Authors: Bijou Hunter
Sawyer
Goodbye to You
The McLaughlins insist we use their private jet to fly to Ellsberg. Not only do we love the idea of flying in style, we know there's no other way to arrive home quickly and keep all the weapons gifted at our farewell party. In a giving mood, they plan to pay to have the Harley and SUV transported to Ellsberg too.
"So long, Annie," Colbie says, shoving me away after the hug. "Don't fuck up things again and expect us to bail you out."
"You're really good at goodbyes. Like, you could go pro."
Hiding her face under her cowboy hat, Colbie nods. "You wanted hugs? Well, fuck you for thinking you deserve hugs."
Jace laughs. "She sounds like she might cry."
Colbie shrugs coldly, turning to her brother for a hug. Bodie watches this display and reveals nothing of her own mood.
"I don't cry," she finally mutters.
"Good for you," I say, hugging her. "Thanks for the help. We'll visit soon. Take care."
"You're as bad as her." Bodie squirms out of my hug and focuses on Jace. "Stay frosty." When he frowns, she throws her arms in the air. "I swear you fuckers have never seen a single movie ever in the history of movies."
"I saw all three
Dumb and Dumber
movies," he says, and I swear they look ready to tear him apart.
Bodie pats her sister on the back. "This was fun and heartwarming. See you around, Neo and Trinity."
"I get that reference," I say.
Rolling her eyes, Bodie returns to the SUV with her siblings while Jace and I walk up the steps to the jet.
"Fancy," he says, sitting in a seat. "Living like this, I can see how the McLaughlins got so weird."
"I have plans for the family businesses. Maybe one day, we'll get a jet."
Jace grins. "I bet you do. Hey," he says, leaning over. "Think we can have sex during the flight?"
Looking around and noticing a door at the back, I open it to find a bedroom.
"You have to be kidding me!" I cry.
Before we get too rowdy, the flight attendant shows up to offer us drinks before we take off. I rejoin Jace and take the beer.
"Yeah, fancy," I say, resting my head against his arm.
Once we take off, the attendant disappears and we see our chance to sneak off into the bedroom. Our naked activities eat up most of the flight time. We manage to enjoy a quick meal of barbecue chicken and the best mash potatoes besides Mom's.
"I hate flying," I say, grinning ear to ear when we land. "This wasn't flying though."
Jace holds my hand and stares out the window like an excited kid. I love when his eyes shine the way they do right now. So focused on him, I don't think about how excited I am to see my family.
After landing, we step off the plane at the small airport Cooper convinced the county to build to increase "trade." I'm surprised to see both of my brothers waiting for us nearby.
Like a dork, I run to them and fling myself at Cooper. He hugs me tightly, almost seeming like he won't let go. Tucker's hug is nearly as crazy suffocating. I'm glad they missed me since I sure as hell missed them.
"Bailey is coming to the house with the boys after they're done at school," Cooper says, looking now at little embarrassed by his affection.
I study my blond brothers and see so much of Pop in them. When I left Ellsberg, I wanted away from seeing those similarities. Now I crave them.
"You two finally stopped fucking off and got back together, huh?" Tucker asks, reminding me of why I smack him so often.
"Shut up, fuckwit," I say lovingly while patting his cheek.
Jace looks over my brothers, showing little reaction. I notice them sizing him up. Something's changed in the power balance, and they all feel it.
I don't care about that part. I want to get home, see the family dogs, and hug Kim. Lifting my face to the sun, I inhale the distinct scents of Ellsberg, Kentucky.
"Let's get you home," Cooper says, drawing my attention back to the men.
Jace moves to the waiting SUV our bags and the massive boxes full of horror movies. I offer to help, but he's making manly moves in front of my brothers. Since I prefer this method to the men pulling out their dicks and asking me to measure them, I stand back and look pretty.
