I look around the waiting room and it’s full.
“Fuck.”
“Go,” she says a little more firmly. “The guys can handle it and I can handle a sleeping child. I’m pretty sure I could handle any child like Natalia.”
The way she smiles at me is a little unnerving.
“Thanks kid,” I make sure she knows I see her as a kid, even though she’s only a couple years younger than me.
When I get to the house, sure as shit they’re carrying out the stainless refrigerator.
“Hell no!”
***
It’s Thursday and I am exhausted when I call Zandor to ask him if he would mind stepping in this weekend.
“Kat already called. Bekah and I will be there,” he laughs. “Don’t trust her?”
“No,” I spit out.
He laughs, “You fucked her.”
“Excuse me?”
“No need for any excusing,” he laughs.
“No need for any fucked up fantasies in that head of yours either.” I try to play it off as a joke.
“It’s all fun and games until Momma Joe sees the two of you in the same room and figures it out in less time than it took to get your pants undone.”
“Z, shit’s not happening so kill it right here.”
“Uh huh.” I hear him cover the phone and he says, “I called that one.”
“No!” Bekah says in the background.
“Z, I’m fucking serious.”
“I bet you are. I’ll shut it down but answer me one question. Does she top you?”
“What the fuck kind of question is that?” I huff.
“Fuck yeah, that’s my boy.”
“Shut it down or so help me God, man.”
“Brother, you better ask for his help with her not me. My kitten has claws, but your Kat, she’s a fucking angry pussy.”
“Enough,” I warn.
“See you tomorrow man,” he laughs.
“Yeah.”
***
The look on Stephanie’s face is priceless when Zandor Steel and Bekah walk in. When she holds her hand out to shake his and he winks, swear to fuck she has a mini O. Then when Bekah hugs her she is cute as hell and hugging her back.
“You two are going to have a stunning baby,” she smiles bright as day.
“You are cute as a button,” Bekah smiles brightly. “Now where is that girl. I brought her goodies.”
“Aunt Bekah,” Natalia says in a less than lady like roar as she hauls ass after her.
Zandor’s eyes widen and he looks relieved when he snatches her up before she tackles his pregnant wife.
“We’re moving into the big house,” she says as she slides from Zandor’s arms into Bekah’s. She grabs her cheeks and says it again. “To the big house!”
“I heard,” Bekah laughs. “So I got you some goodies for your room. Princess stuff.”
Natalia’s face falls and she wiggles free. Her little face contorts as she tries to figure out what to say. “No princesses, I’m doing Alice’s cat that smiles.”
First I heard of this.
“That’s wonderful. How about you and I head out and do some shopping for some Alice and Cheshire Cat stuff for your new room.”
“Alice and the cat, like Kat who lives here and her house,” she holds up two fingers and says, “wait here.”
Zandor looks like he’s about to burst and Bekah elbows him. Natalia runs down the hall with her arms full of sketchpads and trips.
“Shit!” she yells. “Damn cat!”
Bekah and Stephanie gasp and Zandor fucking loses his shit, laughing so hard everyone is walking up front.
Zandor scoops her up and she starts laughing and then she says it again, “Damn cat!”
“Natalia, that’s inappropriate. Don’t say stuff like that.”
She turns and scowls at me. “Well you inappropriate Daddy.”
Then shit you not, she sticks her tongue out.
“Okay kid. Warned you to stop acting like that, now you and I,” I take her from Z, “we’re gonna have it out and it ends now.”
“Damn cat!” she yells and holds my face. “Damn cat!”
“Natalia, what has gotten into you?” I ask looking at my little girl who is clearly losing her damn mind.
“Damn cat,” she says softer and her little lips sticks out and fuck if that doesn’t do it to me every time.
“Baby girl, that’s not okay.”
“You said it,” she starts to cry.
I walk through the employee lounge, out the back door and keep walking down the alley holding onto my little one while she sobs, shaking and all.
I cross the road and kick off my boots, thankful that I don’t tie the fuckers half the time, then hop and peel off my socks one at a time.
I walk us right up to the shoreline and plant my ass in the sand.
