Sometime later, Taylor startled awake as the mattress shifted beside her. Adrenaline battled with the furious pulse thundering through her veins. She could still hear the horrific screams inside the restaurant. Still smell the metallic odor of blood mingling with sickening scent of death. Most of all, she could still feel Marx’s cold, fathomless eyes and the deep vibrations of his voice thundering through her. Warm, unexpected pressure settled against her mouth and she jerked away, recoiling with a frightened cry.

Sebastian loomed over her, his expression unreadable through the darkness curtaining the room. Seeing him, her fear lessened and she sagged back against the mattress as his hands smoothed over her face, their gentleness and familiar comfort almost shattering after the night’s horrors.

“Shh, baby, it’s just me.”

Gathering her in his arms, Sebastian lay down beside her and cradled her against his chest. The steady palpitations of his heart beat beneath her ear, and she closed her eyes, cherishing the smell of his freshly showered skin. He was still damp and so incredibly warm as he held her and smoothed away the last of her tremors.

“How are you feeling?”

Taylor shrugged against him. “I’m okay. I’m just tired and glad to be home.”

“I know the feeling,” he murmured, his voice husky and thick. He kissed the top of her head before pulling back to look at her face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she whispered, returning her forehead to his chest. “I’d much rather forget.” Snuggling closer, she kissed the muscled ridge of his chest. “Besides, it doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here and I’m safe.”

Sebastian cradled the back of her head, his hold tightening. For the first time, she noticed the tiny tremors rippling through him and fear gave way to concern. Panic welled when something wet and scalding seeped through her hair to settle against the top of her head. She tried to pull back but Sebastian’s arms constricted into a death grip. Unable to tug free, she held him and ran her hands over the hard planes of his back.

“Sebby, what is it? What happened? Talk to me.”

He shook his head making his chin rub back and forth against the top of her head as the tense vibrations running through him intensified. Seconds passed with only his strained swallow to fill the silence.

“I can’t,” he finally managed. “It’s too much right now. It’s too…Jesus, Taylor. I’m sorry. I am so damn sorry I dragged you into this. I swear to you, if I had known…”

His husky timbre shook with uncertainty and shame. She wanted so much to look at him, but Sebastian’s grip wouldn’t allow it. Nor would his pride. The dampness still spreading through her hair told her why. She stroked her hands gingerly down his sides, searching for any signs of injury.

“Did they hurt you?” she asked, dropping another kiss on his chest.

Sebastian didn’t answer. He squeezed her tighter and his entire body seemed to shake from the inside out as he buried his face into her hair. His hesitation only amped up her fear.

“Sebby?”

“I…” His breath left him in a frustrated exhale. “I don’t know how to answer that, Taylor. Physically, no. Mentally, I’m starting to break. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t know where to turn or where to go.”

“Sebastian,
please
. You’re scaring me. At least let me look at you,” she begged.

“I’m fine, Taylor. It’s not that. Marx didn’t touch me,” he insisted.

“Then what is it? What’s wrong?”

Pulling back, he captured her face between his hands. She felt the delicate shards of her heart splinter when she caught sight of his tears. They still fell and moonlight reflected off the dewy drops making them glisten like fractured jewels against his cheeks. Her eyes burned with her attempts to keep her own from falling. Reaching out, she gingerly brushed the dampness away. He was so beautiful, but so broken it killed her.

Sebastian shuddered lightly beneath her touch as he bowed his head to rest against hers. “I don’t know what to do, Taylor. I don’t know how to get us out of this. Every time I turn around, things just keep getting worse. I just want to be with you, to watch our baby grow up, to build a life with you and our child. Why can’t that happen? Why is that too much to ask?”

“It’s not, Sebby. You’ll have that. I promise.”

His eyes clamped shut, his sculpted features contorting with concentration and pain as he attempted to harness his emotions. “Now, despite everything, I am sitting here wondering if this is going to be it. If this is finally going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I should send you away, Taylor.”

