I'll Be Your Mirror: The Selected Andy Warhol Interviews (37 page)

JC: What do you like most about American culture?

AW: Most everything’s free. Do you paint?

JC: I painted my walls the other day.

AW: That’s what I want to do. I think that’s the best artist, a wall painter. My favorite painting is when they spackle. That’s the look I like. And the next year paint over that. That’s the look.

JC: Do you collect art?

AW: I like everybody’s art.

JC: You think we’re going in a good direction?

AW: Yes, it’s just terrific now.

JC: Why do you create?

AW: I don’t know. We have this building.

JC: If there were an Andy Warhol museum, what would it look like?

AW: Neiman Marcus. Lots of clothes, jewelry, perfume.

JC: Would it be in New York?

AW: No, down south. Houston.

JC: Do you like Texas?

AW: Yes, I love Texas.

JC: Everything is so big in Texas.

AW: Yes.

JC: I’m looking forward to seeing the Campbell’s soup boxes. We don’t have them in Florida yet.

AW: It’s pretty good soup, there are no preservatives or anything like that. You’ll have to come and paint some canvases with me sometime. If you can paint walls you can paint canvases. It’s real easy. Do you have a dog?

JC: No. You have two, right? Fame and Fortune?

AW: Yes, and Amos and Andy.

JC: Do you like children?

AW: Yes, I think they’re cute.

JC: You don’t want to have any, though.

AW: No.

JC: Did you have a happy childhood?

AW: Yes.

JC: Have you ever thought of marriage?

AW: I’m too young for that. Where are you from?

JC: Detroit.

AW: Did you work in the auto factories?

JC: No.

AW: You didn’t? That’s so artistic. I think Detroit is one of the most exciting places I’ve ever been to. Everybody is so big and beautiful there. Everybody’s so big.

JC: Bigger than Texans?

AW: Yes, they’re bigger in Detroit.

Ming Vase, the bodyguard, enters
.

MING VASE: Hello. I’m Ming Vase.

JC: Hi. Are you fragile?

MV: Not really.

JC: Does anyone threaten Andy? Does he have threats on his life?

MV: No, just on his aura.

JC: So you protect him from himself.

MV: Yes! The myth from the truth.

JC: We’ll never get anywhere with you here. Are there ever any problems?

MV: No, it’s always smooth.

JC: Andy doesn’t get into fights or into trouble.

MV. No.

JC: He’s like Switzerland.

Andy returns, Vase breaks
.

JC: Who attacks you?

AW: Think positive! Who attacks you? That was Ming Vase the bodyguard. Drag queen by night, bodyguard by day.

JC: I really liked your book
America
.

AW: Oh, you did?

JC: Yes. It seems from the book you’re becoming more opinionated.

AW: We had to fill the pages up.

JC: Do you go to beauty salons?

AW: I used to. I used to have so much paint in my fingernails. There was a wonderful Russian lady who used to do them.

JC: Have you ever been to Russia?

AW: No.

JC: Do you want to go?

AW: No.

JC: Why? Too scary?

AW: No, too far. I’d rather go to Kansas City.

JC: Are you more left-wing or right-wing?

AW: I don’t have any wing.

JC: Do you think the negotiations with Russia are good?

AW: It keeps a lot of people busy.

JC: Have you thought of going into politics?

AW: You have to be a lawyer to study politics.

JC: You do?

AW: I don’t want to have to go back to school.

JC: You could have a great political campaign. Do you like Reagan?

AW: Yes, he’s pretty good.

JC: Nancy Reagan?

AW: Yes, I’ve met her at the White House. She’s wonderful.

JC: Would you like to be sainted?

AW: Painted?

JC: No, sainted. Saint Andy.

AW: No, you have to be on your knees all the time.

JC: What color are your walls?

AW: My walls are off-white.

JC: What kind of a bed do you have?

AW: I have a cornball bed. Four poster, 1830 or something. It’s ugly. There’s a canopy on it.

JC: Satin sheets?

AW: What’s that?

JC: Do you cook in your kitchen?

AW: Yes, I cook in my kitchen.

JC: What do you cook?

AW: Seven grain.

JC: Hot cereal?

AW: Hot cereal, but you can eat it all the time, like brown rice.

JC: In a microwave oven?

AW: No, I wish I had one.

JC: What does your place look like?

AW: It’s messy.

JC: Paper, clothes, paint. . . .

AW: Candy.

JC: You don’t have a maid?

AW: I don’t like that word
maid
.

JC: Servant?

AW: No.

JC: Serf?

AW: Ming Vase is a serf. No, he’s a drag queen.

JC: If you had a car, what kind would you have?

AW: One with good brakes.

JC: Dodge Dart? Mercedes? Honda Prelude? Cadillac? Jeep?

AW: I guess the Honda Praline.

JC: If you had a custom license plate, what would it say?

AW: BATMOBILE.

JC: What is your favorite number?

AW: Zero.

JC: Have you ever been into numerology or astrology? Psychic things?

AW: I knew a psychic but I decided to know him socially instead. Do you go to psychics?

JC: On occasion. What sign are you?

AW: I’m a Doras.