I don’t say shit, not one fucking word as she cries hard, real fucking tears as she looks between the water and me. Within minutes she’s asleep in my arms and I am so fucking glad she is.
When I walk her back over my shoulder, bare footed I lay her down on the little cot I bought for this very reason. She’s out cold but still every few seconds she’s shaking and taking in little shaky breaths.
“You okay man?” Zandor asks quietly as Bekah walks around me and pulls a chair next to her.
I shake my head no but answer, “Yeah, I’m good.”
“What the hell happened?” he whispers.
“Kid’s had it rough. Her grandma dies, she gets all sorts of attached to Darby and Kat. She gets sick as hell for three days. Then she started school Monday and has been off the hook ever since.”
He pats me on the back. “Jase and I can cover tomorrow and Sunday. Takes a couple days off.”
“Fucking hate to ask.”
“You didn’t brother, I offered.”
I push my luck a bit. “You think Cyrus wants some play time too?”
Zandor grins ear to ear. “You fucking know he does.”
***
I pull into the shit hole apartment and see lights pulling over at the side of the road.
I grab a bat out from behind my seat because as much as I’ve been assured crazy Lou isn’t gonna be a problem one never can tell.
When the headlights shut off and the doors open I see Zack and Marcus jumping out of Zack’s truck.
“We’ve got some Red Bull and extra testosterone. Let’s get shit done.”
“You two worked all damn day you don’t have to-”
“Dude shut the hell up and let’s do this.”
So do it we did, until three in the damn morning we pack and load. The two of them take my truck and Zack’s back and forth four times and every damn thing except the kitchen table and Natalia’s bed and bedding are out of this hole.
“One last load?” Zack yawns.
“Nah, they can keep it. Got Nat’s nice shit in storage and this table sucks balls.”
Marcus pushes on it testing how sturdy it is.
I laugh and shake my head. “It’s seen better days but when you don’t want your couch stained and you have no bed, it’s useful.”
“Load the kid up and let’s go get the bed.”
“It’s late guys. I appreciate it, but-”
“Don’t be a pussy,” Marcus says and cocks his eyebrow, then finishes, “cat.”
Fuck!
I completely plan on ignoring the comment and I do.
“Alright, I owe you guys big.”
She lay in her bed underneath a white satin canopy sleeping like a little angel. The ‘big girl bed’ I bought right before the two bitches tried to pin me for knocking them up. The bed I put in storage and she asked about for three days while she slept in the toddler bed that converted from her crib. The bed my princess who was going through some shit would sleep in for years and years to come, in a house that was a fucking home, with a fucking yard, a fucking garage, and nosey ass neighbors who clearly watch out for each other.
KAT
Darby sits next to me in the car quietly looking out the window as we drive to meet Mom.
“What’s up Darby?” I ask when it’s been far too long since she’s said a word.
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
“Don’t know what?”
“Much of anything I suppose.” Her fingers trace the rain droplets cascading down the outside of the window.
“Hey Darby, it’s me and you. No one else is here right now. I know it’s been insane but-”
“What happened to you?”
“I’m sorry?” I ask.
“Back then, what happened to you?”
I look at her out of the corner of my eye and she is staring at me. She’s not going to let it go.
I take in a deep breath. “College was rough?”
“Is that a question or are you leading somewhere with that?” she asks smartly and I laugh. “No seriously Kat. It’s obvious that it was rough, you quit and you fought and you ran.”
I nod. “Fair enough.”
“No it’s not fair. I put you on a pedestal. You were everything to me and then you just leave me to the wolves. Except they, well she, really isn’t a wolf Kat. She loves us so much. So much that she-” she stops and swallows hard. “Do you know what she did for me?”
Shit, I promised I wouldn’t tell I knew.
“She found pot in my room. Pot Kat.” She stops waiting for a reaction and I nod. “She took it and hid it. My father found it and she told him it was hers. How fucked up is that Kat? How fucked up is it that she loves me so much that she did that for me, because she knew he would never ever accept it. Hell he’d have had me in a convent.”
I smile and sigh.
“I’m serious Kat.”
“She’s pretty awesome Darby, a pain in the ass but pretty awesome for doing that for you.”
“I ruined their marriage. I did that to them.”