On the drive to my house, I stick my head out of the window like a dog. Jace laughs at me while my brothers race by on their Harleys. I can't be sure, but I think they're laughing too. I don't care about their reactions. Ellsberg smells like heaven in the summer.
No, it smells like memories.
If I close my eyes, my mind returns to dozens of childhood memories. I settle on riding with Pop on his Harley down the dirt roads around our property.
Arriving at the house, I'm crying. "Happy memories," I tell a worried Jace.
"There were a lot of them."
I feel as Jace did on the plane. The kid in me doesn't know what to do first. I play with the dogs before running inside to see Kim. I want to swim in our pool and watch TV on the couch I often shared with Pop. Soon, I'll make something in the kitchen where I spent so many hours with Mom.
Homesickness turned my life in Ellsberg into a fantasy, and I'm now living that dream.
Jace
Carry On Wayward Son
One horrible night broke up my blessed life, and I later lost my way for nine months. Otherwise, happiness tends to fall in my lap.
Returning to Ellsberg, we slide back into our old lives. Friends visit, and I hang out with my family. The first night, Sawyer chases Tucker around the room when he farts at her face. Later, she chases Bailey around when her sister hugs her for too long. Everything feels comfortable as if the last nine months hadn't happened.
The day after we arrive in Ellsberg, I get a haircut. No denying I'm not Judd or Vaughn. I like my hair out of my face, so I cut it shorter. Sawyer rewards me with fun in the pool.
"You be whoever you want to be as long as that guy loves me," she says as we sit outside under the stars.
I stop driving my Harley and tell Cooper I want a break from the club. He only thanks me for bringing his sister back and warns me not to hurt her again. I give him a dirty look that makes his eyes widen. The Bottle of Hate trick even surprises Cooper.
Two days after we arrive in Ellsberg, Jodi returns. I watch the poor woman smothered by four grown children desperate for her attention. Despite the silliness of their display, I know Sawyer needs her mom to be happy.
Last Dollar was always a fantasy.
Sawyer and Jodi are inseparable those first few days. I don't mind the quiet time while I figure things out. My brother-in-law Dylan offers to have me work for his construction company. I also consider going to college or tech school.
In the end, I miss the roar of my Harley. Sawyer and I ride for hours the night I reclaim my bike. Nothing feels as good as speeding down the dark roads with my woman's arms wrapped around my waist.
Also missing being part of the Reapers, I see the club guys talking and wish to be part of the conversation. The reality is I always felt left out of the group because I never forced my way into it. Hiding in my head won't instill a sense of camaraderie in the men. They want to
feel
your loyalty. They want to
believe
I'll die and kill for them. Badass men can't bond with someone who tells them lies. Until I demand request, they'll never view me as their equal.
No more lying, I return to the club with a sense of purpose. I am a Reaper. Not only because my dad is or because it's what I'm expected to do. I'm a Reaper because I feel it in my gut. Just as I did with Sawyer, I know what's mine.
"I'm back," I tell Cooper in his office.
"I forgot you were gone."
"Good."
Cooper stares at me with his dark, intimidating eyes. "Are you planning to marry my sister?"
"Yes, but don't ask for specifics. She isn't ready to think about anything besides missing your pop and being close to your mom."
Cooper only nods. Things are that simple with a man like him. You're in or out. Either way, he won't lose any sleep.
Sawyer doesn't hide her excitement when I embrace club life. The Reapers are her family too, and she wants her brothers to have people they can trust.
Facing my past isn't easy, and I never dip into the dark side just for kicks. There's no joy in remembering the suffering of my first family. I can only accept the ugliness of my past to avoid living lies for the rest of my life. Sawyer deserves better than that and so do I.
Our future is wide open and only the truth will do.
Sawyer
Two Hearts
Pop is everywhere in Ellsberg. I feel him in every store and restaurant. I can't drive down a single street without seeing a reminder of my father. Unlike when I ran from here, I now relish all these memories. He will never truly die in Ellsberg.