JC: What are Dorases like?

AW: I don’t know. I can’t figure out other Dorases.

JC: Are there common attributes?

AW: I don’t know any other Dorases.

JC: What is your favorite sign?

AW: Taurus.

JC: Why?

AW: They’re beautiful people.

JC: Tauruses are supposed to have a lot of sex. Multiple orgasms.

AW: Multiple orgasms, really?

JC: Yes.

AW: I guess I don’t know any then.

JC: What is your favorite color?

AW: Black.

JC: Is that the absence of color or all colors?

AW: No, it has all colors in it. White is my favorite color.

JC: Which is your favorite color–black or white?

AW: Black is my favorite color and white is my favorite color.

JC: Have you ever been into a consciousness-raising thing like EST?

AW: No.

JC: TM?

AW: No, TV.

JC: You’ve never felt a need to elevate your consciousness.

AW: We have an elevator. I go to crystal doctors. They throw some crystals on you and you feel better.

JC: Powdered crystals?

AW: Sometimes.

JC: Do you lay there?

AW: Yes, I lay there. They put crystals on the hands, the body.

JC: Have you ever been in an isolation tank?

AW: No, but I saw John Denver’s. It was pretty nice.

JC: I saw an ad for one that looks like a couch. It’s a living room sofa and you just lift up the cushion and crawl in.

AW: What is it like going in a tank? Is it like going deep-sea fishing?

JC: Do you fish?

AW: No, I don’t fish. My nutritionist has a lot offish.

JC: Do you wear cologne?

AW: Do you wear cologne?

JC: Kouros.

AW: Because of the ads?

JC: That’s part of it.

AW: They have the best ads. I try to wear Aramis, and the girls’ perfumes. My favorite right now is called “Beautiful” by Estee Lauder.

JC: If you were doing cologne, what would the bottle look like?

AW: I did one years ago. I did a perfume in a Coca-Cola bottle.

JC: It was called. . . .

AW: Urine. The new one I was going to do was called Stink.

JC: What would the bottle look like?

AW: It would look like the stuff you use to spray the bathroom walls with.

JC: What about an Andy Warhol watch?

AW: I was asked to do a watch. I didn’t do it.

JC: You could do one that would just tell daytime and nighttime.

AW: The one I have now is pretty big. It’s digital, about two inches by three inches.

JC: That’s great. You can see it from far away. You can see it from across the room.

AW: It’s the Palladium watch by Watchez. JC: What about clothing?

AW: I just went to all the Italian men’s fashion shows. It was really exciting. They had all this stuff by Gianfranco Ferre and it was really great.

JC: Do you like to go to Europe?

AW: Yes.

JC: What is your favorite city in Europe?

AW: Venice.

JC: Do you like the Italians?

AW: Yes.

JC: Do you like the French?

AW: They’re okay.

JC: Do you speak any other languages?

AW: No. I’ve been going to Paris for about twenty years and I can’t even speak one word of French. I got away with it though.

JC: You can say yes or no. . . .

AW: Not all the time.

JC: You prefer America.

AW: No, I like every place.

JC: Where do you travel?

AW: I like to travel from the first floor to the fifth floor.

JC: Where other than New York?

AW: LA is my favorite place.

JC: Have you thought of moving there?

AW: We tried to.

JC: What do you like most about LA?

AW: I like Melrose. It’s so grand to say you have a car without a top.

JC: A topless car.

AW: Yes, topless. Holly Woodlawn called and I was taping her on how she came to New York from Florida. She left Florida a boy and by the time she got here one year later she was a full-fledged girl. She put on a pair of stockings in Florida. Plucked her eyebrows in Atlanta. Stopped off at another bus stop in Baltimore and bought a skirt. Did you check your coins today? They may be worth ten thousand dollars.

JC: Do you like to gossip?

AW: Yes. Do you have any?

JC: No, but I’m sure you do.

AW: You have better gossip than I do.

JC: No. I like to hear gossip.

AW: What is your best friend doing? Tell me, then everyone will read about it.

JC: I’ll fill it in.

AW: No, tell me and then they can read about it.

JC: If I tell you about my best friend will you tell me about your best friend?

AW: I don’t have a best friend.

JC: Do you have a close friend?

AW: No, I don’t really have a close friend.

JC: What about Ming?

AW: No, he’s just a drag queen by night and bodyguard by day. So come on, tell me about your best friend. He can get written up.

JC: I’ll fill it in.

AW: No, I’ve got to know to see if it’s right.

JC: How would you know if it’s right?

AW: If it sounds peculiar enough, it’s right. So what happened?

JC: With what?

AW: Your best friend.

JC: When?

AW: Tell me about yourself then.

JC: I’ll tell you about myself if you tell me about yourself.

AW: I asked you first.

JC: I can tell you about myself first and then you won’t tell me about yourself.

AW: If you tell me about yourself I might tell you about myself.

JC: What do you want to know?

AW: Well, you just start. Just talk.

JC: Ask me a question.

AW: Oh, come on. You can do it.

JC: Okay. I got an invitation yesterday to the grand opening of McDonald’s new” double drive-thru window.