“Hold up, you did not. Clearly something was broken within it if she couldn’t trust him to… I don’t know trust you.”
“I lied to her. It was my pot not a friend’s.” She looks down at her knotted hands. “I thought I was gonna be cool like my sister.”
“I was never a pot smoker Darby.”
“Well I sure as hell thought you were, with your mood swings and disappearing and my dad told her once he thought you were on drugs and she defended you. I stood in the hallway listening to him tell her she was naive to think otherwise,” she stops and shakes her head.
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“No, go on.”
She looks over at me. “He said you were your father’s daughter and,” she stops again.
“My father wasn’t a pot head.”
“I know but the other,” she says cautiously.
“Drinking and driving and dying. Yeah there was that, huh?”
“I’m sorry Kat I wasn’t trying to bring it up. Mom told me you were hurt by it, that you didn’t know until just a couple of weeks ago.”
“It sucks but nothing I can do about it except not drink and drive.”
“But you do drink, and you drink a lot.”
“Do not,” I defend myself.
“Do too,” she smiles and I roll my eyes. “Well I’m a pot head and you’re a drunk.”
“Mom-ster should be proud,” I laugh and then she does too.
“You don’t still smoke that shit do you?” I ask.
“No! I kid you not that was the first I ever bought and I got busted.”
“I’m glad.”
She shrugs. “I’m not, look what it did to them.”
“It was broken before then. Don’t blame yourself.”
“What broke you?” she asks quietly.
“A boy,” I answer.
“At college?”
“Yeah and nobody knows, not Mom, not Stephanie or Macey, hell not even my college roommates knew we were a thing. Promise me they never will. This shit is hard Darby.”
She holds up her middle finger and I laugh and hold mine up. “I fucking swear,” she laughs.
I’m quiet for a while because in telling truths to someone who sort of looks up to you can sometimes open a door for them. Take for example your high school BFF who fucks their boyfriend for the first time. It’s a hell of a lot easier to take that step yourself because the path is somewhat laid out before you, it feels… safer. Or take your college roommates who tell you it’s time to pick a Townie to hook up with and you feel like everyone is doing it, so stupid naïve, sheltered you says
fuck it
and jumps right in. I don’t want to tell her all my truths, because I want to protect her, but I don’t want to lie to her.
“I hooked up with a guy, he told me he loved me. We had a lot in common he made me feel special. I was sure I loved him too.” I take a deep breath. “I didn’t come home for Thanksgiving because I, well I found out I was pregnant and I-” I stop because it hurts to talk about. It hurts to think about. It hurts to feel it again.
She reaches over and holds my hand and I let out a held breath. “He had no family, he and I spent Thanksgiving at his apartment and I had every intention of telling him, but every time I thought I could I just couldn’t. A couple weeks later the semester was coming to an end and I saw him with another woman. I left school, started bleeding when I was alone, I knew I was miscarrying.” I stop and sniff loudly. “I knew because of Google. I knew I would never be able to tell anyone, especially not Mom, and let’s face it you were too young and I was too.” She’s still too young but maybe this will stop her from being as stupid as I was.
“Did you ever see him again?”
Now I laugh out loud and she laughs a nervous laugh along side of me.
“Yeah as a matter-a-fact. That date I went on happened to be him.”
“Did you kick him in the junk?”
“Nope, I walked away.”
“Why did you agree to meet him then?”
“It was a sort of blind date.”
And fucking stupid.
“From that app?”
I nod yes.
“So you didn’t recognize him on the app?”
“No.”
“So what happened?”
“My whole point is this. Guard your heart and don’t spread your legs.”
Now she laughs and says, “Those are your words of wisdom?”
I shoot her a raised eyebrow.
“No seriously Kat, guard your heart and don’t spread your legs? You are in the wrong business, you should be writing greeting cards or something,” she laughs again. “How about spread your legs to those who guard your heart.”
I shrug. “But be prepared to be hurt.”
“But isn’t that what life is about? Get married, have kids, and all that?”
“No. That’s a made up fairytale. Life is about finding happiness in you.”
“And you’re happy being alone?”
“I’m happy being around the people I love,” I pause. “Even when they are trying to annoy me.”