“Sebastian, no…”

She reached for him, but he sat up and twisted away. Braced on the edge of the bed, he kept his back turned to her. Lowering his head, Sebastian dragged his hands through his hair.

“Has tonight made you realize nothing I say or do will make this worth the struggle? Do you want to leave me now, Taylor? Have you finally seen that I’m too fucked up and emotionally damaged to ever deserve your love?”

It would have hurt less if he’d hit her. No blow on earth could ever cut as deep as hearing him voice his uncertainty and pain—to know that, deep down, he questioned not if, but when she would walk away. Tears burned in her eyes as she reached for him. He tensed beneath her hand, but didn’t pull away.

“How could you say that?” she choked.

“One way or another, everyone I have ever loved has left me in the end. What makes you so different?” he whispered.

She swallowed against the painful lump wedged in her throat. This side of him, this rare glimpse into his mind and the heartache that fueled him, was devastating. Wrapping her arms around him from behind, she left a trail of tender kisses across his shoulder. He trembled slightly in her grasp. She could feel him fighting—fighting to hold everything in, fighting not to break free, fighting not to force her to let go.

“I could never do that to you, Sebastian. Tonight was horrible, but we got through it. We will get through this, just like everything else. We’ve been through hell together, but those tribulations haven’t lessened what I feel for you. They’ve made our bond unbreakable. I love you, Sebastian Javier Baas, and I always will. You and those crazy curls.”

Sebastian twisted and sprung without warning. The hard lines of his body pressed her into the mattress, trapping her against the bed. His fingers locked around her wrists as his red-rimmed eyes drilled into her. His mouth sought hers through the shadows, his kiss as tremulous and shaky as the shallow exhale he breathed. Without warning, his fingers locked in her hair, his grip almost painful as he pressed his forehead to hers and held her in place.

“Promise me if something happens you will fight, Taylor. Promise me you will do whatever it takes to survive. I need you to swear to me that you will never give up,” he said, his voice breaking. “Promise me you won’t leave me. Don’t leave me behind. I wouldn’t be able to breathe without you. I wouldn’t even want to try. It would break my heart and shatter me. There would be nothing left. I would hate the world and everything in it. I would become a monster, Taylor. I would be everything you don’t want me to be.”

“Shh, Sebby,” she soothed. “Everything is all right. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not running away. I promise. We’re in this for the long haul. It will always be you and me.”

“Always,” he whispered, pressing his lips against the side of her neck where they lingered against her pulse and burned. Warm dampness fell against her skin and he shuddered above her. “You mean everything to me, baby. Everything. I couldn’t live without you.”

“You don’t have to. Just calm down and hold me. I’m right here, Sebs. I’ll always be right here.”

He mumbled something she couldn’t decipher. Taylor tried to stem the hot scald of tears threatening to flow. She didn’t know what else to say, how to reach him. He was stuck in some brutal nightmare his mind had conjured, and it wouldn’t let him go. She ached to run her fingers through his hair, to cradle the sides of his face, or trace the light golden stubble spanning his jaw, but he held her immobile. His expression remained shielded from her view, but she could feel the full weight of his emotion as it crashed down around her.

“You don’t deserve this,” he whispered. “You deserve so much better. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just wanted somebody to hold. Just once, I wanted somebody to fight for me and love me. You’ve gave me that, but now I want nothing more than to save you from everything about me.”

Dear God. She wanted to die. He’d never opened up to her on this sort of raw, emotional level. She doubted he’d ever let his guard down this much with anyone. He was lost, and his pain was visceral. It cut them both so deep they bled. He slumped against her, the muscles in his body tensing with another drawn out shudder. Pulling her wrists free of his slackening grasp, she wound her arms around him and smoothed her hands up and down the taut planes of his back.

“You don’t have to save me, Sebastian. I’m exactly where I want to be.”