Mom has plenty of plans to keep busy. She wants to travel. She wants to take more classes at the college. She wants to find new hobbies. I know Mom wants to keep busy enough to feel Pop's absence less.
I hope to give her a grandson to spoil. A little piece of Pop living on, but my fertile turtle skills don't kick in that summer. Soon, I begin my junior year, and the baby plans fade into the background.
Jace and I decide to live at my parents' house. Cooper offers to build us a place on the property. He has a huge house only a five-minute walk from Mom and Pop's. Thanking him, I explain I need to stay at the main house with Mom. She never admits to needing me close, but I know.
Taking a page from the McLaughlins, we turn every Friday evening into horror movie night. We have two boxes full of movies that'll take years to watch. Jace always pretends he's scared afterwards and needs me to soothe his terror. Unable to get enough of him, I'm more than happy to oblige his little game.
The one thing that needs changing when I return to Ellsberg is my poor tattoo. I originally got the ink to symbolize my young love. The tattoo eventually changed into a visual reminder of my broken heart. I don't want to forget the last nine months without Jace or the weeks I spent in Last Dollar. Instead of changing the tattoo again, I have it expanded. Now, the severed heart has a mirror image of a healed heart with Jace and my name in the middle.
"Don't make me change it again," I warn him.
Smiling, Jace places his hand on my heart. "I ran because you were the realest part of my life, and I thought you didn't know me. Turns out you know me better than I know myself."
Jace and I are forever. No doubt, a part of me has known this fact since the first time Jace peeked out from behind his adopted parents at a barbecue at my house. Those dark eyes of a damaged little boy had me hooked from the beginning.
Jace
Beast of Burden
I marry Sawyer during a Hawaiian getaway with Jodi. The impromptu trip to flee the frigid Kentucky winter turns into an even more impromptu wedding on the beach. Too many of those umbrella drinks spurs the idea one night while Sawyer and I goof around by the pool. Sobered up the next morning, we realize waiting is a mistake. I will never love another woman. Sawyer is mine, and I want to make things official.
The time we spent apart feels like a bad dream. I can't imagine being away from her now even for a day, let alone nine months.
The old Jace was a damn fool.
Cooper isn't thrilled when we return from Hawaii. I guess I should have asked his permission to marry Sawyer. I only stare at him when he gives me his dark stare. The days of him making me cower like a scared puppy are over though. I respect him as my club president and brother-in-law, but I'm not his damn bitch.
I keep waiting for Sawyer to announce she's pregnant. Back in Texas, when she first said she wanted a baby right that very minute, I was scared shitless. God knew we weren't ready though. Sawyer finishes college and starts her career before Kiki comes along.
The first time I hold my baby girl, I truly let go of my past. Before Kiki, I only remained in the present because of Sawyer's love. She kept me from hiding in my head with the bad memories. With our daughter, I'm excited for the future.
I've had plenty of experience with babies, having been
around when my nieces and nephews were born. Nothing prepares me for loving Kiki though. I can stare at her for hours. Or play with her dark curls. A dark haired and eyed version of Sawyer, Kiki's amazingly beautiful.
Sawyer thinks Kiki is all me. Sure, she has my coloring and quiet demeanor. She's also smart and tough like her mom. While Kiki won't stand up to people just for the sake of starting shit, she'll challenge people to protect those she loves. I've seen her give the dogs plenty of lectures about playing nice.
Kiki is lucky to grow up in a big family with over a dozen cousins. She has my parents and Jodi to spoil her. Curious the way I never was growing up, my little girl wants to see the entire world.
Occasionally, I feel the pain of what I lost with my old family. My parents and grandma remain only shadows in my mind. My little brother's name will always be a mystery. I wish their memories remained alive in me the way Kirk lives on with his family, but life doesn't always cooperate.
Growing up, I was blessed in a million little ways, even if I couldn't always see them. Even losing Sawyer was an opportunity for me to face things I'd hidden from all my life. I'm a helluva blessed man, and I hope that never ends.