His laughter was dry and hoarse. “After all of the times I’ve let you down? Come on. I held a gun to your head, Taylor. I
hate
myself for doing that every single day and, no matter how much I want to, I can never take that back. You could have been killed tonight. I’m a mere breath away from helping Marx unleash the worst kind of death and destruction our country has ever seen. Can you honestly look me in the eye and say you want to be with someone like me—that our relationship isn’t just a necessity? That you aren’t just too scared to leave?”

“Stop it.”

She wanted to keep the anger and force out of her voice. She wanted to more than anything, but she couldn’t. Sebastian’s head snapped up and his striking sage eyes blazed as they drilled into her. They narrowed when she lifted her chin.

“What?” His voice was low now, his tone menacing.

“You heard me. Just stop it, Sebastian,” she repeated just as forcefully. Her heart sped up when the muscles in his cheek twitched. It was a dangerous tell of his anger, but she held her ground. “You don’t like it when I question your love, so stop doubting mine. I’m here. I’m wearing your ring and I’m carrying our baby. I will let you guide our life and our relationship all you want, but you have no
right
to tell me how I
feel
. You don’t get to decide that. I do. It’s my choice, and I decided a long time ago that I love you. Do you hear me, Sebastian? I fucking
love
you and all you’re doing right now is hurting me.”

His eyebrow shot up at her language. Or maybe it was her tone. It was probably both, but she didn’t care. He said he’d wanted someone to fight for him. Well, here she was, geared up and ready for war if that’s what he needed. He could get mad. He could brand her ass until she couldn’t sit and her voice was so hoarse that she couldn’t scream. She would risk the full-blown wrath of Marx and SKALS. The world itself could fall to ruin and everything they had could turn to ashes, but as long as there was a single breath left inside him, she was not going to give up on this man. She was never going to give up.

Sebastian’s cheeks hollowed. Eyes still narrowed, his jaw tensed as he squinted down at her. His lips flattened and, still holding her stare, he nodded.

“I appreciate what you said, but don’t ever speak to me in that tone or use that language toward me again. Is that understood?”

Without warning, he wedged the hard ridge of his thigh between hers, forcing them apart. Her eyes darted to his, silently pleading with him to stay grounded and not to lash out.

“I’m so very glad to hear you say those things, Taylor, because I could never let you leave,” he whispered against her neck. “You are a part of me now and I would never let you take my child away. I love you more than life, but you seem to have forgotten where we stand.”

She shivered as his hand moved off her wrist to close around her breast. The fingers sinking into the tender mound were hard and demanding. They squeezed, plucked, and kneaded without mercy. There was a hunger, a savagery to his touch she had not felt in a long time. It was dizzying, frightening. More than anything, she wished she could truly decipher where they stood.

“Seb, I…”

Pressing a forefinger to her mouth, he silenced her. “No more talking. I’ve said all I am going to about the matter. I don’t want words, Taylor. I want you to prove the things you claim. Is that clear?”

Her pulse became a violent crescendo that roared through her veins like a surging ocean tide. “Yes, Sebastian.”

She felt, rather than saw, the terse smile he offered in response.

“Good girl,” he whispered. His fingers trailed over the bared curve of her hip as he inched down her body. The warm, woodsy smell of his skin washed over her but brought little comfort given the ferocity in his gaze.

“Open your legs,” he ordered, his voice bordering on a growl. “Wider.”

Impatience marked his touch as he wrenched her thighs open. Taylor shivered despite the heat running rampant inside her. Meeting her eyes for the briefest of seconds, Sebastian gripped her legs. His mouth sealed hard against her sex. The demanding sweep of his tongue made her bow off the mattress. Growling against her, his hold tightened, trapping her in place. He plunged his tongue deep and, keeping her anchored, he speared into her aching body with a vengeance. There was nothing gentle about it. It was a full on assault. Fast, furious, and almost animalistic in its frenzy. He was a man on a mission, hell-bent on making her come as hard and as fast as possible.